Those familiar with Child Support??

[Bens Momma]

While at dinner the other night with friends I heard something that really bugged me and want to find out if what the person said is true. This person is an RN that works 2 days a week. The shifts are two 12 hour shifts (weekdays, not weekend/night) a week. She was commenting that her work calls her just about everyday/weekend to work extra hours. Quote "They call me just about everyday, and I could work every day if I wanted." Someone then said "well why don't you work more hours?" Her reply "if I did then X (ex hubby) would pay less child support." Is this true? While I do have sympathy for any single parent, can she really choose to work fewer hours to get paid more child support?

[elliput]

Anecdotal only, but yes I have heard roughly the same thing, so my understanding is that the amount of child support is based on the incomes of both the payer and the receiver.

[kijip]

I assume she would also have childcare costs if she worked more? She could truly come out behind if child support decreases and care cost increase. I don't know the particulars of this situation but I have nothing but support for single parents.

In some states support levels is now based on a percent of a total cost of raising the child at that income level (there are complicated tables for this). So if 2 former spouses have a combined income of 100,000 and one person makes 60% of that and one 40% of that, the noncustodial parent pays child support equal to their percentage of the income.

[kijip]

Seems a bit unfair to those of us who are married (yet making due on a single income) DH has to work at least 5 days a week and LONG hours to make ends meet.

Momma to 2 ACTIVE DS

Also, she is a parent, the custodial parent and presumably that takes up time. Are only married women entitled to choose to be a SAHM or mostly SAHM?

[Laurel]

I'm completely confused why you think this is "unfair" for you? Maybe I'm not reading this correctly. Are you and DH paying child support?

Child support payments are based on both parties actual incomes, not how much they could potentially earn. I don't think it would be appropriate or fair for the court to decide how much a single mom has to work, or for that matter how much a dad paying support would have to work. There are plenty of child support situations that are unfair to one involved party or another, but I guess I'm missing what is so bad about the situation described. Again, maybe I'm not reading correctly.

[lisams]

If she works more wouldn't she have to pay childcare, get paid less child support and spend less time with her child?

[Melbel]

Child support is dictated by state law. In FL, child support payment amounts are typically determined at the time of the dissolution of marriage (divorce) based upon the combined incomes of the parties, detailed formulas, charts and/or mutual agreement (so long as such agreement equals or exceeds statutory minimum). If there is a substantial change in income of one spouse, the other may petition the court seeking a modification of the support payments. If a spouse is intentionally unemployed or underemployed then courts may decide to impute income at the level in which the spouse could/should be making if he/she were trying. It is not easy being a single parent. In a divorce situation, virtually always, both parties end up with a lower standard of living than if the couple had remained together (two households to support). Additionally, the RN still has parental responsibilities which is hard work. I can not imagine being envious of this scenario.

[Wife_and_mommy]

In a divorce situation, virtually always, both parties end up with a lower standard of living than if the couple had remained together (two households to support). Additionally, the RN still has parental responsibilities which is hard work. I can not imagine being envious of this scenario.

:yeahthat:

[dcmom2b3]

If the terms of the divorce were negotiated and agreed upon with minimal court intervention, they could vary from the standard formulas/calculations. In any event, whether agreed to or court imposed, child support arrangements sometimes can be perceived as giving the primary custodial parent incentive not to work. But that's the nature of the beast.

For example, an ex-BF of mine agreed that his ex-wife wouldn't have to contribute a penny to their daughter's support until such time as her (ex wife's) income exceeded $60K. Sounds excessive, but he agreed to it, end of story. (And he got off easy, considering his income)

Child support isn't money that SHE "gets," it's for the kid(s), and if her ex has any legitimate questions as to how its being spent there are ways to address that. IMO the only folks who possibly have standing to complain about the fairness of her decision to work less are her ex husband and her child(ren).

