What is your friendship style?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Are you the kind of person that likes a few close friends or a whole lot of casual friends?

If you were having a party w/ your friends how many people would you invite?

Are you ok doing things on your own (or just with your kids) or do you always like to have something scheduled with someone else?

Is your partner/ SO your best friend?

When you were growing up, did you have a best friend?

You don't have to answer the q's I posed but they are just somethings that might help you figure out what kind of answer you would give.


My dh is my best friend. I have just a few close friends. I am great at making small talk and meeting people at the playground but I never follow through on getting together with them again. I'm friendly and outgoing but
I kind of feel like my "friend slots" are filled up and so I don't really look to add more. I feel like I can only juggle so much of a social life. Plus, I just find it easier to have close friends and not have to start in the small talk phase all the time with people.

If I were having a party I would have about 6 couples there.

I am really ok being on my own and just schedule playdates or outtings about once a week.

I was best friends with someone for all of our childhood through high school. We still keep in touch and are friends but life has taken us in dif't directions. I know she'd always be there for me if I needed her though. Through school it was always the 2 of us (won "best friends" yearbook award) with other friends tacked on to our core. Those auxillary friends came and went sometimes but we were always the base. I think it influenced my friendship style now too.


I have a friend who is constantly on the go and socializing. Her "small, close friends only" dinner party had 20 people there (10 couples). She will rarely do anything on her own. Her phone rings off the hook. I consider her one of my closer friends but I always wonder if the feeling is reciprocated. I tend to get the feeling that as soon as she hangs up with me she is on the phone with someone else sharing her life story some more. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out and I should try doing things her way. But, then I realize I am happy so I don't. :)


What's your style?

Beth

[punkrockmama]

I'd much rather have like two super tight friends than just a bunch of people I only send Christmas cards to. I do know a lot of people since I'm a talker. I'll chat up anybody (sometimes I get strange looks).

Wow, I'd invite everybody I knew. I lurve to party and the more the merrier.

I love just hanging out with my kids. They're fun people. Playdates are cool too, though. I don't *need* to always have plans. Too much planning makes me itchy.

Jim and I are working on getting back together. In fact I'm moving back in soon. Things are going great between us but he is not my best friend. He's a GOOD friend, but he's my husband. I've got someone else for the BFF role. She's awesome and we've been friends since elementary school. It's changed a bit since I'm married with kids, but we'll always be there for each other.

My friend style is that I'm fiercely loyal once a person earns it. Not that they have to go thru hoops or anything but once we get to know each other and we're friends, I am the type of person you can call at 3am if you get stuck somewhere. I'm also very casual. I'm at the age where I still like to go out and hit the bar and stuff with all my girls but I'm also a grown up so it dosen't happen every weekend and I don't stay out till 4 anymore,lol. And sometimes two of my friends will come over after the kids go to bed and we'll eat pizza and watch TV.

I like to touch base with my closest friends a lot, but I'm busy so I'm not the type of friend that'll call you everyday and ask what outfit you wore. :)

[Pennylane]

I like to have a few really close friends that I do things with. Right now I have 1 really good friend and lots of casual friends that I don't feel really close to. We get together occasionally but none of them are friends that I just pick up the phone with and call to chat.

If I was having a party there are probably about 3 couples I would invite. More but my neighborhood friends don't really know my preschool friends so it would be weird.

I like to meet friends at the park but if we are heading to the mall or something I prefer to go by myself.

I do consider my DH my best friend but he can't replace a good girlfriend! There are some things that are just more fun to discuss with a girlfriend.

I am a very social person but I just don't go in for all the crap that goes on today with women. I hate to have to "book" a playdate with someone weeks in advance.

From the 6th grade until after graduation, I had the same best friend. We did everything together and honestly, I still miss talking to her. Our lives went in totally opposite directions though. I got along well with everyone in school though.

Since then I have had 2 other friends that I would consider friends for life, but we live in different areas now and don't get to see each other very often.

Ann

[sarahsthreads]

This is a really interesting thread!

I just had a St. Patty's Day party yesterday. We invited maybe 40 people (including kids) and total headcount wound up being 26 (9 families, about 1/3 of those were small children!) It was a lot of people, and while I wouldn't say I could call all of them close friends, most of them are people we could count on in a pinch, and they're all people we'd be willing to help out as needed.

