"You better prepare for a big gay wedding"

[kijip]

That exact phrase was what someone uttered today on realizing that the big old Regent in Madison print delivered to my office was what Toby had picked out. I did not know if I should laugh or cry.

Maybe both. Laugh because it is hysterical that someone is considering the sexuality of my not yet 5 year old son based on a preference for pretty colors and flowers. :hysterical: Cry because someone is considering the sexuality of my not yet 5 year old son based on a preference for pretty colors and flowers. :32:

My son shows no signs of bucking to any peer pressure on this issue and makes a point of picking out the brightest color options, often pink, often floral. Relatives, friends, stangers and other comments have no impact on him. He just says things like "That is not right, I like this" and "This is my (blank) and not yours". He even told me the other day (and I have never said this to him) "Some people think only girls like pink but they are wrong!" He dresses like a boy though he does like pink shirts and socks but he has clothes in all colors. I will admit to considering the availbility of a neutral replacement Regent cover if he decides he does not like it 1-3 years from now. Heck, I will even admit to pausing when buying his batting helmet and considering if I should encourage him to get a blue one since he is a Blue Jay. In the end, I bought the hot pink one he wanted without asking him to reconsider.

Still, I can't believe someone flat out telling me to plan for a gay wedding. Clearly that would not be a problem in my family, but is is odd to think about classifying my kid at age four and limiting girls and gay guys to pink colors. To say nothing of a wedding that may never happen, gay or not and is in the range of around 20+ years away. Maybe all the MA wedding chapels fill up *really* early.

[julieakc]

I think it is a total shame that kids can't just be kids. It makes me sad.

Ryan loves to pretend he is different characters and will often insist on being called by that name for a while. He doesn't care if it's a boy or a girl or an animal - it's generally a character from whatever book or DVD we were just reading/watching or sometimes it's a person we've just dealt with (friend, clerk at a store, etc.). I think it's very cute and find it perfectly normal, but we definitely get strange looks when we're out and he is pretending to be a girl character.

I remember once he took his Jessie (from toy store) doll to the dentist who seemed to think it was strange that he was carrying a girl (he has no favorite - just rotates among all his stuffed friends). My attitude is "who cares?"

Toby sounds like a great kid (I think that every time you post about some cute thing he's done or said or how independent - other people are just ignorant.

[kozachka]

I've posted about this before so you might know already that my DS likes bright color as well, particularly pink. He thinks it's prettier than navy and I can't argue with that LOL. I try not to let stupid comments get to me but they can be irritating.

[Neatfreak]

Your son sounds like a really cool little guy :)

[wendibird22]

Why can't we move beyond "blue is for boys and pink is for girls?" I love that children can imagine, play and explore without regard for gender, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. It is sad that this changes all too quickly and that someday your LO will probably want a new seat cover or batting helmet not because he no longer likes pink, but because he has come to learn that boys shouldn't like pink. Bravo to him for speaking up for himself!

[KBecks]

The comment is so inappropriate. That said, a big gay wedding sounds like a lot of fun. :)

[maestramommy]

Your Toby is so cool! It's amazing to me that at such a young age he knows what he likes, and no one is gonna tell him differently! :bighand:

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Nick insists on wearing barrettes most of the time, he likes the pink and purple best. Makes my mother crazy, which makes it all the more fun for me!

[kijip]

Makes my mother crazy, which makes it all the more fun for me!

Now ain't that the truth! My dad, who is a big old liberal and tries to be a feminist and who taught me that as a girl I could do anything will repeat constantly "Toby is all boy", "Toby is a real rough and tumble boy". :ROTFLMAO:The truth is that Toby is very sterotypically boy in much of what he likes to do. I just find it endlessly amusing that my dad has to constantly say this, and I know it is because of the pink thing. Like you said, sometimes the reaction's make it all the more fun for us as parents, LOL.

[bethie_73]

LOL, our friends son dresses up in his sisters Tinkerbell costume... what does that mean for him.

It is just too funny how people have this *need* to label EVERYTHING. I mean really. I think it is great that you son is already following his own drummer, and kudos to you for not only letting him, but encouraging it!

I have to laugh because growing up, I was the biggest tomboy, I have 4 brothers, I rode a boys bike, and did all the same stunts as them etc. No one ever told my mom I'd be a lesbian. And I don't think anyone would think that about a girl now, they'd be glad that she could stand up for herself. So the double standard makes it even more ridiculous.

[casey0729]

My DS and 3 of his little guy friends all love pink. DS won't let me wipe his face and hands unless the cloth is pink. FWIW, I'd love to go to a big, gay wedding.

