Toddler for sale...

[tylersmama]

Almost two year old for sale. Cheap. No reasonable offer refused.

Act now and receive a bonus miniature labradoodle absolutely free!




My imaginary Craigslist listing...oy, what a day. Haven't been this happy to see little man's bedtime in a while...

[dcmom2b3]

Let's hope we're not in the same markets, we'd be competitors. I've got a typical toddler, a neurotic cat, and an annoyingly charming (or is that charmingly annoying? he's French -- sometimes the difference isn't clear) DH that I'd like to sell. Or offer free to a good home.

Sigh.

Bless you, and a big hug, too.

MH

[MMEand1]

Totally different market here and I'll throw in 2 Britax seats and even install them!!

{{{Hugs}}} Hope your days get better!
MP

[ritacheetah]

You sound like me when I occasionally ask DH "do you want to drive them out to the country and let them go?"

I look forward to bedtime quite a bit...

[elektra]

My Dad, who I love very much and who takes care of DD every Friday, used to tell me, "Go play on the freeway!" Obviously kidding but now I am starting to understand his pain. Hang in there.

[MarisaSF]

Welcome to two! Wheeeeeeee! Hang on tight, Mama! :dizzy:

[shilo]

Welcome to two! Wheeeeeeee! Hang on tight, Mama! :dizzy:


yeah, and whoever coined "three is two with practice" around here knew exactly what they were talking about!

oh, and if i plagiarize your craigslist ad, can i add "take the psychoti-cat and neuroti-cat and we'll throw in the nose picking and feet on the dinner table for free"?

isn't mothering a toddler a blast ;)? hugs for your sucky day. may he be a well rested, calm, well-mannered little prince for you tomorrow.
lori

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

Can I include a mouthy,defient, just plain irritable 5 year old ?

[JTsMom]

"three is two with practice"

:ROTFLMAO: I hadn't seen that one before. Jason turned 3 yesterday. I tried to make it a fun day for him, b/c we already had his real party a few days earlier. Instead, we spent the majority of the day in the land of whine and scream. I think I got about 50 new gray hairs.


As for the trading, here I thought feet on the dinner table was a charachteristic unique to my child, but since that is not as rare as I'd thought, I'll lower my asking price to Free to Good Home PLUS $5 for your trouble. ;)

[elephantmeg]

My 2 year old is OK today, but I feel your pain, I've had those days. I'll throw in a cranky from shots 9 week old, and a very horny husband into the mix.

[KBecks]

I'll take the toddler but you can keep the dog. :)

[elizabethkott]

Is the Land Of Whine And Scream next to the county of Bite and Kick? And are either remotely close to the village of Danceonthecoffeetable? Because DS frequently travels to all three...

[LarsMal]

Is the Land Of Whine And Scream next to the county of Bite and Kick? And are either remotely close to the village of Danceonthecoffeetable? Because DS frequently travels to all three...

Well, I am the proud owner of the President of the Land of Whine and Scream and the Mayor of Danceonthecoffetable. I hear they also like to frequent the town of Jumpsonthebed and the city of IHearYouMomButI'mNotListening.

Oh, I need to go, the President of Whine and Scream is both whining and screaming as I type! Yesterday I told him to be quiet and he said, "No! I want to be loud!" (or "yowd" as he says).

I don't know what I'll do when they stop napping!

Sometimes I LOVE having the kids so close in age- and then I wake up (or they wake up!) and I think, "What the H*LL did we get ourselves into!?!"

[npace19147]

At least this thread is making me laugh!

We have a book called "Frances has a baby sister" or something like that. In it Frances feels neglected and says "things are not very good around here. I think I'll run away."

So when it's been a tough day at home I call DH at 5:05pm and say, "things are not very good around here."

of course, then he says "uh oh. I have to stay late and work." (he's just kidding...mostly!)

[ThreeofUs]

I showed this thread to DH, because of our troubles lately with DS, and DH was rolling on the floor laughing about it.