I'm definitely more of a family-centric person than a friend-centric person when it comes to day-to-day life, though. Some of that is just logistics of doing things with small children and other families with small children - nap and bed times, etc. - and some of that is just that we were both raised in close-knit families and actually enjoy spending time both in our nuclear family and in extended family gatherings.

DH is definitely my best friend, and has been since college. I had a best friend through most of grade school, but when I moved in 10th grade she sort of moved on and I floundered a bit. It's hard to make friends coming into high school partway through.

I have two very close girl friends, the ones I call when I need a shoulder to cry on or help with problems. They are "post-college" friends, people I met when I started working, and we wound up starting families around the same time, so our life experiences have really helped us grow closer together.

I would not describe myself as very outgoing, in fact I would consider myself rather shy, but somehow I do have a lot of casual friends. They're not people I would call up and talk to out of the blue, or invite to a party, but I enjoy seeing them in a social context, like when we're both invited to a mutual friends' party.

I'm pretty comfortable with the number and state of my friendships at the moment. I do sometimes wish I'd done a better job of keeping in touch with people who meant a lot to me that moved away, but then I remind myself that it's a mutual thing and they didn't do such a great job either. ;)

Sarah :)

[C99]

My friend style is that I'm fiercely loyal once a person earns it. Not that they have to go thru hoops or anything but once we get to know each other and we're friends, I am the type of person you can call at 3am if you get stuck somewhere. I'm also very casual. I'm at the age where I still like to go out and hit the bar and stuff with all my girls but I'm also a grown up so it dosen't happen every weekend and I don't stay out till 4 anymore,lol.

I like to touch base with my closest friends a lot, but I'm busy so I'm not the type of friend that'll call you everyday and ask what outfit you wore. :)

This pretty much describes me. I pretty much have only close friends, by design. That has changed somewhat since I've had kids, simply because I don't have time to get to know people better or outside of the roles as mothers.

[kijip]

Are you the kind of person that likes a few close friends or a whole lot of casual friends?

I have a lot of friends and more than a few are close friends, but naturally some are closer than others.

If you were having a party w/ your friends how many people would you invite?

Dinner? 8-12
Gathering/Open House/BBQ type thing? Depends on who/what the party is for. A few dozen I guess, more for certain things. We do this way less than we used to...approx 1-2 times a year.

Are you ok doing things on your own (or just with your kids) or do you always like to have something scheduled with someone else?

We like to be alone but I also like to have things scheduled. We do a lot of each.

Is your partner/ SO your best friend?

I am closer to my husband than any friend, but I don't consider my husband to be a friend. I am too specific here maybe, but I feel like likening my marriage to friendship is incorrect.

When you were growing up, did you have a best friend?

Once we lived in the same city for more than 4 minutes, I had a number of best friends, more in high school than before. I am only still close to a couple of these people. A few of these people and I have gone totally opposite ways and have little to no contact. For example, one is a protestant missionary now and considers GWB a flaming social liberal...we just don't have a lot to talk about anymore. A couple others just live far, far away and we are in different points in our lives. 1 was extricated from my life when she went berserk on me for formula feeding (though that was just a symptom of a larger issue with her). One is Toby's godfather and we see each other often.

I am social, described most often as outgoing, loyal and friendly. I like to get to know new people and we tend to always have someone new in our circle of friends, usually someone I met via school or community stuff. I talk to a lot of people about a lot of things but most often those are public topics (like the news or current events) and not nitty grit details of my day to day life. We do have dinner with friends a lot, makes day to day life more enjoyable and we like sharing food and getting kids together. We also camp and vacation with a few of our friends. Any of my friends can and do call in the middle of the night for emergencies. We don't tend to call each other to chat though...calls are for asking specific questions ("would you like me to bring over a pie for your party?" or "Is Tuesday a good night to have you over to watch this movie?" or "I just bought a pressure canner, do you still have that pumpkin to preserve?") or calling for immediate help, not talking about life. We do that in person! The only person that calls me to talk about daily stuff is my little brother.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My friend style is that I'm fiercely loyal once a person earns it. Not that they have to go thru hoops or anything but once we get to know each other and we're friends, I am the type of person you can call at 3am if you get stuck somewhere. I'm also very casual. I'm at the age where I still like to go out and hit the bar and stuff with all my girls but I'm also a grown up so it dosen't happen every weekend and I don't stay out till 4 anymore,lol. And sometimes two of my friends will come over after the kids go to bed and we'll eat pizza and watch TV.

