Make It Stop!! I Can't Take It Anymore!!!

[randomkid]

I know I have seen posts like this in the past, so please...please...pleeeaaaasse tell me it gets better. From reading here, I wasn't really looking forward to 3yo and now that we are here, I understand why. I can't stand the whining, the crying and the constant battling. The sitter keeps insisting that I talk to the ped about DD's behavior - she's frickin' 3 years old! WTH is the ped going to do about that?!? DD is the only 3yo she has right now - they are either 4 or 2 and under. You'd think she'd realize that, but she doesn't. See, DD cries EVERY day when I leave her at the sitter. She also cries if I leave her with my parents, so I don't think anything is wrong at the sitter's except the sitter is not super compassionate.

DD fights me every time I try to brush her teeth. She cries and whines over everything and nothing. She won't poop. I have her on Miralax, but somehow she holds it in. What does come out is soft, so I know it's not true constipation. She's a picky eater and doesn't eat well - she's been like this for a long time, but now with everything else, that is just magnified to me.

But mostly, the whining and the crying just have to stop! I'm going to lose my sanity. I'm going to work now, so I'll be away from it for awhile, but for some strange reason when I'm at work, all I want to do is get home to her - go figure :love5:

Thanks for the vent - and please...tell me it gets better!

[KBecks]

Would it be bad to say that I smiled while reading your post? Alek whines a lot and he makes a lot of demands. It can be exhausting. He also fights toothbrushing, well, he protests, usually I can manage to brush his teeth (I still do it for him, and wonder if that's bad, but it works.) He fights having his face washed. We do what we can, and I don't stress if the teeth don't get brushed one night a week.

He's also super picky about things, he tries to boss me around and tell me what I can and can't do. He wants things just a certain way and will get fussy if I don't comply.

I try to see it as he's learning how to communicate his preferences and test limits. It is interesting to see how he changes over time. I think a lot of this is totally normal 3 year old behavior and I try to shrug a lot of it off thinking this is the only time in his life he's going to be able to get away with being so picky and demanding.

I think you should consider a new sitter if the one you have is not understanding.

I don't know if it gets better, but it must, maybe by age 5? :)

Best wishes!

[kedss]

big hugs-

I think it will get better, my 4 year old still whines a bit but not as much anymore, thank goodness.

[mom_hanna]

I was so happy to read your post and know that you are not alone. My dd is 3 and the whining and tantrums, talking back, and crying - dh and I thought we were going to lose it. She seems to slowly be coming out of it, but for about 5 months straight, it was nonstop, all the time. We didn't want to take her anywhere, because getting into the car seat became a huge ordeal with screaming and crying and throwing herself around.

I can completely commiserate with you. If that helps at all.

[mik8]

We went through that bumpy road at age 3 too (was more like between 2-3 y/o). I swear there were days I felt like I wanted to hang myself. DD is now 4.5 and still has her moments like you have just described but more manageable and much less. My mantra is, "this too shall pass". ;)

[kmak]

Just yesterday I came into the office and asked the guys here at work that have older kids if the whining will EVER stop?! My 21/2yo can't say anything anymore without whining. UGH. It's driving me and my DH crazy. It doesn't help that were up every 3hrs at night with a 3mo old who is getting over RSV. The guys here just laughed and said that's it's the T's: two's, three's, and then teens. So, I guess is a year or two we'll get a break for a few years at least until it starts up again.

[amandabea]

getting into the car seat became a huge ordeal with screaming and crying and throwing herself around.

I have read through this post with dread...my dd is only 15 months and is doing this now! Will I have a year and a half of this difficult behavior or is this something you all experienced for a few months early on?

[KBecks]

I have read through this post with dread...my dd is only 15 months and is doing this now! Will I have a year and a half of this difficult behavior or is this something you all experienced for a few months early on?

The time I've most felt like a child abuser is when I have had to force my son into his car seat. John is over it now at 21 months. We did turn him FF because of the struggles, although I know that is completely unacceptable to other moms.

