If you convinced your dh to not circ...

[s_gosney]

Can you share what worked? DH and I have talked very little about this issue because we disagree and have a lot of school stress so have a hard time discussing without fighting. Anyway, DH's reason is that circ is "cleaner"...he's much more of a germaphobe type than I am and generally speaking he's a go with the flow/what worked for me as a kid type while I am the researcher, etc, so it's easy for me to overwhelm him with information. So I'm looking for one or two easy sources for him to look at that will hopefully do the trick without a huge battle. I know there's tons of info out there, but I'm looking for targeted recs on what worked for you.

TIA!

Sherri
dd 10/03
ds edd 05/08

[o_mom]

I told DH that I felt very strongly about it and asked him to look into it so we could discuss it. He read the AAP statement that it is not necessary and basically said "Why would we have cosmetic surgery on a newborn?".

Specifically, on your husband's concern about cleanliness It is not exactly hygenic to have an open surgical wound sitting in feces while it heals. For an infant, there is no extra cleaning required - you just wipe the outside off like a finger. When he is older he can rinse himself in the shower. This AAP guide had some good information on cleaning: http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/

Feel free to PM me!

[pastrygirl]

I cried a lot... ;)

I made him watch the Penn & Teller Bullsh!t episode on circ (it was available on YouTube once upon a time). But mostly it was my very strong opinion against his not-as-strong opinion, and he said for that reason we would do what I wanted.

[ThreeofUs]

I'm not going to say I convinced DH, because we were both ambivalent. I was ambivalent-leaning-heavily-no, DH was ambivalent period - he had feelings on both sides.

A talk with our pediatrician helped focus us on why such a thing might be done - and the sheer lack of necessity from our ped's point of view.

After that, the best reason DH could come up with was social pressure, and I'm afraid I was not nice about telling him what I thought of bowing to such a reason. :( Bad on me, because he's an awesome DH... but it did bring him more into the "well, why should we, then?" camp.

[SnuggleBuggles]

If my dh were circ'ed and favored it for our ds then I would probably mention that he has nothing to compare it to so how does he really know what the care and maintenance would be like? He should trust people who have an intact penis and know what the actual work involved is (minimal :)).

Remind him that germs aren't a bad thing either usually.

Beth

[JBaxter]

Have him watch the video on how they circ a little boy. I have 3 boys that are circ'd and if this one is a boy it will not be. I also told him he he could watch the whole circ video then he had to hold the baby while they did it. He said he trusts my research.

** I would never sign papers to allow another circ in the hospital and know dh would have no idea on how to go about finding a doc to circ a baby aftwards.

[brittone2]

I told DH that I felt very strongly about it and asked him to look into it so we could discuss it. He read the AAP statement that it is not necessary and basically said "Why would we have cosmetic surgery on a newborn?".

Specifically, on your husband's concern about cleanliness It is not exactly hygenic to have an open surgical wound sitting in feces while it heals. For an infant, there is no extra cleaning required - you just wipe the outside off like a finger. When he is older he can rinse himself in the shower. This AAP guide had some good information on cleaning: http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/

Feel free to PM me!

This is about how it went for us. I actually considered circing for a while, and then read enough that convinced me it was essentially a cosmetic procedure. I wasn't comfortable with societal pressures being enough, as I felt that I couldn't predict where my child's life would lead him. We lived in an area that still circ'd quite a bit, and now I live in an area of the country where it is pretty evenly split. If my DS moved to Europe as an adult, he'd be in the minority if he was circ'd. I just didn't feel prepared to guess where his life would lead him and to perform a cosmetic procedure on him in an attempt to have him "fit in" when I didn't even know where he'd be living, etc.

In terms of cleanliness, in the back of my mind, this was a concern. In fact, in retrospect, I seriously cannot believe how much thought I devoted to it LOL. I was still thinking it *might* smell, it *might* be hard to clean, etc. Ummmm...DS is 4 and it is seriously no more difficult than washing his big toe or his nose ;) It really is a non issue. Girls have all sorts of folds, creases, etc. and we assume they'll be able to figure out how to keep themselves adequately clean without any issue. We should afford the same respect for our DSs IMO. It truly, truly is a non issue.

When we were at the hospital after giving birth to DS, before we were discharged a nurse came around with a "circ care" packet (info on taking care of the circ, dressing, etc). We told her DS was intact. She gave us a high-five, and came back with another packet for intact boys that said...soap and water occasionally just like any other body part. Do not retract until they retract themselves, etc.

We've never had any issues w/ poop getting in there and smegma (not an issue until they hit puberty) is really no different than the secretions females have. The occasional swish swish in the shower or tub takes care of whatever needs taken care of.

Honestly, as the above poster said, poop near an open wound is a far bigger risk germ-wise, as are the risks of something like MRSA from any kind of wound, especially in a hospital setting. (eta: and we all know MRSA has been reported on widely in the media. Maybe bring this up to him? )

I lost sleep over this issue and look back and laugh at it now. I'm so glad we didn't circ, and caring for DS's intact penis has been literally as easy as taking care of his big toe. I'm not kidding ;)

ETA: from a germaphobe perspective, an intact penis and its natural lubrication don't contain any sort of "bad" germ. If he's just afraid of poop getting in there, well, it is pretty unlikely IME . You can get a little on the end of a circ'd or intact penis, but beyond that we've never had any issues there (and again, no harder to clean than a circ'd penis if a little poop gets in that general direction. It also is not a common occurrence around here at *all*.
I'd just ask him for his very specific concerns, and very specifically target those concerns w/ information.

[Melanie]

I had him watch the video of one being done, maybe sent him a link to a page that disspelled the myths and then pointed out that God made him that way so who are we to tell God that we know better?

That about did it.

[karstmama]

this area of the country used to be heavily circed. now we have a large latino population (and medicaid's not paying anymore), so according to hospitals it's about 50/50.

and my daddy's intact, so i plan on telling ds he's 'just like granddaddy!' :D

seriously, maybe make a deal with hubby that he needs to research, he needs to watch videos, and if he'll *go in & watch while it's happening* you'll consider it. if the best he can come up with is 'so he'll look like me' tell him not good enough.

[jk3]

Seeing one video seems like a ridiculously small sample. Neither of my boys cried during the procedure so I'd be happy to send out a tape of their experience. If my DH had an opionion either way, I'd let him decide since this is an area he definitely knows more about. Fortunately we had no need for any type of debate because it's a religious matter.

[o_mom]

Seeing one video seems like a ridiculously small sample. Neither of my boys cried during the procedure so I'd be happy to send out a tape of their experience. If my DH had an opionion either way, I'd let him decide since this is an area he definitely knows more about. Fortunately we had no need for any type of debate because it's a religious matter.

