Why>?

[tnrnchick74]

Does EVERYONE have to have an explanation of why I'm having a c-section???

It's NO ONES business except me and my OB! I do not have to justify it to anyone! There are REAL reasons that make a c-section safer FOR ME & THE BABY than a vaginal delivery...I PROMISE!

And yes, you are wonderwoman because you had an unmedicated vaginal birth. Great. I'm happy you got the delivery experience you wanted. That's NOT a viable option for me or my baby...unless I WANT to have a uterine rupture or hypoxic event!

EVERY situation is different. Every delivery is different. Let me have my experience without attempting to make me feel guilty! Like I don't already have enough guilt because my placenta is insufficient, my lungs suck, and my uterus isn't strong enough for natural labor.

[cono0507]

I hear ya. Everyone and their mother wanted to know why I wasn't going for a VBAC. Little did they know they were going to get all the gory details about the huge ovarian cyst I had that was pushing on my birth canal and precluding a vaginal birth. The ones who were still asking after my repeat c-section got all the gory details about the dangerously thin lower uterine segment my OB found in the OR. So there, little nosy nellies! :)

[californiagirl]

I'm sorry you're feeling pressured about it. So many people are told they need scheduled C-sections for stupid reasons that a lot of people feel the need to ask (so that they can mention that you do not automatically need to schedule a section for a baby that is theoretically too big, or because you're 5 feet tall, or because you had one before).

I feel bad for everybody. I mean, I hate the idea that people get C-sections and/or stop breastfeeding because they have stupid doctors -- and I've seen people with some doozies of doctors ("I have to wean because they won't give me a local anesthetic for my infected toe otherwise. The doctor said there was nothing he could do, it was hospital policy, and I waited 2 months but I can't take the pain." Yah, after she asked this question she did get the doc officially censured, but she "knew" she had a good reason for weaning and people were making her feel guilty until she got the outrage...)

I also hate the idea that people with perfectly legitimate reasons for C-sections and weaning end up explaining themselves 40 million times. I have a friend who got hassled for not breastfeeding her third. She'd never had sufficient milk supply, she had an amazingly bad delivery with that baby, and she had the best relationship with him, because they didn't hassle over nursing all the time. It hurt her every time people asked.

I don't know the right answer here. With people I know well, I can't bear not to ask, but I do so as gently as I know how (nobody's slapped me yet, or even seemed particularly distressed). With people I don't know well, I leave it alone. I'm not likely to convince some stranger her OB's wrong anyway, so I don't want to know if she's having a C-section for some reason I don't agree with. (Actually, I wish people like that wouldn't tell me. There was a woman in my moms and babies yoga class who believed every word her nutsoid pediatrician said. We all made gentle suggestions for a while and then changed the subject once it became clear she was attached to his incredibly bad advice.)

[Drag0nflygirl]

"So why are you having a C section?"
"Because I will die if I don't."

That should shut 'em up!

[sarahsthreads]

For the same reason everyone has to have an explanation of why I'm not going the "easy" route and having a repeat-C. (As if there's an "easy" way of giving birth at all. Seriously.)

People are nosy. If it's someone you really don't want to explain it to, I'd just go with the "I really don't see why that's any of your business." line, but then again I'm in a rude mood lately. ;)

Sarah

[sidmand]

Sorry to say, but it's probably just the beginning of bad advice/nosy questions!

Luckily I had a built in quick answer that usually sufficed (based on DS' birth and prior history, a c-section was best for everyone). And the nursing/pumping...I still tear up about that every time, but I'm doing what's best and I know that.

But soon people will say you should put cereal in their bottles (at weeks old, mind you) so that they'll sleep through the night... They sleep better on their fronts, even though you were told to put them on their back... Whiskey works wonders for teething...At some point (depending on how insistent/nosy they are and your relationship) you either just start ignoring them, giving a stock answer, or smiling and say that your doctor/pediatrician doesn't advise that!

[KrisM]

With DD, I had people asking why I wasn't having a scheduled c-section and instead wanting a VBAC. This time, I have people wanting to know why I'm not scheduling until 41 weeks. You can't win.

I'm sorry you're dealing with nosey people.

[tnrnchick74]

Thanks everyone...it just gets frustrating! Thanks for listening to me complain for a bit!

[niccig]

"So why are you having a C section?"
"Because I will die if I don't."

That should shut 'em up!


I like this idea or go into TMI detail when you're explaining why. They might rethink their question next time.

[tnrnchick74]

"So why are you having a C section?"
"Because I will die if I don't."

That should shut 'em up!


I SOOO love that response! It should quiet some people up!!!

What's really ironic is that I was talking to one of our neonatologists at work yesterday about some of the findings from my latest ultrasound and she asked if I was going to have a c-section or vag delivery. I told her c-section and she was SOOO relieved and said she was going to "smack" me if I tried to go vaginal (we have that kinda relaitonship, so it wasn't an offensive comment)...and I told her there were even more maternal issues making a c-section necessary. She just gave me a hug and said "don't listen to others about how to have your baby - you and your MD have made a responsible decision and in the end having a HEALTHY baby and mommy is what matters". I wish everyone was as compassionate as this MD!

[karstmama]

i think tmi is the way to go.

it is *so* hard to refrain from 'reeducation'. i'm a midwife, lamaze instructor, lactation educator, l&d nurse for years & years - and hate to talk about it all now. having a 25 weeker by classical section has poisoned my life's work.

i hate to hear about anyone not appreciating their wonderful delivery (which is pretty much any delivery since mine was so bad), and hate the choices i had to make, so much that i pretty much can't talk about it (since everyone had it better than i did, and if they're following advice i think stupid i don't want to talk about that, either) without dumping quite a bit of anger & rudeness. 'mind your own effin' business' is what first flashes in my mind, though i haven't said it yet. you can try that, but i don't really recommend it! :D sorry to dump some on your thread...

