*Helpful* parenting tips!

[LarsMal]

DS's SLP came over yesterday for his weekly speech session. He had taken a late nap, so I had to wake him up to start. He was not happy! DD (15 mos) was just as unhappy, so it was a nice stereo session of whining, tantrum-throwing, all-around great time!

Finally, after about 20 minutes, the SLP said it wasn't working, so she'd come back today. Fine, no biggie. Well, she shows up with a copy of a chapter from some parenting book. She says, "I have something for you to read. Not that you aren't doing a wonderful job..."

Okay, so I'm slightly offended that she has brought me some parenting tips. The kid had just woken up from a nap, and the two of them feed off of each other, so once they got started it was not easy to calm them down, especially with the SLP there trying to continue the session.

The chapter is called "The Challenge of Parenting" and has tips on handling tantrums, an angry child, etc. I don't read a lot of parenting books (I get my info from here!) so maybe these are normal, or maybe this book is REALLY old, because these just seem a little wrong to me:

From "The Proper Response"
1) "Some parents say (if you can do this without anger or hostility) to slowly pour a glass of water over a child's head for *real* drama! (Recommended *only* if you are in the kitchen or bathroom.)

-- Okay, so I've heard about putting a wet cloth on a screaming baby to help calm them down or shock them out of a screaming fest, but POURING WATER over the head of your tantrum throwing toddler- really?!?!

2) Pick your child up and gently shake out the "mads" in a fun fashion.

-- COME ON!!! This is ridiculous!

And my personal fav:

3) Try to stop breath-holding during a tantrum by blowing gently into the child's face...Don't panic if it continues until your child is cyanotic (turning blue or purple due to lack of oxygen in the blood). If a child faints, that automatically stops breath-holding.

--Wow, great advice. So go ahead and let your kid pass out. Guaranteed to stop the tantrum/breath holding.

Ugh...and these are supposed to be "practical" parenting tips.

Thanks for the gesture, SLP, but I think I'll stick to MY ways!

[MontrealMum]

When was that book published - the fifties? Or better yet, the thirties? OMG - talk about inappropriate. No, I haven't read any toddler parenting books either, but I think I have a good measure of common sense. The first two are dangerous - talk about license for parents with abusive tendancies to be overly violent. The third is just stupid.

[LarsMal]

When was that book published - the fifties? Or better yet, the thirties? OMG - talk about inappropriate. No, I haven't read any toddler parenting books either, but I think I have a good measure of common sense. The first two are dangerous - talk about license for parents with abusive tendancies to be overly violent. The third is just stupid.

The SLP has five grown children, so maybe it was her first parenting book! You need some updated references, lady!

When I read the first two I gasped! All I could think of was those terrible stories of abuse you read and hear about on the news. A glass of water on a screaming child's head. Choking, maybe?!

STUPID!

[kmak]

Didn't Congress outlaw water torture?

[randomkid]

Or, you can just do like a local Mom here did when her 2yo wouldn't stop her tantrum. She hosed her down with a pressure sprayer at a self serve car wash. Fortunately, it was on security video and the owner of the place reported her and she was arrested. Her lawyer says she is going to go to parenting classes - ya think?

I just wouldn't be able to not say something to that SLP. Her job is not to teach parenting to you, esp. not inappropriate parenting. She is there to work with your child. Maybe you could give her a chapter on how to deal with patients that are not cooperating. She should have stopped the session, tried to distract him or get him playing in some way, then continue if he settled down. Trying to continue the session when the child is upset is just not at all effective! I'd ask her if she ever actually read that book and if she did, does she agree with these techniques? Just mind-boggling!

[ha98ed14]

Those discipline ideas are just plain nuts!

[ThreeofUs]

Totally, totally inappropriate. How awful for you - but how awful for other kids whose parents might actually *follow* these points.

An early childhood expert should talk to that SLP's supervisor, show them the information on parenting the SLP is disseminating, and give them materials that would make a POSITIVE difference to parents and kids. Is there an early childhood center or call line around you that would take this on?

I believe most early-childhood specialists would be about as angry as they could be to hear such awful, counter-productive, abusive parenting tips were still being circulated.

