need help--preschool issues.

[blisstwins]

I have b/g twins with a November b-day. They did pre-k 3 for 2.5 hours a day (5 day program) at our local Catholic school this past year. They loved it.

Next year they are supposed to go to preK-4, which runs from 9-2, 5 days a week.

At the start of the year my children seemed behind academically--speech delays, much smaller than others, etc. They have mostly made up that gap, though the prek-3s girls are pretty dominent and my daughter idolizes some of the older girls in her class too much for my comfort.

I am SAHM until the end of next year and hate the idea of my being able to SAHM for just one more year and then squandering that time I could spend with my children by having them in school all day. We take academics seriously, but they will be in school their whole childhoods. As it is, we do museums, the zoo, classes etc just about every afternoon and I love it.

My husband was young for his class and hated it.

I felt good about our decision to keep them back until recently. My daughter now cries copiously at the mere thought of being separated from her friends next year. Today she could not even eat her lunch she cried so hard. I don't know how to handle this and I am second guessing our decision.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[SnuggleBuggles]

(((Hugs))) I know that has to be hard.

I think to remember is that you are the mom, you are making the choices you are thinking are best and that she is young enough to move on pretty easily. It's not like she is in high school and you are taking her from friends she has had for maybe 10+ years. This is a good age to get settled where she will be for a long time possibly.

Do what you can over the summer to help her meet her new classmates so maybe she can form some new friendships. Keep up with playdates with the other girls too.

It'll be ok. Go with your gut on the school choice.

Beth

[kristenk]

I'm not sure I understand your situation completely.

So are you thinking about keeping them out of school next year? Is that why your daughter wouldn't see her friends? Or would you be switching schools?

I think that the M-F, 9-2 schedule would be too much for my DD. Do they offer any other 4yo Pre-k scheduling options? Would it be possible to pick them early on one or two or three days per week?

For what it's worth, I have an August birthday and I sort of liked being among the youngest in my grade.

[blisstwins]

"(((Hugs))) I know that has to be hard. "

Thank you. I have been crying over this myself. I am just so afraid of getting it wrong.


"So are you thinking about keeping them out of school next year? Is that why your daughter wouldn't see her friends? Or would you be switching schools?"


No. They would do prek-3 again with the same teacher. There is only 1 class per grade and there are no choices with regard to schedule. It is impossible to get into preschools around here and this school has been working for us. The elementary school it is part of is not too hot and only has one class per grade (an issue since I have twins) so I don't know they we will do k-8 at the school, but you never know.

Thanks for your input.

[KBecks]

I think you need to do what's right for them, not what's right for you. So.... who are you doing this for? It sounds like it's because you want time with the kids from the way you have written it.

I'd really look at the kids' needs and what is going to give them the best year next year.

[ha98ed14]

I have no BTDT b/c DD is only 1 y.o., but from reading the other posts, I had this idea: Can you move DTwins to a different school, maybe a 1/2 day 9-12 or 8-12 pre-school. I know you said it is impossible to get into pre-school, but there must be a Goddard School or a JCC (they take kids of all faiths and usually have excellent programs) or a Methodist Ch (also usually have good programs) that has a pre school. Maybe it won't be the posh/ fancy/ academically advanced one, but it would be some structure and social time with other kids. You can do the academic stuff at home on your own, if it is really necessary.

I can TOTALLY relate to the idolizing the older girls too much for your comfort. I was like that. There were like 3 girls in my early elementary years who I though hung the moon. It did not stand me in well, truthfully. Girls can be mean, even at young ages. If you are concerned, I would say it is not without reason. Maybe putting DD (and DS) is a 3-5 y.o. class room would be of some benefit. She would see kids older and younger. Have you considered Montessori? They mix ages really nicely. Just some ideas...

[egoldber]

I'm a little confused. When is your school cut off? Here with a November birthday they would be old for grade (our cutoff is 9/30).

I don't think 9-2 is too long for some kids, but it could definitely be too long. I agree about trying to find a different place that is 9-12 or 9-1. Especially if there is an unhealthy class dynamic going on with the older girls, then I can see where a change of scenery might be a good thing.


