Wedding guest WWYD

[drsweetie]

The good news is that DH and I have been invited to a wedding. The bad news is that here are the details:

The ceremony starts at 2:00 p.m.
There is no child care at the church.
The reception starts at 5:30 p.m.
There is no child care at the reception.

Obviously the two big problems are the lack of child care and the long time lag between the ceremony and reception. I do not feel comfortable bringing DD to either of these things because she is only four, but I also can't afford a 5-hour babysitter fee. Any advice for how to handle the logistics here?

Ellen

[Tondi G]

If you want to attend and miss one or the other I would say attend the ceremony and let them know you won't be able to stay for the reception so they won't have to pay for your meals etc. Do you think you would be interested in taking your DD to the reception? Maybe you could get a baby sitter for the ceremony time, then relieve the baby sitter and then take DD to the reception.

Is the wedding local or do you have to travel somewhere? Any chance grandma would like to spend a day with DD?

Good Luck

~Tondi

[trentsmom]

Is the wedding local? And was DD invited to the wedding? If she was invited, I think she would do fine. She might be enthralled to see such a pretty woman in a pretty dress. Sit in the back of the church just in case. If she was not invited, you could go to the wedding and DH could stay home with her. (I know how my DH feels about wedding ceremonies - he would rather just go to the reception.) Then you could go home, relax a bit before the reception, and have the babysitter start then.

[JillSP]

Is the wedding local? And was DD invited to the wedding? If she was invited, I think she would do fine. She might be enthralled to see such a pretty woman in a pretty dress. Sit in the back of the church just in case. If she was not invited, you could go to the wedding and DH could stay home with her. (I know how my DH feels about wedding ceremonies - he would rather just go to the reception.) Then you could go home, relax a bit before the reception, and have the babysitter start then.

:yeahthat:

If you daughter was invited, the couple has assumed the risk of children at the wedding so I'd bring her to the ceremony but sit in back for a quick exit, but only if you think your daughter could handle it (my 3-year-old would love it, my 2-year-old would be a complete disaster). I'd also bring her to the reception if you weren't looking for a late night or couldn't find a sitter.

If she wasn't on the invitation, then I think I'd go to the ceremony alone and get a sitter for just the reception so my husband could join me.

[drsweetie]

DD was not invited. When I asked the bride about the availability of child care during the ceremony, she said that there wasn't going to be any but that DD was welcome to come. However, I don't feel comfortable bringing DD because she's very active and I couldn't trust her to sit still. I think it's going to be a Catholic ceremony with a mass and everything. Thanks for the suggestions so far!

[GeekLady]

If it's going to be a Catholic Mass, call the church and see if they have a kid's room, and if it can be opened for the wedding. Most of the Catholic churches I've been to have glassed in rooms for noisy and/or hyperactive kids, where you can sit with your daughter and still see the wedding. Wealthier parishes run the liturgy inside via television on Sundays.

[wellyes]

Personally, I'd go and get a sitter. And then purchase a more modest wedding gift to compensate for the babysitter time. NOT to punish them - they are not obligated to invite kids or provide childcare. But it's entirely reasonable for you to have a budget for this event and for your family circumstances to impact your spending.

I know for my wedding, I received a couple of obviously inexpensive gifts: photo frame with a picture of us, a bottle of local wine in a pretty basket. I was happy with every gift I received.

[Davids-Coco]

We had a fair number of children at our wedding... I would take her to the reception, knowing that she may burn out after a few hours. But I do think that in general the 3 year olds at ours had a great time at the party.

I do know that the one wedding mass I went to at 13 was hard to sit through. I'm not sure a 3 year old would do that. ;)

[geochick]

Who is getting married? A friend of yours or a friend of dh? If it's your friend, I'd take the whole family to the ceremony, then send dh home with dd. Stay and have fun at the reception with your friend. Flip it around if it's dh's friend.

[Gena]

We went to a similar type of wedding a little while back when Hubby's cousin got married. We took DS to the ceremony, which was a Catholic mass. DS did great. We brought a couple of books a couple of quiet toys and he was fine. But DS goes to mass with me regularly, so he knows the rules for being in church. After the ceremony, we went back to our hotel for the down-time. In the evening Hubby went to the reception while DS and I stayed at the hotel and went swimming. Hubby had a good time catching up with relatives he doesn't see often.

The lag time between the ceremony and the reception is very common with Catholic weddings. The time that the church is available and the time the reception hall is available are often at odds.

[Percycat]

You know the limits of your daughter best, but if the bride told you your daughter was welcome and you and your husband would like to attend the ceremony, I would bring your daughter and sit near an isle in the back so your daughter can see and will be less disruptive to other guest. I would also pack a variety of things to occupy her. My children (5 and 3) have been coming to our Sunday church services since they were 2. For my 3 year old, I bring a small dish of snack (e.g. cherrios) and a little bag that has her doll (books and magna doodle are also good toys). About 10 minutes into the service (after offering), I give her the doll. Later (during the sermon), I let her have the cherrios. I point also point out things that are happening or going to happen in the service to redirect her attention. My daughter has been to 2 weddings and really enjoyed them. She loved seeing all of the princesses. : ) ... of course, plan your seating so you or your husband can leave if necessary.