Quick help: DS been crying since 5 am and was up til 10:30 crying

[hillview]

If you read my other post ...
He is fine for about 10 mins then goes into a 15 mins jag about "I dont want to go to preschool" "I dont like preschool" "I dont like the teachers" etc. Do I send him? He'd be there 8-12:30. HELP I feel so bad. He is 3.

[JTsMom]

I don't have any advice, but :hug. That must be really hard. Until you get some real BTDT advice, I'd say listen to your gut.

[LBW]

Can you send him, but stay there with him? Maybe ask the teachers if you can volunteer for the day. Help out with the activities, cleaning up, prepping for next week, etc. Maybe DS would do better if he knew you were around?

[Twoboos]

Oh man, that's so hard.

I would send him. (But note that I am considered heartless by many. :)) Every morning on the way to school for a whole year, DD told me she did not want to go, didn't like teachers, no friends, no fun there. From Sept to June.

Can you drop him a little earlier (5-10mins), maybe he can adjust better w/fewer kids there? And definitely talk to the teachers/director, they may have ideas to help him.

And yes, THe Kissing Hand too. I forgot about that one.

Good luck, 3 day weekend should be good for everyone! Maybe talk about it and drive by the school if you can?

[JBaxter]

How many days has he been there? I would definately talk to the teachers. You may have to gradually work him in by 1 hr then 2 then 3.

Or maybe there is something he just doesnt like not all preschools/daycare are good for all kids.

[ThreeofUs]

First, I have to say I'm glad you're open to keeping him home. Some kids just aren't a good fit for preschool - and some preschools just aren't a good fit for a particular kid.

I'd try going there with him and trying to work him up from 1 hour to 3 hours. Not only would that make him feel more secure about being there, but it would give you first-hand experience with what's going on at the preschool.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, kwim?

[o_mom]

I might give it one more day, but I also wouldn't feel bad about not sending him. Some kids just aren't ready. If it is bothering him that much, it might not be the right fit for him at this point. Since you have the option (I'm gathering from your posts), then maybe you should take it.

How long is the camp portion going on? Are there other drop-off opportuniites you could take with him before fall? We did a few one-time drop-off programs at the park ahead of preschool. You could also try to set up playdates with the other kids to get him some friends to look forward to seeing in the fall.

Sending some hugs your way, too - it must be hard. :hug:

ETA: This sounds different than the "I don't want to go" that I would hear from DS1 who just hates to change gears. He never cried and certainly never brought it up outside of preschool time.

[egoldber]

Is this typical behavior when he's anxious or excited? If so, I'd be omre inclined to send him. If not, then I would be more concerned. Maybe tell him he only has to stay for 2 hours instead of 4, etc.

There are some kids who have a hard time separating and cry every.single.day at drop off. But that's different IMO from being so anxious about it that he's unable to sleep becasue of it.

[Ceepa]

Has DS had any experience being away from you/family before this? If this is his first time, then it's probably a lot for him to handle and will take a long time to adjust. Can you cut down on the number of days per week through the summer?

Sorry you and DS are having such a hard time.

ETC: spelling

[hillview]

I just dropped him off. He was crying. One teacher there seems really in tune with him. He really doesn't like another teacher who seems to be about 12 (ok maybe 22) and I saw her with a short temper with one of the kids. She is also the one who said "I am not going to sugar coat it for you, he cried all day" which seems factual but somewhat not as sympathetic as I'd like. I just called the school and the director is out today but back in on Monday so I will talk to her on Monday. Thanks all ... I can totally have him stay at home or change the schedule or any number of things ... on the other hand I do feel like he will really like it if the teacher is in tune with him -- he loves the socialization with the neighborhood kids and new activities.

That said this reaction is REALLY not typical. He has had this sort of reaction once before to a nanny he didn't like (he seems to be sensitive to specific people who he doesn't like -- go figure). I ultimately let him go. My gut tells me that while he is experiencing a HIGH degree is sep anxiety perhaps a significant issue is this "head" teacher he doesn't like much. Just a hunch.

THANKS for listening to me ramble. :hug: :hug:

/hillary

[AngelaS]

I wouldn't send him. I figure my babies are only going to babies so long and I might as well keep them home and enjoy them as long as possible. :) In a couple months or a year, he may be ready to go to preschool and go happily. I wouldn't force him before he's ready.