[bubbaray]

That comment is just stoopid. Really.

My DDs love Thomas the Train. I am NOT worried that Thomas or any other toy/color choice has any bearing on their sexuality.

Geez, and why is someone saying stuff about a child's sexuality anyway?! That's just plain creepy.

[LexyLou]

What is wrong with people? I mean even IF your son were gay, why would it be ok to make a comment like that?

FWIW, my DH is a very sexy, manly semi pro soccer player/CPA who LOVES pink and purple. He always wears both colors.

And like you said, even if he were gay, who cares!

Grow up people.

[katydid1971]

I have to agree with PPs who puts sexual titles on a 5 year old?!?!? That is so wrong. One of my big pet peeves is that you walk through the toy section and the girls sections gives you a migrane from all the bright pink and the boys is all royal blue. I think little kids in general prefer bright colors, I know DS loves everything yellow. If his yellow outfit is clean its the one he HAS to wear etc. I also have a problem that girls who like sports or are tom boys are not gay but boys who like dolls and pink must be gay. Of course most of the gay adults I know never fit into the stereo types of what "a gay should be" anyway. I'm glad you let your son be the person he wants to be and not worry about a pink batting helmet or carseat cover. You go mom and Toby.

[californiagirl]

The problem is that if you smile wide and say "Oooh, a big gay wedding would be faaabulous" people get the impression you're actually pushing your kid to be weird. (Unless you're one of my friends, who can get away with *anything*. People have no idea whether he's serious or not, and their brains start to overheat, and they back away...)

DD is all boy; her best friend H, who is a boy, isn't. But he did cave to peer pressure and stop wearing his pink jacket. I have no idea what their orientations are likely to be, but I don't think it has anything to do with the colors they like, or even their personalities.

[boolady]

Of course most of the gay adults I know never fit into the stereo types of what "a gay should be" anyway.

They don't? This reminds me of when I was in high school, and my good friend told me that her mom would only let her play tennis, because the other sports were filled with lesbians. She said this knowing that I was in my 4th year of playing field hockey AND softball.

Tis a wonderment, given my "sporting proclivities," as well as my attendance at both Melissa Etheridge and Indigo Girls concerts, that I ever had relations with a male at all. Ack. People are nuts. I guess I should never have bought DD that Marathon in Brownstone.

[vludmilla]

Your son sounds like a really cool little guy :)

Just what I was thinking. I've read previous posts about your son and I regularly think, how great is this little boy! And congratulations to you for being such an awesome, open-minded mom.

[MontrealMum]

Geez, and why is someone saying stuff about a child's sexuality anyway?! That's just plain creepy.

I second that.

It seems like everything has already been said, but just know that most comments like that are more about the person who makes them than about you or your son. It usually indicates lack of self-confidence and insecurity. Not much comfort, though, when you're wondering how to tell someone like that off for their general stupidity and foot-in-mouth!

We've tried so hard to get DS gender-neutral things but isn't it the truth that everything is pink and blue? And my DS loves his pink bear. We don't plan to discourage that either.

Sounds like you have quite a special little guy to be able to voice his opinions so confidently at such a young age. :) Definitately something to encourage.

ETA: I've been to a gay wedding and had a blast!

[ha98ed14]

DD is all boy; her best friend H, who is a boy, isn't. But he did cave to peer pressure and stop wearing his pink jacket.

I'm not sure how intense the peer pressure was, but children can be really cruel, especially in group settings surrounded by their peers. I think this is the one thing to bear in mind when encouraging or indulging your children's different or unusual preferences.

My DH teaches 4th grade, they are 9 turning 10, so I hear stories about how hard it can be to be the different kid, for whatever reason. In the pre-school years, kids are less aware and so boys in pink jackets might not draw much attention, but in 3rd or 4th grade, he is going to get hassled about it.

Certainly having a pink and yellow floral car seat does not mean your son will be gay, nor will it make him gay. Such thoughts are really ignorant. Nevertheless, as he grows up, if/ when he goes to school or camp or another peer-filled setting, sending him in more neutral colors at least the beginning might help peer kids get to know him for himself and avoid him being labeled as "The boy who wears pink."

[kmak]

UUUGGG!! This whole pink/blue colors thing is a HUGE pet peeve of mine! I'm a girl, have been my whole life, and I hate pink. I had a daughter, and the only clothes that I could find for her were pink!

I used to be involved in technical forms of scuba diving and trying to find gear that's designed for a woman's body was near impossible! And if it was actually made for a woman, the designers used the SAP principle (smaller and pink). This doesn't work on so many levels! I should know I'm a design engineer myself.