[tylersmama]

Ok, completely putting aside the ridiculous advice that she gave you, the fact that she even gave you advice is totally inappropriate! Especially in the situation you described. It would be one thing if there had been a pattern of tantrums every time she came, or if you were clearly overwhelmed and she asked (asked, not offered blindly!) if you needed some help/advice, but to just hand you some advice out of nowhere is ridiculous. I would at the very least address it with her and probably take it up with her supervisor as well. Ugh.

[trales]

When my sister was 4 she was very angry with my father for trying to make her eat her veggies and apologize to my mother for something she did before she got her dessert. When she saw that my father was not going to budge, she camly got up, took his coke off the table and dumped it over his head. My father did not say a word. He stood up, dripping, picked her up, carried her to her room, took out all the toys and books, and shut the door, never uttering a word. He then took a shower.

I could see if you dumped a glass of water over a kids head (something my parents never would have done) the kid following suit later.

It seems like a really childish way of handleing a situation and a counterproductive one at that.

The SLP was really out of line, I would have a polite word with her and then mention it to her supervisor.

In my years of teaching there were many times I wanted to give parents advice, but I would never offer unsolicited advice.

[LarsMal]

I took the info to my friend's house yesterday. She couldn't believe it, either! She read more of it than I did, though, and we discovered just how old/outdated the info is.

There was a section on keeping control while on the phone. It talked about pacing the room (so your kids knew you were there and paying attention) while holding a "really long phone cord" high so the kids couldn't reach it. A little farther down it said that a cordless phone might be a better option. So, I'd say that book is pretty old!

DH couldn't believe she did it, either! I've had some problems with this woman from the beginning. Coming on the wrong day or at the wrong time, not staying long enough. I've called the case supervisor a few times and she either hasn't called back or just left a weird message.

My degree is in hearing and speech, and even though I went into teaching instead, I still know enough to work with DS (it's just he doesn't want to work with ME!). I have a few friends/family in the field, too, who have offered to give me some tips. So DH and I have decided we're going to stop services for now. DS will be 3 in August, and at that point he'll have free services in the county (right now he's in the Parent/Infant program for the county, which insurance isn't covering).

He's starting to talk a lot more anyway, so I think he might progress even more on his own, just developmentally.

I'm still going to mention it to the supervisor when I call to stop our sessions, but I know the woman is going through a lot right now (her husband has cancer), but that doesn't excuse her behavior.

Oh well!

[elliput]

OMG. That woman would never be allowed to enter my home again, and I would make sure that her employer knew exactly the type of "parenting" information she was peddling. IMO, she should not be allowed to work with children if she can not keep up with current parenting practices.

[maestramommy]

Wow, it's a good thing I have a super SLP or I wouldn't know what's usual in these situations. The first time Dora had a total meltdown during her session I finally went to see what was going on. The SLP was still very cheerful and trying to redirect. I asked if she wanted me to intervene or go. She said she could handle it, even when I left and Dora tried to follow me. And she did handle it. Later she told me that every kid goes through a honeymoon phase with her, then there's a "wrestling for control" phase, but it eventually blows over when they understand that ultimately she's in charge. She's great at redirecting Dora when things are going south for whatever reason, and she's NEVER given me parenting advice unsolicited. When I ask mostly she just talks about redirection, says that generally works great with Dora.

The stuff in that book your SLP gave you sounds about 50 years old. Unbelievable. Not just cruel, but downright bizarre. Who pours water over a screaming kid's head?!

[LarsMal]

Wow, it's a good thing I have a super SLP or I wouldn't know what's usual in these situations. The first time Dora had a total meltdown during her session I finally went to see what was going on. The SLP was still very cheerful and trying to redirect. I asked if she wanted me to intervene or go. She said she could handle it, even when I left and Dora tried to follow me. And she did handle it. Later she told me that every kid goes through a honeymoon phase with her, then there's a "wrestling for control" phase, but it eventually blows over when they understand that ultimately she's in charge. She's great at redirecting Dora when things are going south for whatever reason, and she's NEVER given me parenting advice unsolicited. When I ask mostly she just talks about redirection, says that generally works great with Dora.

