Normal or not? Sensory Development in Toddlers

[Melaine]

*deep breath*
This may be a long drawn out question, but please read it and give me some input! I am new here, and my DH and I are first time parents to 19 month old twin girls. The last couple years have been, well, exhausting. I know this is normal for twins. Recently I was talking to someone whose child had some kind of sensory development disorder *or something to that effect*. I don't know anything about it, so please advise:
My girls have been HIGHLY sensitive since birth. Any change to their routine would kind of freak them out. They had colic, I guess; basically ALWAYS fussy and often inconsolablely so. (extreme reflux too). We didn't take them anywhere, because when we did they would just freak out, as in scream and never calm down. They would have what I would call a normal response to strangers and strange situations, but never return to a calm state, instead escalating into a fit of crying and we would have to leave. They would go from 0-60 in five seconds. Everything just seemed particularly difficult for them; the words "sensitive", "high maintenance", "moody", "unpredictable", "extreme" come to mind. As a first time mom, I wasn't sure what to make of this, but I felt strongly that it wasn't normal. My mom has four kids and she said it definitely didn't seem normal. I had concerns about possible autism...just didn't know anything about it and frankly was just trying to survive and keep them somewhat content on a daily basis.
Now as I look at them at 19 months old, things have drastically improved. We can go out in public, although there is still the chance they will get overwhelmed or scared and start crying. Usually they can be calmed without actually leaving now. Developmentally they are doing great, and I have sort of abandoned the idea of autism. Dr. says they are normal and they seem to be to me. They are affectionate, playful, like to read books and have a fairly extensive toddler vocabulary. However, there are still strange things: the intense mood swings that I am usually completely helpless to alleviate, the extreme fear for things as small as a fly, whining that just doesn't stop, complete meltdown fits when I try to give them a bath in a different place (Grandma's house which they are familiar with). I am a SAHM and wouldn't dream of leaving them with anyone but DH or my parents. I have actually gone into the church nursery with them for the last two months (our first visit back to church since birth) hoping one day to leave but they are not responding well. I know what their reaction would be and I honestly hate to do it to them not to mention the poor nursery workers who are unprepared to handle the extremity of my girls' emotions. None of my friends with children can remotely relate to these issues.
So my mother keeps encouraging me to seek answers; she worked with developmentally disabled kids but that was over 25 years ago. She seems to think perhaps there is some kind of mild issue that the girls are dealing with. I would love to know how I should respond to them. For instance, DD will be upset when she gets dirt on her hands. Should I take her to wash or just teach her to brush it off or should I encourage her to dip her hands in the dirt like get a sand box?
I'm sorry this post is so long and disjointed. Any help is MUCH appreciated, you guys have a lot of collective wisdom out there! I love my sweet and sensitive girls to pieces and want to be the best mama I can be!!! Thanks

[Melbel]

First, just a bit of compassion. It sounds that you have had a couple of very trying years. What you have described does not seem "normal" (if there is such a thing) and you should trust your instincts.

A very good friend of mine has a son, now nearly 8, who suffers from various sensory intergration issues. Once thought to be ADHD or autism, it is now recognized as a separate condition, even though there are numerous overlapping characteristics. For years, even though her son is extremely bright, my friend knew that something was not right, but was repeatedly ignored by medical care providers. She also wondered for years if he suffered from a mild form of autism. I came across some research by chance on sensory integration a couple of years ago that finally seemed to fit. Ultimately, his medical care providers confirmed the diagnosis. Meanwhile, her son had lost years of opportunity for early intervention and treatment. Many sensory integration problems are greatly improved with occupational therapy particularly if treated early on. There are a couple of highly rated books on the topic that you may want to check out:

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Sensory-Smart-Child-Integration/dp/014303488X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1213058161&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Recognizing-Processing/dp/0399531653/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b

It sounds as though this may be worth exploring further. I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there!

[Melaine]

Thanks so much! I will try to find those books at the library! My pediatrician has repeatedly told me "it's normal" to the point that I am thinking about switching to a different practice. As a young first time mom, I feel like she is really downplaying my instincts and assuming that I am over-reacting. I also think many of our issues are magnified vastly by the "twin factor". My girls are so connected that their fears and discomfort seem to multiply, if that makes sense. I really appreciate your advice!

[luv2bmommy]

I would definitely trust your own instincts and keep pushing until you get answers that please you, even if it means changing pediatricians and getting second and third opinions. You could also check out Infant and Toddler programs in your area, you might have to get your pediatrician give the referral. However, I do agree with the PP that OT would greatly help as they would recommend appropriate toys/games as well as possibly help 'decondition' or 'desensitize' the children from such situations as you mentioned like dirt phobia and others.

[jamesmom]

What you described sounds like your DDs have sensory issues. Many pediatricians aren't too familiar with it. You need to get your DDs evaluated by EI (Early Intervention) and a Pediatric Occupational Therapist (OT). I have found that OTs are actually the "experts" on sensory processing disorder and delays, and our OT has helped us tremendously with my DS.

A little history: My DS is almost 5. DS had the worst tantrums at age 2 and 3, far worse than any other kid I saw. After a birthday party at which he had a hour-long total and complete meltdown, another mom who witnessed it advised me to have him evaluated by an OT because he may have sensory issues. I had never heard about sensory issues and thank goodness she gave me that advice. To make a long story short, I did take her advice to have DS evaluated by an OT she recommended. Sure enough he has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). He has really come a long way in the last two years and is like a completely different child. I can't believe how much he calmed down starting at age 3 1/2. He is going to start kindergarten next month and will be the youngest in his class (he barely makes the cut-off date based on his birthday), something I would never have expected two years ago. He still gets speech and occupational therapy, but it is like night and day from what it was 2 years ago, and he seems to be ready for kindergarten emotionally and intellectually. Hang in there and good luck! :hug:

[toby]

First of all, your girls are lucky to have such a devoted, compassionate and sensitive mom! DS is turning 4 and various "things" have been nagging at me for a while. I finally went and had him evaluated by at OT. It felt so overwhelming to do, but I am so glad that I did it. DS does not have a syndrome or disorder...but he does have some sensory issues. There is SO much that OTs can do with the kids to help desensitize them and it was such a relief to hear "we deal with this all the time." The down-side is that our insurance does not pay for the appointments, but it has been worth every penny (yours might especially if your girls have speech issues). I am not an expert, but it does not sound as though your DDs are autistic. In terms of your DD and dirt on her hands, people often suggest doing things like finger painting, playdough, drawing with shaving cream in the bathtub or on the floor to help with the feeling of funny things (ie dirt) on hands. This may be too much for your DD right now...and if so I would try to not make too much of an issue of it.

The Out-of-Sync Child was helpful for me.

Good luck, you are not alone and your DDs will be fine!