AAAUUUGGGHH - major meltdown yesterday

[tnrnchick74]

Ok, so one of my dear friends told me a long time ago that she had a crib & changing table she could loan me for my baby coming in May/June.

She showed me pics, told me the brand-name (very nice & good quality)...so I planned on NOT buying a crib and changing table because I was thankful I could borrow.

Yesterday was the day that I could go and pick the furniture up at her mother's house. My friend was working that day and unable to get off. Now, I don't want to believe that my friend lied to me, or did a "switch" OR that her mother did either of those things...I think the world of my coworker! But the crib we received was a cheap $99 walmart special that was broken! The changing table was just as bad. The only resemblence to the picture I was shown was the color!

So I have my Mom there (she has a truck) to load the stuff - Mom didn't say antyhing to me, we jsut took the stuff home and put it together. IT LEANED ALMOST 30 DEGREES on its own and there was no way to tighten it anymore. I was SOO upset & started crying...and couldn't stop. I hadn't budgeted any $$ for baby furniture because I THOUGHT it was taken care of.

My Mom quickly dissassembled the crib, loaded me in the truck, and took me to Burlington Outlet where they were having a HUGE sale on tons of models of cribs. She ended up buying me a Delta Jasmine 5-in-1 crib and a Delta Chelsea dresser/changing table. No, they aren't a "matched" set - but they are close enough! I know that the Delta cribs/furniture are not "high $$$" but it is pretty nice and its MUCH better than what I was going to be stuck with!

We spent until 11 pm putting things together. But theroom looks so nice. So why am I still very upset? I feel guilty that my Mom HAD to buy the furniture for me. I guess I also feel like I failed as my first big decisions as a mother - I made the decision to accept the loan of the furniture.

So now, I have to figure out a way to give back the crib/changer without making my friend feel bad. I also have to work extra to pay my Mom back - she took the $$ out of her vacation fund! I know she says I don't HAVE to pay her back, but I feel obligated!

Why can't I just sit back and be happy about the beautiful furniture!!! I just want to crawl into a hole and cry!!!

Thanks for listening!

[elephantmeg]

I'm sorry, that really sucks.

[ha98ed14]

This is my advice:

1) Tell co-worker that your mom bought you a nursery set as a surprise. (It was a surprise!) and you had no idea she was going to do this (You didn't)! Thank your co-worker for her generosity, but tell her now you don't need it and when would be a convenient time for you to return it.

2) Accept your mother's gift. That is, if you think she really means it. Some people say "you don't have to pay me back," but you know they expect you to. But if your mom really means it, that you don't have to pay her back, then give yourself permission to accept the gift. Think of it this way: your mom has gone through much harder things with you than spending $1000 of her vacation money on you. Think of the worried nights when you were sick as a child or when she waited up for you when you were a teenager. In the grand scheme of things, $1000 is small potatoes. Even $5000 is small potatoes. You are her baby. There is no price on that. You mom is taking care of her baby. Let her. And be thankful (and tell her) that you have a mom to be so supportive- both emotionally and financially.

[hellokitty]

Well, at least your mom got you a nice set. Just accept it graciously and appreciate her generosity and understanding and try not to feel bad over it. She's your mom and that's the kind of stuff moms do. :)

As for your friend, try not to be too aggravated with her. She was trying to be nice. I had a friend who was like that, she wanted to loan me a bunch of her baby stuff, but almost all of it was very junky stuff, but I did not know it, she described everything as being really nice. Some ppl have a different idea of what is nice. I will admit that maybe I am more snobby, but I have higher stds of what is nice compared to my friend. I, "borrowed" her stuff (never used it or even took them out of their bags after I inspected them an knew I did not want to use them and put it in the closet), and when she was pg with baby #2 I gave it all back to her and said, "thank you so much for lending me your baby items, it was so thoughtful of you." I didn't want to hurt her feeings. I never asked to borrow her stuff, she offered it to me, she is a very generous person, but ours stds are just different, so I didn't want to let on that I thought that her baby stuff was um... not-so-great stuff.

I would do as the pp mentioned, and tell your friend that your mom surprised you with a set, so you won't be needing hers anymore and you'd like to drop it back off at her place at her convenience and thank her for the kind gesture.

[tnrnchick74]

Thanks everyone. I'm going to do just that. My friend is getting married in about a month...so after all that hoopla settles I will tell her that my Mom surprised me with a set (a month earlier...but that's ok).

I will try to give my Mom some $$ here and there for the set because I know they REALLY want to go on vacation. Yeah, I know she means not to worry about it, but I will at least make the gesture.

And its funny because my Mom said almost the same things you guys siad..."Honey, you are going to lay awake worrying about SOOOO many more things with this kiddo, you don't need to worry about if his crib is going to come crashing down!". I think a lot of my emotion was just hormonal pregnancy nesting madness.

I feel better today.

I'm going to leave work in a bit, go home and sit in my new nursery and relax in the safe, clean, nice furniture for a few minutes. This pregnancy is going so fast that I need to take more minutes to ENJOY the nice things!

[MamaMolly]

Awwwwww, that is so nice! And listen: your mom was just being your mom! Of course she went and bought you a crib and table. That's what mom's do. We are practical beasties once the hormones ebb a bit. And I have a feeling she was happy she could do something for you.

As for your friend, I agree with the PP. Folks just have different standards of nice. And don't feel like you have to spend a lot of $$$ to get decent furniture. DDs crib was under $200 and the changing table was under $100. She is 18 months and it is holding up just fine!

Now go and enjoy that pretty new room!

[tnrnchick74]

I feel much better today. I went home, ate dinner in the new nursery :love-retry: and enjoyed that "new furniture" smell.

BF is coming into town today and I have already WARNED him to go look at the nursery then call me and tell me how beautiful & wonderful it is and how nice it was for my mother to do that...and I REALLY don't care his actual opinion in the matter!!! He said "yes dear"...so we should be good!