Overcoming with guilt at everything!!!!

[shaee]

This weekend has been the worst I can ever remember.

I am due in a few weeks and i think the whole pregnancy thing has finally gotten to me and driving me insane. I feel guilty at everything i say or do or spend at DH.

We recently moved here from Australia. There my life was very well organised, we had a great place to live, both of us had great jobs. Then DH got a job here in USA which was too good to miss so i insisted we make use of the opportunity and go.

Then i got pregnant (during the time we were moving and wrapping up everything there) and since we have been here i havent worked (5 months or so!).

The frustration of not working and staying at home had driven me mad. It was my choice to not work (not an easy pregnancy so i decided to take it easy). DH is the best husband one can ask for. He is understanding and supportive!! But i just feel guilty about everything, i feel guilty for all the financial responsibility he had to bear, i feel guilty if we eat out, even do grocery shopping!! he has done everything he can to calm me but i am so annoyed in my head at myself!!

I dont know what to do!! on the weekend i mistakenly watched something on demand on comcast and didnt realize i had to pay and i cried all weekend about it (I know that is most ridiculous thing you have heard!) I ended up fighting with DH and locked myself in the bedroom and cried all day..... then sunday i gave the silent treatment!! And its not his fault!!

Am i going crazy? Do i need to see a shrink???

Thanks for listening!

[elephantmeg]

oh sweetie, big hugs. I feel the same about finances some times, I'm on maternity leave so I feel like I need to cook all the meals, not spend money etc since I'm not making as much. Add in prego hormones, culture shock, stress over moving..wow, you've got a lot going on. I found I was totally irrational at times pregnant (perhaps I shouldn't have burst into tears and hit DH over the head with a pillow when he suggested we buy a used fridge/stove off of a friend instead of a new one...). There were times when I found it was easier to leave him a note-"DH I am sorry I have been so crazy this weekend, I don't know what is going on in my head, I am feeling super guilty about the comcast thing and have been beating myself up about it".

I'll leave you with one other thought. All growing up I listened to my mom beating herself up for honest mistakes. And I do it do. I decided recently that I won't do it anymore. I will forgive myself, take responsible action for and get over things that I didn't do on purpose!

Do you need a shrink? Only you can answer that question, but do cut yourself some slack. Welcome to the US and to the BBB!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Hormones can be a powerful thing. Cut your self a bit of slack but I would totally bring these feelings up at your Dr. or midwife appointment. My mdiwives were wonderful about being interested in the whole pregnant woman- emotional and physical. Hopefully you have the same kind of compassionate care provider or at least someone to talk to there.

I do have SAHM guilt somedays too, btw. It's hard to feel like you aren't bringing something to the family (money). The thing is, you are contibuting. It's ok to spend $ that you can afford to spend. Maybe you need to work out a budget w/ your dh so you know what he thinks about where the money should go. I imagine he could care less that you spent $4 on a movie. :) But, maybe you would feel better knowing that you are both on the same page with fun money?

It really will be ok! I also got my BFP the day dh had to decide on a job offer out of state. I encouraged him to take the job so we moved and I also didn't work the whole pregnancy. I remember being bored out of my skull. That's probably why I totally through myself into reading and researching birth. It kept me busy and I knew it was a good thing to do. I spend time at the book stores and library pouring over pg and birth books so I could make informed choices. Then I worked hard on my birth plan. That's probably why I am so into birth. :)

Sorry for the long winded reply! Your post just struck some chords with me. I hope your Dr. or mw has some good insights for you.

Beth

[MamaMolly]

:22:
About 2 years ago I could have written most of your post myself. I went through so much of what you are experiencing, and international move (for us it was 'back home' but re-entry shock can be worse than culture shock, or so the books say), not working through the pregnancy, and a BIG dip in our income, etc.

Not fun, but you WILL make it through this. I highly recommend you read some books on culture shock. You are experiencing many big life altering changes at a time when you hormones would make anyone a little wacky. Reading about what is going on and what will happen made a huge difference to me.

DD is calling, just woke up so I've got to run, but I did a search on Amazon for the culture shock books...and then had some fin showing them to DH and saying SEE??? I'm not crazy! I'm in phase XYZ!


Good luck!