[klwa]

Okay, now I'm paranoid that I've bothered people by asking when they've told me that they're having a C. But I really don't mean anything by it, kind of like any other baby related question. I think I usually ask, "Oh, is the baby breech?" Just a way to extend the conversation. Maybe that's all MOST of the people are trying to do. I know there are the few crazy momma's who feel like they have to make you feel inadequate no matter what you do....

[elizabethkott]

Is there a way you can work using the word "vagina" LOUDLY in your response?
I generally find that most people shut the heck up as soon as you start saying VAGINA!!!
Like:
I'm sorry, is this your VAGINA?
Well, due to issues with my VAGINA...
VAGINAS are wonderful, and I'd love to be able to have a baby pass through my VAGINA, however...
VAGINA, VAGINA, VAGINA!!!!!
And then cackle wildly.
I bet you people will stop asking you about your C-section.
:D

[KBecks]

I am so with you on this. I remember and am still annoyed by a conversation I had with our HR director (of all people, you would have thought she would be sensitive), over the fact I needed a c/s for Alek.

Yes, she had a VBAC, bully for her, but my situation is different, and frankly, I don't have to justify or explain it. Though I did. I wasn't going to tell our HR director to knock it off. And I seriously think she was trying to sell me on a VBAC. And I really don't feel like sharing my medical history with everyone who feels a passing interest in my pregnancy.

Really, I do trust my doctor who surgically removed huge uterine fibroids so I could get pregnant in the first place, and who tried to give me as minimal incision as possible, but ended up needed to open me up from my belly button to my pubic bone. Since he's operated my uterus and knows exactly what happened with the incision, yes I trust when it's said that a c/s is the only safe choice *for me*.

I am *so* with you.

[tnrnchick74]

For the MOST part, people who ask me get the "because of medical complications" and are USUALLY satisfied with that answer.

The ones I'm having a problem with are the ones who you say "because of medical complications" and then they proceed to ASK WHAT ARE THE COMPLICATIONS. Um, if I WANTED to share my medical history with you, then I would have!

Then there are those who are close friends/family that you DO share SOME of the medical info with and they proceed to send you articles of how dangerous a c-section is, complications that I "will" see with me AND the baby, and so on and so on. I'm sorry but c-sections exsisted WAY before "labial &/or vaginal rejuvination" was popular because they are sometimes the SAFEST way to deliver for LOTS of reasons.

If I COULD SAFELY have a vaginal birth, then I would. But I can't so I'm trying to have as peaceful a c-section experience as possible.

And I don't need people who are NOT ob-gyns trying to make me feel guilty about a decision that is truly NOT mine. MY decision is - do I want to risk death to me &/or my child or have a c-section which in this instance has a MUCH lower risk of death or poor outcomes for me & the baby.

Sigh.

[Melanie]

I guess because:

1 - We're nosey. ;)
and
2 - I think some people, who have had c-sections, later feel regret and that they were not totally necessary, so they want to try to educate others to save them from suffering their fate (not just the c-section, but how THEY feel about it afterwards).

Obviously you and your OB know what you're doing. I'd go the vague route, why do they even have to know how or why or when? It'd save yourself some angst. Just give a vague 'due date,' and move on.

[gatorsmom]

Sorry to say, but it's probably just the beginning of bad advice/nosy questions!

Luckily I had a built in quick answer that usually sufficed (based on DS' birth and prior history, a c-section was best for everyone). And the nursing/pumping...I still tear up about that every time, but I'm doing what's best and I know that.

But soon people will say you should put cereal in their bottles (at weeks old, mind you) so that they'll sleep through the night... They sleep better on their fronts, even though you were told to put them on their back... Whiskey works wonders for teething...At some point (depending on how insistent/nosy they are and your relationship) you either just start ignoring them, giving a stock answer, or smiling and say that your doctor/pediatrician doesn't advise that!

This is sooo true. The best cure for moms who are hurt by nosy people is to have a few more kids. ;) Seriously, my skin is so thick that people can't even stir up my emotions anymore with their judgmental comments. I have heard it ALL! "You can do a VBAC with twins." "You'd be crazy not to have a c-section." "You are Bfing twins? Why?" or "You should bf your twins longer. I bf my twins on demand for 22 months." After a while, it goes in one ear and out the other.

You just follow the path that feels right for you and you'll do fine. :)

[Edensmum]

Does EVERYONE have to have an explanation of why I'm having a c-section???

It's NO ONES business except me and my OB! I do not have to justify it to anyone! There are REAL reasons that make a c-section safer FOR ME & THE BABY than a vaginal delivery...I PROMISE!

And yes, you are wonderwoman because you had an unmedicated vaginal birth. Great. I'm happy you got the delivery experience you wanted. That's NOT a viable option for me or my baby...unless I WANT to have a uterine rupture or hypoxic event!

EVERY situation is different. Every delivery is different. Let me have my experience without attempting to make me feel guilty! Like I don't already have enough guilt because my placenta is insufficient, my lungs suck, and my uterus isn't strong enough for natural labor.



I think that there is such a backswing to the culture of medical intervention and unnecessary intervention and section, that people want to help.
At least this is what I would like to think.
I am not pg at the moment, but I have definate thoughts like this as I have a friend who is a birth doula/advocate and another who had a VBAC, and another who is lining up too have a VBA2C. I feel like the issues that may come up for me, we are ttc, may be very different than what they may choose. I am not sure I will be able to defend my decisions, and I am resentful at the thought of having to.