How do I tell dd her 2 best friends are leaving school.

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

She's 5 and I've told her a couple times now and I don't think it's getting through. She always says something else when I ask her if she understands me other than yes or no. And when I told her about it this afternoon she buried her head in my shoulders and tried not to listen to me.

I should be clear that this was the first time I told her that her younger friend would be leaving. Kids leave every year to go to 1st grade. Her montessori program goes to kind. in her room and the children get pretty attached to each other in the years they're there together. She knew her older friend would be leaving, along with several other girls so it's not a big suprise and it was expected but it still wasn't going down well.

Yesterday I found out about the younger friend. The last time I spoke to her mother they were still undecided and I guess they decided to take her out in favor of a more artsy school.

So this afternoon I told dd that friend b would be leaving at the end of the year with the kindergarteners. She looked at me with a puzzled face and said "but mom, she's not a kindergartener."

I hope that she can return to school in september and reaclimate socially with little trouble since the girls are pretty young and it is mont. so the kids are supposed to be good at social adaptability. I don't know-I'm not hopefull about this and am ready to assume off the bat that it's going over like a lead weight. Any ideas as to how I can make things easier on her? Aside from playdates this summer with the girls that will be there next year so that she can foster new friendships.

[Jen841]

J has lost a variety of friends to other care situations. We just tell him they are going to a new school... like he is in the fall. It seems to work b/c I think it mirrors what the teachers are telling them. Maybe ask how the staff is communicating it and or the parents, and make sure you have the same story.

Keeping in touch will be your task, and I confess it is not easy. Friendships will fall through the cracks, but J rebounded and did not miss a beat. On occassion he will bring up an old friend or teacher, and the "new school" story surfaces.

Sorry... but honestly easier than you think.

[Georgia]

Now it's time to let her deal with it on her own terms and on her own timeframe. September might seem like just around the corner for you, but it's a looooong time for a Kindergardener. So much could change between now and then, and I think you should let her enjoy the time with her friends during the short time left in this schoolyear rather than making her think about next year. Pushing her to acknowledge the loss now seems too stressful for a child that age.

Hang back and let her come to you with her concerns when they are really hers, and help make the change low key rather than amplifying it beyond what she seems to be telling you she can deal with now.

Georgia

[hbridge]

It will be a transition, but she will be fine. We switch DC's preschool at the beginning of this year. After a huge disagreement with the director of the school she attended last year, we realized we needed to make a change and fast to keep our child out of a potentially damaging situation. Anyway, we were able to get her into a wonderful coop a few towns away and we have been so happy there.

DD made the transition beautifully and now she has "new school friends", "old school friends", "ballet friends", ect. There were a few weeks of confusion on her part, but it was much easier than I expected.

Your daughter will be fine. She will be in the same school and she will make new friends. It may also be a little early to start to prepare her, the summer is a very long time. Also, if everyone is staying local, it's so much fun to get together with friends that they are NOT in school with...

Try not to worry too much...

[KBecks]

I think you need to find a positive, confident attitude so you don't freak her out. It sounds like you are stressing. I'd just let her know (as you did) and then let it go and see what happens. She will be fine! Get the contact info for her friends so you can still get together at times.

[californiagirl]

When DD needs time to process something, she changes the subject. I just let it go. Occasionally I bring it up again, but mostly she doesn't want to talk about it directly.

[TahliasMom]

well since dd has been in preschool for 1 year now, she's seen few of her friends come and go. it's been difficult at times but the teachers made a huge effort to prepare the kids and do a nice send off. one girl she was really close to and when she left, we have kept in touch and do playdates once a month or so. is that an option for you? it served as a nice transtition for both.

[Wife_and_mommy]

I think you need to find a positive, confident attitude so you don't freak her out. It sounds like you are stressing. I'd just let her know (as you did) and then let it go and see what happens. She will be fine! Get the contact info for her friends so you can still get together at times.

ITA. I'm more shy than my dd but have worked *very* hard not to project my feelings on her. She has several sets of friends and makes new ones whenever necessary. There might be a transition period but your dd will do great as long as you believe she will. :) :hug:

[s7714]

Now it's time to let her deal with it on her own terms and on her own timeframe. September might seem like just around the corner for you, but it's a looooong time for a Kindergardener. So much could change between now and then, and I think you should let her enjoy the time with her friends during the short time left in this schoolyear rather than making her think about next year. Pushing her to acknowledge the loss now seems too stressful for a child that age.

Hang back and let her come to you with her concerns when they are really hers, and help make the change low key rather than amplifying it beyond what she seems to be telling you she can deal with now.

Georgia

ITA! My DD has asked once if her best buds from preschool will be going to the same K as her. I gave her a simple explanation of why they wouldn't and left it at that. She hasn't mentioned it again and I have no plans to bring up the subject unless she does. It breaks my heart to think she won't be going to school with a couple of the sweet kids she's made friends with, but I'm not going to make a mountain out of what is a molehill to her at this point.