SAHMs: When do you plan to return to work (outside the home)?

[blisstwins]

I SAH with my twins and have felt so lucky that we were able to swing that. I don't think we can afford to me to SAH indefinitely, though I am truly worried about returning to work for a number of reasons. My husband works INSANE hours and is rarely home for bedtime and my job, teaching, requires me to do a lot of prep and grading at home. If I am almost 100% responsible for the house and my children's evening routine how much stress will my returning add my/our lives?
My children will be in preschool from 9-2 next year, which is when I am tentatively scheduled to return to my old job. If I do not return then I will need to start over at a new school and I did like my old one and I have a good reputation there. Would you delay for another year or two?

In an ideal world, when would you return to full-time work after having children? Thanks for your opinions.

[maestramommy]

In an ideal world I will not return to FT work until all the kids are in school fulltime. I am a teacher too, so I totally understand your predicament, it's one of the reasons I became a SAHM. In your situation, if you return to work, is it possible to get a nanny for nighttime? Someone that would work afternoon and evening hours? That sounds really odd I know, but it sounds like while you really want to return to work, you're going to need extra support once you do. Besides, if you are working for a school day, you'll still need someone to pick your twins up from preschool right?

Another idea, is it possible for you to return to your old school, but not the same job? Could you sub or be a teacher's aide instead and still hold on to some kind of credits? That way you'd be working, but you wouldn't have to bring any work home or do any prep. That's something I've toyed with (subbing) because we will be relocating so even if I renew my credential in this state I'd have to start over in another state.

[fivi2]

In an ideal world I don't want to go back to work ever! I have twins also and we are considering a third. Mine aren't in preschool yet. I have heard from so many people that even once they start school life remains crazy with different schedules, school breaks, etc. I would like to do *something* from home on a very part time basis, but don't know what that would be. I was a lawyer before babies and will try very hard not to go back to that!

But, financially I may have to. DH also works crazy hours and it isn't fair to him. So, assuming no more kids, I hope to wait until the twins enter kindergarten.

Is there anything you can do during the hours they are in school without returning full time? Job share, tutor, sylvan online, or even work in a pre school part time? It wouldn't be nearly as much money, but maybe it would help?

This is not meant to imply that others shouldn't WOH. I have a ton of respect for moms who can handle it all. I simply mean that for me and my family I would like to stay home. I think that not loving my former job has a lot to do with that!

[blisstwins]

I am officially in awe of single moms as I contemplate going back. Seriously.

I know I am all over the place on this and I really appreciate your feedback so far.

Even if I go back to work my DH's hours will be insane. I hate his job passionately, but this is our life.

I will have to hire someone to take my children to school AND someone to pick them up after school and stay with them for at least two hours. I could use the help in the evenings, but I know I will already feel robbed on time with them. I did not have help with these twins (actually very p/t for the first few months) and I don't want to lose that intimacy if I can help it. Does that mean that there is never a good time to go back?

BTW: I do work p/t at the moment, but it is very p/t and a family member watched the children the one day a week I am out. I make very little, but it keeps a line on my resume so I thought it important. I will eventually need more, particularly for retirement savings and whatnot. DH has LOUSY benefits.

[s7714]

I've always planned on finding something part-time after the girls are in school full time, but I will play it by ear as to when. I doubt I'll return to full-time work for a long, long time unless it's necessary.

ET finish my post as it was interrupted by a DD's nap ending... ;)
My niece's mom was having a hard time deciding if she was going to return to her pre-baby teaching position as well. In the end, she did, but she has plenty of family in the area to deal with the child care side of it. Even though your twins will be in preschool, you'll have all those times when one or both are sick and can't go to school, etc. so I think if you have a reliable child care source to fall back on, go for it. If you'd be taking a lot of time off to handle those situations, I'd have to question if it'd be a good thing for you (or the school) in the long run.

[AngelaS]

Not any time soon, thankfully.

My oldest is 10, the youngest 3.5. Since I'm homeschooling, if I homeschool the little one thru high school, I still have another 15 years before going back to work. :)

[elliput]

Hopefully never. I already have nearly 20 years under my belt as a worker bee. I'd really like to spend the next 20 raising my children. However, I know that if it were necessary financially for my family to have me return to work, I would do so.

[niccig]

I'm getting to the point where I am starting to think about work in some part-time capacity. My DH works crazy hours too and isn't home for the evenings. My ideal job would be part-time during preschool hours. I may have some project work lined up that I could do mostly from home and then some face-to-face time (I used to be a librarian). I'm also contemplating returning to school. Whatever I do, I have to have child care organized as DH's job is too unreliable. Do you have family near that could help? A friend is a teacher and her mother picks up her girls after school until she is finished. Another friend's child stays in after school care until she finishes. Could you look at job share or some other arrangement that is less than full-time until your children are at school as well?