Most L&D nurses will tell you that the videos are pretty realistic, especially when no anesthetic is used (more than 50% are done with nothing more than sugar water). A person who does not have intact genitals does have any more information about it. If my DH were colorblind I certainly wouldn't let him pick out paint.

[tnrnchick74]

I have assisted with hundreds, if not thousands, of circs as a NICU nurse. Of the circs I have assisted with most MDs used some sort of pain relief: penile block, EMLA creame and 25% dextrose solution. In my experience, the act of strapping them to the circ board and the cold betadine solution is the part they scream at. Especially when a penile block is used, they don't acknowledge when the "cutting" begins. I do not think that a medicated circ using some sort of pain relief is traumatic. Without pain meds, yes I believe the baby experiences pain.

I am supportive of any decision a parent makes for their son. I am going to have my son circ'd and I will insist and ensure that some sort of pain relief is used - penile block, EMLA, and dextrose "toot sweet".

ETA: sucrose solutions are a VERY effective form of pain relief for short term pain in neonates. It actually produces an endorphic release that has been studied to have VERY similar effects as opiods. Do not downplay this very effective pain relief adjunct for neonatal pain.

Here is jsut a small SAMPLING of the studies done:
http://www.pjms.com.pk/issues/octdec207/article/article12.html
http://clinicalevidence.bmj.com/ceweb/conditions/chd/0313/0313-get.pdf
http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1651-2227.1997.tb08607.x

[jk3]

Most L&D nurses will tell you that the videos are pretty realistic, especially when no anesthetic is used (more than 50% are done with nothing more than sugar water). A person who does not have intact genitals does have any more information about it. If my DH were colorblind I certainly wouldn't let him pick out paint.


No anestethics were used. Neither of the boys cried or had any visible signs of distress. I just find it SO bizarre that people (women) take such a holier than thou attitude about this and spew their negative opinions on the topic so freely. These opinions are not always accurate and are usually inflammatory and offend other moms. Just a different opinion to consider...

[o_mom]

No anestethics were used. Neither of the boys cried or had any visible signs of distress. I just find it SO bizarre that people (women) take such a holier than thou attitude about this and spew their negative opinions on the topic so freely. These opinions are not always accurate and are usually inflammatory and offend other moms. Just a different opinion to consider...

Fine. Your boys had that experience. Many others do not. You have no way of knowing ahead of time which experience your son will get.

[Melanie]

Seeing one video seems like a ridiculously small sample. Neither of my boys cried during the procedure so I'd be happy to send out a tape of their experience. If my DH had an opionion either way, I'd let him decide since this is an area he definitely knows more about. Fortunately we had no need for any type of debate because it's a religious matter.

She's not asking how NOT to get her husband to to leave him intact.

[o_mom]

I have assisted with hundreds, if not thousands, of circs as a NICU nurse. Of the circs I have assisted with most MDs used some sort of pain relief: penile block, EMLA creame and 25% dextrose solution. In my experience, the act of strapping them to the circ board and the cold betadine solution is the part they scream at. Especially when a penile block is used, they don't acknowledge when the "cutting" begins. I do not think that a medicated circ using some sort of pain relief is traumatic. Without pain meds, yes I believe the baby experiences pain.

I am supportive of any decision a parent makes for their son. I am going to have my son circ'd and I will insist and ensure that some sort of pain relief is used - penile block, EMLA, and dextrose "toot sweet".

ETA: sucrose solutions are a VERY effective form of pain relief for short term pain in neonates. It actually produces an endorphic release that has been studied to have VERY similar effects as opiods. Do not downplay this very effective pain relief adjunct for neonatal pain.

Here is jsut a small SAMPLING of the studies done:
http://www.pjms.com.pk/issues/octdec207/article/article12.html
http://clinicalevidence.bmj.com/ceweb/conditions/chd/0313/0313-get.pdf
http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1651-2227.1997.tb08607.x

NICU babies are know to have diminished pain responses, so I'm not sure that they are a fair comparison. Additionally, the regular OB floor nurses I have talked to have said that many times the babies pass out from the stress of being strapped down, but those that don't do respond to the cutting. The experience at your hosptital may be that most MDs use pain relief, but studies have shown that only about half the time is that the case. I have a friend who REQUESTED pain relief for her son and the OB went into a long speech about the dangers of anesthetic and how he would never use it on a newborn.

The studies you cite (the two I could see, anyway) all deal with venipuncture, not circumcision or any other comparable procedure. In the studies I found that did look at sucrose solutions for pain relief in circ, there were no significant differences between that and placebo. The other methods (nerve block and EMLA) do provide relief during the procedure, but not afterwards.

[Melanie]

You know, I keep re-reading the OP to make sure I'm not missing something, and I don't think I am. TO those of you whom did circ and are happy with your decision, she did not ask for your opinion to that. She asked specifically for quick supporting evidence to not circ. I think you are being inflammatory and disrespectful to post otherwise in this thread.

[tnrnchick74]

NICU babies are know to have diminished pain responses, so I'm not sure that they are a fair comparison. Additionally, the regular OB floor nurses I have talked to have said that many times the babies pass out from the stress of being strapped down, but those that don't do respond to the cutting. The experience at your hosptital may be that most MDs use pain relief, but studies have shown that only about half the time is that the case. I have a friend who REQUESTED pain relief for her son and the OB went into a long speech about the dangers of anesthetic and how he would never use it on a newborn.

The studies you cite (the two I could see, anyway) all deal with venipuncture, not circumcision or any other comparable procedure. In the studies I found that did look at sucrose solutions for pain relief in circ, there were no significant differences between that and placebo. The other methods (nerve block and EMLA) do provide relief during the procedure, but not afterwards.

You are incorrect. NICU babies have DIFFERENT pain responses, not DIMINISHED. They are exposed to more painful stimuli than the average newborn. And my experiences are not from 1 hospital or 1 group of neonatologists but rather 5 different hospitals and 5 different groups ALL with VERY varied ideas about neonatal pain. As far as the sample studies I posted, since only male babies can have a circ, few studies (though there are some) have been done regarding using adjunct pain relief in circs because the sample size is smaller and harder to do a valid study. Venipuncture is a very common procedure performed. And if you think that IV starts and blood sampling are NOT painful and in no way comperable to a circ, then I believe you are mistaken. Neonatal (especially preemie) veins are VERY small, VERY fragile and it often takes multiple sticks for access to be established.