Alek age 3.5 has been fine in his car seat for a long time now. He likes to get in and climb up by himself though and will complain over the details.

I'm sure each kid has individual sticking points.

[buddyleebaby]

I'm right there with you.

Our conversations go something like this nowadays:

DD1: Mama, can we go out to play, please?
Me: Not now, sweetheart. It's raining. Would you like to take out your coloring book instead?
DD1: NO I DON'T WANT TO! (sob) I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE! (sob)

She goes on but the rest is hard to understand since she is screaming and laying on the floor.

Then I have my almost two year old who throws a tantrum every time I try to get her dressed or change her diaper or pretty much do anything that she feels she can do herself.

It's fun times in this house. :ROTFLMAO:

[Piglet]

I know this might not help right now, but back when DS1 was 2, we instituted "Rule #1" - No Whining". Anytime he whined, we would ask him, "what's rule number 1?" Over the years, it has become a big family joke and I say that if we had a family crest, it would be our motto. The end result is that DS2 also knows full well what is going on when I ask him, "what's rule #1?" It means he has to stop whining or I won't listen. You can try something similar, where you give a cue every time she asks in an unpleasant manner. Eventually she will get the idea that you mean business. It can be something silly or something simple, but give her a cue that she is not using the proper tone. Also, with this age, the things that work are:

1) choices, choices, choices - do you want to put your shoes on by yourself or do you want mommy to put them on for you? The end result is that the shoes go on, but the choice is about who will do it.

2) pick your battles - if it isn't a huge deal, don't make it a huge deal.

3) when you do pick a battle, win - when you put your foot down, leave it down and mean it.

4) consistency - always give a 5 minute warning before leaving the park. always do the exact same good-bye ritual before leaving daycare, etc. Kids this age like predictability and consistency.

Good luck,

[sarahsthreads]

You're not alone, she sounds like a perfectly normal three-year-old to me. It's actually gotten a *bit* better with DD as we approach 3.5, but I'm not holding my breath that we're past the woods yet!

Here are the strategies that we've come up with during our 6 months of experience with age 3. They work. Sometimes.

Whining: "I'm sorry, I can't understand your whiney voice. Please try to say that again so I know what you need."

Huge tantrum over nothing: "I can see that this is really important to you, but until you calm down I can't help you. Why don't you take a deep breath and we'll see what we can do?" This sometimes escalates to "You obviously need some time to yourself to calm down. Why don't you go up to your room and lay down until you're feeling better?"

Refusing to eat yesterday's most favorite food because she doesn't like it: "I'm sorry you no longer like _____, that it what is for dinner. You may get yourself a yogurt from the fridge and have that instead if you'd prefer." This is all about control and I refuse to battle about food or to become a short-order cook. When she's big enough to get everything out to make herself a PB&J sandwich that will become another option if she refuses to eat what's for dinner.

The carseat was an issue until we started ignoring the behavior. We'd close the door and walk a little way from her side of the car while she worked it out of her system. We got more than a few strange looks while we were pointedly ignoring the screaming, thrashing child in the car in the middle of a parking lot, but it must have worked because we only had to do it 3 or 4 times before she stopped making such a huge fuss. It was *always* that she wanted me to buckle her in instead of DH, so now if she would prefer me to do it she actually asks "Please, Mommy, can you buckle me in instead of Daddy?" and we honor that request when possible.

The huge key for us has been consistency. And for me there's been a lot of internal counting to 10 and reminding myself that I'm the adult. Someone once told me that at 2 they do things that annoy you, and at 3 they do things *because* they annoy you. I have to try really hard not to take things personally in order to implement the above strategies! ;)

Sarah :)

[citymama]

I know this might not help right now, but back when DS1 was 2, we instituted "Rule #1" - No Whining". Anytime he whined, we would ask him, "what's rule number 1?" Over the years, it has become a big family joke and I say that if we had a family crest, it would be our motto. The end result is that DS2 also knows full well what is going on when I ask him, "what's rule #1?"