[ThreeofUs]

It's a good question. I have my own little consulting business now, and am working with DH to start up an institute at the university. But both of those really are "if I'm working, DH isn't" deals.

I'm thinking when both kids are in school full-time, as long as I could continue to set my own schedule.

[MontrealMum]

I am a part-time graduate student, and will be doing that through next year when DS turns 2. The spring before his 2nd birthday I will be on the job market, and while I would prefer part-time, I may have to take what I can get just to get my foot in the door.

My mom is a teacher and went back to work FT when I was 8 (this was in the 70s). She started by subbing quite a bit, and (as her program went through the summers) often subbed summers as well. Once I was in school full-day it was easier for her to work full-time since we had a similar schedule. When she was subbing, she often requested long-term positions, which gave her more pay and day-to-day consistency, but did not necessarily have her doing the prep (though she would have done the grading - she'd elem. ed. and special ed. so there wasn't much of that). She also arranged it with the directress of my school that I could stay late under teacher supervision (I was in private school, which was flexible) so that she would have time to get there to pick me up. She also had help from my grandmother, and we were part of a carpool for a time. When I was older, I took the bus, but she was always home within 30 minutes of my arrival.

So, teaching can lend itself to WOH better than some jobs, especially part-time/job-sharing/subbing - but it works better if you have some sort of support system. It's always a balancing act, though, isn't it?

[ellies mom]

Well, ideally I'll be starting nursing school in January which will be just full-time. So if everything goes well, I should be going back to work in 3 years. Ellie will be 7.5 and Audrey will be 3. Poor Audrey will be getting the short end of the stick.

[megs4413]

Never. If I decide I want to work, then I'll work, but we have no future plans of me working as of right now. That has always been the plan.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Why do you think I had a second child the year ds1 started kindergarten (when I had intended to go back to work)? ;) Just kidding!

My mom is planning to retire next year and has offered to watch ds2 full time for me. It wouldn't make any sense for me to go to work when any jobs I am currently qualified for would pay about what I would have to pay for day care.

We aren't in any rush around here. I want to be home with ds2 for his 1st year and we will play it by ear after that. I do plan to get my postpartum doula certification this summer so that's at least something. I am still trying to decide what I really want to do when I grow up. I had ds1 right after college so I have yet to start a true career. sigh


Beth

[KrisM]

I'm thinking never. Once they're all in school full-time, I might do something fun part-time, but not full-time. I am an engineer and I can't imagine going back full-time and being good at it after 10-15 years out. It's only been 4 years so far and I know they have all new test equipment and procedures at my old job already.

[SpaceGal]

This a great thread.

Ideally, I would like to never to return to work but that probably won't happen. DH has been experiencing a serious amount of stress at work and had a freak out moment and told me to return to work and that he wanted to switch jobs and take a HUGE pay cut. I was less than happy to hear all of that but he came to his more rational self and decided to stick it out.

For us, I guess I plan to stay home as long as time permits once my DS#1 and DS#2 are in school full time I want to go back to work to contribute. It doesn't have to be anything serious (I used to work in wed media and then in insurance). I won't be able to find anything that relates to what I used to do in web media...and insurance was a miserable annoying job but if it pays the bills we'll see. Personally, I'd be happy working a mindless cashier job with no office politics.

In the end, I think I just want to be home when my kids are off the bus...if I can swing something that allows for that I'll do it. Where I live I don't have family so it's hard to work knowing that 1/2 the salary I make goes straight to child care and then that's not even considering the time I lose with my boys and the stress I would have to deal with being a working mom...DH is less than helpful with the kids and his schedule is another factor.

Having kids definitely is hard work and I guess some where you have to hope to find the balance that makes it all work...for some it's easier for others it's a whole lot of juggling.

[ShanaMama]

I will have to hire someone to take my children to school AND someone to pick them up after school and stay with them for at least two hours. I could use the help in the evenings, but I know I will already feel robbed on time with them. I did not have help with these twins (actually very p/t for the first few months) and I don't want to lose that intimacy if I can help it. Does that mean that there is never a good time to go back?