MH

[randomkid]

Depends on the laws of the state. DH is divorced and we pay child support. His ex was not working full time at the time of the separation, but went back full time later. Here, the support was based on DH's income and her earning potential (if she were employed full time, not what she was making at the time). Also, considered was her ability to be employed. She's an RN, so getting a good job was easy. If she didn't have skills or would have had a problem finding a job, that would have been considered. Once the amount is established, it doesn't change unless you go back to court. At one time, we thought she might take us back as DH had gotten a promotion. We consulted with an attorney and one thing she told us was that once support is determined, it never decreases (unless you are paying for more than one and a child reaches the age of maturity). She said, if anything, it would increase due to cost of living expense.

Don't really know how this RN that you encountered could state what she did unless her support was not yet finalized. She may actually be misinformed. If her support is not finalized and the laws of her state dictate, it may be based on her potential anyway.

For other posters - how is it unfair? DH and his ex are both re-married. Her DH makes A LOT more money than mine. They had two girls and DH and I have DD. Granted, she is taking care of 4 kids, but my stepdaughters are teens now and help more than they need help. She doesn't work and she spends money like crazy. I have to work to make ends meet and would love to have another, but can't afford it. In addition to support, we pay insurance for them, she gets both girls as tax deductions and we pay half of their medical expenses (i.e. braces). They just remodeled their kitchen and the majority of their home while we can't afford new flooring that we desperately need. When the oldest starts college next year, we will be expected to help out with expenses. Support will decrease at that time, but not by half. At Christmas, her Mom wanted to buy the oldest a car and had the nerve to ask DH to put her on our insurance! He said no. My point in all this? Even if we went back to court, we would end up paying more in support, not less. Spousal income is not considered in calculating, so since she hasn't worked in years, we would really get scr*#ed if it came down to it.

[Laurel]

Kim, I can see why you feel like your situation is unfair to you. I was questioning why the OP felt like it was unfair to her, when she is neither payer nor recipient of child support.

As a child, I was repeatedly made to feel terrible by my stepmother about the amount of support my dad paid my mom. It really sucked, to put it mildly. I encourage all the BBB parents who have child support issues to keep the kids out of it!

[tiapam]

The OP seemed to think it was unfair to *her* and other married parents living on one income. That is completely different from the situation you describe.




For other posters - how is it unfair? DH and his ex are both re-married. Her DH makes A LOT more money than mine. They had two girls and DH and I have DD. Granted, she is taking care of 4 kids, but my stepdaughters are teens now and help more than they need help. She doesn't work and she spends money like crazy. I have to work to make ends meet and would love to have another, but can't afford it. In addition to support, we pay insurance for them, she gets both girls as tax deductions and we pay half of their medical expenses (i.e. braces). They just remodeled their kitchen and the majority of their home while we can't afford new flooring that we desperately need. When the oldest starts college next year, we will be expected to help out with expenses. Support will decrease at that time, but not by half. At Christmas, her Mom wanted to buy the oldest a car and had the nerve to ask DH to put her on our insurance! He said no. My point in all this? Even if we went back to court, we would end up paying more in support, not less. Spousal income is not considered in calculating, so since she hasn't worked in years, we would really get scr*#ed if it came down to it.

[randomkid]

As a child, I was repeatedly made to feel terrible by my stepmother about the amount of support my dad paid my mom. It really sucked, to put it mildly. I encourage all the BBB parents who have child support issues to keep the kids out of it!

:yeahthat: My stepdaughters have no idea how much we pay each month (although sometimes I wish they did) and we have never made an issue of it. I think it only breeds resentment. The kids have nothing to do with it. However, now that they are older, I think they can clearly see who has an easier time financially and they probably can see the unfairness themselves without being told, KWIM?

[randomkid]

The OP seemed to think it was unfair to *her* and other married parents living on one income. That is completely different from the situation you describe.

I agree, now that I've read her post again. Just because the RN friend works less to get more support, it doesn't mean she isn't struggling. I know before DH's ex remarried, she was a lot more frugal when she had to work to have enough money. She needed the child support at that time. Now? Not so much! And, a PP stated that if you question how the money is being spent, that can be addressed. Again, depends on your state. Our attorney told us that there is basically nothing we can do about what she does with the money. Wish we could as college funds would be nice, but her remodeling is more important to her - so sad, really.