The stuff in that book your SLP gave you sounds about 50 years old. Unbelievable. Not just cruel, but downright bizarre. Who pours water over a screaming kid's head?!

So you don't stay with Dora during her sessions? I am supposed to be there, too, which is really hard with DD. I had rescheduled from mornings to afternoons when DD dropped to one nap, but now her schedule changed again and she's up. It is really hard to have DS concentrate while DD is running around and trying to "participate", too. And yes, she is making some of the sounds that DS is supposed to be making. Little Stinker! The SLP will say a sound for DS to repeat and DD will waddle up and say it. Too funny!

I wish I didn't have to participate for the whole thing. I think it would be better for everyone, especially DS.

Grrr...

[maestramommy]

So you don't stay with Dora during her sessions?

No. I asked the SLP at the very beginning if she wanted us to stay and observe, or leave her to it, and she said we didn't have to stay at all. Which was better for Dora because she was still at that clingy stage, and if I had stayed she would've just wanted to sit on my lap and not do what the SLP wanted. Added to which Arwyn was about 2 weeks old when we first started, so it would've been really tough. Now it's great because Dora looks forward to that time alone to play with this incredibly friendly dynamic person (Dh and I are so NOT dynamic:ROTFLMAO:). I remember the first time I led Dora into her room with the SLP and she turned to me and said "byyyyyeee!" :hysterical:I knew things were going well. I know that sounds so odd but she had always been leery of people that are super friendly and always cried when being left in the church nursery. So to be told "you can go now, I don't need you around" was such a great moment for me:ROTFLMAO:

[julieakc]

:47: Wow - I can't believe those recommendations. While reading I was seriously saying to myself "this must be a joke..one of those totally sarcastic books to make you laugh kind of thing" Very scary that it appears it was intended as actual advice.

As a pp mentioned I would definitely tell her supervisor; it's very scary that she's passing around such bad, abusive suggestions.

And as others have said she was WAY out of line. As a therapist who works with young children she should be used to the varying moods of children for various reasons and should be equipped with techniques to handle them. (DS has had numerous therapists in his 4 years and all have been great about re-directing or channeling any moodiness, crankiness, stubbornness, etc.)

[SammyeGail]

Hey! We go out for my sons Speech Therpy, Early Intervention ok'd one to come to our house, but they don't understand that his twin brother is an attention hog. My son has autism so we really need to focus on him. Our ST is great, she may do something with him once or twice, then has me do it a few times. He turns into such a different little boy. We go when his brother is in Mothers Day Out.

Honestly, that 'advice' is wacky. Maybe you could mess with her the next time she's there and say 'well, I blew and blew in his face forever and he finally passed out, and you know what? The tantrum stopped!!' (I'm just kidding)

IF it were me, I would copy it and contact the head of the agency you are working with, bypass your case worker. I would read it too her or scan and email it too her. Hard to do since her DH has cancer, I'd feel bad for her too. But offering advice is not her job, and that advice is awful.

Have you considered requesting a new speech therapist? They are all different and another might be great. She might actually show up on the right days and times. You could give another one a try or 2 and then decide if you want to continue or just wait until August.

Good luck, it sounds like its time for her to take retirement, kwim?

Samantha

[mommy111]

DS's SLP came over yesterday for his weekly speech session. He had taken a late nap, so I had to wake him up to start. He was not happy! DD (15 mos) was just as unhappy, so it was a nice stereo session of whining, tantrum-throwing, all-around great time!

Finally, after about 20 minutes, the SLP said it wasn't working, so she'd come back today. Fine, no biggie. Well, she shows up with a copy of a chapter from some parenting book. She says, "I have something for you to read. Not that you aren't doing a wonderful job..."

Okay, so I'm slightly offended that she has brought me some parenting tips. The kid had just woken up from a nap, and the two of them feed off of each other, so once they got started it was not easy to calm them down, especially with the SLP there trying to continue the session.

The chapter is called "The Challenge of Parenting" and has tips on handling tantrums, an angry child, etc. I don't read a lot of parenting books (I get my info from here!) so maybe these are normal, or maybe this book is REALLY old, because these just seem a little wrong to me:

From "The Proper Response"
1) "Some parents say (if you can do this without anger or hostility) to slowly pour a glass of water over a child's head for *real* drama! (Recommended *only* if you are in the kitchen or bathroom.)

