Could someone be happy about this baby!

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

Update on page 4.


Just a little, maybe, please!!! instead I get an accepting dh, 1 best friend who reacted like I'd just told her I had cancer and then proceeded to give me a 1/2 hour lecture about how I'd just screwed up my family's life. Ds doesn't understand it of course and today when we told mil the only thing she said was "no,no,no. Aww,crap!" And I'm not joking. I had to go inside to keep from crying.

The only person happy about this is dd.She's very curious about it all,when will it come, etc,etc.

I'm still realizing what's happened and coming to terms with it and all of this is not helping people!. I've read and reread all the good wishes from everyone on the board when I've felt down (which has been frequently over the past few days) Why were the first two dc who were planned to the enth degree such blessings and everyone was so happy and now it's as though something horrible has happened, I really don't understand.

I'm beginning to feel like I've done something wrong and screwed everyone in my family over. It's not like we planned this,it just kind of happened. And no I don't know how we were so negligent so don't ask because it's been snottily inferred already!

I just don't understand people and right now I just really need a hug.

[bubbaray]

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!

Um, exactly how could you have screwed up your family's life by adding another blessing??? And, WHERE do these people get off saying such things.

Well, I don't think you have to associate with any of them until they apologize for their comments.

[MontrealMum]

:grouphug: and :29: and you probably need one these too, :54: except you can't now, so just imagine it :hug:

Why are people so insensitive and hurtful? I know I've sometimes wondered why, how, whatever about people's pregnancies - but I'd NEVER say that sort of thing out loud. And really, I shouldn't be wondering at all - it's none of my business, or anyone else's. So, keep telling yourself that :22: Ooooo - these smilies are fun!

[Happy 2B mommy]

Aw, that STINKS. Don't let their thoughtless comments get you down. Obviously the old gypsy lady knew that this little blessing is meant to be...

I probably missed something, but why are people reacting like this is bad news? (Sorry if that's too personal. Please ignore if you don't want to share.)

[maestramommy]

personally, I think your mil's reaction was inexcusable. Not having it, but saying it aloud. :hug::hug::hug: I'm sure your dh will come around. It's just a surprise, y'know? But in the end it will turn out okay, and your little addition will fit in perfectly!

[MMMommy]

Don't let the naysayers rain on your parade. Congrats to you and your family!

[elliput]

I hope your DH is accepting, because he was the one who was told he was going to have three kids. (I re-read the original post about the gypsy lady). WTF is up with your MIL?

[wencit]

WTF is up with your MIL?:yeahthat:

Seriously.

I mean, that's just jaw-droppingly obnoxious.

:hug: to you. I know it's not much consolation, but I'm sure once the new baby arrives, everyone will fall in love with him/her, despite all the negative things they've been saying so far.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[Thatchermom]

I'll be been-in-your-shoes happy for you! I've so been there.

We got pregnant with DD last year while DH was jobless and we were without insurance, carless, barely eating and on the verge of losing our house. Needless to say, most reactions were not all that positive. We especially loved it when people asked if this was planned. Uh huh. They may as well have asked "Are you idiots?"

Fast-forward a year, and we sit around (employed and with everything we need!) watching DD in awe, asking ourselves what we ever did without her. She is a little girl that just exudes joy and is such a huge blessing to us. Her middle name is Grace, and though it was chosen by her brother, to us it really signifies who she is to us...God's gift of grace to us in our most difficult time. And she will always be a reminder of that to us.

May your new little one be a precious delight to you - and even to those who are such stinkers. Don't let them rain on your baby parade!

[JTsMom]

:22: I'm sorry people are saying such stupid things. I'm sure they'll come around, but until then, we all will be happy with you.

You're having a baby!!! :yay: :love-retry: :cheerleader1: :bighand:

[g-mama]

What on earth is wrong with adding another baby to your family? Did I miss something?

We'll be happy for you. Having three kids is great!

[ThreeofUs]

Oh PUHL-lease. You are having a wonderful new little baby - this is one of the best WOW moments in life!

Those other folks have no manners, obviously, to be so rude to you and so awful about your news.

Be happy; you're blessed.

