toddler won't sleep, won't give up Nuk- pls help!

[clc053103]

To try to make this brief, 2 1/2 yo DS still sleeps with a nuk (yes, I'm hanging my head in shame). Two weeks ago, he flat out refused his crib, so we moved him to a toddler bed. It actually transitioned very well, but then again, he was sick and getting benadryl at night. We never made the possible connection. Fast forward to this week-it's taking longer and longer to get Ds to stay in bed. He is transitioned to a new classroom at school as well, and though I was not warned, the teacher in this room refuses to let any child sleep with a binky. Yesterday, they had DS nap in his new room, they told him no binky, he cried, they rubbed his back and eventually he went to sleep. So last night, I remove all nuks, and when he asks for the binky, I tell him I gathered them for the binky fairy, and in the morning the binky fairy will leave him a wonderful gift.

2 1/2 hours later, the crying and yelling and refusal to sleep was still going on, and oh-so-helpful DH came in with a nuk, a rock, and he was back to sleep.

I am at my wit's end- DS was a great sleeper prior to this- was put in his crib awake every night and went right to sleep. We haven't really changed his routine- same bed time, same reading with us before bed. But now, he's like a different child.

DH is going away for four days and I'll be dealing with this bedtime struggle alone now, I'm desperate for any advice you can share!!

Thank you!

[kedss]

Sounds like he is going through a lot of transitions right now, maybe while DH is away let him have the binky, and once he is used to not going to sleep with it at school, it might be easier for him to sleep without it at home?

Big hugs

[clc053103]

thank you for the hugs!

I was thinking maybe too many transitions....I really wish the school warned me about the no binky in his new room policy- they never gave me a set day for his transition either. I had told DS he was going to give them to the Easter Bunny but tried to move it up to keep in line with school- but maybe I should back pedal and try giving to the Easter Bunny again as that would give him two weeks at school (he goes 3 days a week) of nuk free napping.

Would you believe this is the weekend I marked to make a PT'ing effort?? not any more!

thanks again- and thanks in advance of any other advice!

Courtney

[kedss]

You're welcome. :)
I'd definitely wait on the PTing, LOL :)

[almostsane]

Hold that head up high girl! My 3 yr old still takes his paci and it is all my fault. I have tried twice to take it away and I just can't take the crocodile tears and pleading. He has not had it at school since he was less than 2, they just won't let them have it. I, too, have marked Easter as the final weekend. We will trade pacis for various Thomas the Train pieces. I know it won't go over well, but I have decided to let DH take over and do the enforcing. What a wimp I am. I vow that the next one will NEVER have a paci.

[clc053103]

I love your smilie!

I had a "James and the Bees" wooden engine in my closet to put out as a gift if he went binky free- he's been loving that episode lately. Guess it's going in the Easter Basket!

DH did the drop off today and said that DS told him in the car "No binky at school"- so he does get that part. so I guess he'll be using it at home for the time being.

Let's pacify ourselves by thinking of all the four year olds I've spotted walking around the mall using them!!!!! Makes a 2 1/2 year old using it in bed seem not so bad!

[Andrea S]

Andrew had his paci until after 3. He only had it in his bed. He kept chewing on it. I would trim them gradually until there was nothing to suck on. We talked about it and he decided he was ready to give them to the paci fairy. He was a good sleeper so I never pushed getting rid of them sooner.

[kdeunc]

Don't hang your head in shame!! DS2 gave up his paci on his 3rd birthday. (I never thought I would have a child with a paci beyond 2, yeah whatever!!) He had not used one at school since before he was 2. We were going to take it away on his birthday but he had an ear infection so we decided to wait and he actually lost the thing that day! We told him that we couldn't find it (which was the truth) and while he asked about it a couple of times that was all we heard. IK say one transition at a time makes for a happier mommy!! :) Good luck.

[clc053103]

you ladies really do rock....I'm thinking of waiting it out a little longer- maybe closer to third birthday. I'm thinking he may also understand the whole "give it to the fairy" concept a little better at that age too.

I think my poor little guy was just od'd on transitions!

Thanks again!

[tarahsolazy]

My little boy just gave his up, shortly before his 4th birthday. I'm not the least bit ashamed, either. He's had it in bed only for over two years, and while it was hard for him to give up, he had a part in the decision, which I liked. I'm pretty lazy, though, and didn't want to deal with a lot of crying. I took the same approach with PT right around his 3rd birthday, and it took less than a week, no accidents.

[KrystalS]

Don't feel bad about the binky, my DD had hers til she was 3.5. I waited until after she was PTed because I didn't want to take away her binky during PTing. Lots of people gave me a hard time about letting her keep the binky for so long but I didn't care. Shes been to the dentist and her teeth her fine.

[Pennylane]

I took my dc's away at 2 and the only advice I have is to just go cold turkey. Like every other transition it will be hard but children seem to move on pretty quickly. I think mine all cried for the next few days at bedtime, but then it was done.

Sounds like he has quite a few changes right now and that might be making it harder. Is there anything that you could offer him in exchange for the pacifier? Maybe a new toy, lovie or something?

Ann

[niccig]

My DS was just 2 and we started to think about taking away the binky, but we're reluctant as we knew it would be difficult. One day we were at the grocery store and he bit a hole in the one and only binky he would use. He gave it back to me and said it was broken. I *lied* and said it looked fine to me and gave it back to him. He sucked twice and said he didn't like it. I called DH at home he hid every single other binky, so he couldn't transfer to another one. DS asked for it a couple of times and we would give him the broken one, 2 sucks and he said he didn't want it. He took 2-3 days for him to get used to not having it. I was surprised it was so easy, but it was because HE decided he didn't want it, well after Mama lied about it not being broken :innocent:

[ha98ed14]

Let him have the Binky, especially because of all the other changes that he is being asked to adjust too right now- new classroom, new bed, etc.