[trales]

We have a book called "Frances has a baby sister" or something like that. In it Frances feels neglected and says "things are not very good around here. I think I'll run away."

DD is Frances and she is just like the badger in the books. It is really strange.

[tylersmama]

Glad I'm not the only one going through this! I will say, he's slightly better today. Slightly.

I got to escape for a few hours this morning, and of course he was a perfect little prince for the babysitter. :rolleye0014: The dog, at least, is mostly behaving himself.

If this is what the twos are gonna be like, somebody please save me from the threes...:duh:

[JTsMom]

Well, I am the proud owner of the President of the Land of Whine and Scream

Oh no, you're going to have to go 10 rounds with me to get that title!:11: LOL

Let me share with you all my story from last week, just to give you moms of 2 year olds a little preview of your future. Perhaps some of you will remember my ordeal with my grandfather dying and DS and I going to stay in PA in the state park cabins for the funeral?

The day of the FIVE HOUR LONG viewing, which took place during dinner AND bedtime, DS and his partner in crime cousin decided it would be a good idea to play Blues Clues, using the kneeler in front of the (open) coffin for the "thinking chair". There was a lot of running back and forth involved. My sister and I took bets on who's kid would knock grandpa onto the floor first. Any deviation from the Blue's Clues format resulted in travel to the land of W&S.

The next morning was the funeral. (Think of the viewing as a warm up, if you will). So, after arriving with my siblings (2 of whom were Pallbearers), child and nephew (So 6 of us), late, I tried to slip in as quietly as possible. Yeah right. :ROTFLMAO:

DS fell asleep about 30 seconds before we arrived, and I had to take him out of his carseat He woke up as I sat down in the second row, and immediatly tried to bolt for the kneeler. I grabbed him, and we immediatly teleported to Scream- no whine, just full on SCREAMING. I ran, in heels mind you, with my crazed child in arms, to the bathroom, where I thought the sound of said screaming, and my attempts to quiet it would not be heard. They were. By the whole place. We were asked to leave (well, move really). I missed the entire thing.


Moving on to the burial site... I stood in the back, trying to keep DS happy and quiet. I also had DN. They decided to try to sit in people's cars. That was fun. Then there was the 21 gun salute. With 2 toddlers.


So next, we head to the luncheon. My mom calls me and tells me she forgot all of the desserts, and that I needed to go buy some more. So I drag DS to the nearest store and do that. By the time I got back, I was so flustered from DS's behavior the whole day I just started bawling. You know, b/c I wasn't embarrassed enough yet. My mom thought it was funny, and that helped b/c I thought she was going to be embarrassed, but later she told about 150 family members about it.

We survived the luncheon, but then came the grand finale....

I see DS standing accross the room full of people saying their goodbyes, squatting with a weird look on his face, and I start laughing. My mom and my sister say, "What is he doing?!" I said "pooping". My mom, with a look of horror crossing her face, says, "In his pants?!" That's when I remembered that DS does not wear diapers anymore. :duh:

I picked him up, took him to the car to change him, and my sister comes out to tell me that we have LEFT A TRAIL OF TURDS.


And that was my trip. Top that Julie. :ROTFLMAO:

[ThreeofUs]

And that was my trip. Top that Julie. :ROTFLMAO:


OMG! ROTFLMAO!!!!

Oh, gosh, I can't breathe for laughing....

[trales]

I just spit half my dinner on the computer. Thank you, I so needed that.

We are in the land of whine right now (I am drinking my own version) and DH does not come home until 1030pm. Argggg. I hate law firms.

[elizabethkott]

OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!!
Lori, I am on the floor!

[kozachka]

I sometimes joke when DS wanders off a bit too far that if he ever gets kidnapped, we won't have to wait for him to be returned. We'll be even offered money to take him back.

I love warm weather, I can just let DS out to run off his energy before bedtime. And it sure helps that I have a job during the day. When DS turned two I had to put DS into daycare (no help from family or DH) or I would have gone mad. I had moments, very brief moments, when I felt like either throwing DS out the window or jumping out myself.

