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View Full Version : I am ready to tear my hair out...



Globetrotter
05-15-2008, 02:22 PM
(not that I have much to begin with!)

I have been on the phone for an hour with a relative. They moved to the U.S. about 4 years ago and have been struggling here. Her husband is very well educated and they lived a fancy lifestyle overseas, but here they are having visa problems and are having a lot of financial problems. For the longest time they didn't have health insurance! The wife is also educated but is unable to work because she doesn't have a work permit. They are legal, though, so that's not an issue. They are waiting for their green card.

Well, she is driving me insane!!!

First she told me that her wisdom tooth is hurting but of course they don't have dental ins. I'll have to look into the subsidized programs, if they qualify. Believe me, I had to work on them to get health ins!

She asked for my help to figure out what she could do from home without a work permit, and I was giving her ideas for business opportunities, including ideas for google searches and websites. She has a long list of excuses for every single thing, as she always does! I finally practically yelled at her to make her understand that she can't say no to everything and she must make an effort, even if it's a small one.

Second, and this has me :hopmad: :hopmad:

Apparently, she and her neighbors strongly suspect someone in a nearby apartment is a drug dealer!!! There are people coming in and out at all times, suspcious activity at night. Heck, she even saw someone shooting up outside! She did talk to the apartment manager, but nothing has happened. I think they are concerned that the dealer has a son and they will take him away. UH, maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing. Her husband doesn't want to get involved, so noone is doing anything about it. ugh. They have a kid - what kind of environment is this?

Anyway, I feel like I spent an hour doing this :banghead:

Kris

tarabenet
05-15-2008, 02:29 PM
Oh Kris! You have so got to make them be resposible for themselves! You have your own family to raise, and don't need to be "raising" adults too! They may sink or swim, but you have gone way beyond the call of duty, and it is time for them to be grownups.

No fair tearing out your own hair over someone else's problems. Especially someone who is educated and could presumably track down answers for herself. What would they be doing if they didn't have a relative here? They'd be doing for themselves, that's what. Let them. You don't deserve their headaches!

Meanwhile, though, vent away!

bubbaray
05-15-2008, 02:48 PM
ITA.

If they aren't happy in the US, why don't they go back to whereever they came from? I'm not meaning that in a mean way -- I just don't "get it" why people emigrate from country X to country Y and then proceed to bash country Y. My FIL is like that. It drives me INSANE. He left Germany and moved to Canada 45 years ago. And, he has been doing nothing but slam Canada for the ensuing 45 years. Living in Canada made him a very wealthy guy. Maybe the same would have happened in Germany, I dunno. MIL was like that too before she died (she was also from Germany).

Everything they purchased was imported from Germany. I laughed so hard when they purchased some $3k German fridge and the compressor went after a year. They imported the replacement part for $1k and it was the WRONG part. They had to purchase a new one (and couldn't get a refund on the wrong part) -- so they ended up putting $5k into a freakin' fridge -- just b/c they HAD to have a German one. They could have purchased a NorthAmerican brand for $1-1.5K and be done with it.

I have asked DH many many times over the years why his dad (and mom when she was alive) didn't just move back to Germany if they hated it here so much. Well, FIL must have heard me (kidding -- I never discuss this when he's around) b/c he and SMIL now live in Germany 6m of the year and are in the process of buying an acreage there. I don't understand why he comes back for the 6m of the year they *are* here -- its not like they spend any time with their kids.

I just don't get it.