[KBecks]

Just a little, maybe, please!!! instead I get an accepting dh, 1 best friend who reacted like I'd just told her I had cancer and then proceeded to give me a 1/2 hour lecture about how I'd just screwed up my family's life. Ds doesn't understand it of course and today when we told mil the only thing she said was "no,no,no. Aww,crap!" And I'm not joking. I had to go inside to keep from crying.

The only person happy about this is dd.She's very curious about it all,when will it come, etc,etc.

I'm still realizing what's happened and coming to terms with it and all of this is not helping people!. I've read and reread all the good wishes from everyone on the board when I've felt down (which has been frequently over the past few days) Why were the first two dc who were planned to the enth degree such blessings and everyone was so happy and now it's as though something horrible has happened, I really don't understand.

I'm beginning to feel like I've done something wrong and screwed everyone in my family over. It's not like we planned this,it just kind of happened. And no I don't know how we were so negligent so don't ask because it's been snottily inferred already!

I just don't understand people and right now I just really need a hug.
I can offer a lot of empathy, we have been in the same boat. My IL's who have previously been the most loving and supportive people, started saying things like -- no more grandkids! before we became pregnant. My MIL who was joyful for both boys, just said -- you're going to be so busy. And that was about it. It's even worse b/c it's another boy - they would have been excited for a girl. Younger SIL said about someone else's third pregnancy, right in front of me -- what, didn't they learn anything in health class?

It's been raw. And of course I ruined the family trip my MIL wants to do to Disney in a few years. I told her I'd pay for the extra baby, but she's bummed to have a little one along. I wish that this baby was viewed as a blessing by all our family.

A few friends have been really wonderful, though. I thank God for my friends who are genuinely excited for us and are eager to find out how I'm doing and all the baby updates. IL's haven't asked for many updates and so we're not discussing it so much.

ETA: My main attitude about this has been not to let these comments bring me down. We're having this 3rd baby, and that's it, it's not their business to make comments, really. The family is just going to have to adapt, and I expect they will. I can laugh at the IL's who HAD THREE KIDS, because I find the hypocricy funny. I may hand them a little snark at some point, but for now I'm happiest staying quiet and not discussing this pregnancy with them. I am entertaining myself mostly by shopping and baby planning for the new kiddo, and of course, enjoying our two wonderful kids -- how could a third not be awesome?

I also write some of it off thinking they just don't realize how hurtful this is to me. And, I work at not allowing their comments to get to me. I really blow it off, although I do remember!

[cvanbrunt]

Wow. I hate your MIL as much as I hate mine. How's this? "It's not too late for an abortion." We don't see her.

Congratulations on the delightful news. Three kids sound great! You must be so excited!

[Sugar Magnolia]

What's up with mother in laws?

Mine said "you've ruined your lives" when we told her we were pregnant with dd.

You are blessed. Ignore what anyone else has to say!

[Wife_and_mommy]

I'll be been-in-your-shoes happy for you! I've so been there.

We got pregnant with DD last year while DH was jobless and we were without insurance, carless, barely eating and on the verge of losing our house. Needless to say, most reactions were not all that positive. We especially loved it when people asked if this was planned. Uh huh. They may as well have asked "Are you idiots?"

Fast-forward a year, and we sit around (employed and with everything we need!) watching DD in awe, asking ourselves what we ever did without her. She is a little girl that just exudes joy and is such a huge blessing to us. Her middle name is Grace, and though it was chosen by her brother, to us it really signifies who she is to us...God's gift of grace to us in our most difficult time. And she will always be a reminder of that to us.

May your new little one be a precious delight to you - and even to those who are such stinkers. Don't let them rain on your baby parade!

Your post almost had me in tears!

e/m mommy,

I'm so so sorry others aren't censoring themselves. We had a similar reaction when pg with DS. I'm sure we'll get it with #3 so I'm much better prepared for it. Still doesn't lessen the sting, though.

