Canceling plans last minute-Advice FAST

[Sugar Magnolia]

I need advice FAST!

We have plans to have dinner with our friends tonight. They are a great (childless) couple who we really get along with. We have them over to our house for dinner often and we work out together, among other things. I just spoke with the wife and she mentioned they invited another couple (who have kids) but had not heard if they were coming.

When we were invited I was not aware the other family was going to be there. I would not have accepted if I had known. Our kids just do not get along and the husband likes to dominate the conversation. Its just not a good time when we are with them. Dh and I will be very stressed out and we have to play referee the whole time.

Is it too late to cancel? I know dh is not going to be happy when I tell him this family might be there.

And they usually don't RSVP, they will just be there.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sorry, in my book you should go. There is a chance that tonight you can get along. You never know- dif't day, dif't time things can be different.

At the very least it will be over soon. Go with a positive outlook.

Beth

[khm]

If you just spoke with the wife, I don't see any way to turn around and call her with regrets with so little time to spare.

[kijip]

Sorry, but in my book you have to go. the couple you like has bought food, is preparing food and set plans for you to be there. Short of hospitalization or serious illness, you can not politely cancel. Zone out the husband, arm your kids with some activities or a DVD and go.

As for dominating the conversation...come with some topics in mind that will engage the other people as well and just ignore him as needed and direct the converstation back to things everyine else is interested in.

Look at it another way- if you don't go then the people you like will have to deal with the people you don't like without you!

[Sugar Magnolia]

What if your friend just called you (she is still at work) and told you the wife was sick with THE FLU but the husband was going to bring to the kids.

And we are doing hamburgers and hot dogs.

[geochick]

If you accepted the invitation originally, you should go. Just be more careful next time. This dinner is TONIGHT! It would be so rude to not go. They've already been grocery shopping, cleaned their house.

Suck it up and have the best time possible.

[MamaMolly]

Oh dear! If the husband is overbearing your friend may want you there as a bit of a buffer. How would YOU feel left alone with him? Blech!

Anyway, you get major friend brownie points for going! And with the wife having the flu means your kiddos can't...er...suddenly contract a 24 hour bug. KWIM? Sorry!

[ha98ed14]

What if your friend just called you (she is still at work) and told you the wife was sick with THE FLU but the husband was going to bring to the kids.

And we are doing hamburgers and hot dogs.

Ok, I will be the voice of dissent here. I DO NOT THINK you HAVE to go. Because, while yes, these people have gone to a lot of trouble, they did not tell you that the unlikable people and their progeny will be there. The host people do not have kids and so do not know how hard it is to have a nice evening when your kids are tomented by or are tormenting the others. So I think that is enough of a reason not to go IF your children really do have a problem with this other families children. An alternitive would be for one of you to go and the other stay home with the kids. Or get MIL to babysit last minute? I know, not great options either.

The other OUT I see in this situation is that the unlikable wife has the flu! Her kids are probably incubating it too! Why expose your kids to hers? THAT alone would be enough of a reason for me not to go! Why risk exposing your kids to the flu in this incredibly bad season? Honestly, I think that is your out. Call the host back and say after thinking about it, you just cannot afford to expose your DCs to the flu. Tell her you/ DH have used all your sick tme or whatever. I don't think you have to go. The original expectation was that it was your family and this couple, all of whom felt well. Now it is this couple, plus kids whose primary caregiver has the flu? What are the odds these kids aren't gonn get it too? Don't go. If the hosts are really your friends, they will wither understand or if not, they will forgive you.

[ha98ed14]

And with the wife having the flu means your kiddos can't...er...suddenly contract a 24 hour bug. KWIM? Sorry!

True, but I also see no reason why you are socially obligated to expose your children to other kids whose primary care giver has the flu. Sorry. If the mom is really sick, she should keep her kids at home and not risk exposing other people. I am convinced they may be incubating it even when they have no symptoms and could be contagious (sp?)!

[Ceepa]

Suck it up and go. The inviting couple has already planned for your attendance. Try and be the bigger couple and focus on your hosts and DC.

[ThreeofUs]

ETA: EEK! Flu! Kids coming, too?! I would probably whine and moan till I convinced myself I could stay home. I see that you've gone already, though, and (for your friend's sake) am glad you did.

Oh, darn. If she's cooking and you just talked to her, you have to go. So go, make nice, ignore the other couple if at all possible (polite "I didn't hear you"s go a looooonnnnggg way), and get out of there as soon as decently possible.

Then you probably need to have a conversation with your friends and let them know how you feel about this other, obviously rude (who doesn't rsvp for a dinner in someone's home?!?!) family.

[s7714]

I think it would be rude not to go at this point. However, I would make it a point to somehow mention later (after the evening is over) to the hostess that you don't enjoy mingling with the other family.

[Tondi G]

while I feel she might be disappointed I would back out. There is no way in hell I would be going to spend an evening with a family that has one member down with the flu. I am SO not interested in getting sick and I am one of those rude people asks if everyone is healthy before we get together with other families with small children. If their mom is currently sick there is a good chance that either of their children or her husband for that matter could be on their way to being sick as well. No thanks. It's not like she was preparring a fancy meal.... we're talking hamburgers and hotdogs folks! I would be totally honest with her. Say "I'm really sorry but I really just can't take the chance of ME or my kids getting the flu". I avoid people who knowingly have the flu if at all possible. If I were her I might be disappointed but I would understand. I wouldn't expect my husband to take the kids out and potentially get other people and their children sick if I had the flu.

Good luck

~Tondi

[Melanie]

I was going to say you have to go and if it royally sucks you have now confirmed there is just no way to get along with them and on the side tell your friends next time they invite you, in confidence.

BUT THE FLU CHANGES EVERYTHING! No way, No How. Wouldn't go. I'd feel terrible for the hosts and invite them to your house in a few weeks (after the incubation period - LOL) to try to make it up to them, but I WOULD NOT GO.

[Sugar Magnolia]

So, we went. I couldn't cancel on my friend last minute. I felt really bad for her. My dh and I fought the whole ride there because he did not want to go. We survived.

I have told my friend how I feel about the other couple. She pretty much feels the same way. We don't have them over at our house. Ever. But her husband is very much the "peace keeper" and wants to make everyone happy. (All 3 husbands belong to an academic society of sorts.)

I think from now on I will ask her outright if they are going to be there, before accepting. Thanks for everyones advice.