I thought I'd address this from the WOHM perspective, although it doesn't exactly answer your question. Feel free to ignore- not trying to bring up any debate. ;)
I would have a very difficult time having someone else drop my kids at school & pick them up. Transition times are most difficult for me as a parent & for DD. Mornings are always rushed and sometimes -hopefully not always- stressful. I come straight home from work to pick up DD, so no down time for me. It's a hard time for her- she has a very long day at daycare (8:45-3) and I find that she really needs me to be calm and steady for her. If she's had a hard day she'll often take it out on me when we come home & I try very hard to devote my full attention to her in the afternoon. If she falls asleep right when we get home (she's been doing that lately) & I have even 20 mins for myself, I am much calmer and have more stamina to be strong for her. On a typical day she needs me to be patient and unwavering. Having just come home from work it's a challenge. On days that I don't go to work I am calmer, more patient, and more tolerant of her typical 2 yo behavior.
I have made it practically a policy to never talk on the phone between the time I get home & her bedtime. I also try not to do housework, except maybe light straightening up or folding laundry. So I'm either focused on her or making supper, or both. By the time she's fed & bathed & in bed I am bushed & usually collapse onto the recliner. Lately DH has been coming home in time to eat dinner with her and he often puts her to bed because I am just spent by that time.
I think it's good that you are fleshing out these ideas now. How hard will it be for you to have someone else greet them after school? What about sick days? Will you be able to take off, or will someone else care for them? How much patience and energy will you have after teaching for 5 hours? And of course, not having your DH's help will mean you're on your own at night, unless you hire someone.
For me, working is the right choice right now, but there are days when I question that. If you return to work you will definitely have difficult days. I think the questions to ask are what are your reasons motivating you to return? Then see if the tradeoffs are worth it for you.
ETC typos

[momtoonegirl]

I am going to go back to work next year, when DD is 3 and eligible for pre-school, because I cannot afford (both financially, but mainly career-wise) to stay out longer.

I am fortunate that I have some job offers in the works, since I have kept up my contacts in my occupation. However, I can only return to work part-time, because it would be too expensive to pay for preschool tuition, plus after hours care (after 6pm), if I were to work full-time. DH and I have similar jobs, so we cannot both work 10-12 hour days, plus occasional weekends, and provide care for DD without being exhausted. If we have another DC, we will just have to find adequate daycare, or nanny at that time, because I can't afford to take more than 6 months time off again in my career.

In an ideal world, I would just go back to work after DD, and any other DC are in school full time. Unfortunately, in my profession, I would not be able to find work (or would have to possibly repeat post-graduate work) if I stayed out too long :(

[Happy 2B mommy]

If I could find a casual, flexible, part-time job, that would pay enough so I wouldn't have to hand over half of my check for child care, I'd go back now. (yeah, I don't ask for much, do I?) However, we hope to have dc#2, so I'll be at home for a while.

I'll go back to work part-time once dd (or dc#2) is in pre-school. I want to be one of those moms who have days off from work to volunteer at my child's school. I'm not sure I'd ever want to go back to work full-time, though.

I love being a SAHM, but I miss going into an office and having an identity outside of 'mommy'. I want to dress up, wear a little make-up and do something useful for people who I don't know. I also miss making my own money.

[JBaxter]

Never :) You cant make me and Im not gonna do it LOL


No seriously even when kids are in elem school they have sports, extra classes, dr's appts and quite frankly I would trust a 10yr old home alone before I would let a teenager be home for a couple hours after school alone. Kids hand out at houses of other kids who's parents work late.

[KBecks]

I know several SAHMs who will wait until the kids are at least in 2nd grade or later and plan to be involved with volunteering at school, etc.

Now that we're having a third, I'm not sure. I work part time now, and I'd like to increase my hours as soon as our youngest goes to K3 for 1/2 days. My worry is what we would do for childcare over summer vacation and how that would work out.

[Moneypenny]

DH is the SAHP in our family. Our original plan was that he would stay home for a year or two and then go back full-time and we'd put DD in daycare. We didn't realize how nicely his staying home would work for our family so he's now been home for 3.5 years and we have no plans for him to return to his career full time any time soon. I think when DD starts kindy when she's 5 he will try to find something part-time during school hours. If we need him to go back earlier for financial reasons he would be more than willing to do so. Having him stay home longer than we originally planned has meant that we need to revise our retirement savings plan, but we are doing our best to make it work.

[nfowife]

I would like for it to be never! I am not sure what I want to do when I do someday go back to some type of work. I was a teacher but I don't really want to be back in the classroom full-time again. Maybe I would job share or something. But I don't plan on going back to even that until my youngest is in school full-time, and that is at least 8 years away if we go for a 3rd in a few years. Plus, DH is in the military and the moving around makes it hard to stay current with licenses, etc. I tried for the first 2 years after having DD to keep up with my licenses but I had teaching licenses in 4 states and it got too hard to keep up with them. So when I eventually do want to go back I have to start at square one with taking state tests, etc. Whatever!