DN is a hood ornament don't you know......

[HIU8]

I am so peeved at sis and BIL right now. I don't know why/how they don't get it. DN is 2 this week and she is very cute, somewhat delayed, but she is really trying to catch up. Sis and BIL offer very little stimulation. There is no place to move around in their house (we suspect BIL has a hoarding disorder-and yes, we have discussed ways to help him, but he doesn't believe he has a problem). DN seems to come after their jobs and each other. She doesn't get picked up from daycare until 6:30 at which time sis takes her grocery shopping. She eats dinner between 9 and 10 and gets to bed between 11 and midnight. However, that is not my peeve at the moment. I convinced them to keep DN RF in her carseat (a Britax b/c BIL doesn't want to have to purchase multiple carseats for her as it is a waste of $$). She is 30 lbs and they have no intention of watching it so they can turn her FF when she reaches 33 lbs and the RF limit on her BLVD. I told sis that this weekend when they come over for Passover (they only live 15 minutes away) that we would turn the carseat FF so they would not have to worry about it (otherwise they would leave her RF until she outgrows the seat). Sis is annoyed and says she doesn't want to bother. Yup sis, the same way you have kept the harness twisted for the past 6 months and not let me fix it. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I'm sorry that DN's safety is more important to me than to you! I can let many things be, but not this. This weekend DN WILL HAVE HER CARSEAT TURNED AROUND AND INSTALLED CORRECTLY BY ME OR DH! There, I said it and I feel better. Hopefully sis and BIL will be receptive....

[mom2binsd]

Wow...sounds like a lot going on and thank goodness you are there to keep a watch...at least she's still RF...so many turn them way too soon..and maybe she'll hover around 30 pounds for a long time (mine was 30 for about 6 months). Doesn't it just make you sad when you see parents doing things like this...

Good luck!

[HIU8]

What makes me sad is seeing DN not get opportunities that she should get and not being treated how (I think) an innocent child should be treated. Don't get me wrong--they are not abusing her in any way. They just don't put her at the top of their list of priorities for anything.

[ShanaMama]

They just don't put her at the top of their list of priorities for anything.

This would make me sad, too. I know different ppl have different parenting styles and I really try not to be judgemental but I just can't understand ppl who don't make their kids a priority. Your DN is lucky to have you. If only sis & BIL would agree....

[vludmilla]

Wow. I can hardly believe that they put her to bed between 11 and midnight. When the heck does she wake up in the morning? 2 year olds need about 11 hours of sleep per night. She must be sleep deprived. Sleep is really key to learning (it is the time when our brains consolidate much of the learning "gains" made during the day, without sufficient sleep, this consolidation, if you will, can't happen as it should). It sounds like your sister and BIL are overwhelmed and not very efficient. There is NO reason to go grocery shopping on a daily basis after work and if they just went home then they would have more time to eat and do a night time routine sooner. It sounds like they need help. Is their DD eligible for early intervention? Sometimes the EI therapists who come to the home help address some of these parenting issues.

Anyway, I'm so sorry that you have to witness this...

[kijip]

My BIL has a hoarding disorder too. He actually keeps things like 10 year old college book store receipts because he remembers buying the textbooks. I think I would be very, very sad if he had a child right now. Anyway you can babysit often enough to offset some of the neglect? I have found first hand that neglected kids bloom with a little attention if helped young...a few weeks of reading aloud daily and my speech delayed niece was talking more. Her parents consider it dorky to read to their kids and my husband was actually called "gay" because he reads to Toby (?!). Sad, but it is amazing what 1 positive adult can do even on just a few hours a week to help.

[HIU8]

They won't allow anyone in their house. Truth is, you can barely walk in. Anyone who came in would most likely report them (and yes, I have thought about doing this). My sister has a masters in Special Education specializing in Learning Disabilities--however,she cannot see that her own child needs help. DN just learned to talk a few months ago. She doesn't respond when you call her name (she never has and I know my ped said a child should respond to their name by 12 months). She claws and grunts and groans a lot also. It's getting better now since she learned to talk, but she is very rough still and doesn't get boundries (of course, her parents haven't given her any....)

[ShanaMama]

I'm feeling worse the more you describe the situation. I agree that EI would probably bring in social workers. If the mom doesn't see that the child needs EI or they are afraid to have anyone come into the house... those social workers aren't going to be much help. It's so hard to see a child in this situation and know your hands are basically tied.

[boolady]

Wow. I can hardly believe that they put her to bed between 11 and midnight. When the heck does she wake up in the morning? 2 year olds need about 11 hours of sleep per night. She must be sleep deprived. Sleep is really key to learning (it is the time when our brains consolidate much of the learning "gains" made during the day, without sufficient sleep, this consolidation, if you will, can't happen as it should).

This was the first thing I thought of when I read this...sleep's too important. We know as adults how we can't concentrate when tired; she must be too exhausted to even see straight.

[HIU8]

They went to buy a new car about 6 months ago. They were at our house for a lunch thing. They asked if DN could stay until they returned in a few hours. Sure, no problem. They showed up 9 hours later at 11 pm. They didn't even have the car, it had to be ordered. They mentioned something about paperwork to fill out--NOT 9 HOURS WORTH! We found out later that they took themselves out to dinner and did other errands also. I had put DN to bed when DS and DD went to bed (she and DS had a slumber party in DS room). They showed up and wanted to wake DN up to take her home. DH and I were livid. We prefered they let her stay and sleep, but alas, she is not our child, so.......

Sister knows that without DH and I she would be stuck. Both she and BIL work and both work over 1 hour away from home (with traffic). Plus, both she and BIL have multiple business trips and they can coincide. DN is staying with us for 4 days in May because of this (this happens about 2-3 times a year). This is not including times when sis calls me b/c neither she nor BIL will make it to DN daycare to get her by 6:30 (they charge by the minute after that). I go to pick her up b/c DS loves playing with her so much and she really likes to be at our house. If I wasn't so concerned about DN I would stick it to sis and BIL (but I just can't do that).

DH keeps saying that we shouldn't have a 3rd b/c DN is our 3rd.....