The Joneses Never Cease To Amaze Me

[elizabethkott]

UPDATED!!! Go to page 2 for the latest and greatest Jones Adventure!


A local wine store hosts a HUGE, FREE tasting event twice a year. Today is one of those events (YIPPIE!!!!!). DH and I decided to invite some of our friends out for the tasting as well as dinner afterward to celebrate his birthday, which was in March.
Mr. Jones replies to the initial email (three weeks ago), "Great! We can celebrate Mrs. Jones' birthday as well since it's that week!"
Um, ok. From the Jones Book Of Etiquette, this is not such a major social transgression compared to previous experiences.
So during the course of this week, we are finalizing plans via email. DH is doing most of the work (I know, I'm a poor birthday planner!). So for dinner, it is now us, the Joneses, another mutual friend couple, and "Mrs. Jones' Plus Four". I don't know who the plus four are, but whatever. It's her birthday too, right?
Now, if you are going out to dinner with two other couples, along with your "plus four", what would naturally occur to you to do for your 8 month old child?
If the answer is, "secure a babysitter", you are NOT the Joneses!!!!!
That's right, folks. DH just got off the phone with Mr. Jones. They do NOT have a babysitter for tonight! Apparently, Mrs. Jones "assumed" her parents would be at her beck and call, and neglected to actually ASK them if they were available to babysit! Surprise! They have lives too! AND PLANS!!!
The obvious intent of the phone call was to see if they could wheedle their way into having our babysitter do double duty. Which she is willing to do (DH called and asked).
Sigh.
So now we are going out to dinner, as planned, sans babies.
How they haven't left Babyjones' car seat on the roof of the car yet baffles me.
Discuss.

[elephantmeg]

oooh! A Jones story!!!!!!!!!!!!! They do continue to baffle the daylights out of me. Do update us and tell us how it went, and how her plus 4 turned into plus 8 and you were expected to pick up the tab for everyone...

[KBecks]

I want to know if they paid extra for the sitter who was doing double duty, and thanked you profusely for 1) planning the evening and 2) saving their @sses.

[niccig]

Babysitters charge more for 2 kids, make sure that the is split between the 2 families, otherwise you'll be paying the extra. Mention it when they drop the baby off - the babysitter charges $12 for 2 kids, so that will be $6 an hour for EACH of us. And then make sure you collect! Sounds like they'll try to wheddle out of the babysitting and the dinner money knowing the Joneses.

[elizabethkott]

Oh, no. We are having them pay her what we pay her an hour, which is $12 on weekends (yay Long Island prices!).
Tonight should be... interesting. I hope to be in an alcohol-induced haze for most of it. :D

[casey0729]

Liz,

Promise me you'll get nice and drunk and say something totally inappropriate to Mrs. Jones. Well we'd think it was appropriate, just unwelcome in her eyes.

Hope you can afford paying for dinner!! :hysterical:

[bubbaray]

Liz,

Promise me you'll get nice and drunk and say something totally inappropriate to Mrs. Jones. Well we'd think it was appropriate, just unwelcome in her eyes.

Hope you can afford paying for dinner!! :hysterical:


:yeahthat:

:)

[MontrealMum]

Now, I'm sure you've bought Mrs. Jones a fabulous present too, right? ;)

[ha98ed14]

Now, I'm sure you've bought Mrs. Jones a fabulous present too, right? ;)

I think the book "Etiquette for Dummies" or even "Parenting for Dummies" would be entirely appropriate!

[KBecks]

Oh, I also want to know who gets tanked on free wine. If it's you Liz, I expect you to 'fess up too!

[kransden]

I am just dying to know how the evening turned out, and how the bill was split.

[elizabethkott]

Just got in.
Partially too un-sober to fully disclose the entire events of the evening in a coherent way for the non-un-sober to fully appreciate...
Will be back in the morning to update.
I'm off to take a gagillion advil and drink massive quantities of water...
Wine Tasting: one.
Liz: Zero.
Which, in reality, is a win/win situation all around, yes?

[pinkmomagain]

[(yay Long Island prices!]

Oooooooh - did not realize that the setting is Long Island....I'm here too -- but definitely NOT Mrs. Jones!

[Melanie]

I think an Emily Post book would have been a fantastic gift! LOL!

[elizabethkott]

Okie Dokie. Here we go.