Anyway, enough from my soap box. Next time somebody says something like that just say: "Great! No daughter-in-laws to deal with!"

[KBecks]

This makes me think about what how far I could support my DS' in their choices. I think for me, I'd let them wear and choose pink no problem, but I might not offer them options all the time. It will be interesting as they get older and have more input. Right now, I pick all the clothes and they have gravitated to cars and trains. I am thinking of getting a dollhouse just to add to the variety. The trains are getting old. If I got a pink dollhouse (or any dollhouse) I may refer to it as "my dollhouse", which may be truthful, I kind of want one for me, but I would share with the boys.

My personal limit is cross-dressing, except for dress up play. I probably wouldn't let my sons pick from the girls clothing section, but any colors in the boys offerings are fine. Girls' accessories are perfectly OK.

[StantonHyde]

DS LOVES pink and he has no issues with people telling him things. I did steer him away from the Disney princess valentines--thank God they had Spiderman--because I have a feeling there would have been too much grief for that decision. Otherwise, I don't care.

And it is a parent issue, if you ask me. At our daycare, the boys play dress up with the girls and vice versa. I know one father had a FIT when he found out his son tried on high heels. The kid was 2 or 3 fer cryin out loud!

As for being a lesbian, I never played with dolls, I was a tomboy, and I was captain of my college rugby team. I didn't get married till 35--I am sure that my mom's side of the family thought I was odd. I can certainly say that having a woman ask me if I am gay over a post-rugby beer is way less threatening than a staggering drunk guy with a gross proposition!!!

[lizajane]

i'd be SO tempted to reply, "ROCK ON! that'll be SO FREAKIN' FUN! do you REALLY think i will be so lucky?"

i mean, i am sorry, but what son loves his momma more than a gay son? what son is better at helping his mother redecorate than a gay son? what son is better at helping his mother choose flattering outfits than a gay son?

ok. but seriously now. because i was jesting with all the stereotypes. i often say, "i hope it would be my son rather than another's because it woudn't matter to me. my son would be loved exactly the same."

a woman in sephora watched dylan choosing makeup the other day when i ran in to buy two quick things. and when i grabbed him and said, "put it back, we are just going to get our things and go" andi smiled at her about the whole "desperate to choose makeup and upset to be snatched up" thing going on, she said, delighted, "maybe he will be a drag queen!" in a "wouldn't you be lucky" kinda way. i loved it. i told her maybe he will!!! :)

[ShanaMama]

How completely tasteless & uncalled for.
I think it's so sad that little boys & girls are restricted to play with gender specific toys/ colors. My DD is very girly but I don't encourage it. It's just the way she is. Several of my friends' DS went thru a playing with dolls stage & I felt so bad for those children whose parents discouraged that. Play is just that- play. Good for you & good for Toby. Keep sticking up for yourself kiddo!

[JTsMom]

If you get to throw a big gay wedding, can we come? Because Jason loves to wear my shoes (the fancier the better) around the house, and I'm sure he'd appreciate a dressier occasion to show them off at. Maybe I'll spring for a pink pair.

My BIL is like the guy who made the comment. I think he was afraid that his son's penis would fall right off when my sister bought him a vaccum for Christmas. :ROTFLMAO:

[psophia17]

I want to come, too. A big gay wedding sounds like fun. Be sure to invite Nathan Lane and Robin Williams, too...

[mommy111]

I'm sorry, Katie, your post made me laugh. My best male friend in College LOVED pink, he would wear hot pink socks and pink shirts. Also had a pair of pink pants. Everyone would tease him and say that he was gay. He just said that he was secure in his masculinity and liked bright colors. He's now happily married to a (woman) classmate of his sister and has an 8 and a 4 year old.
The most macho guy in our class, though, he came out of the closet a few years after graduating from college.

[kijip]

I'm sorry, Katie, your post made me laugh.
Hey, just doing my part to bring smiles to the BBB! :ROTFLMAO:Like I said, for me it made me laugh and "cry" (more like scowl, no tears shed :ROTFLMAO:) Like you, I know a number of more "metrosexual" straight men and a lot of man's man type gay guys, so I think the typecast is misplaced.

[maestramommy]

Katie, I finally succumbed to curiousity and checked out the Madison print. Well okay, I guess it might be considered a "girl" print by most people. But I think to a preschooler the overwhelming impression is that it's in bright happy colors. It's not like there are a thousand tiny flowers all over. I think it's "pretty" but I'm not really girly and it's the kind I wouldn't mind getting for my kid if he/she really wanted it.