You obviously have strong opinions and have relied heavily on the anecdotal accounts of "OB floor nurses". I'm giving you my personal viewpoints as a NICU nurse with many years of experience. If any MD has the attitude that the anesthetic agents used (ie EMLA and penile blocks) are dangerous, then they need to review the latest research and would not be allowed to touch my son. As a matter of fact, this is a BIG point in my search for a ped.

Again, I will say that as an RN I support ANY choice a parent makes. And I am choosing a medicated circumcision for my son.

[o_mom]

You are incorrect. NICU babies have DIFFERENT pain responses, not DIMINISHED. They are exposed to more painful stimuli than the average newborn. And my experiences are not from 1 hospital or 1 group of neonatologists but rather 5 different hospitals and 5 different groups ALL with VERY varied ideas about neonatal pain. As far as the sample studies I posted, since only male babies can have a circ, few studies (though there are some) have been done regarding using adjunct pain relief in circs because the sample size is smaller and harder to do a valid study. Venipuncture is a very common procedure performed. And if you think that IV starts and blood sampling are NOT painful and in no way comperable to a circ, then I believe you are mistaken. Neonatal (especially preemie) veins are VERY small, VERY fragile and it often takes multiple sticks for access to be established.

You obviously have strong opinions and have relied heavily on the anecdotal accounts of "OB floor nurses". I'm giving you my personal viewpoints as a NICU nurse with many years of experience. If any MD has the attitude that the anesthetic agents used (ie EMLA and penile blocks) are dangerous, then they need to review the latest research and would not be allowed to touch my son. As a matter of fact, this is a BIG point in my search for a ped.

Again, I will say that as an RN I support ANY choice a parent makes. And I am choosing a medicated circumcision for my son.

I have strong opinions based on the available medical research. These are backed up by the experiences of OB floor nurses who I personally know.

Since neonatal circumcision is the most common sugery performed in the US, I have a hard time believing that they can't find a large enough sample. However, if you put 'circumcision' and 'pain' into pubmed, you will find the studies that show sugar solutions, by themselves, to be inadequate for pain relief during circumcision. Im glad that you will seek adequate relief for your son, but there are still MDs out there who will perform circs with no anesthesia. It's the same as the OB's who will cut episiotomies on every woman and other outdated, non-evidence based practices.

All the pain relief debate aside, I still would not subject a newborn to unnecessary cosmetic surgery.

Do you really support ANY decision a parent makes? That's a pretty broad statement. ;)

[tnrnchick74]

I have strong opinions based on the available medical research. These are backed up by the experiences of OB floor nurses who I personally know.

Since neonatal circumcision is the most common sugery performed in the US, I have a hard time believing that they can't find a large enough sample. However, if you put 'circumcision' and 'pain' into pubmed, you will find the studies that show sugar solutions, by themselves, to be inadequate for pain relief during circumcision. Im glad that you will seek adequate relief for your son, but there are still MDs out there who will perform circs with no anesthesia. It's the same as the OB's who will cut episiotomies on every woman and other outdated, non-evidence based practices.

All the pain relief debate aside, I still would not subject a newborn to unnecessary cosmetic surgery.

Do you really support ANY decision a parent makes? That's a pretty broad statement. ;)

And again you misquote me - I did not state that sucrose ALONE is effective enough pain relief. Sucrose ALONG with EMLA and/or penile block IS proven effective. Sucrose for other types of painful stimuli - venipuncture as well as immunizatiosn is effective alone. I too am very up on the latest research.

And as a parent interviewing persepctive MDs, I WILL find one who will perform the procedure with the anesthestia required, or they will not be my MD.

And my comment regarding supporting a parent's decision is in THIS instance regarding the topic at hand...circumcision. Other topics that I fully support a Mother's decision no matter what is the decision to breastfeed, pump or bottle feed.

[dhano923]

It's not medically neccessary. Once upon a time doctors thought it was a precaution to protect against disease, but they've found that's not the case. We didn't circ, simply because it's not needed and for cosmetic purposes.

If you had a daughter, would he want to have her circumcised? Why should it be different for a boy?

[o_mom]

And again you misquote me - I did not state that sucrose ALONE is effective enough pain relief. Sucrose ALONG with EMLA and/or penile block IS proven effective. Sucrose for other types of painful stimuli - venipuncture as well as immunizatiosn is effective alone. I too am very up on the latest research.


Then we have some misunderstanding. My original statement was that 50% or more of circs are done with nothing more than sugar water, which is what I thought you were responding to. I can only hope that things are improving and that the number done without adequate anesthesia is decreasing. However, given the slow pace that OB's adopt research-based practices, I am not optimistic.

One other thing that can change perceptions is who is doing the surgery. The same study which found a low use of anesthetic also found that peds were much more likely to use pain-relief than OBs. Here it is almost exclusively the OB that does it. Other places it is mainly peds, so there would be a higher rate of use there.

I'm not doubting that you are going to insist on adequate pain relief, really, I'm not. There are parents out there, though, who don't know what to ask for and there are MDs who won't offer it.

[tnrnchick74]

Then we have some misunderstanding. My original statement was that 50% or more of circs are done with nothing more than sugar water, which is what I thought you were responding to. I can only hope that things are improving and that the number done without adequate anesthesia is decreasing. However, given the slow pace that OB's adopt research-based practices, I am not optimistic.

One other thing that can change perceptions is who is doing the surgery. The same study which found a low use of anesthetic also found that peds were much more likely to use pain-relief than OBs. Here it is almost exclusively the OB that does it. Other places it is mainly peds, so there would be a higher rate of use there.

I'm not doubting that you are going to insist on adequate pain relief, really, I'm not. There are parents out there, though, who don't know what to ask for and there are MDs who won't offer it.

And the only point I'm making is that sucrose DOES have a place as a pain reliever during circ as well as other painful procedures. No, I do not think tis enough on its own totally for a circ, but it is effective at reducing pain. Here, peds are the practitioners who generally perform the circs most often. And of the ones I have interviewed/worked with, most are very pro-medicated circ.

I see both sides to the circ/non-circ debate...and I can only hope that debates do give info to parents on BOTH sides of the fence. You are SO right that a lot of parents do not know how or what to ask for in regards to effective pain relief. Parents need to make the right choice for THEM. They should have access to balanced debates regarding BOTH pro circ and pro intact. And people on either side of the debate should not make someone who has a different opinion than theirs feel bad about their decision (not saying you have!).

As far as my personal opinions go on the subject - I believe medicated circumcision has a place in today's society for a variety of reasons. I plan on circing my son when he's born.

