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View Full Version : I need to vent about dh



elaineandmichaelsmommy
04-01-2008, 01:39 AM
Dh had the last week off to spend with the family since dd was on spring break. Can I just say I'm SO glad he went back to work today. He was driving me crazy. I've also noticed that his patience is quite limited when it comes to the dc. We went to a local farm that's open to visitors for the day and dh did a lot of yelling and the dc. By yelling I mean-most of the time using the daddy voice or shouting their names. Being terse with them and impatient. I'm sorry but I think we would have had a better time without him. After awhile I had to pull him aside and tell him to lighten up. That he was being a jerk and noone was enjoying themselves. It seemed to help some, but then I got the whole thing of .. Well,I'm tired. It's wet her. whine whine whine! Oh, so I guess that gives you the right to talk to the dc like that. Grrrrr!

Tonight we get into a discussion about ds's telivision watching,and how it needs to be rationed becuase of his speech delays and that he needs to read to whenever possible and played with as often as we can. We let him watch 30 minutes of teletubbies at the end of the day today. I took ds upstairs to get dh who after 20 minutes was still "tucking in" dd. This after her teacher told me today that dd came into class this morning and promptly unrolled a mat and took a nap and not to send her to school again when she was that sleepy. So I have to be the bad guy again and go tell to come downstairs, why do I have to do this? Why does he drag it out. I've told him bedtime is no later than 8:30. Why does he drag out the bedtime routine with her when ds is downstairs waiting for him with baited breath for stories?

So I go upstairs and give dh ds and then give dd 5 minutes of cuddles. What do I come downstairs to find? Ds watching the freaking tv again and dh reading a book by himself !!:banghead: What am I doing here. Am I talking to the wind? Did I not tell dh just yesterday about the evalutation we were going to be going to and that ds was definatly behind. AAARRGH!

So then I read ds 3 books and after we were done ds want dh to read the monster at the end of this book to him. So ds is good for a couple of pages and gets squirmy, so dh says "see, he wont stay for it. He's kicking me..whine whine whine" And I'm thinking-"just shut the He)) up and read to your son A$$&@)^!"

He was never like this with dd, I don't get it. But I'm sure getting tired of all this and it's really getting old fast.

Add to that that I was trying to talk to him about this after the dc were both in bed and he fell asleep while I was talking to him. He's lucky I didn't resort physically. God, I really don't like him when he's like this. Still love the jerk though.

Ah, marriage.

AddiesMom
04-01-2008, 07:52 AM
I have no clue what to say but I just want to give <hugs> and just say hang in there! Definitely you need to have a talk with him, hopefully he won't fall asleep next time!

lizajane
04-01-2008, 09:24 AM
it is the 2nd kid thing. having one kid is tiring, but when one of you takes over, the other one is "off." with two kids, if one of you has one, the other one is with the other parent. you don't get to be "off." we have major issues with the whole time off thing at our house. weekends are a real nightmare sometimes. DH will go running or cycling for 3 hours in the morning, come home and play with DSs for a few hours, and then insist that he MUST have a nap and a break and some time... um, you had it. 3 hours this morning. when does my 3 hours start?

i also find that when i tell DH that something needs to happen, it is in one ear and out the other. but when i discuss with DH some current issues and ask him how HE wants to resolve them, we can sometimes actually get something done. instead of, "we need to read to DS because of his speech concerns and not let him watch TV." try, "i spoke with the speech therapist today and s/he had some concerns about TV watching. do you think we could find a way to turn off the tv more often? i was thinking that we could try to read to him more, what do you think? s/he said that would be a good thing. what sort of system do you think would work for us to do more reading and when during the day?"

supercalifragilous
04-01-2008, 01:04 PM
DH will go running or cycling for 3 hours in the morning, come home and play with DSs for a few hours, and then insist that he MUST have a nap and a break and some time... um, you had it. 3 hours this morning. when does my 3 hours start?

