Spirited 2.75 yo...is this normal behavior?

[tmarie]

My dd is a couple of months shy of her 3rd birthday. She has always been described as happy, animated, effusive, perceptive, intelligent, an extrovert. She attends a preschool and her teachers have always told me that she is one of the "easier" kids, have never reported a problem. Over the course of the last 6 months, her desire to exert control over everything in her life has increased dramatically...from what she eats (used to eat everything, has gotten much pickier), how she sleeps (no covers, light on), what is on the tv when she is allowed to watch it, music in the car, when she gets dressed and what she wears, turning on and off lights when we enter certain rooms, etc..... On the occassions where she cannot have things her way (whether its a toy she sees in a store or not wanting to drink out of a certain sippy cup) she will sometimes fall into a HUGE tantrum. These tantrums can last an hour or more. I've tried the suggestions my pediatrician suggested (igonoring her) and that seems to instead prolong the tantrum for dd. I just started reading a book on "the spirited child," and it seems to describe my dd pretty well. I'm feeling a little depressed and concerned that apparently her behavior isn't "normal." I had been going on the assumption that it is normal at this age for a toddler to assert independence in these ways. For any of you who have been through the todder years, does this behavior sound way outside the realm of normal???

Grateful for any input!

tmarie
dd#1 5/05
dd#2 7/08

[mom_hanna]

I would say YES. COMPLETELY NORMAL. Right around my dd's 3rd birthday, she became this whining, tantrum throwing monster. She had previously beena very easy, easy-going, happy child. At almost 3 1/2, is is getting ever so slightly better. She still whines A LOT and throws tantrums, but they are getting to be fewer and farther between. Hopefully we will exit this by the time she turns 4. I am crossing my fingers but not holding my breath!

Your child is not abnormal from what you describe, and from what I have heard and seen from my child and many others her age. HTH.

Jennifer

[buddyleebaby]

My daughter is just around the same age and we've been going through a similar phase. The meltdowns don't last as long but she does get upset when she is not able to do something for herself, or when her routine is interupted. I have a pretty good idea of what will upset her and mostly just try to let her do things for herself/have her way as much as possible.

[ritacheetah]

My DD1 is 4 and yes, that is normal behavior. HOWEVER, although they don't have tantrums as often after they turn 4, I think 4 is when they learn to ARGUE instead of cry. So, basically, the control thing is the same but some days she'll argue with every single thing that comes out of my mouth. Argh...

[hellokitty]

Don't feel bad. Your dd is normal, so welcome to the club, lol. My oldest son went through a similar phase around that age with the hr long tantrum. My DH and I were totally mystified. I'm happy to say that he outgrew that phase after a few months, however as soon as he turned four he has become very argumentative, bossy and picky about things being a certain way. I think much of it is that he is exerting his independence and their verbal ability is so advanced at this age that they are definitely taking advantage of letting you know EVERY little emotion/feeling/thought that they have. It is driving me nuts. However, I have been assured by moms who have BTDT that what they are going through is developmentally appropriate and that this too shall pass. Too bad it makes me feel like pulling my hair out!!!!

[Laurel]

Right around the third birthday was the hardest time we've had with DD, behavior-wise. Spring break last year was miserable, I'm hoping we don't see the same thing happen when she turns four next week! I've seen the same unpleasant behavior ramp up in children as they get close to age three. IMO, your child is well in the "normal" range FWIW.

[Tondi G]

Sounds all too familiar! My DS will be 3 on May 4th! The last month or so have been increasingly worse and worse as far as tantrums and meltdowns are concerned!

I am praying the phase doesn't last too much longer.... wow is it exhausting and frustrating!

Sometimes ignoring works... sometimes getting down and holding him close and attempting to talk about it works. You never know from one day to the next what is going to help him out of his funk!

Good Luck and Hang in there!

~Tondi

[tmarie]

Phew! It sounds like she isn't abnormal after all. :) LOL.

Of course today she was an absolutely adorable angel. I just never know what mood I'm going to get with each day! Hopefully this is just a phase. Good luck to all of you also going through it!

tmarie

[MamaKath]

These tantrums can last an hour or more.

(((TMaire))) As a mom I have certainly been there! Sounds like you are doing a great job with her. It is very normal for kids to have complete meltdowns around 3. I think 3 is much harder than 2!!! They have learned to communicate more and they also have learned which buttons to push. It is a big time of independence! I probably wouldn't worry much if they decrease in length and frequency by 4.

The main thing that concerns me reading this post is the length of the tantrums. If it is a regular thing that the tantrums last an hour or more, you probably want to track them a bit. You can record on a calendar or in a planner what starts them, how long it lasts, how they react during/after. I tried this with my dd (older than your dd, but was having major meltdowns) and was surprised (and relieved) to find out that they were often started by a specific food. It made me realize she has a tactile defensiveness to that food (She hates the stringy texture of chicken!). I have made adjustments in my meal planning and it has helped tremendously!

A couple good books to read if they continue or you are looking for more information or strategies are "The Explosive Child" and "The Sensory-Sensitive Child: Practical Solutions for Out-of_Bounds Behavior".

Dr Sear's on tantrums (has some good info on tracking, see identifying the trigger):
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t063300.asp
A good general article regarding tantrums:
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/tantrums.html
This had some good tips for dealing with them:
http://children.webmd.com/tc/temper-tantrums-home-treatment

HTH and hang in there Mama!

[C99]

It all sounds normal to me, except perhaps the length of the tantrum.

[clc053103]

DS is 2 months younger than your DS and I could have written this post. He even picks out his own clothes! But his tantrums don't last that long, largely b/c he doesn't have the attention span to stick with it! LOL!

Talk to your ped for reassurance but I think he'll agree your DS is on par with the rest of our toddlers.

[missym]

I know the "terrible two's" phase gets a lot of press, but I agree with PP that 3 is harder! It was around your child's age that Gwen started the WHT (Whole House Tantrum). It was a sight to behold, but thankfully she hasn't had one of those in quite a while (she's 5 now). Becca is 2.5 and I can tell we're in for an interesting time ahead. She already has a much worse temper than her sister.

Hang in there!

[cheme]

I could have written this same exact post about my ds 2 weeks ago! I was getting worried about the length of the tantrums (ours could go for over an hour as well). I finally decided to try to cut out dairy from his diet and it has worked wonders! He still likes lots of control and will meltdown from time to time, but it isn't as often and the tantrums are much shorter.