'The Ten-Year Nap': Stay-at-Home Mama Drama

[citymama]

I thought this NPR story might be of interest to others. Warning - although this is about a work of fiction, it was somewhat hard for me to listen to, to hear the guilt and regret in the (fictional) woman's story. I think a lot of us can relate, whether we work-outside-the-home (my situation) or SAHM, or whatever.

Fellow moms - we're too hard on ourselves! Makes me even more determined to live by the "no regrets" motto - especially when it comes to parenting.

Listen to the story at: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=88762428

March 24, 2008 · Meg Wolitzer's new novel, The Ten-Year Nap, is the story of a group of women who choose full-time motherhood over promising professional careers — and then find themselves questioning that decision a decade later.

[jerigirl]

Thank you for the link!!! I heard the beginning of this interview yesterday in the car on the way to the vet appt with the dog but had to go in and missed the rest. I didn't think about looking for it online. I have the book on reserve (for when it comes in) at the local library. Now- off to listen.

jeri

[randomkid]

I guess this is one of the benefits of having a child when you are older. I often think of all the things I've done in my career and realize that I would not have done those things if I had children at a younger age. I know I would have been a SAHM and would not have had the opportunities that I had while working FT.

I now work PT and don't feel I have missed out on anything at work. I love spending time with DD on my days off - so much so that my house is always a wreck - and working PT keeps me sane (and out of bankruptcy - lol!).

I guess there are benefits to having a child in your, um...40s(whisper).

[citymama]

I guess there are benefits to having a child in your, um...40s(whisper).
Well, I had my DD in my 30s (still am in my 30s!) but I do feel glad we waited a while and that I was established enough in my career and job that I was able to work out a PT work arrangement that works for me and my employer. I'm a work outside-and-at-home parent (I work 30 hrs a week) and this balance seems right for me. But striking that balance is hard for each one of us, whatever decision we take, don't you think? We really have to be kinder to ourselves about our choices - and not have major regrets 10 years out!

[daisy1234]

Boy this is so timely! My DH had a career change and I went from FT mom to sAHM...I had the working mom guilt ...now I want to work alittle! The grass is always greener! ANyway I am trying to strike a balance....Hoping to find PArtime just to keep my skills current! It is just sooo tough but honestly it is such an individual decision!

[maestramommy]

Thanks for posting the link! It was really interesting to listen to the author's views on her own book, her process in writing it, and her final thoughts about working or not. Interesting in particular because the book isn't really about this vs. that.

[StantonHyde]

What I wouldn't give to have "She lived a balanced life" on my tombstone!!!

Why don't men ever talk about balance? This is such a HUGE mommy issue.

[daisy1234]

Love the tomb stone remark... :) I am in the midlle of listening to this book...interesting so far.

[rlu]

Well, I had my DD in my 30s (still am in my 30s!) but I do feel glad we waited a while and that I was established enough in my career and job that I was able to work out a PT work arrangement that works for me and my employer. I'm a work outside-and-at-home parent (I work 30 hrs a week) and this balance seems right for me. But striking that balance is hard for each one of us, whatever decision we take, don't you think? We really have to be kinder to ourselves about our choices - and not have major regrets 10 years out!

pretty much exactly my situation and my thoughts.

[kcampbell]

While I work PT (2 days=20hours a week) out of the house I am then a SAHM to my two DDs the rest of the time. I thought this was great and usually still do, however sometimes I just feel like I can't do either one really well. There is always more work to be done and more time I am needed at work but I can't do it because of the kids and then of course there is always more stuff at home needing tended to but I don't always get to it either. I have just come to realize there is always going to be a litany of things needing done on all fronts and I will just do the best that I can. That said I always need reminders that my life is great and I am very fortunate for all that I have!

[Puddy73]

Interesting interview! I'm looking forward to reading the book. I especially like how she uses the different characters to show how we all struggle to achieve balance, to have interesting lives, and to have an identity apart from our children, regardless of our work status.

[daisy1234]

Honestly the best part when when she was reminising about her low in child rearing....when her 2 year old ran off after swim class and she had no choice but to run after him naked covered by a towel the size of a dish towel....she had to make the descision....as she ran naked into a lobby full of people to rescue her son from getting onto an elevator in a busy place....do I cover the top or the bottom of my naked body???? When she posed this question after the fact to her friends they all were split between covering the top vs the bottom....then one said....I'd cover my face and run to grab my kid....? possibly the correct answer!!!:)! Now that is a mommy low....that I hope I do not have to experience! :)