I think you need to do what's right for them

I pretty much agree with this. I would have loved to have held Sarah back a year in school, but that would not have been the right decision for her and the child she is.

[s7714]

No. They would do prek-3 again with the same teacher. There is only 1 class per grade and there are no choices with regard to schedule. It is impossible to get into preschools around here and this school has been working for us. The elementary school it is part of is not too hot and only has one class per grade (an issue since I have twins) so I don't know they we will do k-8 at the school, but you never know.

So from the sounds of it you could be sending them to a different school when they reach K anyway, right? If that is the case, I'd look at it from the perspective that your DD is going to be separated from her friends regardless at some point. Either you can do it now when she's young enough she'll probably recover somewhat quickly or you can give her another year to get even more attached to those friends and then deal with even more of an attachment issue when trying to separate her so she can go to a different school. KWIM?

From what I've read I'd keep them back even if it does mean dealing with some "I miss my friends" issues. I'm already dealing with that issue since none of my DDs preschool friends will be going to the same elementary as they're spread out over the city. Ironically her best friend will be going to the school we almost signed DD up for but didn't just because it's a little further away than the one I did sign her up at. I feel almost kind of guilty for not thinking to ask his mom where he was going, because if I'd known he was going there I probably would have sent DD there too as it's a good school as well. But then I realized even if they were both there for K, who's to say what would happen later. People move. Things change. There's no guarantee the friends they make now are going to be there forever, so I have to do what's best for us as a whole. Either way it's tough!

[saschalicks]

I agree w/the others that you need to do what's right for the children. I understand you wanting time w/them, but remember you get after 2 PM w/them. I work FT and my 3.9 year old is in preschool 8 AM to 6 PM. He LOVES it. Now the second half of the day is not really school as much as a "after shcool" program, but he could never ever go back to being in an in-home day care situation. My second is a Dec baby and will be going to the transition class (before 3 pre-school) at the same school. He can't wait.

Keep in mind that if your children are doing really well in school, tearing them away from that only increases the chances of them being bored. Some children need the kind of stimulation that preschool brings. Some don't. It sounds like yours do.

Anyway, good luck in your decision, but I agree w/others looking into finding another program would be best.

[blisstwins]

Ugh. I feel sick trying to think of whether or not it is selfish for me to want more time with them. Honestly we started to think of repeating preK-3 as opposed to moving to preK-4 because my daughter was dominated by the older girls--not malicious, but "you should like pink," "you should grow your hair long," and my daughter wanting to do anything and everything they did. My son had speech issues that have since resolved, but until a few months ago he was way behind. Now they are both at least on par with their peers, though they are small.

There is one other young child from the afternoon session who will repeat preK-3.

To be clear, they will be going to preschool--but for 2.5 hours a day 5 days a week, versus a full day.

Academically I think my kids could do either. Socially, I think they will do better in prek-3 and their teacher agreed with me as recently as a month ago.

It is my daughter's sadness that is making me reconsider, but should I let her desire to maintain friendships with 3 yos who will not go to school with her past next year win out over my desire to continue to spend time with them? I seriously don't know. I don't know what selfish is. I don't know what is best for them. I have never done this before. My brother repeated a grade and told me that if we were going to slow them down (redshirt, I guess though a Dec. 31 cut off seem insane to me) to do it now. He said remembering that he was left back scarred him and made him feel stupid forever. I work p/t at a high school and one of my students who did kindy twice always says "I was so dumb I could not even pass kindy so how can I do x,y,z." AT the time we made the decision we thought they will be 3 in the fall. We can tell them they have to do to preK3 because they are 3 and hopefully they will believe us.

I do A LOT with them in the afternoon and most of it would go if they did not get out until 2.

I think I am going to talk to the principal on Monday and see if she would be open to letting us move up if things change a lot over the summer or the first few weeks of school make us think we made the wrong decision.

