Can't I just have my share of down days?

[gatorsmom]

I'm so tired. so tired. And I keep running into people (especially the older groups like in their 50's and 60's) who love, love love to remind me that i"m going to have my hands full and oh, I'm crazy to have this many children, etc.

Well, the truth is i LOVE having a family this size. I wouldn't change it for anything in this world. But some days it's dang hard. All I want to do is vent about it sometimes, you know? I don't want anyone telling me that now I should stop having children. Or giving me any grief to the tune of "what were you thinking?" Because I'll tell you what I was thinking.

I was thinking that I wanted lots of little joyfull feet running around me all day long. I wanted those same little feet snuggling with me in my bed early in the morning. I wanted lots and lots of happy little smiles and giggles. and screaming and tears too. I dreamed of watching them grow and blossom, my own little garden. And I knew that it was gonna take a ton of work to have that. I wanted the full rollercoaster of emotions in this life. And I was thinking that it was worth all the hard work and much more to have this life.

But some days, I just want to vent about the hard work. what is it about working hard that is so unthinkable to some people?

[lmintzer]

Lisa,
I so hear you! I think it's a magic "mommy thing" that we can be ready to pull our hair out and simultaneously not wish to change what we are doing for the world!

My own dh doesn't get it--when I say I would have another baby, he says, "You aren't happy taking care of the ones you have!" I answer, "No, I am happy. But I can still wish that they'd throw less tantrums, be more flexible, etc., etc., fill-in-the-blank with what was hard that day."

Wishing you many easier days with lots of snuggles and smiles from your little ones. Of course it's hard--how could it not be? Once your twins are a little older and a little more independent, you'll be able to enjoy more!

[thomma]

I hear you! and totally get it...
A few years ago I was telling some coworkers about trying to take dd and ds outside in the snow by myself. Truth be told it was a bit of a vent...anywho...I got to the part where ds refused to touch snow and dd was running across our yard toward the road (quick background: it took 4 years of infertility treatments to have ds and dd) so I was trying to run after her while holding ds...not fun. At that point a coworker looked at me and said "and to think of what you went through to have them; you should view every moment as a blessing". So apparently I'm not allowed to vent because I birthed the miracle twins. Nice, huh?!

Vent here: we get it! :)

Kim
ds&dd 5/03

[dcmom2b3]

Oh yeah, you can. And you have company. As I crawl my tired, advanced maternal age self into bed, my fevent prayers include being able to have at least one more. I'm hooked on the joy; if I hadn't started at 39, I'd easily have a whole country farmhouse full o' kids.

But the joy doesn't make a toddler's grunts any easier to interpret on a day to day basis. Or make it easier to rein in the budding warrior princess/paratrooper/mountain climber without squelching her spirit. Or [insert whatever was hard today]. Do folks who've had kids just forget this once they've grown?

I only have the one, but would do it 4,5,6 (?) more times if I could.

I feel 'ya.

Mary-Helen

[JTsMom]

Do folks who've had kids just forget this once they've grown?



Yes, I think that is EXACTLY it. I think you just kind of get amnesia about it, kind of like labor pain. That's the same reason the give you "the look" when your 2 yr old melts down at the post office- they just don't remember, and their children were all perfect little angels.


Definitely vent here. We all know that you can have a hard day, and still love being a mom!

[JillSP]

I'm so tired. so tired. And I keep running into people (especially the older groups like in their 50's and 60's) who love, love love to remind me that i"m going to have my hands full and oh, I'm crazy to have this many children, etc.


We apparently are not running into the same people here in Minnesota. I am pregnant with #4 and lately, when I am out with the other three, I am only approached by older women who want to share their joy in having a large family or their regret/sorrow that they were unable to have more children than they did.

Of course you are tired and sometimes miserable, you have infant twins. You are also blessed. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Motherhood is filled with ups and downs, and the more kids you have, the more ups and downs. You are riding the super-duper roller coaster at the amusement park. Other people prefer the kiddie roller coaster and can't understand why anyone would want the thrill of anything more adventurous. The people who can only say negative things are on the figurative kiddie roller coaster and had no interest in anything bigger.

[gatorsmom]

We apparently are not running into the same people here in Minnesota. I am pregnant with #4 and lately, when I am out with the other three, I am only approached by older women who want to share their joy in having a large family or their regret/sorrow that they were unable to have more children than they did.