So we go to the wine tasting. Lovely. Mr. and Mrs. Jones are late (surprise!). First words out of her mouth:
"Did you hear about X? She got engaged!"
Yes, I did. L told me.
"oh."

BabyJones is not with them. Mrs. Jones managed to get her mother to babysit for the duration of the wine tasting. I managed to keep my distance from Mrs. Jones for the majority of the tasting as I was trying to get to know DH's friend's fiancee... she is LOVELY, and I want her to move in to Mrs. Jones' house and be my new best friend rather than have to deal with this horror show. I bet she would fix the blue vomit color in the kitchen. I digress.
It comes time for us to leave (6pm), as we have a 6:30 reservation in a town 15 minutes away by car, and still have to get back to our house to let Mr. and Mrs. Jones give our babysitter instructions for the BabyJones.
THIS is when Mr. and Mrs. Jones decide to get on the LOOOOOOONG line to purchase their wine.
Sigh.
6:20. We finally get them out of the store. We head to our house, they to Mrs. Jones' mother's to fetch BabyJones.
6:25. We arrive at our house.
6:30. DH calls the restaurant and lets them know we are running a touch late. No problem.
6:40. Mr. and Mrs. Jones arrive with BabyJones. While waiting for their arrival, I have managed to: frisbee the dog, feed the dog, feed the cat, clean out the litter box, put in a load of laundry, brush my hair, change my shoes, freshen my makeup and pee. OH, and dig out and set up OUR pack and play for THEIR child.
We now wait for them to give our babysitter instructions.
6:50. We leave.
7:10. We arrive at the restaurant. Note the time. Mr. Jones drives like my grandmother on valium.
We are seated, given menus. Much to my delight, everyone seems happy with the selection of restaurant DH and I made.
Mr. Jones suggests we all order mixed drinks to start. We do.
He then orders not one, but TWO DIFFERENT bottles of wine to go with dinner. Not the cheap stuff, either.
See, this is Mr. Jones' favorite thing to do when out to dinner with a bunch of people. He knows full well that among our group of friends, we simply split the bill rather than divide up who had what... and he uses this to his advantage by ordering the most expensive things on the menu. Well, this time, the rest of us followed suit. Screw you, Joneses!!! Bwahahahhaha! We're not going to take it anymore! You order an appetizer? So do we all!!! You want desert?! So does everyone! WITH COFFEE!!!
So Mrs. Jones is being particularly uppity this evening. Like picking fights with Mr. Jones at the dinner table. In front of everyone. I find out later that it's because she's angry he has to go out of town for a couple of days on business. Like, has no choice BUT to go. Now why anyone would deliberately want to ruin their own night out that's supposed to be jointly celebrating their birthday is beyond me. But then, I'm no Mrs. Jones.
So we are getting to the end of the evening.
Mrs Jones:
"So how much extra does your sitter charge for another child? Is it something like $2?"
OH NO SHE DI'N'T. This crazy woman actually thinks that she's going to be paying $8 for the four hours we've been out?! At this point, I kick DH under the table. HARD.
He interjects and informs Mrs. Jones that he told Mr. Jones this afternoon that they would be paying the sitter exactly what we are paying her, $12 an hour, and that Mr. Jones agreed to it.
Mrs. Jones now at least has something to sulk about.
Soooooo sorry that you didn't have the common sense to hire your own dang babysitter, or the intelligence to ASK your parents if they were 1) available to sit or 2) would LIKE to do you the favor.
Soooooo sorry that your little order-the-highest-priced-item-on-the-menu scam seems to have backfired HARD.
Soooooo sorry that Mr. Jones has to go out of town for his JOB. Remember what one of those is? That thing that, I don't know, PAYS FOR THINGS?!
Soooooo sorry.
Happy birthday, Mrs. Jones! May the world continue to revolve around you for another blissfully ignorant year!
:D

[mama2g03]

One word. Sweeeet.

[Drag0nflygirl]

:47:
Usualy your posts about her read as though you are able to step outside of the situation and just laugh at her. This one reads a bit more like you're totally fed up (still laughing, but fed up), and rightly so! You are a saintly person to put up with her - but of course it was damn fun to read about!

[maestramommy]

You know, Mrs. Jones is a piece of work, but Mr. Jones is no treat either, esp. with that scam at group dinners. Does your Dh like him that much?

[Melanie]

Oh MAN! I hope you enjoyed your wine, appetizers, dessert and coffee though. LOL. And happy birthday to Mr. Kott!