Are you a hugger?

[kijip]

I am pretty outgoing and we like to get to know new people. It occurred to me this week that I am not really much into hugging people I barely know or being hugged. I hug my mom. I occasionally hug my dad. I hug my son. I hug friends who hug me but I will not initiate nor am I all that comfortable with it when I really think about it. And I am more than a little uncomfortable being hugged by people I barely know or don't really personally know. Since I am outgoing, people seem to assume I like hugs. I think I even assumed I liked them for a long time. But on closer inspection, I don't really like them much at all. It is a little odd because it seems like something I can't really stop people from doing without being mean or cold. And I have noticed an increased number of people hugging me recently - volunteers at my job, people I sit on boards and committees with, classmates, new friends.

Am I weird here or do other people not like hugging? If you don't like it, how do you avoid it?

Also, this changed for me. In high school and college, I was more of a "hugger". I wonder what changed. :)

[candybomiller]

I think it changes when you have kids and always have someone hanging off of you. I used to be more huggy, but now I want to snarl at people if they come near me! You're definitely not alone.

[bubbaray]

I'm not a hugger. I think it goes with being a lawyer. We don't get no lovin'....

[SnuggleBuggles]

I only hug if it feels like a sincere, natural response to something. I am not a casual, "hi, how are you today?" kind of hugger. Not even with my family except ds. I was just thinking about this yesterday b/c my childhood BF was in town and neither of us are huggers but we both kind of gave that awkward, "should we hug?" body language.

Beth

[megs4413]

i love to hug. all the time. unless someone's stinky. :P

[C99]

This happens to me all the time! Although I wouldn't describe myself as outgoing. But people hug me all the time. In DH's family, they all hug and kiss me, even if I saw them last week. It always throws me offguard for some reason. Even though I've always been very affectionate with my family of origin, and with my DH and children. I generally only initiate hug-a-friend affection when they look like they *need* it (bad news, bad day, etc.) or I haven't seen them in forever.

[shilo]

can i choose: i'm a selective hugger?

i hug DS all day long, and family pretty much all the time, every visit.

i hug close friends frequently in greeting and at all special occasions (look like they need it, bad day, good day, good news, bad news, parties, holiday get togethers, etc).

i hug social friends occasionally - special occasions like above but maybe with a little more selectivity?

with all three of the above categories i pretty much know everyone well enough to know who is or isn't receptive and try very hard to respect that. if i get the 'awkward' hug body language i kinda make a mental note and try not to overstep that in the future.

i rarely, if ever hug acquaintances or people i'm only just meeting, and never at my initiation. i find the best way to avoid this is to be the first one to offer a hand for a handshake, especially if i'm sensing a hug coming on from them. this used to happen frequently when i was working. i didn't mind so much once i got to know the members of my patient's families well, but not if i'd only just started treating them.

lori

[trales]

I don't like being hugged. I think I give off an anti hug vibe b/c people rarely hug me. No one touched my belly when I was preggo, I think they sensed I would smack them if they did.

I would like to think I am a friendly person, but people (even uber huggeres) seem to respect my space.

[brittone2]

Selective hugger. I hug my parents, DH, DS, DD regularly. I'm sometimes okay w/ hugging or being hugged by close friends. I'm not big on random hugs.

My parents are the kind of people that hug everyone LOL. THey are very warm hearted sweet people. I apparently didn't get the hugging genes though ;)

DH's family rarely if ever hugs anyone. At all. When we first started dating I felt like they didn't like me because they weren't huggy (just because I grew up in a hugging kind of household so that was my norm). It took time to realize my family was at one end of the spectrum, and his family was at the other.

Now they just genuinely don't like me LOL :P

[MontrealMum]

I grew up in a part of the country where hugging is very popular, and didn't think much of it until I moved here. I now live half in the English community, which is quite cold and somewhat standoffish at first glance, and half in the French community, which does the European cheek kiss. Having lived here for so long, I find that I actually don't like hugging much either, I just used to put up with it! I hug DS, DH, my parents, and very close friends, but other than that, I don't really feel all that comfortable doing it. I am OK with the cheek kiss with people I am not as well-acquainted with. And I consider myself a friendly person too - just one who likes her own space! FWIW, noone touched my belly when I was pregnant either!

[maestramommy]

I was not a hugger AT ALL until late high school. A couple of friend's taught me how to give proper hugs:) Just the way I was raised I guess. My mom tells me she used to hug and kiss us all the time when we were babies, but after that I have no memories of hugging her except the two times I went on tour out of the country for a couple of weeks.

These days I will hug most friends, but I usually try to read their cues, see if they are a hugger. If they don't show any signs I rarely take the lead. I'm happy to hug friends, but I also try to respect their personal space so if I don't know them really well, I err on the side of restraint.

[muskiesusan]

No. My family does not hug at all unless you are a child. DH is a hugger as is his family, but they don't try to hug me anymore.

What I really want is some sort of a badge to wear to functions so people know not to hug me.

[gatorsmom]

It's funny that you posted about this. I was going to post about this about a month ago and then just forgot.

No, I don't like to hug people I barely know. Let me rephrase that- I only like to hug close family like DH, kids, my dad, etc. And i have recently started to wonder how hugging as a form of greeting became so popular.

Why do people feel comfortable hugging people they really don't know? It seems so insincere. And, this is gross, but anyone every thought about lice? Hugging someone you don't know is a perfect opportunity for them little buggers to jump on over. Besides, I'm short so for a tall person it can't be easy for them to get down to my level. Oh, and especially while I'm bfing the girls are HUGE and I feel pretty uncomfortable "pressing" close to someone who might enjoy it a bit too much, ew. But if you don't hug back it feels like a personal rejection of the person initiating it.

Handshaking seems like a perfectly good greeting. What ever happened to that? I remember when I was little, even my grandfather shook my hand as a greeting.

Going forward, I think I'm going to make handshaking my strict policy with everyone who isn't close family or close friends. I have a feeling I'm not the only person feeling awkward about this amongst the people I know and I bet they would be relieved if I just grabbed their hand in greeting.

Yep, my new resolution going forward is to handshake. I'll make sure to post in the bitching forum if this plan doesn't work out. :)

[mom2chloe]

I love to hug... :hug: all the time... :hug: and seem to get hugged a lot too... :hug: perhaps I put off the "hug me" vibe. Actually, I have wondered if DD will feel "touch deprived" later in life if I keep hugging her as much as I do. :hug:

And no, I"m not the super-perky cheerleader type...

[boolady]

Selective hugger. I hug my parents, DH, DS, DD regularly. I'm sometimes okay w/ hugging or being hugged by close friends. I'm not big on random hugs.

This is me. DH's family-- big huggers, big air kissers. Not my thing. Luckily, my two best friends are also not huggers, so no one's offended when we get together that when it's time to go, we gather our stuff and our kids, look at each other, say "I'll talk to you soon" and head out the door.