I think I'd gather the nerve(if it's not already) to tell these mean people how rude they're being next time a comment is made. I think a simple, "We're incredibly excited about our upcoming arrival so that comment is unbelievably rude." would be a nice bat upside the head to these ______. Your MIL could be the first one you practice on. ;)

As for your DH and you... I think it takes time to process and accept major changes in our lives even when they're expected. I hope you'll share how his reaction hurt you so that you can grow together from it. I'm sure a year from now no one will be able to imagine life without your little one it. :hug:

I don't remember if I posted to your announcement thread so:

:cheerleader1: :cheerleader1: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!:cheerleader1: :cheerleader1:

[kijip]

What the hell is wrong with these people?! I am so sorry for their bad, sucky, rude behavior.

Is it because they think three is a lot? That is insane.

You are wonderfully lucky to be having a third. Feel free to kick the next wacko that says something horrible.

[kijip]

Wow. I hate your MIL as much as I hate mine. How's this? "It's not too late for an abortion." We don't see her.


Really? That is appalling. I think I would have slapped her. :32:

[Wife_and_mommy]

Is it because they think three is a lot? That is insane.


:ROTFLMAO: Did you not know once one has 3 kiddos, you reach crazy status? Four kiddos brings you to freak status... :irked:

I've seen this phenomenon for as long as I can remember. It's always ticked me off to no end.

[sarahsthreads]

Well, poo on them. I'm happy for you! Any baby is a reason to be happy, whether it's your first, your third, or your twelfth. (Well, that would be a lot, but not something I would ever make rude comments about.)

We got a little bit of that sort of reaction with this pregnancy, which is really odd because less than a year before we were getting a lot of flak (from the same people) about when we were finally going to give DD a sibling. I guess because there's "too much" space between them? Who knows. But we're definitely holding open the option of #3 one of these days, so I imagine we'll get a lot of the same comments if that ever happens. (My MIL wasn't so flattering this time around either - DD said "I'm going to be a big sister", MIL heard "I'm going to be a big kitten", and when we corrected her, she said something along the lines of "wait, aren't you too busy with the shop for another baby?" - but at least she wasn't intentionally hurtful.)

Sarah :)

[kijip]

:ROTFLMAO: Did you not know once one has 3 kiddos, you reach crazy status? Four kiddos brings you to freak status... :irked:

I've seen this phenomenon for as long as I can remember. It's always ticked me off to no end.
That is really odd to me. I know a lot of families with 3-5 kids. Most I know have 2 or 3. I really don't know many 1 child families. Maybe my perception is skewed because my grandmother had 9 kids and was perfectly sane. Most of my cousins have at least 2 siblings.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'm happy for you. :)

Beth

[npace19147]

Congrats to you! Missed the original thread.

Anyone who isn't supportive, doesn't need to be in your circle right now. Only positive vibes for pg mamas! Ignore them until they come crawling back to you, begging to pet and admire your precious new baby!

(well, ok, maybe not really ignore them, but fun to think about right?)

Nobody's business but yours and DH anyway!

[Melbel]

We had MANY negative reactions when announcing #3 and it was very hurtful. Yes, I have had very serious back problems. Yes, I am not as young as I used to be. Yes, there is a significant gap between #2 and #3. Still, once you announce a pregnancy and it clear that you are going forward, why can't people make the most of the situation and be happy for you (or at least fake it)? While we did not plan the pregnancy, and did not even think we could have another, we feel very blessed to have our beautiful baby girl. In addition to the initial reactions, I never cease to be amazed at how thoughtless and rude people are with respect to the prego comments. Do people even think about what they say before blurting out insulting things? I usually was able to blow off the comments, unless I had a bunch in a row.

Hopefully, when people see that you are excited about the pregnancy, they will change their tone. If you are telling someone new about the pregnancy, perhaps you could do so in a way that shows how happy you are, which SHOULD send a message to be positive and happy too. On the other hand, if they sense that you are apprehensive, they may take this as an invitation to be negative. Don't give them that option!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I just love being a mom of 3 and know that you will too!

[Melanie]

You have GOT to be joking, your MIL said that?! That horrible.

[LarsMal]

Big Hugs!

Your MIL actually used those words?!? How horrible! She should be so happy. Another grandchild to shower with love. I'm so sorry she said such a hurtful thing.

You know you'll get lots of love and support here. I hope your friends and family come around with it soon, too.

