Annoying neighbor kids or am I just mean?

[mariza]

We moved into a new house back in September and still haven't gotten to know any of our neighbors yet, but the kids on the street are always running around without any visible supervision. They range in age from 4 to 9 (I know there are a couple of 2 & 3 yo's but I don't really see them around).
Anyway the first time we met these kids they stopped by to meet Grace who was 2 years 8 month at the time. I told them they could play, but that Grace wasn't allowed out of our yard where I could see them. I asked them to wait outside while I went to get her shoes.

Next thing I know these kids are in my house, looking around saying how "Tom had this here and that there" (Tom is the previous owner who did warn me that he used to give the kids snacks) so I should have been prepared when they started asking what kind of snacks I had. There was a girl that looked about 8 and her 4 yo brother and another 4 yo that lives right next door. We were still unpacking and in my kitchen I had a box of all my baking supplies so the little vultures just start digging through it and asking if they can have some chocolate chips and marshmallow's. I told them that I was sure their Mom's would not like me to give them anything to eat since we hadn't met yet and I didn't know if they had allergies, etc. Then my DD starts asking for a popsicle and they all start whining for one. I gave in and against my better judgement gave everyone a popscicle and told them they had to eat outside. They were swinging on our hammock and everyone except my DD (who has a deathgrip on pops!) drops theirs. They all come in crying that they dropped their pops and hinting that they need new ones and I just said well, that's too bad. Finally the older girl comes right out and asks for more and I just tell her no, I'm not giving any more snacks till I meet everyone's Mom. They then basically drag me next door to meet one of the Moms who seemed really nice and when I told her they were asking for snacks but I wanted to get her permission for future refeernce, she seemed really horrified that her son would do this. In all fairness, it was the other 2 kids that did all the begging but he was more than happy to take part in the fruits of their labor!

As me and the Mom next door were chatting the mom of the other 2 kids was driving around the neighborhood looking for them so they just ran into the car and left.

A week later they rang the bell again and before I could get up they were peering right into our windows! I just told them that we had plans that day and Grace couldn't play. The older girl says, "Next time I come what time do I have to be home cuz last time my Mom was mad and I got grounded for a week". I told her I understood that her Mom should be upset since she was in the house of a stranger and she would have to discuss it with her mom, not me. I also told them that I work very early in the morning (I leave the house at 3am) and because of the hours I work we sometimes nap in the afternoon and I would appreciate not being disturbed.
I did tell them that if they see us playing outside they were welcome to stop by.

I know this is long, so thanks if you read this far. I just don't know what to do. I find the bahavior of these kids very odd and I have no intention of letting 3 yo dd run around with kids I don't know unsupervised. Granted, we live in a development on a cul de sac, but still there is a bit of car traffic, a lake and lots of woods around.
WWYD? Or am I just over reacting/ being overprotective? As DD and DS (18 months) get older I do want them to be able to play in the neighborhood so I don't want them to get the reputation of having the mean mom on the street. Help! Sorry for typos I have an 18 mo crawling on me :)

[maestramommy]

Wow! I really don't know what to say, because if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't know what to do either! I think it'd be a good idea if you meet the mom of the other 2 kids, just as a contact point.

While I would love for my kids to be able to run around with other kids, I think it was pretty ballsy of them to ask a total stranger for snacks, dig around in their packed stuff, peer in their windows, etc. In my house that would be considered very bad manners; I don't know if that's the current thinking?

I'll be watching this thread for future reference:wink2:

[StantonHyde]

I lived next to those kids too!! Thankfully I did not have kids at the time. My poor neighbor on the other side finally had to say they could come to play IF her kids were outside but NOT to ring the bell etc. Because they would ring at dinner time and expect to come in and get fed or disturb the other kids when their mother was trying to get them to eat.