Hang in there, things do get better.

[LarsMal]

Oh no, you're going to have to go 10 rounds with me to get that title!:11: LOL


And that was my trip. Top that Julie. :ROTFLMAO:

LOL!!! Okay, okay, you win the first like- FOUR rounds! Mine is more on a daily basis. You know the:

-*I* dare to close the slider on the van. Whine&Scream
-I put the *red* bib on DD, not DS- Whine&Scream
-I poured milk in the blue cup, purple cup, green cup...it doesn't matter, which ever one I pour it in is the WRONG one. Whine&Scream
-I try to start a DVD
-I try to help buckle him in the booster seat

You get the point!! And then I have Sister Stereo in the corner chiming in, just because she can. Oh the joys!

I think that earns me a round or two!

[JTsMom]

Well, I've got the day to day "How dare you flush the toilet by yourself/pour my milk for me/act like my mother in any way" whining and screaming, so we'll have to call that a tie, but you definitely get a few points for the sister. LOL


But I'm going to come back with my ace in the whole- my Kohl's dressing room last month story...

The scene:
DS and I in Kohl's very crowded dressing room during their big sale. It's closing in on that 4pm time of day we all dread, but this is my one opportunity to score a couple of tops for summer, which I am in dire need of.

I try on the first top.

DS: "Blue nummies!!! Hi blue nummies!!!!" (Nummies was our word for bf, and the shirt was blue.)
Next shirt "Green nummies!", repeat with each shirt.

Me: Praying that nobody says anything, but still chuckling a little, priding myself on the fact that I don't embarrass easily. Moving on to a pair of capris.


DS, at top volume: "MOMMY'S PENIS!!!!! HI MOMMY'S PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me, stammering: "No honey, money doesn't have a penis." Pause to silently debate the merits of yet another explanation of girl and boy parts in said dressing room (we've been going through the body discovery stage lately, and chatting about how some parts are private), and whether said explanation will help dispel the notion of my having a penis for the audience, when...


DS, again at top volume: "DADDY HAS A PENIS! CAN I PLAY WITH DADDY'S PENIS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ONLY MOMMY! ONLY MOMMY PLAYS WITH DADDY'S PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!"



Me: :46:


Granted, no whining, but definite screaming.

[npace19147]

Oh, Lori, I can't even imagine! You could write a book with these stories!

[kozachka]

Lori, I was just literally laughing out loud reading your Kohl's story. Thank you for the laugh!

[elephantmeg]

OMG Lori, OMG. How in the world did you leave there without being 5 shades of red...

[bubbaray]

OMG Lori, those are hilarious! Better than my recent trip to buy a new bathing suit with DD#1 in tow (that was in the BP).

[ShanaMama]

Well, I've got the day to day "How dare you flush the toilet by yourself/pour my milk for me/act like my mother in any way" whining and screaming, so we'll have to call that a tie, but you definitely get a few points for the sister. LOL


But I'm going to come back with my ace in the whole- my Kohl's dressing room last month story...

The scene:
DS and I in Kohl's very crowded dressing room during their big sale. It's closing in on that 4pm time of day we all dread, but this is my one opportunity to score a couple of tops for summer, which I am in dire need of.

I try on the first top.

DS: "Blue nummies!!! Hi blue nummies!!!!" (Nummies was our word for bf, and the shirt was blue.)
Next shirt "Green nummies!", repeat with each shirt.

Me: Praying that nobody says anything, but still chuckling a little, priding myself on the fact that I don't embarrass easily. Moving on to a pair of capris.


DS, at top volume: "MOMMY'S PENIS!!!!! HI MOMMY'S PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me, stammering: "No honey, money doesn't have a penis." Pause to silently debate the merits of yet another explanation of girl and boy parts in said dressing room (we've been going through the body discovery stage lately, and chatting about how some parts are private), and whether said explanation will help dispel the notion of my having a penis for the audience, when...


