Do you have rules that help you/DH with work balance

[hillview]

So having just come back from a 1 week vacation where DH spent half the vacation on the phone with work I am trying to work out some reasonable rules for our house w/r/t work / life balance. In genereal and specifically around the cell/blackberry. Anyone have any ideas? What has worked?
Thanks!
/hillary

[nicksmom]

We block out certain parts of our day when we do not answer the phone/blackberry. On a typical workday, when DH comes home from work, he takes it off and puts it away in the "office" with the phone set on vibrate. We don't hear it and he does not check. After the kids go to bed, he goes to check and if something is urgent he deals with it. I turn my phone to vibrate and won't answer during meal times and other family times. Other parts of the day, I screen calls. When DS naps, I deal with my chores and one of them is to check my phone and work email. I would also check my email after the kids go to bed most nights.

HTH

[kijip]

I only do work related stuff, especially on my remote email (via phone or laptop) when we are not all spending family time together. I do nothing at home that can wait till I get back to the office. I get as much done at the office before I come home so I am not dragging stuff home. I don't let myself talk about the bad or nutty stuff at work in front of Toby and I don't let myself harp on it for long when it is just my husband.

[Momof3Labs]

I have a job not unlike your husband's, and he really has to be the one who figures out what works for him and his employer. In my case, I can get by with checking the Blackberry every 2-3 hours (sometimes longer) on my days off. But sometimes I get a message that requires me to get on my laptop within a certain (sometimes very short) period of time. And sometimes I need to do conference calls on my days off because that's just the schedule that works for everyone - or because of a deadline of some sort. It really depends on the type of client work that I'm involved with - some projects/clients are just more demanding and time sensitive than others.

You can try to set rules, but if they don't work for your hubby or his employer, they won't matter. Unless your hubby wants to polish his resume (and deal with more of the same at the next employer). Trust me.

[kozachka]

I am with Lori. My work, especially my previous work, requires me to be "on" most of the time. That is why the company gave me a Blackberry and laptop. If I did not stay available, I probably would not be able to take time off as often as I do so my phone is on even at the beach. I also try to schedule my vacations around public holidays. This way I get more time off for less vacation days and there is nobody in the office to bother me. My vacations end up being more expensive but at this point it is time that is most valuable to me and I can always find a good deal ;).

I do not check e-mails in bed and do my best to not work on at least one of the days off. I also switch Blackberry to mute when asleep. Mornings are our time no matter what. If I have to work when I am at home, I try to do it when DS is asleep. And I try to do as much work as possible in the office, even if it means staying there later. Lately (maybe I am getting better at this?) I am getting both days off to myself.

[egoldber]

Was he checking in because he's just compulsive, has trouble delegating or trouble leaving the office behind? In which case I think a serious talking to is in order, plus some Blackberry/phone time outs. :)

But if he was actively needing to work, then I think its different and I'm not sure what can be done.

Like the PP, my DH is pretty much on call 24/7. We live on the east coast, his boss is on the west coast and works late. He is the ONLY person in his company who does his job. He often has to have conference calls that include Japan, so he sometimes has calls on the weekend or late at night. His work can be time sensitive so if an issue comes up when we're on vacation, he has to work.

It sucks, but its his job. If he wants something more family friendly, he'd have to change jobs. Honestly, I've learned to live with it, but not really to like it. Its one of the reasons I am a SAHM. I can't imagine how we would function as a family if I were a WOHM.

[jamierush]

Another vote for really this is something that he needs to address, not you. I have a job like that and unfortunately depending on his profession, sometimes there is not much you can do except make sure he buys into it and he sets the limits.

When I am on vacation or nights and weekends, I try to take the call and then call them back after the kids are in bed or napping. But sometimes it is unavoidable and in that case I am grateful that dh understands that I have a commission driven job and somethimes my value add come from my companies ability to react quickly and sometimes that means I have to get involved to pull the players together to solve the issue.

Talk to him in a gentle way, and let him come up with realistic boundries. I do much better when dh just gives me a gentle reminder.

[boolady]

I only do work related stuff, especially on my remote email (via phone or laptop) when we are not all spending family time together. I do nothing at home that can wait till I get back to the office. I get as much done at the office before I come home so I am not dragging stuff home. I don't let myself talk about the bad or nutty stuff at work in front of Toby and I don't let myself harp on it for long when it is just my husband.

This, except for 4 weeks per year when I am on 24-hour call. DH is not so good at this...he doesn't talk about work in front of DD, but he does with me. I try to limit it, as I really don't want to talk about work when we have so little time together. I understand that everyone needs to vent from time to time, but DH is lucky enough to have a job now that he really likes, so it's not that. Growing up, my parents owned their own business, so the work-homelife bleedover was tremendous. As much as I love and admire my parents for all of their hard work, I have had enough dinnertime discussions that center around work to last me a lifetime.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Since you asked about rules, here are some of ours.

Just to note dh is getting his PhD in a VERY competitive field. He works at least 60 hours a week in the lab. And then there is study time. If we did not have rules I really don't think we would ever see him.

Home for dinner every night, unless there is a dinner he has to attend.

He works one Saturday a month. No more.

No studying/reading/working (at home) when the kids are awake.

I can't think of any more. Hopefully that will help.