Is this normal...don't have ANY motivation

[mommy111]

DC#2 is due in 2 weeks. I have NOTHING done. Before DD was born, we had shopped for everything, clothes, assembled crib, set up her room, breast pump for when I went back to work, bottles, you name it.
This time around, I mostly just feel tired and short of breath and so un-motivated. It doesn't help that my husband's job has him assigned out of town for the past 3 months and he makes it over some weekends and spends his time on the computer when he is home. Here is all I have done: I have a few sets of clothes for the baby, unwashed as yet, unsorted. I have a hospital bag half-packed (has only 2 pairs of clothes in it, then I got so sick of it I stopped). Have bought 1 pack of diapers and some glass bottles for when I have to go back to work. Have a moses basket for the baby that is still in its box.
I also feel completely mentally exhausted, whereas with my first baby, I gave up all caffeine, this time round, I can't do it, I have 1-2 cups a day and it keeps me alive. And we tried very hard to nurse the first time around and just were not successful, this time I'm like, we'll try and if it doesn't happen, it doesn't. I've seen a lactation consultant, read up stuff and all, but its really like I have a mental 'sleeping pill' and can't bring myself to be really interested or passionate about anything to do with preparing.
Is this just normal 2nd pregnancy, or is there something wrong with this picture? I just don't want to be the world's most horribly unprepared parent!

[ThreeofUs]

Pretty normal - you sound exhausted and perhaps a little depressed, which in your situation is exactly how I would feel.

Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Friends, other parents with kids DC#1s age, relatives, a spiritual advisor? They might be able to give you the support you need to feel more prepared - and maybe even help!

Hope you feel better soon, and have a wonderful birth experience!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I had some of the same lack of motivation as well but not quite that extreme. ITA with Ivy about exhaustion and maybe a little depressed. It sounds really hard to have your dh be traveling that much. I hope you can get caught up on some sleep. It would be great if you could fit in a date and maybe some "you" time (with or without some friends).

One day I bet you'll have a nesting burst and get caught up on a lot of that stuff in one swoop. Of course, maybe as a 2nd time mom to be you realize that you just don't need to have a million things in place before the baby arrives. Many babies co-sleep the first few weeks, for example. Also, little babies don't do that much. They need clothes, a diaper, some food and some arms to hold them. If you got those then you are good to go. Plus, you know that it's not like the stores magically close when the baby arrives. If you need something then you can go or, better yet, send a friend or family member to the store to get what you need. There really isn't nything dire that has to be done. Baby won't care if their room is done.

Put a camera in the car b/c I imagine that would be the one thing you would actually miss if you didn't have it for the birth. AGain, the rest, you can send someone home for.

We finaly got ds2's room set up when I was 39 weeks pg. Carseat was installed while I was in early labor. I had a list for my labor bag but I was still tossing it in during early labor. It will work out. :)

Take care! (((Hug)))

Beth

[maestramommy]

We had the cosleeper still in its bag, a breast pump with no kit, a handful of clothes, and the infant carseat installed when I went into labor with Arwyn a week early. If she had come on time we'd be at the same place. I packed my bag while laboring and she was born about 2.5 hours later. AFTER we got home Dh installed the cosleeper, the day after I was on the phone with the hospital LC and she arranged for Dh to pick up a free pump kit. The rest sorta fell into place as needed. She was sharing our room for an indefinite period so no nursery to set up, and it was May so we knew she wasn't going to be wearing much in the way of clothes. I can't speak to your other issues although I would say sleep deprivation puts me in the same exact frame of mind. But as for the other stuff, don't worry, it'll be fine. :hug:

[newmomto1]

DC#2 is due in 2 weeks. I have NOTHING done. Before DD was born, we had shopped for everything, clothes, assembled crib, set up her room, breast pump for when I went back to work, bottles, you name it.
This time around, I mostly just feel tired and short of breath and so un-motivated. It doesn't help that my husband's job has him assigned out of town for the past 3 months and he makes it over some weekends and spends his time on the computer when he is home. Here is all I have done: I have a few sets of clothes for the baby, unwashed as yet, unsorted. I have a hospital bag half-packed (has only 2 pairs of clothes in it, then I got so sick of it I stopped). Have bought 1 pack of diapers and some glass bottles for when I have to go back to work. Have a moses basket for the baby that is still in its box.
I also feel completely mentally exhausted, whereas with my first baby, I gave up all caffeine, this time round, I can't do it, I have 1-2 cups a day and it keeps me alive. And we tried very hard to nurse the first time around and just were not successful, this time I'm like, we'll try and if it doesn't happen, it doesn't. I've seen a lactation consultant, read up stuff and all, but its really like I have a mental 'sleeping pill' and can't bring myself to be really interested or passionate about anything to do with preparing.
Is this just normal 2nd pregnancy, or is there something wrong with this picture? I just don't want to be the world's most horribly unprepared parent!


OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!
I TOTALLY could've written this post when I was pregnant with DD!!!!!
I mean everything from the being totally prepared with #1 & things unorganized with #2 right down to the nursing issues!!!!
FWiW, it will all come together when it needs to.
We did not have the nursery totally ready or have the house "fully stocked" when DD came home. But it was all okay. Once I had her & I started feeling better physically I started getting my act togehter.
And, re: the nursing...
With DS I STRUGGLED through three months of breastfeeding. I promised I'd do 3 mos even if it killed me (which I felt like it might!).
I had the same attitude as you the 2nd time around I lasted 3 days. And although I know breast milk is technically "best" for baby...I think we were ALL better off once I threw in the towel & went with the bottle. The stress level came down dramatically.
Take care...everything wiil be fine!!
:)

[sidmand]

I think a lot of it is that you know you don't need all the stuff you had for DC#1! No matter how many times people said babies don't need much a) we wanted to be prepared and b) we actually had time to do it them and not so much now.

I was WAY more tired than I was with DS in the third trimester with DD. Way more...we bought nearly nothing for DD and I finally got her room together a couple of weeks ahead of time (or kind of together). I think I installed her carseat the weekend right before her birth! She had nothing to wear except DS's hand-me-downs. I was finally glad that most people gave clothes as gifts because otherwise she was wearing things that said, "Thank Heaven for Little Boys" and were all blue.

We had trouble with nursing...I ended up pumping exclusively with DS and I swore I would at least attempt it with DD (turns out DS has quite a few oral issues anyway and I didn't know how much that contributed to our problems). DD didn't take to it right away and after seeing a couple of LCs in the hospital, I realized I didn't mind pumping and I knew how to do it. I still cry about it sometimes (a very emotional issue for me!) but you do what is best for your family. That might be nursing, but it might be pumping exclusively, or bottle feeding formula exclusively. You need to do whatever is best for yourself and your family...which now includes more people!

I think it's totally normal to not be as *prepared* the second (or third) time around. But you really don't need a heck of a lot. But if you find you're just too sad, see if you can find some outside support...if DH isn't around so much, maybe family or friends? I have a hard time accepting help, but everyone has offered and really and truly mean it and I'm getting a little better.

Oh, and I so hear you about the coffee! I didn't drink any at all until DS came along (30-something years), but this pregnancy I couldn't have made it through even half-awake without it. The OB said 1-2 cups/day and I made sure I did that just about every day! I actually think it helped me not gain as much as I did with DS. I'm not sure it's actually keeping me awake at all, but maybe if I wasn't drinking it I would never be awake.

[tmarie]

Completely normal! I hope! :) I just entered my third trimester and feel overwhelmed by the to do list that I have yet to get going on. We can't decide on a name, and just can't get motivated to buckle down and make a decision. I don't remember feeling this tired so soon during my first pregnancy. For some reason I feel like its too early to buy anything, which is probaby ridiculous seeing as the baby weighs almost three lbs and I can feel her kicking away as we speak. For the last two months I have been saying I will get out the car seat covers, pack and play sheets, bouncy chair seats, etc.... for washing. Haven't touched them. No motivation.

I agree with PP regarding you sound a little down. Try to find someone to talk to if you can't get more support from dh. Best wishes for a happy delivery and congratulations on your newest little one!

tmarie
dd#1 5/05
dd#2 7/08

[mommy111]

Thank you all so much for your posts and support....and for making me feel normal again! I think, just as you had all pointed out, that I realize this time around that all that you really need for baby are a few clothes, diapers and a place to sleep.....I realized that within 2 weeks of DD being born when we didn't need any of the stuff that we had bought. And even the diapers with her, it would have been wise to wait after because we didn't know which ones (and which size) we were going to end up needing. It's amazing how little a child's needs actually boil down to!!! Also as tmarie, Ivy and Beth pointed out, I do feel a little down (only when I'm very, very tired, at the end of the day) with DH not being here, but hopefully my mom will be here soon to help and that should make a huge difference. And the car seat....that's the ONE thing that's been here for a while, cuz I realize they won't let me bring baby home without it!
Sidmand, thanks also for making me feel less guilty about the coffee, I keep thinking I'll give my DC ADHD or something by the way people carry on about coffee...my OB said 1-2 cups shoulc be OK and I stick to 1.5 a day :) And maestramommy, I read your post and laughed so hard I think I disturbed the baby-to-be's nap because I have the same symptoms as you, I get things half done and then, just like that, drop them because I'm too tired to continue. And newmomto1, thank you for making me feel less guilty about the breast feeding, we will give it as much of a go as we can this time around and I'm hoping the second time will be easier. My friend has been kind enough to prepare a 'handout' on essential breast feeding stuff that I should know that I will read in labor if need be, but I hear you on letting go with DD#1, because I was having such a hard time that even the lactation consultant finally said, you know, you can't drive yourself crazy and starve the baby over this, give yourself a break (I still stubbornly persisted tring to pump for a few months after that). I think it was best (just in my particular situation) when I gave up!
Thanks so much again for all your support! Its so great to know that other people were at the same place that I was with their seconds....