As an RN, my job is to support the parents in whatever decision they make regarding circ and to assist the MD in performing as pain-free a procedure as possible. (For me that includes a warm room, warm circ board, warm blankets, and warm betadine as well as proper adminsitration of pain relieving measures). I do not judge based on whether a parent circs or nots...vaccinates or not...or breastfeeds or not.

[lisams]

I have assisted with hundreds, if not thousands, of circs as a NICU nurse. Of the circs I have assisted with most MDs used some sort of pain relief: penile block, EMLA creame and 25% dextrose solution. In my experience, the act of strapping them to the circ board and the cold betadine solution is the part they scream at. Especially when a penile block is used, they don't acknowledge when the "cutting" begins. I do not think that a medicated circ using some sort of pain relief is traumatic. Without pain meds, yes I believe the baby experiences pain.

I am supportive of any decision a parent makes for their son. I am going to have my son circ'd and I will insist and ensure that some sort of pain relief is used - penile block, EMLA, and dextrose "toot sweet".

ETA: sucrose solutions are a VERY effective form of pain relief for short term pain in neonates. It actually produces an endorphic release that has been studied to have VERY similar effects as opiods. Do not downplay this very effective pain relief adjunct for neonatal pain.

Here is jsut a small SAMPLING of the studies done:
http://www.pjms.com.pk/issues/octdec207/article/article12.html
http://clinicalevidence.bmj.com/ceweb/conditions/chd/0313/0313-get.pdf
http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1651-2227.1997.tb08607.x

What do they give for pain relief for the few days after? I'm assuming that the area is pretty sore until it heals a little - do they give a cream or Tylenol to the newborn to help with the pain after surgery?

[tnrnchick74]

What do they give for pain relief for the few days after? I'm assuming that the area is pretty sore until it heals a little - do they give a cream or Tylenol to the newborn to help with the pain after surgery?

I can say that our babies go home shortly after their circs. I PERSONALLY tell the parents to use LOTS of vaseline, keep the diaper loose, and to use tylenol for the first few days. I cannot say that its standard discharge teaching...though I'm working on it. EMLA creame is not recommended AFTER the circ because it can sting and open wound.

[bubbaray]

Trying hard to bring this thread back on topic....

I told DH that he had to watch the WHOLE circ video from the urologist that we would have used (pediatricians and OBs don't do them here in Canada). And HE would have to be the one who was present during the whole procedure. I wanted NO part of it. We had a few heated "discussions". Then, we got our amnio results and found out DD#1 was a girl. We didn't have the discussion with #2 (turned out to be a girl too), but I'm pretty by that point, DH would have given into my position. He's a big wuss when it comes to medical stuff and the kids. He can barely hold it together during their shots, I'm sure he'd faint if he had to be present during a circ.

Good luck!

[kijip]

My husband is circumcised. We were both convinced by the same things/same reasons not to circumcise. I think he actually decided no 100% for sure before I did. Is that uncommon? It sounds like a lot of women here were the 1st to come to decide not to cicumcise?

[bubbaray]

It sounds like a lot of women here were the 1st to come to decide not to cicumcise?

It seems to be here in Canada, but that's probably because it isn't a "funded" service. Parents have to pay out of pocket (IIRC, its around $300) and the procedure is not done in the hospital, its done at a urology clinic (where they do vasectomies), 5-7 days after birth -- so the parents have some time to make a "considered" decision, its not like the L&D staff pressure you into making a decision when you're all loopy on drugs or just tired.

I know very few people who have circ'd their sons for non-religious reasons. And, of those people, it was the dads who pushed for the decision to circ.

[buddyleebaby]

It sounds like a lot of women here were the 1st to come to decide not to cicumcise?

I think that may just be because the OP is asking for tips on how to convince her husband not to circ. Those women who didn't have to convince their husband most likely don't have any tips to offer.

It was never a question in our house either. It was always a given that any boys would not be circ'ed.

[MontrealMum]

My DH was also the first of the two of us to decide against circ'ing. I was busy "researching" it to death, but came to agree with DH quite quickly. You should see what happens when DS has shots and DH is with us. We are also in Canada where it is not covered by insurance, and it is done after release from hospital. There seems to be only one doc here in town (who is also a moyl), or, at least, he's the one with the most effective PR. He's affiliated with a ped. clinic and charges $200. In DS' case we would have had to take him to a pediatric urologist at the Children's.

[lisams]

It sounds like a lot of women here were the 1st to come to decide not to cicumcise?

Way back when we didn't know if our first would be a boy, it was my DH who was the one trying to convince me not to circ. I had always just thought that we would and I was surprised when he mentioned not wanting to. At first I was reluctant to read up since I had my mind set, being the stubborn person I am, lol! What helped was him just mentioning that there might be some stuff on the internet to look over. He wasn't pushy and didn't give me one sided anti-circ resources, which would have been a total turn off at that point. Now I am so glad that we didn't and probably have a stronger feeling about circumcision than him. So I guess I'd suggest that if you do give him some resources, maybe try something that doesn't have "anti-circ" written all over it. I like Dr. Sears website because he's a ped and he isn't out there on a mission, just giving the facts about why a parent should or shouldn't circ. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/1/t012000.asp

[o_mom]

My husband is circumcised. We were both convinced by the same things/same reasons not to circumcise. I think he actually decided no 100% for sure before I did. Is that uncommon? It sounds like a lot of women here were the 1st to come to decide not to cicumcise?

It is a very general stereotype, but from what I have seen, most women are into researching preganancy/childbirth/etc, far earlier in the pregnancy than men are. Obviously there are many exceptions to this, but I think it happens quite frequently.

Love my DH to death, but I had to bookmark pages of important things in the pregnancy books if I wanted them read. I honestly don't think he had ever thought about circumcision beyond a brief "I'm circumcised, so I guess we should". Luckily he was open-minded and actually did read the stuff I gave him (started with the AAP and may have gotten through the Mothering article) so we didn't have a very long discussion.

[jk3]

I responded in response to the poster's idea that the OP watch a video, signalling that circing a boy is barbaric. I completely disagree with that notion and many of the moms on this board and otherwise are offended by these types of threads. It's a personal, family decision and these threads always point out how cruel it is to circ a baby which was ABSOULTELY not the case in our family. The research goes both ways so one can find evidence to support doing so and not doing so.

[Wife_and_mommy]

I'd start with having him read what the function of the foreskin is. It's not just a piece of skin as most people think.

S, feel free to pm me if I don't post back. DS is screaming at the moment but there are better ways to discuss circ than just arguing about the actual procedure. The foreskin has a function and purpose for not only the male but also the female partner he'll have as an adult.

