family stuff...

[SAHMIL]

ugh! so yesterday, was at mom's and I put DC (who is almost 1) down for a nap. It was long past his usual naptime & I kept him up for lunch and whatnot. Ok, so I put him down. And he started to cry. (He was in a pack and play and I put him in a sleepsack and gave him a small stuffed toy to sleep with) Ok, no prob. I let him cry... after a few minutes, went in reassured... then DH wentin reassured 5 minutes later.. crying got worse, I went in and reassured and then came out and said I have to let him cry b/c it was not going to happen unless I left and I was mking it worse... 10 min. later, he went to sleep. Ok. so, while he was crying, what do I hear in the kitchen but my mom and sister bitching about me and how I did this and how mean it was. My sister used to work at a day care where they had to rock the babies to sleep, so she of course, knows everything. And of course, my mom knows everything. Ugh!!! I'm soooo bothered by this! I follow most of what the ped.'s office advice is b/c it works. I know my mom didn't do any of this and she sat and rocked me and all that, nor did she do things like correct me on the sippy cups and stuff (she rushes to his defense if he drops the sippy saying "it wasn't his fault". All I do is correct behavior and say "we don't throw cups."), and I walked all over her when I was little and I was such a "difficult child".

this AM, my mom calls me and asks icf I have a gift receipt for something she bought for him. Iasked her if she had her original receipt. Well, she can't find it in her receipt drawer b/c she throws out her receitps at the end of the month. I said "Well, you should hold onto them now for like 4 mos. b/c you need receipts to return stuff." She got all upset and said she had to go. ugh! how to handle her? She is so short tempered with me and I just try my best to be nice. I know she would prefer my sister having had the baby to me.

[kedss]

big hugs, mama-
you need to do what you feel is best for you and your family, and if your mom and sister have a problem, its their problem, not yours-

[JillSP]

Well of course your sister rocked the baby to sleep at daycare. I have never heard of a daycare where they let kids cry it out. One crying kid is going to wake up/keep up all the other kids up. I understood that this was what our daycare had to do, but I still let my kids cry it out at night if they had to, its just easier in the long run. Until you have kids of your own, you don't really have a clue about what you need to be doing. And daycare work (while honorable and important) is not the same as parenting.

As for the mother guilt trip about your infancy, I get the same thing. My mom can just go on about how all she could do to keep us all quiet was to sit and feed us a bottle (or bottles) every night. I got tired of it and now when she talks about this my response is "did it ever occur to you to just put us in our crib and let us cry?"

I mean, really, it wasn't like I was trying to make her life miserable (I saved that for high school). Some moms just view the birth of grandchildren as the opportunity to revisit the difficulties of rearing their own children. I try to discourage that.

ETA: Just to clarify, I love my mom and she is wonderful and great. But she seems to have to still have a tinge of resentment about having to spend her evenings feeding her babies bottles. I don't think it ever occurred to her to just put us to bed and let us cry ourselves to sleep and I think she regrets not thinking of that.

[jal]

...I mean, really, it wasn't like I was trying to make her life miserable (I saved that for high school)...

LMAO :)


...I don't think it ever occurred to her to just put us to bed and let us cry ourselves to sleep and I think she regrets not thinking of that.

Oh, I'm sure she though of it (surely she's that smart). But I could better understand that emotionally, she just couldn't stand to hear her baby cry. My DW was that way. It wasn't that the crying was annoying. It's something deeper, like on an emotionally level the babies crys are a shout for help that a mother just can't ignore.

[lisams]

LMAO :)



Oh, I'm sure she though of it (surely she's that smart). But I could better understand that emotionally, she just couldn't stand to hear her baby cry. My DW was that way. It wasn't that the crying was annoying. It's something deeper, like on an emotionally level the babies crys are a shout for help that a mother just can't ignore.

That's me. Could never do CIO and will never regret it. To each their own, but it sure stinks when family starts judging your parenting decisions, especially when they've never had children. SIL worked at a daycare center and is the Queen of parenting suggestions. Sorry, but it's a whole 'nother ballgame!

[HannaAddict]

I am sorry they weren't supportive. But I will say that it can be pretty uncomfortable or upsetting to be around someone who is doing cry it out, especially if you aren't a fan. My SIL and BIL decided to start "training" their much younger baby to sleep while we were visiting from out of town. Why they would decide to do this while they had visitors over for an hour, I have no idea. I'm sure they had no idea that it was as upsetting to us, grown adults, as it was. Frankly, we were even surprised at how awful it made us feel, my husband especially! It upset our one year old immensely (not a factor in your case). We are not CIO folks though and it was awful to listen to. If your mom didn't do it with you, it probably hurts her heart a little bit to see you doing it. especially if you are doing CIO on advice from the ped's office. (That was what it sounded like from your post, if wrong, sorry).

I am glad to hear that a daycare does rock babies to sleep. I've only heard stories of daycare providers ignoring crying babies before!

Kimberly

[Edensmum]

I agree with Kimberly. I would be very upset listening to any baby CIO. Especially one I love. I have done too much research in child development and I know the harm that this can do. I understand your frustration at having your choices no respected, that never feels good. I don't respect this choice, and I don't think that I could sit by and what my niece or nephew be put through that. It would make me beyond uncomfortable. Sorry, but I think what they said was better than you would have got from me.

[Ceepa]

If people take issue with the way you choose to parent your child, CIO, for instance, I would arrange to always have naptime at home.

Sure seems that some people think they know what's best for a baby and have no problem expressing their unsolicited opinions.

[Edensmum]

If people take issue with the way you choose to parent your child, CIO, for instance, I would arrange to always have naptime at home.

Sure seems that some people think they know what's best for a baby and have no problem expressing their unsolicited opinions.

I can agree with this, if it bothers you and you know it bothers them, it will likely work out best then plan nap at home. I can imagine as a grandmother I would find this heartbreaking, so I can see it from both sides. You aren't always going to agree, so if the comments bug you then I would talk to your mom or try to avoid confronting the issues that divide you.

[lizajane]

i would thank them for offering to help by rocking my kid to sleep and then flop onto the couch with a soda and turn on a talk show. ;)

for your sister:
"when you have your own children, you can parent them however you want."

my sister was waaaaaaaaay too smart to question my parenting. she now has her own baby and calls me ALL THE TIME to ask parenting questions. (in a good way! i am happy to help!)

for your mom:
"well, i may have been in a pain in your a$$ when i was a kid, but i was a CHILD. you're are a pain in my a$$ now and you are an adult. What's your excuse?"

[Melanie]

That must have been hard for you to feel judged like that and it sounds like you and your mom may have other commuications issues beyond just parenting choices. . Though I have to agree with the PPers it could have been just too emotionally difficult for them to hear a baby they love cry when they don't support the method. I hope I never have to. I actually can't even stand to hear babies crying ignored/unattended in stores.