My ex neighbors were not exactly aces in the parenting department--one time one of the sons went home from school with a classmate and never told anybody. It wasn't till after dinner that the mom called the police. She had no idea what the name was of the kid's school teacher or any idea of the names of her kid's friends. Thank goodness the other parents eventually dropped off the kid.

I would say it seems odd and something is not all there.

[lizajane]

i think you need to meet the moms, even if you knock on doors, and just "ask what the neighborhood rules" are. really, you are letting them know that they lil' varmits came running rampant in your yard and house... but you will sound very polite. :) and then let the moms know your schedule and that you are "overprotective" of your kids, so you don't let them play outside alone at their age. maybe then the moms will draw the line for their kids so you don't have to.

and YES, i think those kids are out of control and i would fall over and die if my kids acted like that.

[Pennylane]

I can totally relate to this! We just had some new neighbors move in about 3 months ago. The kids (ages 9 and 7) just wander around the neighborhood, knocking on doors to see if they can come in. If we are in our back yard, they will open the gate or jump the fence and just join in on the fun.

I have asked the mom if she wanted to bring their younger brother down to play too, he is 2, but she says she likes to just stay at home and have the quiet house to herself. Honestly, that is what she told me! They ask for snacks and drinks everytime they come and I just tell them to run home and get something.

They are rowdy and my dd acts totally different when they show up and it drives me crazy. I'm so dreading the warmer weather because I know we will be outside more and they will be showing up all the time.

Sorry I can't help, but am looking forward to what others have to say

Ann

[Tondi G]

I don't think thats appropriate and I feel bad for those kids cause they obviously are lacking in supervision themselves and their mom hasn't taught them any manners.

We have a lot of children on our block but most are in the 3 and under range so they don't wander alone EVER! My older DS is almost 7 and he only ever goes to our neighbors next door and plays with their son and vice versa with their son over here. I don't know if I will ever feel totally comfortable with my son out on the street alone without supervision... a minute or two here or there when I need to run inside and grab a sweatshirt for him or me fine but not just wandering around harrassing the neighbors and begging for snacks! Inappropriate if you ask me.... call me a mean mom but I sure hope I never hear that my child/children did that!

Good Luck dealing with them. I would explain to them that if they are going to come over to your house then their mom needs to call you and make sure it is ok first! Hopefully they will go harass someone else in the neighborhood!

~Tondi

[MamaMolly]

I would explain to them that if they are going to come over to your house then their mom needs to call you and make sure it is ok first! Hopefully they will go harass someone else in the neighborhood.

ITA with Tondi, and also feel sorry for these kids. Clearly their mom and dad aren't doing much of a job supervising them. That said, your DCs are MUCH younger and I think that younger ones need even more supervision.

I think an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure here. If you come off a little strong now, you won't spend the rest of your life dealing with these obnoxious kids. I remember when I was little that different moms in the neighborhood had different rules. Nobody thought the more strict moms were 'mean', they just had different rules.

I really like Tondi's suggestion, too, because it really puts the responsibility where it belongs, back on the PARENTS! Good luck!

[MartiesMom2B]

I think that you need to meet the other parents in your neighborhood. Even if you have to knock on their door to meet them. It might be helpful if you nap in the afternoon to tape something over the doorbell so that the doorbell is not used. The next time the kids come knocking on your door and you have to get something for your daughter, tell them that you'll be out in a minute and close the door so they can't go in your house. You need to establish boundaries with the neighborhood kids or they will annoy you to no end.

[kransden]

Ah the joys of feral children. They seem to love me. You can decide to do whatever you want, but like strays if you feed them they will keep coming back for more. So first decide how much contact you want. Then let them know. "Billy I go to work early, so in the afternoon I a take a nap. If you see us outside you can say hi, but don't ring the doorbell before 4pm or I'll be very mad! Ok?" or "Billy I work a lot so I like spending time with just my dc when I have the chance so dont knock on the door. If I want you to come over I'll give your mom a call. See you later. " Then follow though on what you said.