Ooh, I like this idea. We are in the throes of terrible 2s at our place - our former little angel turns into a screechy, kicky monster for several hours a day. Everything from meal times to nap time to visitors seems to set her off. She loves the book "Officer Buckle and Gloria" with their Safety Tips #1 to 101 - she would totally get into this idea! Thanks Marina - we'll give it a try and report back!

[niccig]

We're in the middle of this as well. Some things we're doing.

"Try Again" if DS says anything in a whiny/rude/bossy voice, we ask him to try again, sometimes it takes a few goes

If DS gets upset, we ask if he can calm down now or does he need to go to his room to calm down. Sometime he can calm down, sometimes he can't and he goes to his room for a few minutes to calm down - this isn't a time out.

I'd noticed that we were slipping on consistency eg. sit at the dinner table, I would give him 3 chances - we also do 1-2-3 Magic - and as we went to do whatever the consequence for 3 was, DS would get upset and yell that he could sit at the table, so we would give him another chance. But it would happen again. I started carrying through on consequences, and he's been doing things at 2 and not repeating the behaviour.

I agree with others, it's a phase that better pass QUICKLY!

[lilycat88]

I was 2 HOURS late to work this morning because of Disney Princess panties. 'nuff said about 3 almost 4 year olds.

Jamelin

[Piglet]

Refusing to eat yesterday's most favorite food because she doesn't like it: "I'm sorry you no longer like _____, that it what is for dinner. You may get yourself a yogurt from the fridge and have that instead if you'd prefer." This is all about control and I refuse to battle about food or to become a short-order cook. When she's big enough to get everything out to make herself a PB&J sandwich that will become another option if she refuses to eat what's for dinner.


We had this exact situation at supper last night. We had leftovers and DS2 outright refused to eat them, but at least he was direct and polite about it (YAY!). I told him he could get some yogurt from the fridge or eat the meal and that was it. 2 choices and he picked the yogurt. DS1... now that went worse. He started pouting and pushing the food around his plate. Urrghhhh! You win some you lose some. In the end, DS2 ate yogurt and DS1 ate cereal. DH and I had 2 lovely plates of lasagna!

[bubbaray]

I hate to tell you, but I don't think 4 is much better than 3 and certainly not any better than 2. In fact, I think its worse, b/c at least with my DD#1, she has more advanced logical analysis abilities and vocabulary. Which means, tantrums + talking back. And, if anyone replies that its something we're doing wrong, I will b-slap them through the monitor. I've read every parenting book out there, I've taking parenting courses. I've tried EVERY technique out there, with the exception of spanking (and trust me, I've come within a hairs-breath of that). However, my DCP assures me that its "normal" for the age and that DD#1 is "strongwilled" -- and, BTW, that DD#2 will likely be even MORE of a handful. WTF?!

So, I have zero advice, but I think we should all get to go away on a world cruise or something and leave the kids with the husbands for a couple of years....

I asked my dr for a valium chaser to go along with my antibiotics (b/c on top of it all, I STILL have a sinus infection, after 2 other rounds of antibitics). I was only partly joking.

[ShanaMama]

He's also super picky about things, he tries to boss me around and tell me what I can and can't do. He wants things just a certain way and will get fussy if I don't comply.


I am so there with you and DD is only 2 1/2. We were in the bakery today getting a snack and I asked her if I could have a bite of hers. She was completely bossing me around & patronizing me with that little I'll give you a crumb atitude. I felt the imagined stares of everyone around me, lady why are you letting your child act like your older sister. But I kept my cool and sucked it up. My two year old can patronize me once in a while. I think it's important to let her run the world every now and then!

I totally agree with Marina on rule #1- I might even steal that phrase. The one thing I have zero tolerance for is whining/ kvetching. I simply can't deal with it. DD can either repeat what she wants calmly and usually get her way (if possible) or be ignored. It's amazing how quickly this lesson gets learned if you are prepared to actually leave the room/ walk out of the store - and do it once or twice so your threat holds weight.
Didn't mean to hijack your post- just say that you are sooo not alone.