Oh you don't know how many times I hear this from girlfriends!!! I was just complaining to my BF about the double-standard where husbands go out and just assume the wifey is going to stay with the kids, but when mommy wants to go out for a mom's night out, we have to find a babysitter. WTH?


i also find that when i tell DH that something needs to happen, it is in one ear and out the other. but when i discuss with DH some current issues and ask him how HE wants to resolve them, we can sometimes actually get something done.

:D This totally reminded me of that scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding where they had to manipulate dad into thinking it was his idea for Toula to work at the travel agency. Lainie Kazan was hilarious!

saschalicks
04-01-2008, 06:09 PM
I'm really sorry you are going through this. One thing I notice w/DH is when I talk to him about it way later it's more effective. Like "you know the other day when were at the zoo you were the biggest baby there. I can't be with you when you are like that. Do you want your kids to remember you that way? Do you want your kids to think of their dad as the one who yelled and never had a good time?" It really hits home you ask how you want the children to perceive them.

I think lizajane is right though you need bring him into figuring out the solutions. That alwasy works for me.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. GL!

niccig
04-01-2008, 07:15 PM
DH and I have had issues with similar things. Not so much about DS, but about things that have to be done around the house. We ended up having a few fights over it. He told me that I talk to him like a child telling him what to do. I told him if he stopped acting like one and got in and did things when he said he would, then I wouldn't have to nag. As you can understand, not the best of discussions.

We did talk about it later, and I stressed that I didn't feel like we were a team and that with so much to do, we have to work together. I wouldn't advise calling your DH a child, but maybe if you approach it as we need to be a team, and work out solutions together, they will happen. And if they don't, you can say that things aren't working, how can WE change that? It's working somewhat for us. DH is making phone calls for house things and he's stayed on top of the laundry - 2 of our main problem areas. In return, I'm getting more organized with the meals and getting up-to-date with our files. So, some progress at communicating as a team.

C99
04-02-2008, 12:15 AM
DH will go running or cycling for 3 hours in the morning, come home and play with DSs for a few hours, and then insist that he MUST have a nap and a break and some time... um, you had it. 3 hours this morning. when does my 3 hours start?

If we do something as a family on a weekend day and I need some time, I usually just approach it by asking him if he wants an hour to himself in the afternoon, and when he is done, I can have some time to myself (usually out of the house). This approach seems to work well because DH feels he got some time to himself and then he gets their kids at their crankiest while I get some time to myself (although it's usually sitting at Starbucks editing or shopping).

s7714
04-02-2008, 12:47 AM
I so hear you on it being easier to go places without DH sometimes! My DH threw a similar pouty fit while waiting in line to see the princesses at Disney on DD's birthday. Granted it was a two hour wait moving at slower than a snails pace, but it was her birthday and she really wanted to meet the princesses. I felt like slapping him upside the head and telling him "we're not here for YOU, dumba**!" He pulled the "I'm just tired" line for the rest of the afternoon too. :rolleye0014:

kozachka
04-02-2008, 09:33 AM
we have major issues with the whole time off thing at our house. weekends are a real nightmare sometimes. DH will go running or cycling for 3 hours in the morning, come home and play with DSs for a few hours, and then insist that he MUST have a nap and a break and some time... um, you had it. 3 hours this morning. when does my 3 hours start?


:yeahthat: You are so not alone :hug:

MontrealMum
04-02-2008, 12:07 PM
:yeahthat: You are so not alone :hug:

Same here. I sometimes (in my more childish moments) remind DH that I have 30 pounds to lose because I bore him a child. He has *whatever* to lose because he had too many whippets and ice cream...for the 10 years leading up to the birth of DS! And just because you chose to flog yourself into the ground exercising during your *free* time, doesn't mean you get a nap during MY free time. Argh!!! I feel your pain :( I totally agree that sometimes it's just easier to manage DS on my own, because with DH it's like having TWO children sometimes!