I also asked my daughter if she would like to have a party to meet the new kids before the start of school and she said yes, so I will try to do something for like that.

We live in a big city and I am not kidding when I say there are no other choices. We ended up at the this in the first place because we were shut out of the other 8 schools we applied to.

Thanks for hearing me out. I just need to talk about this because I feel so uncertain about it all and I really don't want to get it wrong.

[StantonHyde]

So your kids are not yet 3? DS turns 6 Oct 1 and the cutoff for kindergarten here is September 1. I am THRILLED that he did 2 years of pre-K--he really needed it and now he will be confident as he goes to kindergarten. If it were me, I would have them repeat a grade now to catch up. If you go to the same school, your daughter will see her friends. The best thing to do for them is to put them on a track to be successful academically AND socially and it sounds like repeating the class this year would do that for them.

[blisstwins]

[QUOTE=StantonHyde]So your kids are not yet 3? [QUOTE]

No, they are 3, but they will be 3 when the new year starts (November b-day). They were two when they started the 3s last year and would be 3 for the first 3 months of the 4s program if I put them ahead next year. If they redo the 3s they will be older than most, but not by a lot.

Thanks for your input. I feel like I am very confusing, but that makes sense since I feel very confused. I am glad to hear I am not the only one who thinks the social is important too.

[jacksmomtobe]

Blisstwins it sounds like the preK3 is the best option for you. I don't think that you are being selfish. The other option sounds like a long day. My Ds goes to a Coop preschool and I've noticed a big difference between the younger kids (started at 2.9) and the older (started at age 3.9) when I parent help in the classroom. I could guess who was about what age based on how they would do things in the classroom. I think it will be beneficial for your kids to be on the older end of the spectrum. Kids get tired after a long day. And honestly I think there is plenty of time later in life for a long school day. I think the quality time that you can spend with them since they will be home early will end up being priceless. Not just for you but ALSO for them. You indicate you do many activities with them that is also learning and will provide them with different experiences. All that said I was a November B-day in a dec 31 cutoff so I was one of the youngest in my class. I never minded it then but I did tend to gravitate to younger kids outside my own grade. Now I can't imagine sending a kid like I was not yet 5 to kindergarten. I've heard that you can never go wrong waiting in sending a kid to school. They are young and the additional social experience will only benefit them in the long run. Since your daughter is open to meeting her new classmates definitely take advantage of this and schedule lots of playdates with them over the summer. Who knows by then she may have so many new buddies that not being with the old buddies may not be such a big deal. Also the Teacher feels that they could benefit from being in the pre3k then that supports your decision.

Good Luck!

[jacksmomtobe]

Blisstwins it sounds like the preK3 is the best option for you. I don't think that you are being selfish. The other option sounds like a long day. My Ds goes to a Coop preschool and I've noticed a big difference between the younger kids (started at 2.9) and the older (started at age 3.9) when I parent help in the classroom. I could guess who was about what age based on how they would do things in the classroom. I think it will be beneficial for your kids to be on the older end of the spectrum. Kids get tired after a long day. And honestly I think there is plenty of time later in life for a long school day. I think the quality time that you can spend with them since they will be home early will end up being priceless. Not just for you but ALSO for them. You indicate you do many activities with them that is also learning and will provide them with different experiences. All that said I was a November B-day in a dec 31 cutoff so I was one of the youngest in my class. I never minded it then but I did tend to gravitate to younger kids outside my own grade. Now I can't imagine sending a kid like I was not yet 5 to kindergarten. I've heard that you can never go wrong waiting in sending a kid to school. They are young and the additional social experience will only benefit them in the long run. Since your daughter is open to meeting her new classmates definitely take advantage of this and schedule lots of playdates with them over the summer. Who knows by then she may have so many new buddies that not being with the old buddies may not be such a big deal. Also the Teacher feels that they could benefit from being in the pre3k then that supports your decision.

Good Luck!

[Corie]

I would keep them in the PK3.

Both of my kids have Fall birthdays. My DD has a November birthday
and my son has an October birthday.