And as for using the binky at daycare/ preschool- YOU are PAYING THEM to watch your child! What business is it of the teacher if he sleeps with a binky?!? Your kid, your binky. The teacher does not get a vote on this one. It certainly doesn't hurt any of the other 2.5 y.o. in the classroom if DS sleeps with a binky, so what business is it of the teachers? I think if YOU don't have a problem with it, you need to tell her to back off.

[anamika]

Hi, Just wanted to add that my daughter was also addicted to her paci (Never leave home without it was our motto) until she was 2.5.
But in my case I was determined *not* to take it away from her - inspite of helpful comments from relatives, cabdrivers, airport personnel etc
I sucked my thumb till I was 6 (yes, 6) so I remember how much comfort that brought me.
Anyways, at a little older that 2.5 I was talking to DD about teeth and how sucking the paci was bad for the teeth. She just looked at me and said she wouldn't suck the binky anymore! And that's it. I was prepared for rivers of tears (and acute withdrawal symptoms :ROTFLMAO:) but she cried for 2 nights and then never looked back.
Just giving you some hope that it can happen! The fact that he gave it up in school is really encouraging too.
Good luck - it's tough and I hope it works out for all of you with minimum tears.

[HIU8]

DS used his nuk until he was 3 years old. For about 2 months prior to his birthday we talked about how all 3 year old boys who use a nuk had to give it to their doctor when they go for their 3 year old checkup. After that no nuk. We have been nuk free since November and DS still talks about how he had to give it up and how DD should use one (she is 9 months and hates them thank goodness). DS used for for a long time and I had tried several times between ages 2 and 3 to get rid of it, but he just wasn't ready yet.

HTH

[clc053103]

I can't tell you how grateful I am for the BTDT advice of you all!!! I was feeling like the only person on earth with a child over two with a binky. I thought it was great that he only used it for sleeping since just over a year old, yet randoms love to tsk tsk any chance they get. then again, they also like to tell me I need to have another child, DS should be wearing a hat despite the fact that it's 60 degrees out, and lots of other stuff that is none of their business....so why was I listening!

For some reason, even if it breaks (and DS has chewed through several!) it still doesn't lose the appeal for him. Oh how I wish it did!

I do agree that there should be no rule at school- I never even thought of that! I was more upset that this was done without consulting me first!!!!!! A phone call to say that they like to lose the paci when they transition and would it be ok with me if they tried? I would have said yes! They were setting the groundwork for losing it at home, after all! But Ha98ed14, you are totally right, who are they to control that???

I am going to relax on this one and take the cues for DS for a while- wait till he's settled at school, settled in his "big boy bed", and heck, maybe wait for potty training too!

Courtney

[anamika]

I do agree that there should be no rule at school- I never even thought of that! I was more upset that this was done without consulting me first!!!!!! A phone call to say that they like to lose the paci when they transition and would it be ok with me if they tried? I would have said yes! They were setting the groundwork for losing it at home, after all! But Ha98ed14, you are totally right, who are they to control that???

Yes, I forgot to mention that that rule so weird. I have never heard of anything like that before. Like PP said shouldn't you be making the call on that??
I would have been hopping mad if anyone took away my DD's binky. Would they take away another kid's blanky? My SIL would keep pulling out DD's binky and I thought that was annoying!

[californiagirl]

DD's daycare starts limiting sucking/chewing toys to naptime at about 2, but they have no problems with 3-4 year olds who have them at nap. And when DD transitioned into the 3.5 room, I told them that she was chewy during transitions, and I preferred a chewy toy to having her chew on her fingers or her hair. They were OK with letting her have a chewy toy whenever she wanted during the transition. She used it for a few days and then was done.

So, my 2 cents; transitions are hard on kids. Sucking a binky to fall asleep isn't a big issue. Let him keep it until he's done if it's just to sleep. And your daycare didn't handle this transition well, you might want to talk to them about it and see if they can fix that.

[Mirthful]

I agree with the pps who have said to let him keep it for now. With our DD, we started limiting the paci to her crib right before she was two. She did great for a while but a few transitions later (moving to a new room, a big girl bed, a new sibling) ... she started sucking her thumb during the daytime! And her thumb is a lot harder to take away than a pacifier so I wish we had just let her keep the pacifier instead.

HTH!

[clc053103]

Thanks for all the advice!! I gave back the nuk and noticed in response to having it taken at school, he was trying to get it at other times at home. But now he seems back on target and after a few days of difficulty, his toddler bed sleeping seems to be going very well with little fuss!

Thanks again!

[daisy1234]

I still feel terrible taking DS Binky away at 2.5 years....he never napped after that. It was a rough time from age 2.5 to 4. He soooo much needed a nap but couldn't settle himself. I honestly would not feel shameful. You have to do what works for you. My friend talked her son into giving up the binky at age 3 and she had an easy time.....you just have to do what works for you! I have a similiar sitaution with DD...still nursing....she will not nap unless I nurse her to sleep. I honestly am going to continue this ...since I started it! :) I'd rather her be happy then cranky...at this point....it works for us. I am thankful DH is supportive...he just remembers how hard it is to parent a child who can't sooth themselves. Anyway...just sharing my story...I am sure you wil go with your mommy instincts! Good luck!