FYI, ds is circ'd. Any future ds's will *not* be.

[lowrioh]

If you want to convince him not to circ, tell him that there are some people who believe that circ decreases sexual pleasure in some men. I know this isn't something you want to think about but it might appeal to his male ego.
I am not saying that circ does decrease sexual pleasure because I know that the studies on this are mixed. But if you are trying to convince your husband the mere possibility of decreased pleasure in the future might sway him.
I will include a disclaimer, my DH is not circ and is by far the cleanest man that I have ever dated. If we had a son we would choose not to circ.
There are a lot of things to consider in this decision and I totally respect everyones right to choose what is right for their own child.

[KBecks]

I responded in response to the poster's idea that the OP watch a video, signalling that circing a boy is barbaric. I completely disagree with that notion and many of the moms on this board and otherwise are offended by these types of threads. It's a personal, family decision and these threads always point out how cruel it is to circ a baby which was ABSOULTELY not the case in our family. The research goes both ways so one can find evidence to support doing so and not doing so.

Look, the OP wants advice on talking to her husband. One suggestion is for him to watch a circ video so he can see the procedure. NO ONE SAID IT WAS BARBARIC OR IN ANY WAY RIPPED ON PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE CIRC. If you are happy with your decision, great, there's no reason to be defensive, or to try to talk anyone else into following the same path that you did. Please try to be respectful that there is a range of thoughts. The OP prefers not to circ and wants to talk to her husband about those feelings. THAT'S PERFECTLY REASONABLE TO DISCUSS. A lot of men (but not all) are moved by circ videos and knowing more about the procedure and so the advice to share a video is absolutely relevant to the OP's request. The OP did not ask for a circ vs. no circ debate, and that's unfortunately what she's getting.

Regardless of whether or not anyone agrees whether circ causes pain, circ changes a man's body forever. It is wise to carefully consider the changes and their effects.

OP, I have not convinced my husband not to circ, and so I have little relevant advice. That said, I'll offer what little I can. if our upcoming baby is a boy, I will not consent to circ. I believe if both parents don't agree to "yes" then the default answer is "no". I'll PM you with some links that I found helpful *for me*. I honestly have no idea what would click with my husband.

Best wishes.

[s_gosney]

Wow, I'm overwhelmed! :) We were busy last night and I couldn't get back online until this morning (i pass out at the late hour of 9 pm these days ;)).

Thanks so much for the info and tips. It sounds like my dh is like many others. He can't stand shots, etc either, so probably watching the video will make a difference. It seems reasonable that he should go in knowing exactly what will happen after all. I'll get through the posts and pms later today in more detail. Thanks!

And thanks to those of you who worked to keep this thread on track. :)

Sherri
dd 10/03
ds edd 05/08

[SnuggleBuggles]

I forgot about that men's episode of Oprah from a few weeks ago and they discussed circumcision. He taught the men how to clean an intact penis and said it is a little more work but pretty easy once you know what you are doing. He also said that sex is better for intact men b/c the head hasn't been as desensitized. and b/c the foreskin adds something to the experience.

Beth

[KBecks]

I forgot about that men's episode of Oprah from a few weeks ago and they discussed circumcision. He taught the men how to clean an intact penis and said it is a little more work but pretty easy once you know what you are doing. He also said that sex is better for intact men b/c the head hasn't been as desensitized. and b/c the foreskin adds something to the experience.

Beth

FYI, The info that Dr. Oz gave on cleaning out an intact penis would only be appropriate for older boys where the foreskin is retractible. Infants shouldn't be retracted.

[brittone2]

I forgot about that men's episode of Oprah from a few weeks ago and they discussed circumcision. He taught the men how to clean an intact penis and said it is a little more work but pretty easy once you know what you are doing. He also said that sex is better for intact men b/c the head hasn't been as desensitized. and b/c the foreskin adds something to the experience.

Beth

And as women, we manage to clean our many folds/creases just fine, thankyouverymuch. It really is not any different w/ an intact penis once it becomes retractable.

I also wanted to point out that I have friends (one is married to a pediatrician) that said their children "weren't bothered" by the circ, but when they urinated after the procedure, would cry each time for several days. I'm not saying this is the case with every baby, but it is something to consider if your DH is squeamish on pain/discomfort. Peeing right against an open would would obviously run the risk of being highly uncomfortable. I personally believe that for many baby boys, it is a painful procedure. You also have to consider whether the post-op situation would be uncomfortable as well, and that may be a point to bring up to your DH.

[SnuggleBuggles]

FYI, The info that Dr. Oz gave on cleaning out an intact penis would only be appropriate for older boys where the foreskin is retractible. Infants shouldn't be retracted.

Oops. Sorry, you are right. That wasn't clear. As a mom of 2 intact boys I know not to retract but I forget that that isn't common knowledge and needs to be expressed!

Beth

[Melanie]

It is a very general stereotype, but from what I have seen, most women are into researching preganancy/childbirth/etc, far earlier in the pregnancy than men are. Obviously there are many exceptions to this, but I think it happens quite frequently.

Love my DH to death, but I had to bookmark pages of important things in the pregnancy books if I wanted them read. I honestly don't think he had ever thought about circumcision beyond a brief "I'm circumcised, so I guess we should". Luckily he was open-minded and actually did read the stuff I gave him (started with the AAP and may have gotten through the Mothering article) so we didn't have a very long discussion.

LOL. That was us. Though he read his "Birth Partner" book fully. Everything else was me shoving my research in front of him. He agreed rather quickly to the no-circ. I think for him, it may have been the "loss of sensation" threat that was particularly frightening. Men, you know, they stick together like that! LOL.

[american_mama]

This is a very recent question for us and cleanliness and HIV prevention were my husband's stated reasons for preferring circumcision. I think the unstated reason was about DH's male identity, but we never got that far in our discussions.

My ped sent us the following article by a pediatric urology group about care of the uncircumcised penis. DH didn't read it even though I sent it to him, but I think it would have helped him:
http://www.cirp.org/library/hygiene/camille1/

I said in the delivery room that we were undecided about circumcision (and DH heard that), but that seemed to be treated the same as having said no. After all, the hospital would certainly rather err in that direction. No one came back and asked us if we'd decided yet; they said "And you've decided not to have him circumcised" or something like that. So Dh and I never formally agreed to say no, but he never tried to un-do the direction it was going in and DS was left uncircumcised. I am not sure if that makes sense.

