When your dp goes out of town

[Sugar Magnolia]

Do you fight a lot?

Dh rarely travels, but when he does we are at each other throats the whole time he is gone. Its never over anything big and I suspect its because we are both under more stress than normal. Although I can't figure out what is stressful about staying in a nice hotel, eating out, going out with friends, and not having to wipe butts. Is this normal?

[C99]

Nope. We don't fight at all when DH is out-of-town. He's actually much more likely to listen to me rant about how my day sucked after the kids in bed when he is away and didn't have to help me put them to bed!

[Wife_and_mommy]

DH doesn't go out of town often but it's not a time we're under *more* stress than daily life with two dc's, esp. one who's injured.

[tiapam]

My DH rarely travels and so far we don't seem to fight when he is gone, but we don't fight too much anyway. Since you have three kids, I think that's probably the main reason. That is a lot to be left with. I only have one. I would try to be extra nice to yourself, and also let standards go a little while he is gone. And if you ask him to bring you a gift, it might help things, too!

I actually wish DH would have traveled just enough to get us some miles so we can go see the in-laws at Christmas without spending a fortune!

[maestramommy]

We don't fight when Dh goes out of town (rarely), partly because he's having fun in some remote area with no cell coverage:ROTFLMAO:Seriously, we're not more likely to have an argument when he's gone than when he's around.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I think we are bickering so much because he is gone this weekend and next week has his monthly exams, so I know that I will have no time "off" for a long time. We have not been able to talk much so when we do its a hi bye kind of conversation.

He did not get me a gift. He is on his way home and told me he bought the kids all something and did not have time to look for me. Real nice.

He never travels and this weekend was crazy so I was probably a little resentful, even if its not his fault he is gone.

I am glad I can write my feelings out on the BBB and figure out what is going on in my head.

[egoldber]

No. My DH travels a lot, maybe 20-30% of the time. But its often in a different time zone so we sometimes have trouble connecting. When we do I am usually trying to remember a long list of things to ask and/or tell him LOL!

I suspect if he doesn't travel much you're stressed and don't really have a routine for when he's gone and he doesn't have a travel routine either. I found his travel more stressful before I got used to it.

[hellokitty]

Luckily, my DH rarely travels for his job. I find that while he is gone I feel more frazzled than usual, b/c he isn't there to help out. He usually helps out a lot, esp with baths and the bedtime routine, which are usually his, "thing" with the kids. I'm always really happy when he's home again. I have friends whose DH's travel all of the time and I don't know how they do it. My one friend calls it, "single parenting" when her DH is gone on business trips.

[Alice523]

We do! It is actually the only reason we ever argue. He travels only about 10% per year for work, but it goes in spurts. Last fall, it was about 40% and I had just had a miscarriage and my migraines were hitting just about every day. It was a really tough time for us. I struggle with resenting him while he's gone and am usually just less understanding of him. If he complains about a long day of travel, I'm too quick to say, "You think YOUR day was long..." ..that sort of thing. Our DS also wakes at night only when DH is gone and then gets completely upset that Daddy isn't here to talk to him. I hope that as our children get older and go to school, etc. it will be easier on me. Either that, or I find a treatment that works for my migraines. (I am currently trying acupuncture.) I do think the migraines make a big difference because I physically need DH to take over when I have one.

I honestly can't imagine having 3 DCs while DH is away, so I understand why you're stressed. We will get there eventually, but I am hoping that by that point, I am a little better at it than I am now.

[Jen841]

I have been traveling more, and honestly he is getting better. I think he respects what I face more. No more "the kitchen floor is not clean..." We do go through the Friday night "adjustment" which I feel very defensive the whole night.

I travel a bit now and I feel "my turn" I confess. He is doing well. Next two days are day trips for me and I won't be home until bedtime. We'll see how it goes.

[hillview]

I find that I am more stressed when he is close to leaving and right when he comes back (a better word might be **tchy). I also travel a lot. I think for me it is the stress of worrying about not getting enough sleep etc. I think on the other hand when you are traveling it is knowing the other DP is home alone with 2 kids and that you miss them and I know for me for some reason I think more about the what ifs (something bad happened to me) a lot more.

All that helps me is me telling DH that I am stressed about him leaving etc. Then at least it is out there and he knows why :)

HTH
/hillary

[muskiesusan]

Nope. We don't fight at all when DH is out-of-town. He's actually much more likely to listen to me rant about how my day sucked after the kids in bed when he is away and didn't have to help me put them to bed!


This is true for us as well. DH travels 2-3 days per week, so the boys and I are just use to this schedule.

DH and I don't really fight anyway, so maybe it's just not in us to quarrel?