[StantonHyde]

My favorite comeback to people like that: "Are you trying to be rude or are you just stupid?" Your MIL DESERVES that comment!!!

[lisams]

What is wrong with people. There is a sweet little life starting out, it's something so amazing and think what this little person is going to bring to your family and to those around him or her. I cannot believe how incredibly mean your MIL was with her response. It wasn't just rude - it was downright mean. I am so sorry that people are being so hurtful.

[cimberdog]

Aw, I'm sorry people are being so rude. How awful for you! And hopefully they realize they need to clean it up so this baby is JUST as loved and appreciated!

[DrSally]

I do not know what's wrong with people. 3 is great! I was 1 of 3 and loved having a brother and sister. And to the poster who's MIL is bummed about having a newborn along at Disney, how selfish can you get.

[Piglet]

We are all very happy for you and your Version 3.0! Let me tell you that the decision to have #3 was one of the hardest decisions I have EVER made. I kept jokingly saying to DH that I wish the decision were out of my hands - so there you go - a blessing and no need to obsess about it! My 3rd is a joy. She is such a great addition to our family. She brought out the best in my older boys and we can't imagine life without her. Tell the naysayers that if they dont have something nice to say, don't say anything at all - if little kdsi can follow that rule, they ought to be able to follow it too! I do want to suggest that you tell people your news with the BIGGEST grin on your face and don't let anyone diminish your news. Don't say it sheepishly like it is something to hide. Scream it from the rooftops and they will respond accordingly.

[tnrnchick74]

I guess my Mom is insane then...I am one of 6 kids! Granted only me and my brother are "blood" related...one adopted brother and the rest step brothers but there were 6 of us growing up...

Bigger families are great. No, you didn't necessarily plan this miracle, but it doesn't make this pregnancy ANY less of a blessing or a miracle. Love this little one, forget the others. And if your MIL continues making stupid comments...just run around screaming VAGINA!

HUGS!

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

First let me say a big THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone for your support. I was really down for a couple of days and you're posts have meant so much to me and really lifted my spirits.

Well, almost a week has gone by. We've told pretty much everyone in the family except dh's father and sister since we're saving it for our fathers day dinner. And the week proved itself productive. Mil apolgized for her response. She said she was happy about the baby but concerned about my health since I'll be over 35 when the baby is born and it'll be my 3rd c-section. Since dh was born in 1970 I can understand her concerns if that's her most recent personal referance point.

The response from my side of the family has been overwhelmingly positive. Noone's made any cracks about birth control and my sister who is 10 weeks pg herself is fabulously happy for us and said it'll be great that the dc can play together growing up and be so close in age.

As my aunt said- A baby is a baby and a blessing no matter what.

On a side note. We're going to have to move now. We have a 2 bedroom house and while I could have divided the childrens room into 2 with some creativity it just won't work for 3. At the same time mil's health is not what it was even last year. She has cardio myopathy(sp?),diabetes and the beginnings of rhumatoid arthritis. She still lives in the 4 bedroom 2 bath house that dh grew up in.

It's in one of the best school districts in our area and we could never afford a house in that school district on our own. Mil's is afraid to live alone much longer but still values her independance and doesn't want to sell the house and move into a senior apt. complex so I think we've all decided that she'll make an apartment in the basement for herself and the rest of the house is ours! 4 bedrooms 2 bathrooms,huge backyard and NO MORTGAGE!!!


Yeah she drives me crazy occasionally but i think I can live with it for the schools for the dc, the house and lack of stress on dh who's still panicking about providing for another dc. Not to metion I'll get to travel now and actually get to go to mexico!! Carrrrieba!!:jammin:

[elizabethkott]

Oh that is AWESOME!!! Everything's coming up Milhouse!!!!!
I'm so glad for you that the responses have been more positive than they were initially. And I'm sure your FIL and SIL will be thrilled.
And what wonderful news about the house!!! YAY!!!!!

[kijip]

Free house is wonderful news. I am glad she has ... come around. :)

[kozachka]

Thank you for an update. I am so happy to hear your MIL apologized and that you are going to have a nicer, bigger house with no mortgage. Version 3.0 turned out to be a blessing in disguise already ;).