How do I handle son only being half potty trained?!

[sensiblemom]

My 3.5 year old son is killing me! He REFUSES to go BM in the toilet. He's perfectly content with going in his underwear, Pull-ups or even the bath tub. I don't want to go back to just the Pull-ups for fear he may get even more lazy. I need help on this one! Anyone?

[Mamma2004]

My 3.5 year old son is killing me! He REFUSES to go BM in the toilet. He's perfectly content with going in his underwear, Pull-ups or even the bath tub. I don't want to go back to just the Pull-ups for fear he may get even more lazy. I need help on this one! Anyone?

I am oh-so-sorry to say that my DS - who will be FOUR in just five weeks - is ridiculously adamant when it comes to his poop. He even admits to holding his BMs, refusing to use the toilet, even though he has done it before with great success. I could just cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He typically waits for that bedtime diaper/pull-up and then goes. Today there was a smear (sorry if TMI) on his underwear and he outright refused to use the toilet. I then put him back in underwear, skipped the much-needed nap after a hectic day, all because I KNEW he wanted to poop in his pull-up. Well, he promptly pooped in his Cars underpants. As I type, he is screaming at DH that he doesn't want to sit on the potty. We are all sooooo tired and I feel your pain!

Best of luck to you. *Please* share any tips because we are at the breaking point!

Hugs to you!

[hbridge]

Hi, you are not alone. DC was "half" trained for 6 months before figuring out how to poop in the potty. We actually used cotton training pants at home (and had many poop accidents), but while traveling or when we were out we used "pull-up" style diapers. DC rarely peed in them, could pull them on and off just like underwear, but they were easily changed and disposed of if DC pooped (also ripping the sides made it so much neater to remove them than underwear). I know there is a fear of them reverting if a child is put into "diapers", but for us it was never a problem. Once DC figured out how to pee in the potty, that's where it was done. Same with poop, it just took a VERY long time.

Best of luck. Oh, DC was just over four when we finally finished.

[o_mom]

The first thing that comes to mind is to have him tell you when he needs to poop and then put him in a pull-up or diaper, let him do his thing and then take it off right away. You can make a rule that he has to stay in the bathroom to use it, but still let him have some control over how he does it. You could also try naked time and see what he does then.

Some kids just don't like the feeling of nothing under them when they sit on a toilet for a BM. A little potty can sometimes help, but others need to be standing or squatting which they can't do on the toilet. My oldest went months after potty training of not being able to use a toilet at all without a potty seat. He could not figure out how to balance on the edge and relax enough to get anything out. Even with me holding him, he couldn't do it, so we actually carried a potty ring in the diaper bag during that time. Eventually, he figured it out on his own around 3.5 years and didn't need it anymore.

Personally, I would avoid a power struggle as this is one battle you will not win - eating, sleeping and toileting are the things that they really do control absolutely. Having heard so many of the horror stories here of the problems that can happen when they start to hold in poop, I would be wary of anything that encourages that.

[deannanb]

Just give him some time.

What has really worked is that is has been doing this on his own - as I saw him starting to squat or go to a corner by himself (with a pullup on) - I would tell him we needed to go poop on the potty - and started wtih that. We would read a book while he was sitting there.

Now he can do this all by himself, but he still wants me to come with him every time - and then he'll tell me he needs some time by himself.

Without accidents or a pullup - it has only been 2 weeks on the potty -
a treasure box has worked for us.
Every time he goes poop - he gets a prize out of the box.
(cheap trinkets, plastic rings, balls, glow in the dark stars, plastic animals - easy to throw away without being missed)

I'm trying to switch to a star or sticker chart - get a prize after a week of poop in the potty.

[cimberdog]

I also can relate to this. I have two boys, and my oldest was 4 1/2 before he'd go poop on the potty. It was a TOTAL control issue for him. My youngest, now 3 1/2 has been pee trained for almost a year. A year. And a year of pooping in his pullup (waits for nap\pullup) and his underwear (when he doesn't get a pullup). But, he certainly wants to sit on every potty in public. Restaurants, stores and other people's homes - he practically screams to sit on all the pottys but never poops. He just giggles like it's some fun experience.

I guess I should be thankful that he will even SIT on a potty (although not at home), but I'm a little tired of dirty underwear and pants in public or having to leave park playdates because he's such a soiled mess.

We've even tried bribing with tickets, tokens, candy...Nope.