Things that I think made DH back down:

1. Me having a natural childbirth. This has nothing to do with the merits of circumcision, but I think it's what made DH concede because like 5 minutes after the birth, he said out of the blue with a maojr note of apology in his voice "If you don't want him circumcised, we don't have to." He couldn't take the pain of labor away, but he could concede on this issue and thus offer something of himself to help me. This certainly wouldn't work or be desired by every couple, but I think it's what made the difference for my particular DH.

2. DH says his mind was chnaged because he read one or two weeks ago about two boy babies (maybe in Illinois?) who somehow got switched during a circumcision and went home with the wrong families. They got a call later that day apparently. Men's brains are bizarre: he takes the rarest event of all as a reason not to circ.

In talking to my ped, she described the procedure to me, as did one of the ob nurses and DH just today finally listened to me share that info. My ped was being very neutral, but just the basic description of the procedure as she told it was cringe-inducing in both DH and I, especially when he heard it while holding our tiny son in our arms. The ob nurse, who was admittedly biased against circumcisions, told me that no anesthetic was used until 5 years ago at that hospital (a very progressive hospital in other ways), which shocked DH, as was I when the ob nurse pointed out that even now, the doctors don't always wait the 5 minutes or so for the anesthetic to set up. DH didn't listen to these points beforehand (and some points we found out later) but I think hearing them now, after we'd already declined the circumcision, makes him feel much more in agreement with that decision.

[strollerqueen]

I told DH to imagine it was happening to him. He winced, grimaced, crossed his legs, and that was the end of the discussion! ;)

[irie i]

this area of the country used to be heavily circed. now we have a large latino population (and medicaid's not paying anymore), so according to hospitals it's about 50/50.


What the heck? As a Latina I am offended that you should mention Medicaid not paying for circumcisions as a reason that Latino children are not getting circumcised as much in your area. Believe it or not many of us do actually work for our money and subsequent insurance policies!! :shake:

[firsttimemama]

DH watched a video of a circ online and said we are NOT doing that.

[mdb78]

Very interesting. My 6 yr old nephew was just recently circ. A few weeks ago, he went to use the bathroom and had alot of pain. Turns out he had an infection which caused inflammation and pain. They took him to the hospital and found he had encrusted "gunk" (don't know the right way to say it) when they retracted back the skin. SIL said the skin would easily pull back up to a point, then they had to force it and lets just say nephew screamed in pain from that point, and still crying on the way home. This past tuesday, he had to go into surgery to remove the skin.

I'm sure you all know and hear this, but if you don't circ. please make sure to remember to clean it very well. SIL still bathes her DS and she said she honestly did not know that she had to retract it all the way. Don't want any of your boys going through that pain that DN went through.

[buddyleebaby]

What the heck? As a Latina I am offended that you should mention Medicaid not paying for circumcisions as a reason that Latino children are not getting circumcised as much in your area. Believe it or not many of us do actually work for our money and subsequent insurance policies!! :shake:

I read that as two separate reasons, but I can see how it's unclear.
FTR, There are plenty of people on Medicaid who work for their money.

[kellyd]

I was a no for circing if we had a boy because something about it bothered me. I did some basic research... and just decided that I wasn't prepared to do it to our son. DH was ambivalent but leaning towards yes... he's circ'd why wouldn't he do it to his son. So I told him if he could come up with one solid well researched reason I'd agree to it... he couldn't so DS is intact.

[kijip]

I read that as two separate reasons, but I can see how it's unclear.
FTR, There are plenty of people on Medicaid who work for their money.

I agree.

I will say that medicaid and other state insurance no longer paying for circumcision in my state is having a huge impact on the circ rate here. At my work, we regularly field calls from families on public insurance plans that are looking for financial help paying for circumcision. FTR, we don't provide that kind of assistance and neither does any other charity that I know of in the area. There are a lot of families that would circ if they could afford to do so. Most private insurances here do seem to pay for it...ours does, but we won't be using that coverage. :wink2:

[brittone2]

Very interesting. My 6 yr old nephew was just recently circ. A few weeks ago, he went to use the bathroom and had alot of pain. Turns out he had an infection which caused inflammation and pain. They took him to the hospital and found he had encrusted "gunk" (don't know the right way to say it) when they retracted back the skin. SIL said the skin would easily pull back up to a point, then they had to force it and lets just say nephew screamed in pain from that point, and still crying on the way home. This past tuesday, he had to go into surgery to remove the skin.

I'm sure you all know and hear this, but if you don't circ. please make sure to remember to clean it very well. SIL still bathes her DS and she said she honestly did not know that she had to retract it all the way. Don't want any of your boys going through that pain that DN went through.

It isn't difficult to clean an intact penis. It really isn't. While I feel for your nephew, the experience your family had is not common. If it was that difficult to clean, care for, etc. an intact penis, most of Europe, Canada, etc. would be circing, and they aren't. It isn't any more difficult than washing their nose when they are babies/toddlers. Once they become retractable (on their own, no one should ever forceably retract a foreskin) it takes a quick retract and a rinse in the shower. No more difficult than expecting our DDs will be able to clean all of their various folds and creases.

Many of the supposed problems with intact penises are caused by doctors advocating (incorrectly) for parents to forcibly retract, etc. which can lead to a buildup of scar tissue. That is often what contributes to phismosis (tight foreskin) for example. I just wanted to clarify so that parents of intact baby boys realize they do not (and should not) forcibly retract the foreskin. Once they can retract on their own, they just pull it back and swish. No more difficult than caring for a woman's genital area.

Unfortunately, isolated problems occur in intact and circ'd males alike. I am sorry that your nephew was in pain.

[brittone2]

What the heck? As a Latina I am offended that you should mention Medicaid not paying for circumcisions as a reason that Latino children are not getting circumcised as much in your area. Believe it or not many of us do actually work for our money and subsequent insurance policies!! :shake:

I can see how that statement could be read as offensive, but I read this as two separate issues. Latinas less likely to circ, and if medicaid is not paying, those individuals (of all races) using medicaid are less likely to have their DS circ'd.

:hug:

[1964pandora]

My DH is circumcised and always thought he would have his sons circumcised. I insisted that he research the issue himself. I forwarded articles to him that I hoped he would read.

He seemed to be primarily influenced by the fact that NO medical organization in the world recommends the practice of routine child circumcision. Once he learned that circumcision isn't medically necessary, and not even medically recommended, he was on board. He also watched circumcision videos, which I could never watch. If your husband has the stomach for that, it might be the most influential. There is also a UTube video called, "Facing Circumcision: Eight Physicians Tell Their Stories," where Physicians who perform circumcisions share their thoughts about it. It's pretty compelling because it's information straight from the mouths of Doctors who have performed many circumcisions. Many of the Doctors acknowledge that circumcision is always painful, even if it's just the process of anesthetizing the penis.