Our kindergarten cut-off date is September 1st. So, my daughter
started kindergarten this year when she was 5 years old but she
turned six a couple months later.
My son will do the same thing.

I like that they are the older kids in their class.

[KBecks]

Ugh. I feel sick trying to think of whether or not it is selfish for me to want more time with them. Honestly we started to think of repeating preK-3 as opposed to moving to preK-4 because my daughter was dominated by the older girls--not malicious, but "you should like pink," "you should grow your hair long," and my daughter wanting to do anything and everything they did. My son had speech issues that have since resolved, but until a few months ago he was way behind. Now they are both at least on par with their peers, though they are small.
....
Academically I think my kids could do either. Socially, I think they will do better in prek-3 and their teacher agreed with me as recently as a month ago.
.....
It is my daughter's sadness that is making me reconsider, but should I let her desire to maintain friendships with 3 yos who will not go to school with her past next year win out over my desire to continue to spend time with them?
....
AT the time we made the decision we thought they will be 3 in the fall. We can tell them they have to do to preK3 because they are 3 and hopefully they will believe us.

I do A LOT with them in the afternoon and most of it would go if they did not get out until 2.

I think I am going to talk to the principal on Monday and see if she would be open to letting us move up if things change a lot over the summer or the first few weeks of school make us think we made the wrong decision.



OK, this is getting a little clearer for me. So, the kids were 2 last year when they started K3? And they will be 3 this year and turn 4 during K3 if they repeat? That sounds like they started early in K3, and for me, it makes repeating K3 sound a lot more reasonable than having a nearly 5 year old repeat.

The social concerns are very legitimate, and getting dominated by other girls is not a good situation. The social stuff is part of the equation.

Do they nap?

I wouldn't let your daughter's feelings over the social situation, or your feelings over missing them drive your decision. I think you could adapt to doing things after 2, even though it's not ideal if you went the longer day route.

But, for me, I would seriously look at whether they could handle the longer schedule at this age. I think that a shorter day may work better for them, especially if they are napping or getting tired. You also have the social pressures issue.

They would not start kindy early anyway right? I mean if they go to K4 at age 3 almost 4, they won't be able to start kindy at 4 almost 5, they wouldn't be old enough, would they? Unless you have a late cutoff?

How do they handle the physical schedule right now?

I would be concerned about them getting bored academically. I would be concerned about if they can handle the longer day. There's quite a few things to consider.

Good luck!

[egoldber]

So your kids are young for grade? I think at this point, you really don't know what they will be ready for when it comes time for K. So much changes between ages 3 and 5, that I wouldn't worry about it right now. If you decide next year that they are ready to move on, then you can advance them into their age group. You could even decide the year after that to put them K if you feel they are ready for that.

My DD has always been young for grade, and honestly while she is a bit immature for her grade, she is not at all outside of the norm. But I wouldn't think of this as being an all or nothing decision right now. I would take it one year at a time. :)

Its so strange how nothing makes us happy LOL! With Sarah I worried about her being young (August birthday with a September cut off) and I was so happy Amy was an October birthday. Now based on watching Sarah I obsess about Amy being bored being one of the older kids! :ROTFLMAO:

[R2sweetboys]

:hug5: First of all it is NOT selfish to want to spend more time with your kids!! I think it's wonderful that you feel this way. You're a great momma! It sounds to me like repeating PK3 is a better choice for you and your children. 9-2 is a long day IMO. My boys both went to preschool for 2 half days/wk. before starting K and that was plenty for us. I still felt like I had plenty of time with them before starting elementary school. They have YEARS of going to school all day-no need to rush it. I'm sure it's heartbreaking to see your DD so sad. :( She will adjust though and will make new friends. And as PPs pointed out, it sounds like she would have to separate from her friends for Kindergarten anyway. I'm not opposed to kids starting K young(DS1 did and is doing great), it just doesn't sound like it's best for your family. Good luck with your decision, I know it's not an easy one. Take care,

[bluestar2]

I would repeat the 3's class as well.