DS, again at top volume: "DADDY HAS A PENIS! CAN I PLAY WITH DADDY'S PENIS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ONLY MOMMY! ONLY MOMMY PLAYS WITH DADDY'S PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!"



Me: :46:


Granted, no whining, but definite screaming.

OMG I am so LOL that my entire office wants to know what I'm doing. Busted!! This story, despite many parents contratry opinions, is why I hesitate to teach DD correct terminology at this point. I figure there's plenty of time for her to learn how to correctly use vagina, LOL.

[LarsMal]

Well, I've got the day to day "How dare you flush the toilet by yourself/pour my milk for me/act like my mother in any way" whining and screaming, so we'll have to call that a tie, but you definitely get a few points for the sister. LOL


But I'm going to come back with my ace in the whole- my Kohl's dressing room last month story...

The scene:
DS and I in Kohl's very crowded dressing room during their big sale. It's closing in on that 4pm time of day we all dread, but this is my one opportunity to score a couple of tops for summer, which I am in dire need of.

I try on the first top.

DS: "Blue nummies!!! Hi blue nummies!!!!" (Nummies was our word for bf, and the shirt was blue.)
Next shirt "Green nummies!", repeat with each shirt.

Me: Praying that nobody says anything, but still chuckling a little, priding myself on the fact that I don't embarrass easily. Moving on to a pair of capris.


DS, at top volume: "MOMMY'S PENIS!!!!! HI MOMMY'S PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me, stammering: "No honey, money doesn't have a penis." Pause to silently debate the merits of yet another explanation of girl and boy parts in said dressing room (we've been going through the body discovery stage lately, and chatting about how some parts are private), and whether said explanation will help dispel the notion of my having a penis for the audience, when...


DS, again at top volume: "DADDY HAS A PENIS! CAN I PLAY WITH DADDY'S PENIS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ONLY MOMMY! ONLY MOMMY PLAYS WITH DADDY'S PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!"



Me: :46:


Granted, no whining, but definite screaming.

BWHAHHAHAH!!! :ROTFLMAO: :ROTFLMAO:

I'm throwing in the towel! You win.

I will share my moment from the drs office last week.

I had to go see, um...proctologist for some, well, stuff that you see a proctologist for! I told DS we were going to the doctor's for Mommy. He said, "Mommy getting shots?" (I get weekly allergy shots). I told him no, I was going to have my butt checked. Okay, so WHY I said those words, I don't know. I guess I could've said nothing, or said I needed to have my hiney checked. I didn't really think anything of it.

So, we're waiting and waiting and waiting at the office and DS starts screaming.

Mommy see the doctor now! Mommy see the doctor now! Get your butt checked Mommy! Doctor check your butt now Mommy!

I was MORTIFIED!!!! Luckily DS has some speech issues, so it wasn't that clear, but I think everyone got the idea! It was so humiliating. I learned my lesson. I guess the only good thing is everyone was there for the same reasons!

[BabyMine]

Thank-you so much for the stories. I am just entering the tantrum stage and thought I was the only one who wanted to sell him off. It feels so good to know I am not alone.

[tylersmama]

OMG, these are freaking hilarious. Thank you so much for lightening up my frustrating week by sharing your traumatizing stories! :ROTFLMAO:

[JTsMom]

Mommy see the doctor now! Mommy see the doctor now! Get your butt checked Mommy! Doctor check your butt now Mommy!




:hysterical: Oh no, I think we'll have to call it a tie! That is hilarious!!!!

I'm glad everyone got a kick out of my two. Misery loves company, right? Before DS started talking, I'd read stories like these and swear people had to be making them up. Now I know the truth. LOL

Now I'm off to dig up Melissa's bathing suit story.

[LarsMal]

And then they do what DD (16 months) just did...

I'm sitting a the computer, practically on the edge of the seat b/c DD is trying to climb on the chair. I'm reading posts, she's climbing up, and then she gets behind me, wraps her arms around me (as far as she can!) and says, "Yub You" (Love you!). How sweet!!!