I like to touch base with my closest friends a lot, but I'm busy so I'm not the type of friend that'll call you everyday and ask what outfit you wore. :)

YOu said it better than I did. That says what I should have said. :)

Beth

[Moneypenny]

I have a lot of casual friends and then a couple of friends who I know think of me as their best friend, but I don't feel the same about them. DH is the person I'm closest to in the world, but I'm not sure "friend" is the right word to use. I like others casually (i.e. I like to go out to lunch with them and have chats with them) but other than DH and a few family members, I'm not big into spending lots of time with people. I'm an introvert to the Nth degree and being with people really wears me out.

I would not invite anyone to a party because I don't like parties. My ideal activity is to be alone or just with DH and DD.

Geez, I just sound like a barrel of laughs, don't I? Really, I must put on a good act because people are always emailing me and stopping by to chat, but I'm very tired at the end of the day from all the socializing.

I had a group of five close friends growing up. The person who was my "best" friend changed over time so that each of the five fit that role at some point.

[KrystalS]

I have a lot of casual friends and then a couple of friends who I know think of me as their best friend, but I don't feel the same about them. DH is the person I'm closest to in the world, but I'm not sure "friend" is the right word to use. I like others casually (i.e. I like to go out to lunch with them and have chats with them) but other than DH and a few family members, I'm not big into spending lots of time with people. I'm an introvert to the Nth degree and being with people really wears me out.

I would not invite anyone to a party because I don't like parties. My ideal activity is to be alone or just with DH and DD.
.

I think you just described me perfectly! I'm a total introvert. I do not like parties at all. Especially with lots of people. I'm really close to my family but I haven't have a really close friend since high school.
With my Dh being in the army, it's a lot more difficult for me make friends. We generally move every 3-4 years. We have been at our current post for a few months and I haven't made any friends yet.
Dh has friends at work but it always seems that he becomes friends with single soldiers or couples with kids not the same age as our DD so its hard to really get together with them.
My Dh is my best friend but I'm also very close to my sister. I would like to make a few friends just for DD to have some playdates, but honestly I like to just stay home with Dh and DD.
I did have a best friend in JH/HS. We kind of drifted apart after high school because I got married young and she was still in college. We were just in different places in our lives. We've recently started talking a lot more because she got married last year and shes now pregnant. I think its really hard to keep friends after high school if you aren't in the same phases in your life.

[MontrealMum]

Most of my friends are very close ones, and while DH and I are extremely close, I do not consider what I have with him to be the same as with my girlfriends. The husband/partner relationship is different.

I have one best friend. We met in preschool and have been friends going on 34 years now. She is someone that I only have to give a look, and she knows what I'm thinking. We've travelled different paths in life, but we are still remarkable similar in character and temprament. She lives back home, where I grew up, and we only get to see each other about once or twice a year, but if I ever had a huge problem I know I could call her anytime, and the opposite is true as well. I also have 2 good friends from highschool, one from college, one from grad school, and I am very close with one cousin. All of them, except my cousin, got together for a bridal shower weekend when I got married, in a city that was in the middle of where we all lived, and that weekend, being with all my close friends, is one of my best memories ever :)

I think you could divide my friends into old/new, or far away/in town. Although I also have some newer (last 10 years) friends where we live, and they are wonderfully supportive, the level of friendship will never be quite the same as it is with those 6 friends from my "growing up" years. While I do quite a lot with my in town friends, I can't imagine myself calling any of them in the middle of the night.

I have two "mom" friends, and imagine I'll get more as DS grows and has his own friends. I don't know where that will take me as I will be going back to work, and I don't know if my friends will move from being defined by my work and my own interests, to those of my child or not.

I would describe myself as an introvert - which would be a bit of a surprise to some people who know me because I am generally described as friendly, and I am a huge talker - when you get to know me. I have a lot of friends, casual, social, and close - but it is hard for me to make myself get out there and cultivate new friendships. Having travelled, and then picked up and moved to a foreign country at 22 I've had to learn how to be more outgoing, but it is still not natural to me.

