Experiment in child discipline-anyone tried it?

[DeeEast]

We just started what sounds like a complicated form of discipline for our 4 (soon to be 5) year old, but after you figure out the kinks, I think I am going to like it.

We made up a list of what we want DD to do during every day (brush her teeth, get dressed, go to bed by a certain time, etc.) and she gets a certain amount of poker chips for every achievement every day. More chips for the more difficult things for her.

Then there is a list of Rewards that she can cash her chips in for: 5 chips for an extra 1/2 hour on the computer/TV/time with Mommy and Daddy uninterrupted, etc. 10 chips for watching a video of her choice, buying a new book or puzzle, etc. all the way up to 50 chips for a trip to the zoo or the local amusement park.

So far so good. But I think its as much of a learning tool for me as it is for her, as in teaching DH and I to reward her for the good things instead of always punishing her for the bad things. One big rule is to never take any chips away no matter how bad the behavior. Today she kept walking around asking me "What's another good thing I can do Mommy?"

[ShanaMama]

Then there is a list of Rewards that she can cash her chips in for: ...
time with Mommy and Daddy uninterrupted, etc.

Not sure how I feel about your whole system, but this part rubs me the wrong way. The last thing I want to teach my child/ren is that time with Mommy & Daddy is a reward. That is something that every child is entitled to, IMO, although it's hard to give them as much time as we'd like.

[DeeEast]

Not sure how I feel about your whole system, but this part rubs me the wrong way. The last thing I want to teach my child/ren is that time with Mommy & Daddy is a reward. That is something that every child is entitled to, IMO, although it's hard to give them as much time as we'd like.

That should have read "extra time with Mommy and/or Daddy".

Edited to add: not that I feel like I need to defend myself, but I have a 4 year old and 2 year old twins so uninterrupted one-on-one time with Mommy or Daddy is precious in this house.

[DrSally]

I guess I wouldn't want to do a token system unless things were really bad. Sometimes rewarding good behavior can backfire, b/c it can take away intrinsic motivation on the child's part. JMO.

[DeeEast]

I guess I wouldn't want to do a token system unless things were really bad. Sometimes rewarding good behavior can backfire, b/c it can take away intrinsic motivation on the child's part. JMO.

I've seen your posts here and I value your opinion. Would you please explain more? Thanks.

Edited to add that things were pretty bad here. See my above post. : ) This was on the advice of a therapist who specializes in the area.

[DrSally]

Oh, wo/knowing the background I thought DD was not doing anything out of the ordinary and you started the system b/c you read about it or something. It seemed kinda extreme in that case. If you had an eval from a therapist and he/she recommended it and it seems to be working (which it does), then I would stick with it. You can always wean off of it later when things improve. I guess I didn't know how bad things were with her behavior. I definitely agree that rewarding the positive is better than punishing the negative!

[ShanaMama]

That should have read "extra time with Mommy and/or Daddy".

Edited to add: not that I feel like I need to defend myself, but I have a 4 year old and 2 year old twins so uninterrupted one-on-one time with Mommy or Daddy is precious in this house.

I apologize if that came across as attacking you. Not knowing anything about you or your family I was commenting on the system alone. It does make sense that your DD cherishes extra time with Mom or Dad, especially with so much going on. It's the fact that it's being used as a reward which struck me as odd & frankly still does.
I wish you luck with this system & hope it acheives your goals. I use positive reinforcement *often* (just not in such a systematic way) & I often wonder whether it's the best thing for DD. For example I usually reward her after good behavior during errands. Sometimes it's outright bribery where I tell her what she'll get for behaving & sometimes I just let her choose a prize/treat at the end because I'm proud of her. I wonder if I'm lowering the bar by inadvertantly teaching her that good behavior is not expected, rather something to be rewarded constantly. JMHO

[brittone2]

I'll add my 2 cents, and you can choose to ignore it as you wish.

I'm not a big believer in punishment/reward type of discipline. I think certain things just *need* to be done without a reward.

I know several child psych books, etc I've read have mentioned that a short term, focused reward system can be helpful for shaping a specific behavior or habit (so using things like poker chips or sticker charts for not sucking their thumb maybe).

However, I think long term, constantly using a reward system w/ the poker chips sends messages that I personally would not want to send my own DC. I personally believe you risk removing a child's intrinsic motivation to complete tasks or to understand that certain things just *need* to be done when you constantly reward for various behaviors. Alfie Kohn has a great book "Punished by Rewards" that addresses this topic. He has many studies that back up his point of view.

I also suspect that in many cases (from what I've read), these types of systems will work for a few weeks and then the child will lose interest or will want you to "up the ante" so to speak (they'll want chips for more things, they'll want to cash them in more often, or they'll want increasingly larger "rewards").

Here's an interview w/ Alfie Kohn that touches on some of the points in his book:
http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/pbracwak.htm

eta: in rereading your thread, I guess I'd be a little less uncomfortable with this if it is a short-term plan to get bedtime back on track. However, if this reward system is going to carry on to other parts of the day, I personally would be less comfortable doing this. Even w/ just doing it at bedtime, it seems like she's already looking for more things to do to earn tokens, but IMO, and this is JMO, it is possible that a pattern can be set so that the child expects external motivators for all sorts of things. I think at this age, it is important to teach that certain things just have to be done when you are a family. Everyone has to work together. People appreciate your help around the house. I'd let the natural "feel good" moments be the reward without a token/reward system as the motivator. I see using it strictly at bedtime as a little less problematic, but I probably wouldn't be comfortable doing that either, personally.

[Melaine]

My kids are not at this age yet, but I just wanted to throw in some encouragement. My parents used several similar systems off and on as I was growing up and I think they were all in all a positive experience for my siblings and I. I think it depends on the age and personality of the child and the way you customize the system. For instance, I was at an age when I wanted to do the right thing, help my parents and obey, but a little extra organization and motivation was helpful. I still find myself using similar tools to organize and motivate myself sometimes! i think these systems can work, but I agree about the time out with mom and dad thing. I think you need to adjust that. I have twins too and I realize the time is SO hard to find but I would suggest that you do it on a more instantaneous and practical basis. In other words, ask your DD to help you set the table and get ready for dinner. Since she is taking a little of the load off your shoulders, you can have time with her to read a book while dinner is cooking. You can thank her for her help and say "It's so nice to make time to read a book together; thanks for cheerfully helping me get ready for dinner!" (or something a little less cheesy!) It will encourage her (she'll realize her help IS helpful and that you NEED it) and is a more realistic way of motivation. Even if this means time with her at the end of the day. But I think the token system really can be a good tool, especially for a temporary time of re-adjustment/teaching and when used in a modified way with some wiggle room. It's great that you are training your children to be responsible, dependable and obedient! Keep up the good work.

[lisams]

We typically do not use rewards in our house. I wanted DD to know that she needs to do her jobs because that's how it works when you are part of a family. Plus, I know I wouldn't keep up with a system like that, and like most things with DD, she would probably lose interest after a week or so and then I'd be stuck with a child who doesn't feel any need to do her jobs. But, I do know that for some kids they need that extra motivation, and for some it really does work wonders, especially for very specific issues (when DD was holding her BMs in when she was a toddler rewards got her through that rough patch).

For getting ready for bed, DD gets extra "play minutes" if she does all of her jobs in time. So, I guess that's a reward, but I see at as more of a logical consequence - you get your jobs done and you have a little more time to play.