-- Okay, so I've heard about putting a wet cloth on a screaming baby to help calm them down or shock them out of a screaming fest, but POURING WATER over the head of your tantrum throwing toddler- really?!?!

2) Pick your child up and gently shake out the "mads" in a fun fashion.

-- COME ON!!! This is ridiculous!

And my personal fav:

3) Try to stop breath-holding during a tantrum by blowing gently into the child's face...Don't panic if it continues until your child is cyanotic (turning blue or purple due to lack of oxygen in the blood). If a child faints, that automatically stops breath-holding.

--Wow, great advice. So go ahead and let your kid pass out. Guaranteed to stop the tantrum/breath holding.

Ugh...and these are supposed to be "practical" parenting tips.

Thanks for the gesture, SLP, but I think I'll stick to MY ways!

ROTFLMAO! Seriously! Did this woman give you this as a joke? And if she didn't, are you sure you want her in your house on a regular basis interacting with your child even in front of you?

ETA: just read our update, so glad you decided not to have this person coach your child.

[kransden]

Just out of curiosity, have you ever known a child that holds their breath until they pass out? I may have to take a poll! What a crazy book, I think you need a new SLP.

[Glizmo]

Just out of curiosity, have you ever known a child that holds their breath until they pass out? I may have to take a poll! What a crazy book, I think you need a new SLP.

Yes, my cousin. She stopped the breath-holding thing after a few times passing out.

Apparently I threw terrible tantrums as a toddler (I don't believe it, I *know* I was a perfect angel!), and while I didn't get a glass of water over my head, I did get sprayed in the face with a water bottle. My husband thinks that's hilarious, like I was a bad cat or something.

Not saying I condone either of these, but neither of us remember that this happened and we seem pretty well adjusted! :)

[SammyeGail]

Apparently I threw terrible tantrums as a toddler (I don't believe it, I *know* I was a perfect angel!), and while I didn't get a glass of water over my head, I did get sprayed in the face with a water bottle. My husband thinks that's hilarious, like I was a bad cat or something.

Not saying I condone either of these, but neither of us remember that this happened and we seem pretty well adjusted! :)

:ROTFLMAO:

My mom used to pour ice water on my face in the morning to wake me up. Granted she gave me several tries before she resorted to this, to this day I am a very hard person to wake up, lol.

Samantha

[LarsMal]

Apparently I threw terrible tantrums as a toddler (I don't believe it, I *know* I was a perfect angel!), and while I didn't get a glass of water over my head, I did get sprayed in the face with a water bottle. My husband thinks that's hilarious, like I was a bad cat or something.

:)

That's funny because I was telling my mom the story yesterday and she mentioned using a spray bottle (not on us, just in general). She said she couldn't believe the thing about pouring water over a child's head, instead she thought a spray bottle would be okay! I guess that was a different time!

As I type this, though, both of my kids are screaming in their rooms, fighting a nap. Maybe I should go find a spray bottle!

[kransden]

Apparently I threw terrible tantrums as a toddler (I don't believe it, I *know* I was a perfect angel!), and while I didn't get a glass of water over my head, I did get sprayed in the face with a water bottle. My husband thinks that's hilarious, like I was a bad cat or something.

LOL! Actually I use the cat bottle on my dd sometimes. I tell her if she keeps acting like a bad kitty I am going to treat her like one. Usually that makes her switch mental gears, and then I chase her around the house squirting her like I would the cat. It is a fun game for both of us and the redirection works like a charm - most of the time. :)

[infocrazy]

Just out of curiosity, have you ever known a child that holds their breath until they pass out? I may have to take a poll! What a crazy book, I think you need a new SLP.

My brother did as well.

I don't think that my mom blew on him but he did pass out a few times from holding his breath so long...

[lisams]

Eek. Sounds like she needs a copy of "Proffesionalism for Dummies". Or better yet, maybe she needs a refreshing cup of water poured on her head, because apparently that works too. Maybe those parenting tips will come in handy after all ;)