Why is your child blowing out my kid's birthday candles?

[MMMommy]

I think the title says it all. Let me set up the scene. It was DD2's 3rd birthday party with all her friends and family. Birthday cake time. Lights are dimmed, candles are lit. After the "Happy Birthday" song is over, it's time for DD2 to blow out the candles. She blows out one, but with some difficulty. She is still trying though. Meanwhile, another mother holds her daughter and urges her to "help" my daughter blow out her candles. Her daughter blows out all the candles while my daughter is still trying to blow them out. The mother is literally holding the daughter and has her daughter's face right in front of the cake blowing out the candles. I was so annoyed. I don't blame the kid, just the pushy mom. Is it unreasonable of me to be annoyed?

[niccig]

No way. I would have been po'ed and then relit the candles. My DS often wants to blow out candles on cakes and I stop him, explaining that it's not birthday. The mum was out of line.

[KBecks]

She was out of line. I'm sorry this happened.

[salsah]

no, that was not considerate of her at all. i hope your dd was not too upset.

i let dd "help" me blow out the candles on my birthday cake but i explain to her that most people like to blow out their own candles and she shouldn't help unless the birthday girl/boy requests her help.

[lisams]

That would be annoying, especially since your DD was trying. I wouldn't have been able to think of a come back at the moment because it's one of those things where you think "what is happening here?" I mean, what do you say, "OK, let's relight them so the BIRTHDAY girl can blow out her BIRTHDAY candles!" Geez.

[elliput]

I am guessing that this woman rains on everyone's parade, and she is in desperate need of some social clues. Maybe you will have a chance to return the candle blowing favor in some manner? :wink2:

[jal]

She was out of line. I'm sorry this happened.
Ditto...

And your title did not say it all. I initially assumed we were talking about kids getting excited and trying to "help" on their own. That's just kids being kids.

But for another mother (even if it was family!!!) encouraging her child to blow someone elses candles out... WAAAYYYYYY OUT OF LINE.

[scoop22]

i read your post at lunch today and thought what a bummer for you and your dd... so then i got to pick up ds at the babysitter and it was one of the boys b-days. they had cupcakes and they sang and he was to blow out his candles. the babysitter said it looks like it was my sons b-day b/c he was blowing out the candles. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.. this is what we talk about. it's not your b-day it's not your turn to blow candles out. i was so sad. she said they lit the candles several times so all the boys could have a turn..

i am so sorry!!!!!!!!!!

[MMMommy]

Thanks for your words of support! DH very loudly kept instructing DD2 to blow out her candles, hoping the other mother would get the hint. That's the first time we ever met the other mother, and our impression is not a good one.

[Edensmum]

Wow that would bug me too. How clueless of her.

[elizabethkott]

Do you need me to drive out there and kick some little 3yo butt?
'Cause I'll do it. :D
That mom was WAAAAAAY out of line. I'd be a bit more than miffed. Especially if that's the first time you've met the woman.
I'm fuming for you!!!

[DrSally]

I would be annoyed too. It's one thing if a kid gets there before the parent can restrain him/her, in that case, I would relight the candles...but to have the parent tell the child to do it? How insensitive!

[hellokitty]

That really sucks. I would be honest and tell her that your child was upset that her child was trying to blow out her candles. If she gets pissy that your child (who has the right to be upset), was not happy about it, then it's her problem. She should know that it's just not ok to do stuff like that and worse yet imagine if her child thinks this is ok and goes from party to party doing this??? :dizzy:

[Kungjo]

I would have been blunt about it and said, "Let her blow out her own candles by herself." If the other mom gets pissy, then she can leave. I wouldn't have cared. It would have really annoyed me.

I had a friend that I've since lost touch with since she moved away. One Christmas, we met at a restaurant with another couple and we all exchanged Christmas presents. Friend's DS ripped open all his and proceeded to try and open my DD's for her as well. He was 4 and she was 1 1/2 at the time. My friend just looked on and said, "Go ahead John, help her open her presents." He would have opened it in 2 seconds flat and DD wouldn't have gotten the chance so I gently took the present away and thanked him, but said that DD wanted to open her own. He didn't know he did anything wrong and went to "help" another friend's DC. My friend heard what I said but didn't say anything.

[saschalicks]

I cannot imagine ever letting my kids do that to another kid. I'd be mortified if they did it w/out me pushing them into it. The only time the boys are allowed to help is at family members b-day parties. Like my parents and brothers. Otherwise, it's not your birthday you don't blow out the candles.

I would've been just as annoyed.

[kozachka]

I would have been :32: at the mom. She was way out of line.

[Melanie]

Because I didn't see her until I looked at my photos since I was too busy taking photos of your child for you. Oh wait, you weren't actually asking ME? LOL. ;)

And yes, I feel badly. Luckily the birthday girl didn't notice as she was blowing them out at the same time.

I do think that mom was totally out of line. Could it have been a cultural difference b/c I can't imagine ever doing that! I think I'd have re-lite them and said, "Thanks for the help Little Jane. Now it's Birthday Girl's turn to blow them out herself."

[StantonHyde]

Even when it is family and I don't mind if the cousins help with the wrapping paper, my SIL saysm to my niece, "No, that is Ben/Cate's present. Let them open it". That's just common courtesy.

Pushy kids spitting on somebody else's cake at 3--it happens. They don't have impulse control. Mothers, however, DO. What was she THINKING??

[trales]

I am always amazed at what people think they can get away with if they put the word help in front, somehow that makes them feel like doing it for you is okay.

[gatorsmom]

I am always amazed at what people think they can get away with if they put the word help in front, somehow that makes them feel like doing it for you is okay.

I almost LOL at this. It's so true. Just like people think they can say the meanest stuff about other people if they prefice their comment with, "Don't get me wrong, I love her like a sister but..." Somehow that makes it alright to bash another person.