[mom2chloe]

In FL, child support payment amounts are typically determined at the time of the dissolution of marriage (divorce) based upon the combined incomes of the parties based upon detailed formulas/charts. If there is a substantial change in income of one spouse, the other may petition the court seeking a modification of the support payments. If a spouse is intentionally unemployed or underemployed then courts may decide to impute income at the level in which the spouse could/should be making if he/she were trying. It is not easy being a single parent. In a divorce situation, virtually always, both parties end up with a lower standard of living than if the couple had remained together (two households to support). Additionally, the RN still has parental responsibilities which is hard work. I can not imagine being envious of this scenario.

This pretty much sums up the situation in Maryland too. Part of it would depend on how much she was working when they were married. For example, I was working full time - against my own wishes when I had previously been working part time, but that's another story - before I got divorced. If I had decided to go back to working part-time after the divorce, the court would've imputed in my income to the full-time wage to determine child support. It would be an intentional change in income, like PP mentioned.

Divorce is the hardest thing I've EVER done... I wouldn't wish this road on ANYONE, for any amount of money, or any less hours put in at a paying job.

[mom2chloe]

:yeahthat: My stepdaughters have no idea how much we pay each month (although sometimes I wish they did) and we have never made an issue of it. I think it only breeds resentment. The kids have nothing to do with it. However, now that they are older, I think they can clearly see who has an easier time financially and they probably can see the unfairness themselves without being told, KWIM?

AMEN! I'm 35 and my father still owes my mother money she will almost surely never collect. He may have thought he was hurting her, but in the long run, he hurt himself. I know how much she struggled to give me the things I wanted. His actions have only strengthened my relationship with her (and my step-father) and helped to destroy my relationship with him.

Moral of the story: PP said it... It only breeds resentment... the kids can clearly see the unfairness.

[Laurel]

Kim, you sound like a wonderful stepmother! Believe, me the kids will figure out the (un)fairness of things on their own without having to be directly involved in the parental issues.

[randomkid]

Kim, you sound like a wonderful stepmother! Believe, me the kids will figure out the (un)fairness of things on their own without having to be directly involved in the parental issues.

Thank you :) They are also figuring out what is most important. Their Mom has always given way too many material things while we have always tried to treat the girls well and teach them how to have good relationships with us, each other and other people. The oldest is now having problems with her Mom (and she was always very protective of her Mom when they were younger) and she prefers to be here now. I know teenage girls fight with their Moms, but I think she is seeing how irresponsible her Mom can be and she "gets onto her about it". Now, we are trying to teach her how to handle that situation to make things better for herself since her Mother will never change.

[Corie]

My sister is married to a man who was previously married. He has one child from this previous marriage.

The ex-wife has never remarried but she apparently makes quite
a nice salary with her job. Actually, she makes more than her
ex-husband. (now, my sister's husband)

My sister contacted a lawyer about the child support. She was
told by the lawyer that in Texas it is pretty standard to pay 20%
of your income to child support. Not sure how it increases with
more kids.

I am always confused as to why he has to pay so much in child support
when the ex-wife makes quite a bit more money than he does.

I never used to think about the Dads after a divorce. But after
seeing what a PITA it is for my sister, I can't even imagine.

[bnme]

Just wanted to chime in that I don't think a father should NOT have to pay his 20% or whatever the law mandates just because the mom makes more money then he does. I would feel the same if it were switched and the dad had primary custody and the mom had to pay him.

I can see how it may be rough on a new family if the dad has other children to support but that is the price of having kids and divorce. He is still responsible for the other children even if they don't live with him and part of that responsibility is financial.

[blisstwins]

I am a child of divorce here so please understand where I am coming from and know also that I do understand how much it must stink to have DH pay support to someone you don't think needs it. I would totally be upset with you if you were talking about alimony. I don't think child support should ever be reduced because of a custodial parent or a step parent's income. Child support is an obligation of a parent. Having and raising a child is a huge commitment and it is not the child's fault the marriage failed. Children are a responsibility and time and money for them should never be viewed as something that hinders one's ability to live as they wish. (I know that is not what you guys are saying, but since I lived this I am telling you how it feels).