[niccig]

So, I have zero advice, but I think we should all get to go away on a world cruise or something and leave the kids with the husbands for a couple of years....

I asked my dr for a valium chaser to go along with my antibiotics (b/c on top of it all, I STILL have a sinus infection, after 2 other rounds of antibitics). I was only partly joking.

Ohh, I'll come with. But DH couldn't cope. I went to a baby shower and was gone for 4 hours, 1 of those DS was asleep. I get home and DH is exhausted because he ran errands with DS, who alternated between not listening and constantly asking 'why' questions. My response - multiply 4 hours by 3 and you get my regular day.

[randomkid]

Thank you all for your commiseration. I know I'm not alone and, for the most part, DD is a good kid. She's been sick for 2 weeks now, so that is not helping. She gets very whiny and needy when she is sick and I was just at my wit's end the day I posted this. She is better now and, although she still whines and cries easily (they don't have PMS at this age, right?), it is better.

Also, thank you for all the input. I do most of the things that were mentioned which is why I think she's pretty good overall. My Mom likes that I have explained things to her since she was born, so I can do that with her now and it really seems to sink in. We try our best to be consistent - learned the importance of that with my stepdaughters. I give her choices when it's reasonable, put my foot down when I have to (for example - toothbrushing - it's going to be done with or without her cooperation) and correct the whining. I usually tell her that I can't understand when she talks like that and if she's bossy or rude, I make her restate it in a polite way before she gets what she is asking for (well, more like demanding, but I make her ask). I do like the idea of coming up with a phrase like "rule #1" to make it more simple when the whining starts.

I appreciate all the support and I'm feeling better today, esp since DD is napping at the moment. :)

[KrisM]

I know this might not help right now, but back when DS1 was 2, we instituted "Rule #1" - No Whining". Anytime he whined, we would ask him, "what's rule number 1?" Over the years, it has become a big family joke and I say that if we had a family crest, it would be our motto. The end result is that DS2 also knows full well what is going on when I ask him, "what's rule #1?" It means he has to stop whining or I won't listen. You can try something similar, where you give a cue every time she asks in an unpleasant manner. Eventually she will get the idea that you mean business. It can be something silly or something simple, but give her a cue that she is not using the proper tone. Also, with this age, the things that work are:

1) choices, choices, choices - do you want to put your shoes on by yourself or do you want mommy to put them on for you? The end result is that the shoes go on, but the choice is about who will do it.

2) pick your battles - if it isn't a huge deal, don't make it a huge deal.

3) when you do pick a battle, win - when you put your foot down, leave it down and mean it.

4) consistency - always give a 5 minute warning before leaving the park. always do the exact same good-bye ritual before leaving daycare, etc. Kids this age like predictability and consistency.

Good luck,

We do a lot of these same things. I will say DS whines much less than some of his friends. He's not perfect, of course, but when I say "no whining", he immediately changes his voice. And, the whining is really only when he's very tired.

[s7714]

I hear you! My almost 3 year old is having similar poop issues too. In fact she's on Miralax as well. I haven't been pushing PTing, but she refuses to wear a diaper AND refuses to pee/poop on the potty. So needless to say, she has been holding everything in until I force her to put a diaper on. We go to the Ped tomorrow for her follow up on the Miralax issue in fact...but unless they've developed something to adjust the 3 year old's mental need for control/power struggle I don't think we're going to get anywhere.

[StantonHyde]

My three favorite books that have helped:
Happiest Toddler on the Block
Love and Logic for toddlers/preschoolers
How to Get your kid to eat but not too much

The whining was so bad after DD was born that DH and I went to see a child psychologist who gave us the good/bad news: Your child is perfectly normal. aaaaarrgh. She did give some really good tips. We saw her once a month for 3 months and it made a big difference. I joked it was like dog training--you're not really training the dog, you are training the owner.