I always feel bad for the kids. Sometimes the parents are worthless, and sometimes the parents are trying so hard but are just spread too thin.

[mariza]

Thanks for all the tips, I've got some great starting points and I know I'm not alone in this!
I really like the idea of asking about "neighborhood rules". This is a newer development with houses on our street built in 2000. From what I've gathered so far the majority of families are original owners and the kids have grown up together from the time they were babies. We seem to be the "newbies".
Also, the Mom of the brother-sister kids drives for a big package delivery company. She is probably working "off" hours like me and is home enjoying her peace and quite while her kids are ringing my bell.

[mama2g03]

No, you are not mean, and until you said you live on a cul de sac I thought you lived on my street! We have one family like this that let their kids - five total between them - run totally unsupervised. This has gone on since they could walk - I'm talking 1 1/2 and outside alone. They play in the street and one has almost been hit by a car more than once, but nothing changes.

The daughter who is 7 now, has gone missing more than once. And once she was "missing" at a neighbor's house who's FIL was babysitting her own kids and the kids all fell asleep and the FIL didn't know which house she lived at. My friend and her DH got home at 1 am and called the girl's mom and she had no idea she was there and not in her own bed. This mom is a TEACHER. The parents are nice people but not great parents - obviously - I could tell so many stories. They are being considered for the Supernanny show - seriously - they've been there to film to decide if they want them on the show. I honestly hope they get chosen because they need the help. The kids all run around and you can't play outside with your own kids without becoming a babysitter for these kids - who aren't the most well behaved. I'm the first to admit my kids are not perfect and I'm not the perfect mom, but where's the common sense sometimes. Not to mention all the crazy people out there who would snatch up kids - like the three year old who ran around naked last summer.

Sorry to hijack and I could go on and on, but just wanted to say I sympathize and am not sure what to do as well. And I do feel bad for the kids. At least these kids don't beg for snacks and when we have to go inside they will go home, although once DH told one we had to put the toys away because it was time for dinner and he got so mad he picked up a rock and bit it! We've had warm weather the last few days and sure enough, yesterday we are outside and here they all come. At least mom was with them and came up to chat this time.

[KBecks]

I would not worry about the kids playing by themselves, that's their parents' business, but I'm shocked they came into your house and I would put a stop to their visits and all snacks. I think you handled that very well except for giving them the treats to begin with.

I think as long as you don't sound mean and remain calm when you are stating the rules, and you are friendly when you are outside you will be just fine.

ETA: I would put a sign on your door not to ring the bell when you are resting, and I would meet the parents and get their phone numbers so you can contact them if needed.

[ha98ed14]

The kids all run around and you can't play outside with your own kids without becoming a babysitter for these kids - who aren't the most well behaved.

THIS WAS SO TRUE AT MY OLD HOUSE! Before we lived in our lovely apt complex, we rented a house on a cul-de-sac and there was a family next door with 3 boys ages 13, 8 and 2. The mom would leave the 8 yo to watch the 2 y.o and go off to run errands. The 13 y.o was always riding bikes with his friends, so perhaps the mom though he was really in charge, but he was never there. The 8 y.o would quickly get sick of his little brother and would either tie him to the dog who was staked in the front yard or let him run around the circle to all the different families. I didn't even have kids at this point, but used to work in the yard a lot. This 2 y.o would come up behind me when I had all kinds of clippers and sharp gardening tools lying around. I finally got really mean and would say in a loud, stern voice, "Billy, GO HOME!" Not yelling, but almost because the reality is that if this kid gets hurt on my property with my tools, I am liable, even if he is "trespassing." I didn't want to be liable. After the first couple times of walking him home only to discover his mom was not home anyway, I just got mean. Sad, but true. I just wasn't willing to be responsible if something happened to him. Legally, if someone comes on your property (even if it is uninvited) and trips or falls or gets hurt with something you left out in the yard or god forbid, bitten by your dog, they can sue you, even if there were there uninvited.