[randomkid]

Just wanted to chime in that I don't think a father should NOT have to pay his 20% or whatever the law mandates just because the mom makes more money then he does. I would feel the same if it were switched and the dad had primary custody and the mom had to pay him.

I can see how it may be rough on a new family if the dad has other children to support but that is the price of having kids and divorce. He is still responsible for the other children even if they don't live with him and part of that responsibility is financial.

I agree that a noncustodial parent should have to financially support his/her kids. However, there should be other options if the custodial parent is financially stable. Honestly, the amount of money we send each month is way more than she needs to support those kids. She is not using the money for them, but is using it to assist her in remodeling her home and have huge expensive birthday parties for her 4 and 6 year old DDs that she had with her new spouse. Our money would be better spent on my stepdaughters if we had control of it. I don't buy them clothes, etc anymore because we can't afford it. Honestly, if we had control of that money for them, it would be put into college funds, trusts, and items they need at our house.

What you have to consider is that children that spend time at both homes may benefit more if it was more equally divided. DH's amount was calculated by a formula. It ends up being a third of his net pay! The girls are at our home on a regular basis and we could do a lot more for them with that money than what their Mom is doing with it. If it weren't for me, DH would be in some crappy apt somewhere. How is that good for the kids? You have to think about the noncustodial parent and what their home environment might be like if they don't remarry and have to live on a portion of their income while the ex is living above and beyond.

[SammyeGail]

Depends on the laws of the state. DH is divorced and we pay child support. His ex was not working full time at the time of the separation, but went back full time later. Here, the support was based on DH's income and her earning potential (if she were employed full time, not what she was making at the time). Also, considered was her ability to be employed. She's an RN, so getting a good job was easy. If she didn't have skills or would have had a problem finding a job, that would have been considered. Once the amount is established, it doesn't change unless you go back to court. At one time, we thought she might take us back as DH had gotten a promotion. We consulted with an attorney and one thing she told us was that once support is determined, it never decreases (unless you are paying for more than one and a child reaches the age of maturity). She said, if anything, it would increase due to cost of living expense.

Don't really know how this RN that you encountered could state what she did unless her support was not yet finalized. She may actually be misinformed. If her support is not finalized and the laws of her state dictate, it may be based on her potential anyway.

For other posters - how is it unfair? DH and his ex are both re-married. Her DH makes A LOT more money than mine. They had two girls and DH and I have DD. Granted, she is taking care of 4 kids, but my stepdaughters are teens now and help more than they need help. She doesn't work and she spends money like crazy. I have to work to make ends meet and would love to have another, but can't afford it. In addition to support, we pay insurance for them, she gets both girls as tax deductions and we pay half of their medical expenses (i.e. braces). They just remodeled their kitchen and the majority of their home while we can't afford new flooring that we desperately need. When the oldest starts college next year, we will be expected to help out with expenses. Support will decrease at that time, but not by half. At Christmas, her Mom wanted to buy the oldest a car and had the nerve to ask DH to put her on our insurance! He said no. My point in all this? Even if we went back to court, we would end up paying more in support, not less. Spousal income is not considered in calculating, so since she hasn't worked in years, we would really get scr*#ed if it came down to it.

We were paying alot for DH ex's kids (my SDs), she didn't work (did at divorce, but as a receptionist, not a high paying job) and blew money, they had a very nice house and we struggled. I couldn't help let it crawl under my skin when my 12 year SD is wearing $100+ shoes, purse, etc., kwim?

But a few years ago the ex screwed her and her new husband all up and they lost their house, cars, everything. I felt really bad for the kids.

When SD turned 19 (adult in there state) we were not going to file for a decrease in Child Support. We knew SD had college expenses, etc., and it was for the kids, we were just going to pay the regular amount until SS turned 19, then talk with him about college help.

Right after SD turned 19 the idiot ex filed for an increase in child support (huh?), like twice as much. Hello? The twins were born then, DH had 2 new dependents. SD had aged out, the ex's income had doubled+. It was a big mess and went on for a year. She went thur 4 lawyers and in the end lost $350 a month.

Its never made any sense to me why she did that.....

Samantha
Noah and Jonas
2.5 yr old twins