I secretly knew that I would not allow my sons to be circumcised even if he never came around, but fortunately, it never came to that.

Susan

[o_mom]

Very interesting. My 6 yr old nephew was just recently circ. A few weeks ago, he went to use the bathroom and had alot of pain. Turns out he had an infection which caused inflammation and pain. They took him to the hospital and found he had encrusted "gunk" (don't know the right way to say it) when they retracted back the skin. SIL said the skin would easily pull back up to a point, then they had to force it and lets just say nephew screamed in pain from that point, and still crying on the way home. This past tuesday, he had to go into surgery to remove the skin.

I'm sure you all know and hear this, but if you don't circ. please make sure to remember to clean it very well. SIL still bathes her DS and she said she honestly did not know that she had to retract it all the way. Don't want any of your boys going through that pain that DN went through.

I'm so sorry your nephew had to go through this. However, he should never have been forcibly retracted by the hospital and most likely did not need to be circumcised. Infections are treated with the proper medication (antibiotic or antifungal), not surgery and certainly not as a first step.

There is no need to retract an intact child to "clean" under the foreskin. Your SIL was correct to leave it alone and she was let down by an ignorant medical professional. The only cleaning a pre-pubescent penis needs is to be washed on the outside like a finger. When they are older, they can retract and rinse in the shower as needed.

[mdb78]

I'm so sorry your nephew had to go through this. However, he should never have been forcibly retracted by the hospital and most likely did not need to be circumcised. Infections are treated with the proper medication (antibiotic or antifungal), not surgery and certainly not as a first step.

There is no need to retract an intact child to "clean" under the foreskin. Your SIL was correct to leave it alone and she was let down by an ignorant medical professional. The only cleaning a pre-pubescent penis needs is to be washed on the outside like a finger. When they are older, they can retract and rinse in the shower as needed.

I don't know.. I guess the hospital felt like it had to be done. They thoroughly cleaned and scraped the "gunk" off and according to SIL he end up having small cuts since it was really crusted on there. Poor guy...They also gave him some antibiotics too. I only have a daughter so to me circ. is something I never fully researched.

[BeachBum]

There is no need to retract an intact child to "clean" under the foreskin.[/B] Your SIL was correct to leave it alone and she was let down by an ignorant medical professional. The only cleaning a pre-pubescent penis needs is to be washed on the outside like a finger. When they are older, they can retract and rinse in the shower as needed.

I believe that the word "forceably" should be inserted before retract in the first sentence above. Once a foreskin retracts on its own then it should be retracted and the newly exposed area should be rinsed/ wiped during a bath or shower.

While it could take until puberty for a foreskin to retract it can and often happens much sooner. My son recently turned 3 and is almost fully retractable. There is one adhesion spot and that's it. He retracts it to his own comfort level during tub time, rinses it, and makes sure it looks clean.

It is such not a big deal. Seriously, teaching a girl to clean would be more involved.
For anyone making this decision please don't let the washing it issue scare you in any way. :)

[irie i]

I read that as two separate reasons, but I can see how it's unclear.
FTR, There are plenty of people on Medicaid who work for their money.

True...in my complete shock and disgust at the statement I misspoke. It doesn't distract that what was said is still extremely ethnocentric and offensive.

[SnuggleBuggles]

True...in my complete shock and disgust at the statement I misspoke. It doesn't distract that what was said is still extremely ethnocentric and offensive.

I think you will find that this board really doesn't go out of it's way to be controversial or argumentative. It is very low drama. We tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt if something comes out wrong. Hang around a bit more and I hope you will find that to be true. Also, note the thread's date- it was months ago so to get clarification from the poster may not happen just because they aren't checking this board/ that thread anymore. Like the other regulars, I really read it aas 2 separate issues, unless the poster comes back and says otherwise because this is a good group of people, imo.

Beth

[o_mom]

I believe that the word "forceably" should be inserted before retract in the first sentence above. Once a foreskin retracts on its own then it should be retracted and the newly exposed area should be rinsed/ wiped during a bath or shower.



I actually don't think so. :) The AAP guidelines say an occasional rinse is OK, but until puberty, there is no need to rinse with every bath and it should never be forced back by anyone.

ETA: The PP also said that the child in question was NOT fully retractible and therefore her SIL was correct in not forcing it back to clean.

[o_mom]

True...in my complete shock and disgust at the statement I misspoke. It doesn't distract that what was said is still extremely ethnocentric and offensive.

I too read it as two separate reasons - one being that hispanic/latino populations do not routinely circ and the other that Medicaid in many areas is no longer covering a cosmetic procedure.

[brittone2]

I don't know.. I guess the hospital felt like it had to be done. They thoroughly cleaned and scraped the "gunk" off and according to SIL he end up having small cuts since it was really crusted on there. Poor guy...They also gave him some antibiotics too. I only have a daughter so to me circ. is something I never fully researched.

IMO, many times the doctors are misinformed. Many attended medical school during a time when the vast majority of those in the US were circ'd. There are *still* many docs out there that give inaccurate and potentially damaging advice about caring for an intact penis as the result. In contrast, in places like Europe where docs have been caring for boys/men with intact penises, it is much less of an issue as they have experience with the topic. IMO sometimes in the US they will correlate one issue to the other unnecessarily (not that this was the case w/ your nephew, but there can be infections that have nothing to do with being intact, but a doc will blame it on being intact if they are experienced with non circ'd men/boys.

If I am remembering correctly, smegma doesn't really even occur until puberty (and it is totally normal just as a female secretes substances as well).

IF you talk to those docs who are experienced w/ caring for boys/men with intact penises, they will say that circ is almost never needed for medical reasons. For example, phismosis (tight foreskin) can usually be treated w/ manual stretching exercises that a teen can do on their own (probably without much trouble ;) ). But there are still docs who don't know better and their first recommendation is to do a circ, which is very rarely necessary.

[mdb78]

IMO, many times the doctors are misinformed. Many attended medical school during a time when the vast majority of those in the US were circ'd.



We just came back from seeing SIL, BIL, and nephew. We were having a little celebration for our birthdays (DH was last tuesday, mine was last friday, and MIL is this coming tuesday. Anyways, I definately had this thread in mind. He had the surgery last tuesday and according to the doctor he should've been fine by friday. Well, he's not. BIL said just putting the ointment hurts DN. He still can't wear any pants or underwear. Yesterday, they said he was really swollen, but today it went down (it still looks a little swollen). I didn't really want to bring up the issue of whether or not they did the right thing since I could tell SIL was already stressed by getting him to finish the school work that he's been missing. When we were leaving, I asked MIL if a pediatrician was the one that looked at it when they went to the hospital and she said yes. She said in fact it was DN regular pediatrician and that was also SIL's pediatrician and her brother and sisters. Perhaps, that pediatrician is one of those like what you said.