I do enjoy staying home, or doing things with one or two really good friends, or with DH. But I certainly wouldn't object to a party as long as the other invitees were all people I knew, and small talk wouldn't be required!

Because of what I do, and my interests, people move in and out of my life, because they often leave town to pursue a career or something. It's hard seeing someone go, and I often regret not being able to keep up the friendship with some of them, but I think that that is the nature of friendships...and it's something that requires that you work at it...I truly believe that we are only capable of sustaining a few really close friendships at a time.

[hellokitty]

Are you the kind of person that likes a few close friends or a whole lot of casual friends?

- I have always been someone who only has a few close friends. However, in the past six months I've become much more involved in some moms groups, so now I have a ton of casual friends as well. There are those who I know would be willing to become closer friends, but right now I am lazy and too busy/tired to really pursue it. Funny enough, it seems like I have always wanted to make more closer friends before and the opportunities were not always there, but now that my life is busy I have the opportunity, but am not really up for it.

If you were having a party w/ your friends how many people would you invite?

- I'm not a party person either. I just don't have parties, I get way too stressed out about the logistics of it and having to have everything perfect and being worried that ppl might not have a good time, etc. We're the types who are apt to just call up another couple and ask them if they wanted to meet up for dinner sometime. I like to have intimate 1-1conversations. When there are too many ppl and it gets too loud and there's too much going on, I feel overwhelmed. I'm one of those, "sensitive" ppl who is very aware of their environment and the ppl around them, so I just can't have too much going on around me at once. I don't like crowds either and will avoid shopping at christmas, to avoid the crazy crowds and obnoxious ppl.

Are you ok doing things on your own (or just with your kids) or do you always like to have something scheduled with someone else?

- I used to have to schedule stuff with friends, but I had a friend who I was close to who moved away and I kind of realized that it was just fine to do my own thing. In fact, I would say I am more comfortable now doing my own thing, than feeling obligated to call someone up to do stuff with me. I'm not a clingy person, I'm a very private person and when I get stuck with someone who is a cling-on I get freaked out. I've had some really bad experiences with cling-ons before (they are users and always betray my trust, I'm also one of those fiercely loyal friends and when I get betrayed I don't deal with it well at all), and due to that, if there is anyone too clingy, I make sure I keep them at arms length and don't let them get too close, b/c I don't EVER want to go down that path again. I have recently really enjoyed going to the movie theater by myself, I used to be too insecure to do this, thinking ppl would judge me, but now I welcome the solitude (after having kids). I also think I am one of those pl who puts much effort into a friendship than the other person and that is another reason why it often doesn't work out.

Is your partner/ SO your best friend?

- YUP! I think that is why I am comfortable not constantly having to talk to other friends every day. I have another friend who I once considered my best friend, but I'm afraid that since I've had kids, I've not been a very attentive friend. She is very career oriented, single and childless... I feel like my life details would bore her to death. However, when we do talk, we have a fantastic time. I do this a lot, I might only talk to some of my friends once or twice a yr, but when we do talk, it's a nice, hearty, long talk and we have a good time catching up. I have many friends who I've known for over 15 yrs and our friendship is based on these 1-2 times a yr long chats.

When you were growing up, did you have a best friend?

- No, and I used to feel bad about it all of the time. I had one friend in K that I would consider my best friend, but after she moved, I was never able to have a best friend again. I was a bit of a loner and when I did hang out with friends, it was a very small group and I was always the most quiet one. I did have a few closer friendships, but most of them ended up badly, where the person took advantage of me being too nice and I got burned. I'm finally at a pt in my life where I'm ok with the fact that I am not one of those ppl cut out to have a best friend. I think it's just sad that most parents expect their children to have a best friend and this is one reason I felt badly as a child, b/c my parents acted like something was wrong with me for not having a best friend. The thing is neither of my brothers had best friends either and I know one of my brothers confided in me, and his closer friendships have often ended up the same as mine, where he's gotten burned. So, maybe it is in our genetics, maybe it was the way that we were brought up (I think my parents brought us up to be stepped on by other ppl). My siblings and I have always been introverts. I can act pretty outgoing when I want to be, but it takes a tremendous amt of effort and I have to be in the mood to be social in order to do it. I've gotten much better at it since having kids and my mom's group friends would probably consider me a very outgoing person. My closer friends know that I am an introvert by nature.