Argh! I am so angry right now.

[casey0729]

So, the ILs were here this past weekend. Which sucks enough on its own. Last week, DS had been saying that when this package of pullups was finished he was going to start wearing undies and going to the potty. DS has never, ever wanted to go so I was preparing to start working with him ... if he was ready. He also makes announcements about other things he wants to do but never does them so I was taking this potty business with a grain of salt.

So, ILs arrive on Thursday (while DH was still out of town ... thanks a lot DH for inviting them early) and DS runs out of pullups on Friday night. On Friday, while he was still in pullups, MIL grabbed him and ripped his pullup down and plopped him on the toilet. He had pooped so it all kinda squished out. Anyway, it totally freaked him out. So, Saturday comes and he starts wearing underwear but absolutely refuses to go in the potty or in the toilet. He peed himself all day on Saturday despite her "watching him like a hawk". He had pooped when he first got up so it was in his pullup. DS will sit on the potty if he doesn't have to go, if he has to go ... he would freak and take off out of there. MIL kept putting him on there and saying you will pee for Grandma so I can be here for your first pee. WTF? I mentioned that he probably still isn't ready for using it and I would prefer it if he asked to go and then we'd do it from there. Apparently, I am "missing the window". Of course, she stuck a bug in DH's ear about it and the three of them are all "he's 3 now", "it's time". UGH. DS will tell me where the pee and poop go but is unwilling to put it there himself.

So, DS has peed/pooped himself every time every day with the exception of me catching him grunting once and then half catching a pee yesterday. He refuses to wear pullups or diapers anymore because he likes the undies. Now he'll just ask me for new shorts and undies after he wets/poops himself. I don't have time to police him every second because oh yeah, did I mention that DD is getting 3 teeth at once and is pooping every 5 minutes because that's what she does when she teethes? And we're down to 1 bathroom because we're renovating? So, I have to run downstairs with DS every time? And we miss? And I've tried to bring the potty out into the other rooms and he just steps over it and goes and pees/poops somewhere else? And my house is 90% carpet? And he could care less about candy rewards? Or any kind of rewards for that matter?

How do I not screw this up? I need some help. Clubbing MIL will apparently only be a short term solution. I have done so much laundry since Saturday, I barely have time for anything else. Except cleaning the carpet.

GRRRR!

[kedss]

oh man, WTF was she thinkin'? yeah, clubbing her wouldn't help. I know my ds didn't really get the whole potty thing til 3.5. I would probably buy a bunch more underwear, like a dozen more, and try not to stress about it. And ban MIL from the house for the near future!

big hugs

[nofeea]

HMMmmmmm. My DDs were very reward oriented. Since your DS doesn't seem to care about any rewards but DOES seem to want to wear undies, what if you make the undies the reward? Can you tell him that he only gets the undies if he can keep them dry? Make it very clear- hang a pair of undies next to the toilet. If he uses the toilet/potty he gets to put on the undies. If he wets himself, he gets a pullup back.... Make sense? (My DD knew she could only go to big girl camp if she wore DRY undies....so she DID!)
Sometimes they're just not ready... Good Luck!

(I won't even get near the whole IL issue...just sending you sympathy...)

[cleo27]

HMMmmmmm. My DDs were very reward oriented. Since your DS doesn't seem to care about any rewards but DOES seem to want to wear undies, what if you make the undies the reward?

Sometimes they're just not ready... Good Luck!

(I won't even get near the whole IL issue...just sending you sympathy...)


I definitely agree with all of this. Making wearing underwear the reward it what really motivated my DD. We tried a weekend in undies a few times when she was almost 3 and after a few accidents put her back in pull-ups. Finally, right after she turned 3 she started insisting that she wanted to wear underwear. That did the trick! She finally decided she was ready and she didn't want to go back to pull-ups.

Good luck! It is so hard!!!

[niccig]

I agree with making undies the reward. We had several attempts and DS would scream when it came to wearing undies - like they were burning his legs. Each time I stopped and went back to diapers. Then one day, he wakes up and wants a button shirt and underpants and go to work like Daddy. We went to Target and bought lots of button shirts and underpants. Also, kick MIL out of your house while you're doing this. Your DS doesn't need the interruptions or distractions from how Grandma *thinks* it should be done.

[gatorsmom]

Clubbing MIL will only be a short term solution- unless you do a REALLY effective job of it!! :)

The only thing I can think is that you need to send MIL out to buy some plastic pants to go over his underwear. OR, you ask her to clean up the messes he makes because they could have picked a more convenient time for him to be potty trained. OR, does she mind helping do some laundry for you? Because obviously HE IS NOT ready to be potty trained or this would not be so hard on him.

I like the pps ideas of using the underwear as incentive to sit on the potty. And honestly, don't expect much from him right now because with so many people in your house, I imagine he's getting conflicting messages from everyone. He probably feels like everyone is trying to control him. poor little guy.

I'm trying to train Cha Cha right now (who will be 3 in July), and it's slow going. But I learned from Gator that if you relax about it and know that it will just eventually happen- even with interruptions and setbacks- then it just will.

hth and gl

[AngelaS]

Are you having him clean himself up? That was a big motivator for my child who wouldn't poop in the potty. Peeling of his own wet clothes and wiping up with wet wipes is something he can do himself.

[s7714]

HMMmmmmm. My DDs were very reward oriented. Since your DS doesn't seem to care about any rewards but DOES seem to want to wear undies, what if you make the undies the reward? Can you tell him that he only gets the undies if he can keep them dry? Make it very clear- hang a pair of undies next to the toilet. If he uses the toilet/potty he gets to put on the undies. If he wets himself, he gets a pullup back.... Make sense?