Bright side, DN is a trooper! We were joking around that he should go streaking. At first he didn't know what that was, but after we told him he was up for it! :)

[Wife_and_mommy]

We just came back from seeing SIL, BIL, and nephew. We were having a little celebration for our birthdays (DH was last tuesday, mine was last friday, and MIL is this coming tuesday. Anyways, I definately had this thread in mind. He had the surgery last tuesday and according to the doctor he should've been fine by friday. Well, he's not. BIL said just putting the ointment hurts DN. He still can't wear any pants or underwear. Yesterday, they said he was really swollen, but today it went down (it still looks a little swollen). I didn't really want to bring up the issue of whether or not they did the right thing since I could tell SIL was already stressed by getting him to finish the school work that he's been missing. When we were leaving, I asked MIL if a pediatrician was the one that looked at it when they went to the hospital and she said yes. She said in fact it was DN regular pediatrician and that was also SIL's pediatrician and her brother and sisters. Perhaps, that pediatrician is one of those like what you said.

Bright side, DN is a trooper! We were joking around that he should go streaking. At first he didn't know what that was, but after we told him he was up for it! :)

Your poor DN. :( I hope they can get his situation figured out so he's not hurting. I can't imagine having a 6yo circ'd.

[brittone2]

We just came back from seeing SIL, BIL, and nephew. We were having a little celebration for our birthdays (DH was last tuesday, mine was last friday, and MIL is this coming tuesday. Anyways, I definately had this thread in mind. He had the surgery last tuesday and according to the doctor he should've been fine by friday. Well, he's not. BIL said just putting the ointment hurts DN. He still can't wear any pants or underwear. Yesterday, they said he was really swollen, but today it went down (it still looks a little swollen). I didn't really want to bring up the issue of whether or not they did the right thing since I could tell SIL was already stressed by getting him to finish the school work that he's been missing. When we were leaving, I asked MIL if a pediatrician was the one that looked at it when they went to the hospital and she said yes. She said in fact it was DN regular pediatrician and that was also SIL's pediatrician and her brother and sisters. Perhaps, that pediatrician is one of those like what you said.

Bright side, DN is a trooper! We were joking around that he should go streaking. At first he didn't know what that was, but after we told him he was up for it! :)

Poor guy :( I hope he gets some relief soon.

I hope you don't mind what I posted about whether or not this was truly necessary...I only wanted to point out that it is not common to truly need such a procedure or to run into such problems. I wouldn't want moms of intact boys or expecting parents that aren't sure whether to circ or leave their babies intact to be worried that this is a common occurrence, kwim?

I didn't want it to come across as doubting your family's decisions.

Anyway, I hope they can find a way to get him some relief.

[JoyNChrist]

But mostly it was my very strong opinion against his not-as-strong opinion, and he said for that reason we would do what I wanted.

This was basically our situation too.

DH is circ'ed and always assumed our son(s) would be too. After preliminary research, I thought the idea was absurd (plastic surgery on an infant - wth?) and said as much. I offered to give DH all the information so he could make an informed decision, but he was pretty laid-back about it and said that if I felt so strongly about it we could do whatever I wanted...it just wasn't a big deal to him.

I should note that my in-laws were not as supportive of my decision. :rolleye0014:

I think it's amusing that now my DH seems very proud of the fact that our son isn't circ'ed and tells all his friends who are expecting babies that they shouldn't circumcise their sons. It's definitely a decision that neither of us has ever regretted.

[strollerqueen]

Your poor DN. :( I hope they can get his situation figured out so he's not hurting. I can't imagine having a 6yo circ'd.

I lived and worked in a Moslem country, and that is about the age all of the boys are circ'ed.

[Ceepa]

Marizel, there's no point in anyone second-guessing the decision to have DN circumcised. I hope he feels better soon :hug: and I'm sure it's hard for his parents to see him in physical pain regardless of why.

[mdb78]

Poor guy :( I hope he gets some relief soon.

I hope you don't mind what I posted about whether or not this was truly necessary...I only wanted to point out that it is not common to truly need such a procedure or to run into such problems. I wouldn't want moms of intact boys or expecting parents that aren't sure whether to circ or leave their babies intact to be worried that this is a common occurrence, kwim?

I didn't want it to come across as doubting your family's decisions.

Anyway, I hope they can find a way to get him some relief.


No worries. I knew where you were coming from. :)

[brittone2]

No worries. I knew where you were coming from. :)

Thanks for your understanding :hug:

[Wife_and_mommy]

I lived and worked in a Moslem country, and that is about the age all of the boys are circ'ed.

Thanks for that tidbit. I had no idea that was the case. I assumed they did it shortly after birth as the Jewish do.

[khalloc]

My Dh is not circed and he wanted our son to be just because he always felt "different" as a kid. Because all of his friends were circumsized. Anyways, I cried alot and would not give in. In the end we didnt do it. DH has no other issues about not being circumsized except that he felt different from his friends - which in my opinion is not a good reason.

[Liss_H]

My ISRAELI born, JEWISH (albeit non-religious) dh was the first to suggest we not circ, but then we had to find a way to explain our desicion to his elderly mother (who still lives in Israel, and whose first language is not English, so we really needed simplicity). We eventually found a terrific website put together by Jewish advocates and doctors against circ, based on the most current research, and presenting ridiculously compelling arguments against circ. They had quick, consice, snap-shot overviews of all the greatest hits main points, with links to dig further into the supporting research and source materials if one was so inclined. It would have been a great resource for the original poster here, except she is long past needing it and I cannot for the life of me find the site again. But someone else may need it in future and may have better luck uncovering it with a web search.

Two side notes - 1). My only hesitation re: not doing it was the social issue, but when I discovered that the growing trend was towards leaving boys intact with only 50% of males nationwide being circ'd these days, that became a non-issue. 2). I inadvertantly spilled the beans to MIL before we could send her to the aforementioned website. We had a natural birth, and left a one-way skype line open on a laptop the whole time so MIL could listen in on the birth of her grandson (one way meaning we couldn't hear anything coming from her end), and by the end of the delivery I had completely forgotten she was "there" and said something to the nurse about npot circ'ing. LOL. (MIL was fine with it - we had made much ado about nothing in fearing she would not understand/support our decision. When we followed up she basically shrugged dismissively and said she trusted whatever we thought was best. It was a non-issue to her).