Please tell me about your postpartum doula experience

[KBecks]

I have never considered a post partum doula, I'm not sure if I could schedule one (there's one lady in our area I found on a web site), but I want to know all about it. It might be a good idea, as Dave and I were really stressed after John was born, just with sleep deprivation, and trying to manage things, particularly Alek and basics like eating, sleeping, etc.

Please tell me everything -- how you decided, how long, what hours, what kinds of tasks, if you thought it was worthwhile, etc. etc. etc.......

Thank you!

[AmyZ]

I briefly used one after DD1 was born. Basically, she held my sleeping baby while I wrote thank-you notes. :) She was willing to do some light house things, but I just needed her to take the baby while I got a few things done.

I think I used her for a total of 12 hours.

[ThreeofUs]

We decided on a PP doula because both our mothers were unavailable to come do the "apre birth support" thing. (DH and I were late babies having a late baby.) My mom had passed away and DH's mom - a dear lady - was unable to travel, but gave us a check so we'd have the support.

We found our doula from the same very small agency that our birth doula owned. Our PP doula met with us beforehand, and we set times for her to work for us.

I had an awful birth experience and was basically incapacitated when I got home. Also, DS had rampant reflux that none of us understood until later, so sleep was impossible for all of us.

It turned out that we needed her a LOT more and much longer than we had anticipated. She was very flexible in her hours, and felt she was there to support us to sleep, to eat, and to otherwise learn to care for DS. She did *everything* my mom would have done - laundry, cleaning, cooking, advice, taking care of DS while I was sleeping and DH showed his face at work.

I am not sure we would have made it without her.

[gatorsmom]

We had a wonderful ppdoula experience. Originally, I had one lined up through a nanny placement agency and she flaked at the last moment so I found one through www.dona.org. I found a ppdoula who is normally booked up 9 months in advance but one of her clients was doing better than expected which freed up some time in her calendar. She knew of another doula that she highly recommended who could fill in the evenings she was working for her first couple and so the 2 of them came to our house-either one or the other- for 3 weeks. It was wonderful.

I think the reason it was a good experience is because we were all clear on what they could do and what we needed. My husband was going to be working a lot and couldnt' help when I came home from the hospital with the twins. I knew that recovery from a c-section is really hard the first few weeks and dreaded caring for 2 fussy preemies. So, the ppdoulas really were needed. Essentially, they came at 9pm and I handed the babies to them. Then I went to bed. I told them I wanted them to bring the babies back to me when they needed to nurse or every 3 hours at least. They would come in and bring the babies to nurse then whisk them away to change them and let me sleep. They left at 5am. They were especially helpful in the beginning because the twins needed supplemental feedings so after I did my bfing best, they would work on feeding them with a dropper while I slept. The ppdoulas also washed and folded the infants' laundry. Essentially, they were night time babysitters.

But they also took care of me. They brought me nursing snacks and drinks. Once they brought me a late dinner. They said that for the families who employed them during the day, they would occasionally bathe the baby. And one of mine was a Lactation Consultant which really helped since SiSi was having a hard time staying awake and latching on correctly.

But, honestly, that's all they did. They were only there to take care of the babies and me and help us get on our feet. And they charged $24/hour for that service. A few months before I gave birth, we hired a nanny to start helping with Gator (4yo) and Cha Cha (2yo). We knew that we wanted someone to help with them so that 1- I could rest in the third trimester of my multiples pregnancy and 2- take care of the boys while I was recovering in the hospital and DH was at work. She charged $14/hour and did all the boys' laundry, kept them busy during the day, got Gator on the school bus for preschool, made meals for them and basically was a GOD SEND. If it hadn't been for her, the house would have been a disaster, toys never picked up, no laundry done, Gator wouldn't have been able to get to school, and the boys would have been planted in front of the TV all the time. The boys loved the attention she gave them and I loved being able to nap when the twins napped.

Honestly, that is probably what you need. Someone to focus on keeping your older kids busy so they don't feel neglected.

Hopefully I answered your questions but if you have any more, feel free to pm me. hth

[DrSally]

I had one for a week b/c I had severe post-partum hemmhorage, so I needed to regain my strength, and DH was out of town. It was really our only option, as my doctor didn't want me home alone for long stretches and we had no family in the area. They came in 4 hour shifts and I generally had one for 4-8 hours a day, mostly so I could sleep. They folded laundry and looked after DS. I found it really depended on the person I was assigned. One was terrific, and another not so great. DH had left some ashed in the fireplace as he always did, and I really wanted them out of there b/c they stunk, but this one said it wasn't in her job description. She was a new doula. Otherwise the house was very clean, but I didn't want to bend over and sweep those ashes up. I hated spending $25/ hour for this, but if it is a good one, I think it can be very helpful.

[bubbaray]

I had a PP doula with both girls (same doula). She was great, though in hindsight, I didn't get her to do enough either time. She was willing to do anything for the baby and light housekeeping (folding laundry, starting loads of laundry, that sort of thing). She did a lot of holding/rocking the babies while I slept, though I should have slept more and had her come more frequently. She helped me immensely with BFg with both girls. She came back and helped with DD#1 when I had to have a 2nd surgery when DD#1 was ~10m old. Normally, she d/n help once baby is 3m old.

I never really did adjust to having a "stranger" in my home. I wish I'd used her more and slept more. I think I would have enjoyed the whole PP experience! :)

I found my doula through dona.org

[sidmand]

I think the PPs had it right when they say to make sure you have everything spelled out (even in your own head).

I didn't use my ppdoula nearly as much as I should have. She also was VERY different than I was. In general our philosophies were similar (and I interviewed a few), but...

I can't really explain it even today! But I was/am very bad at asking for help (I'm getting better!) and I had a hard time just going to bed while she was here. I felt like I *should* be doing something. And I felt like she thought I should be doing something, but I don't think that was the case.

So just make sure you have a clear idea of what you would like her to do. Make sure she has the same clear idea of what you would like her to do. I think it definitely can work out really well. Just make sure everyone is clear on the expectations.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I am planning to become a pp doula so it has been really great to hear your experiences. I'll file these sorts of things away so I can be a good one. :)

Beth

[american_mama]

I remember replying to this thread a few months ago:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=245138&highlight=post+partum+doula

I big thing to ask for me would be able what she'll do with the older children. Taking care of them and keeping my 3.5 year old from killing the baby with love (or jealousy... they alternate by the minute) is the biggest frustration for me in having three children.

A lot of my housecleaning and foods needs were taken care of by my parents and neighbors. It's the first time I've had that experience and it was luxurious.

[KBecks]

Thanks so much for the link to that thread. I emailed DH about possibly doing it and then I could start talking to people and then decide. I would feel awkward having someone in my house but think I could get over it in order to have help. I also need to figure what would work for us for an affordable schedule.