ITA. Neither of my DDs were allowed to wear big kid undies until they successfully went on the potty a couple times. The undies were a major reward for their success! At first I let them wear the undies only around the house, then with continued PTing success they were allowed to start wearing them when we went out.

[ShanaMama]

Clubbing MIL will apparently only be a short term solution. GRRRR!

It may be a short term solution but it's a solution nonetheless! You'll definitely feel better afterwards. :ROTFLMAO:
Ok, just kidding but no real advice. Just try to hang in there! Sorry you're going thru this.

[KBecks]

Wow. It is not grandma's job to toilet train your DS. She did your husband, her work is done. I'd be pissed that she's pouncing on your son, who frankly needs to be comfortable with his body and be allowed a little peace and privacy.

I would go back to pull ups and let your DS know that he needs to wear the pull ups and practice a while and then he can go back to the undies. I would take a low key approach from there. Good luck! We had a lot of starts and stops but then we got there. It takes quite a lot of patience.

[bubbaray]

I like Lisa's solution -- effective clubbing it is, LOL!

[casey0729]

I had written a long update but it got eaten, so I will sum up.

DS had a total breakdown and didn't want to go to the park on Thursday for our regular playdate. I sat him down, told him that he could wear a pullup and that perhaps when he said to me that he wanted to wear underwear after his pullups were done that maybe he meant he just wanted to try them some times and we could just practice. We would wear pullups when we went out and he could wear the undies to practice a couple of times a day. He said that he wasn't ready to do it all yet and I said that is totally fine, that he should listen to his body and it would tell him when he was ready. So, we went to the park and he was much happier. I stopped asking if he had to go constantly. Later that day I sat him on the potty while he watched SuperWhy and he went pee. Yay!

Friday he peed 8 times in the potty. :yay: After the first two, I wasn't allowed in the bathroom until he was finished. He even poured it down the toilet himself. He is still not ready to poop in the potty so we had one accident. I haven't taken him anywhere yet - but we would wear a pullup if we go. I may take him to the grocery store in a little while.

Thanks to all of you. I felt a lot better after reading everything here and talking to some Moms at the park on Thursday. I had always been told that once you took the pullups off, you weren't supposed to go back. It was nice to know that it was okay if we needed to fall back on them. He does wear night pullups. Some mornings he's dry, some not.

Oh yeah, I didn't clarify that MIL left on the Sunday - leaving me with trying to deal with him and poopy DD at the same time. Trying to run your son downstairs before he pees or poops while you have a crawling around DD that you have to secure first didn't make for a very happy week for me.

He seems to be on the right track now. The only thing that sucks is that MIL will take credit for this even though we ended up going back to pullups and doing it differently.

Hmmm... that was a pretty long sum up!

[ShanaMama]

Well, at least MIL is out of there & you were able to handle this the way your instinct dictated. I think you were 100% right to take the pressure down. Last thing you want is potty training turning into a power struggle. DS is probably feeling much more relaxed with his grandma gone & the permission you gave him to go at his own pace.
And ya know what, if she takes the credit, just smile & secretly picture that clubbing you woulda given her!! :ROFLMAO: You know she will, might as well prepare yourself. ;)

[JTsMom]

I somehow missed this post earlier, but I think you did an awesome job handling this! :bighand: It's so hard when you're dealing with a pushy know-it-al like that, but you did it! I agree with everyon else who said low pressure is the way to go- they go when they are ready, and it's not a race. Obviously, it's working if after telling him not to worry he's now doing it voluntarily. Hang in there mama, and great job listening to your gut!

As for her taking credit, just come here and bitch and we'll laugh with you. ;)

[elliput]

OR, you ask her to clean up the messes he makes because they could have picked a more convenient time for him to be potty trained. OR, does she mind helping do some laundry for you?

:yeahthat: Grandma needs to be doing some cleaning. She's the one who has scared the crap out of him (uh, so to speak).;)

[tarabenet]

Clubbing MIL will only be a short term solution- unless you do a REALLY effective job of it!! :)


Bwaaaaaaahahahaha! This is priceless!

I think it is also time to whip out the "V comment"! If she didn't push him our of her vagina, she doesn't get to raise him. She had her turn with your DH and she can enjoy her role as grandma and let *you* be the mommy or she can pack her bag and go home right now.

Sheesh. Like having her witness his first successful potty is some kinda goal. Isn't PTing tough enough?

ETA: Somehow it wasn't letting me see your update until after I posted. Congrats on the huge turnaround for all of you! And yay for your DS! Way to go!

[DrSally]

I just saw this. Glad it is working out. Poor DS, grandma was really intrusive and he must've felt a lot of pressure. I haven't done PT yet, but my understanding is that a low-key approach is better b/c it helps take the pressure off. I agree with you and pp's that going back to pull-ups is not a failure and starts and stops are common. Glad it's going well and that MIL is out of the house! I hate when people think something HAS to happen by a certain age.

[casey0729]

DS continues to do pretty well. We're working on the pooping and he pretty much has the peeing part down pat.

So, MIL is annoyed because he's going in the POTTY. She thinks I should have perched him on the edge of the toilet - like she was trying - and failing. Good thing she told that to DH and not to me. DH told her that DS was doing awesome and we were more than thrilled with what he was doing now. We'll work on the toilet part later. DH built a new 2-step stool for DS and now I have to paint it. DS has picked the colors he wants and we'll get it ready and put it in the bathroom for him. Baby steps MIL, baby steps. Of course, I'd like to baby step all over her head, but that is just me.

[bubbaray]

So, MIL is annoyed because he's going in the POTTY.


You're a better woman than me. I would have shoved the potty on her freakin' head. Um, like she gets a vote????

People are stupid. (there's a theme here today if you have read any of my other posts.... Sigh).