Would you do this?

[moniwam]

My BIL/SIL just had a baby who they gave my DH's middle name.

I feel kind of petty because it's not a name DH/I would use but it's still bothering me *alot*. I mean, I did ask/talk with the friend whose child's name we used for a middle but see it slightly different because we're not related.

I'm aware there are other issues involved(said child's sibling is *blatantly* favored) and will assume they were aware that DH/I wouldn't use this name.

I hate feeling this way. I should be so happy but am letting other issues cloud my emotions.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't think it would bother me. It's just a middle name. I would probably try to find my own name but if I really loved a name that was already in use in the family I would use it.

(((hugs)))

Beth

[psophia17]

Yup, I'd do it, and did. It was a family name (used in every generation), but we were the first to use it this round.

I wouldn't sweat it - if it was a first name, maybe I would, but not as a middle name, especially if you weren't planning to use it yourself.

[ha98ed14]

I think you have to let go where names and naming are concerned. I KNOW this is easier said than done because we spend hours and hours finding the right name for our DC, but the reality is you have total control over what you name your DC and absolutely no control over what other people call theirs. You may find *THE* perfect name, and someone else may hear it and steal it, um, I mean use it. But it is hard.

To address your original question- I actually "stole" sort of SIL's name for her 3rd DC. They called her Katherine Elena. We named DD (3 years younger) Eleanora Catherine. We call her Nora and her cousin goes by the full name Katherine, so there will never be any confusion. To top off the name stealing, the same SIL whose name I stole, named her last DC Elizabeth, which is my name. I think we both took it as a compliment that we liked each others' names.

[kijip]

I am missing something. Isn't that an honor? We used my younger brother's first name for Toby's middle name. We will use a friend's name (who happens to have the same name as my BIL) as the middle name if we ever have another son. All men involved are flattered that we would name our sons after them.

[Gena]

So your nephew's first name is your husband's middle name? That does not seem strange to me. In my family and in Hubby's family it is very common to use the first or middle names of close relatives when naming a baby. And it is very uncommon to ask permission beforehand. Maybe they chose this name in part to show their affection for your husband.

Is it against your religious or cultural traditions to name a baby after a living relative? If that is the case I can understand why you would be upset. Otherwise, I would just consider it cool that your husband has a namesake.

[elektra]

I have always considered naming any future boys I have after my brother. Maybe a middle name or even a first name, I haven't totally thought it through but I have never thought it would be inappropriate. My brother is not married, but I wouldn't think to clear it with his future wife if I wanted to use his name. I would only think of it as an honor, and not something that would upset anybody.
It sounds like those other issues are the real reason why you are upset by this. I have a SIL who can do just about anything and it totally pisses me off. It's like my best friend could do the same thing and it wouldn't get to me in the slightest. But SIL has done other things that I just can't stand so now it's like anything she does I can't stand!

[niccig]

Maybe they just really liked the name.

That's how it was with us. DS's first name is MIL's maiden name and the last name of DH's cousins. When we were considering it, we called DH's uncle and cousins and checked if they thought it was weird. The uncle/cousins thought it was fine. We really liked the name and weren't choosing it for family reasons. I'm sure some other family members grumbled about it. I even had one friend that got upset as it was DH's family in DS's name and not mine. But our girl name was a name from my family, we just had a boy so it didn't get used. And I was the one pushing for DS to have that name, I REALLY like it and can't imagine DS going by any other name.

[elephantmeg]

we've done all family names for our kid(s) and hope that the people view it as an honor. In the part of Africa that I grew up on, naming someone after someone made a link between the people-they were chakanas and in some way the same person. DS is named after my brother (they have the same first name) and grandpa (passed on) and the middle name is DH's grandfather's name (passed on). DD will be named for DH's grandma and the middle name is one of my favorite aunts and is also (coincidentally) my SIL's middle name. I know she was planing on using the same middle name if/when she has a girl but doesn't seem upset that we're using it too.

[supercalifragilous]

A little OT, but I had the opposite problem - I really love my FIL's name but he's such a freakin' JERK I didn't want to use it lest he be erroneously flattered and think I named it after him. It's a common name, but still he loves to turn things around and boast to people about it.

Good thing we ended up having a girl! (And it wasn't a convertible name.)

[klwa]

I had to explain to DH that I was NOT going to name DS BIL's middle name, so that there was NO issue if BIL/ SIL wanted to use the name. DH thought it shouldn't be an issue, since it was their uncle's name. NO! It's BIL's name to pass on. Not ours. Now then, I did use my brother's middle name as DS's middle name, but that was also my grandfather, DH's grandfather, and DH's father's first name. And my brother had already named his son and used it as HIS middle name. In that situation, I didn't see it as quite the same thing. Oh, and my brother thinks it's funny to pick on our nephew who doesn't have the same middle name as the others....

[moniwam]

Thank you for the replies. ha98ed14, your post especially spoke to me since I know I need to deal with myself.

In my culture it's common for 10 people in a family to have the same name, first or middle. Frankly, it drives me nuts and I didnt' realize it was common in American culture.

What's funny to me now is that BIL's first name was a long-loved baby name for me. I completely threw it out and now come to find out it'd be perfectly fine for BIL/ nephew and my future DS to all have it. We would use the full name and not the nick he uses. I'd have to get over my repeat name phobia though. Might have to work on that :ROTFLMAO:

Thank you so much. You've really helped me process my feelings.

[HIU8]

This is somewhat different,but the same. DS has the same name as DH's first cousins son (who is 12 years older than DS). Middle names are different. DH's cousin is Jacob Adam. DS is Jacob Elias. They were not named after the same people. DH's cousin goes by Jacob. DS is called Coby. Plus we see them maybe once a year. No one in the family had an issue with this. Plus, even if they did, DS was named after my grandfather who I was extremely close with and his name was going to be Jacob no matter what.

[moniwam]

I had to explain to DH that I was NOT going to name DS BIL's middle name, so that there was NO issue if BIL/ SIL wanted to use the name. DH thought it shouldn't be an issue, since it was their uncle's name. NO! It's BIL's name to pass on. Not ours.

That's what I was thinking when I heard the name. I wouldn't have dreamed of using the name of a family member that could use it without asking because I'm not a fan of names being shared. It seems it's quite common so maybe we need to lighten up. :shrug:

[hellokitty]

This is a prime example of why we opted to just avoid any family names all together. Some ppl will get territorial about it, others may find it to be a form of flattery. Personally, I think that it would be an honor if someone named a child after someone else they knew, either way, the parents obviously chose the name, b/c they like it and/or they like a person who had the same name. There are so many names out there, it's just not worth it to have to deal with the drama of possibly offending a family member or a family member's spouse over a name. I had a friend who had another friend who got mad at her, b/c the one friend had a twin that did not make it, and her other friend, in the twin mom's eyes, "stole" her angel twin's name for her baby. The baby name in question was, "abigail," I mean how can you claim, "abigail" as a name that nobody else you know can use, it's a pretty common name. Ppl just get so possessive about names being, "theirs" and feel like it gives them the right to claim ownership of it, and not letting anyone else use it. I think that's just kind of unreasonable.