I think I found a strange pocket of people in my neighborhood here. Because I have found that if I go to another part of the state I have the same experience as you. Why did I have to end up with the negative fuddy-duddies in my area?

[Gena]

Lisa,

I think you need one of these t-shirts that says "If you think my hands are full, you should see me heart."

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/hands+full+heart/-/pv_design_details/pg_1/id_19369177/opt_/fpt_/c_666/

Wear it around your fuddy-duddy neighbors.

[gatorsmom]

Lisa,

I think you need one of these t-shirts that says "If you think my hands are full, you should see me heart."

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/hands+full+heart/-/pv_design_details/pg_1/id_19369177/opt_/fpt_/c_666/

Wear it around your fuddy-duddy neighbors.


I LOVE this! I just wish the writing were bigger. You know, in a font size that near-blind people can read.

[elephantmeg]

I hate this too, I think women especially feel the need to "make it better" or offer suggestions. Um, no, I just want to vent!

[buddyleebaby]

Lisa,

I think you need one of these t-shirts that says "If you think my hands are full, you should see me heart."

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/hands+full+heart/-/pv_design_details/pg_1/id_19369177/opt_/fpt_/c_666/

Wear it around your fuddy-duddy neighbors.

I like that.:bighand:

[lizajane]

Lisa,

I think you need one of these t-shirts that says "If you think my hands are full, you should see me heart."

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/hands+full+heart/-/pv_design_details/pg_1/id_19369177/opt_/fpt_/c_666/

Wear it around your fuddy-duddy neighbors.

um. ok. so i just about cried. that is the sweetest thing ever.

and btw, to the OP, when people tell you that you are crazy to have so many kids... which is so (**&#*&$& i can hardly believe it, did they actually think you INTENTIONALLY had two at the same time??? i mean, as far as i am concerned, you hit the jackpot by having twins! so cool!!! but to ask someone why they have 4 kids is rude enough, but to also be oblivious to the fact that you got two at once by the grace of God and not by something you did is just absurd.

maybe you should say, "well, we tried for a third, but when i found out i was pregnant, i was just so excited, i had the dr put another one in there so i could just go ahead and have 4 because i always liked even numbers better."

[californiagirl]

Oooh! You have just the right number of kids to say "Oh, we're definitely trying again. We figure it's a fibonacci sequence and we'll get triplets."

(It's not original, I know somebody with 4 girls, 2 singletons and then twins, and the fibonacci sequence is how she explains not trying again for a boy.)

[JillSP]

I think I found a strange pocket of people in my neighborhood here. Because I have found that if I go to another part of the state I have the same experience as you. Why did I have to end up with the negative fuddy-duddies in my area?

Hmm. Perhaps you need to move.

I have been thinking about your post and I have a theory on why you get the comments.

Two kids is pretty common and people often agonize over whether to have a third. I suspect that people who had such an internal debate, regardless of whether they ultimately had a third, see you and think that having twins on the third time around would have been their worst nightmare because why on earth would anyone want to have FOUR children?

They can't imagine having had twins on a third pregnancy. It's called cognitive dissonance or something like that. They just can't grasp how you could possibly be happy with twins the third time around because while trying for a third child is acceptable, no one could possibly be happy about having twins the third time around. And you couldn't possibly be managing it all well because they couldn't have handled it.

So, their comments have nothing to do with you; it is all about them putting themselves in your shoes and dwelling on how hard it would have been rather than think about all the joy you get from that pitter-patter of little feet running through the house. (The pitter-patter is one of my favorite things; I always heard about it, but it isn't until you actually have it in your own house that you truly understand the joy it brings).

I really need to get back to bed (insomnia is no fun), but I learned over the weekend of the commraderie (sp?) of moms with four kids. I was at the Springsteen concert, visibly pregnant, and this woman about my age gave me that knowing smile you get from other moms when you are pregnant. She struck up a conversation with me at the end and I learned that she had just had her fourth two months ago. In just a few minutes we bonded on a level I have rarely experienced in talking to other moms. She reassured me that four was not a big deal (as others with four have done also). It was great.

Of course, it is hard to find other moms of 4. As I always say, I am not that busy, I just think long and hard before I leave the house.