[elephantmeg]

My 2 y old is having a hard time with our new babysitter when he has to go for full days (I usually work 3-11 so I drop them off 2:15ish and DH picks them up at 6). I picked them up yesterday to find that he hadn't eaten all day, had cried on and off, and had hardly napped. No advice, just hugs, it feels awfull!

[KpbS]

Where we live we don't have preschool options---just mother's day out and full-on daycare. We started a mother's day out (8:45-noon) 1d/wk with DS1 right before he turned three. He had excellent teachers and adjusted well to the situation. But I can say that it would have been a totally different story if we had gone anywhere 5d/week at that time. He could do it now (not sure if he would chose this option). Next semester we added 1 day and he couldn't be happier w/ the schedule. Maybe you could find something for 1 d/wk or 2 and then go back to the Montessori route?
That being said I totally agree w/ PP who said they are only young once. He'll get there soon :)

Good luck w/ your decision

[kristenk]

I really don't know what I'd do, knowing that DC didn't like the head teacher. That would be a really big deal, IMO. I wonder if there's a specific reason that he doesn't seem to like her? I think the PPs suggestions about staying at school w/your DS seem like a good idea. You can get a good feel of the teacher and her style and whether or not it will work with your DS. I think the fit with the teacher is a big deal. Would it be possible to switch classes/teachers?

I'll echo some of the PPs' suggestions. Setting up play dates with one or two kids in DS's class so he can get to know them better, sending a lovey, telling him exactly what will happen during the school day and when you'll pick him up, getting there a few minutes early for drop-off so it's not so hectic, and not prolonging drop-off are all things I'd recommend, too!

ETA: It really does sound like a lot to go from being with grandparents to going to school every single day. This past school year, DD was going 2 days per week and staying for the optional afternoon program. We had added a second afternoon (DD started out the year with 1 long day and 1 short day) shortly before Christmas b/c DD really enjoyed playing with a little boy who was in her afternoon class, but who was going to be moving over Christmas. We kept up the schedule after Christmas b/c it was sooo nice for me to have some extra time to get stuff done. Fast fortward to February. DD started get clingy and teary at drop-off, something that hadn't happened at all that school year. After a few weeks, I clued it and asked DD if she wanted to have 2 long days or just 1. She said just 1 and we went back to the 1 long day/1 short day schedule. Drop offs improved immediately. No more tears. She was happy when I left. It was amazing. The extra 2.5 hours per week was just too much for her.

[egoldber]

Is there a way to observe the classroom without him knowing you are there? I would definitely try to do that and see how he does.

[BeachBum]

I wouldn't send him. To me, unless you have to send him (ie you need daycare) it's not worth it. I would be sending him for enrichement, because it's fun. It's an "extra"...he's 3. You don't want to get him off on the wrong foot hating school, being afraid etc.
As for separation anxiety, just because that is what it is doesn't make it any less real or hurtful to him. We experienced it (to a much lesser degree) at church in the nursery. We just stopped going for a while (unless I stayed with him the whole time). Then one day, it just clicked he said "bye mom" and hasn't looked back. Now he asks to go to...

[brittone2]

I wouldn't send him. I figure my babies are only going to babies so long and I might as well keep them home and enjoy them as long as possible. :) In a couple months or a year, he may be ready to go to preschool and go happily. I wouldn't force him before he's ready.

Agreeing with the above. I might try a few days of doing just an hour to see if he can handle that, but if it is really disturbing him that deeply, I personally would just let him stay home.

[ThreeofUs]

He really doesn't like another teacher who seems to be about 12 (ok maybe 22) and I saw her with a short temper with one of the kids.

This is a more difficult problem. Transfer of trust is so critical to good outcomes for kids in day care! If it's not there, kids can experience emotional trauma, as you described.

If he doesn't like this teacher, he probably has reason. In this case, I would keep my DS home - and did, in a similar situation at a Montessori school.

[SnuggleBuggles]

At our preschool parents were welcome to stay with their kids for the first few days (or weeks, in the rare cases) if separation anxiety was an issue. I really liked that approach. It gives you a chance to really observe things and try and help him feel comfortable.

Good luck with all of this. ANd a big ((((((hug)))))

Beth

[bubbaray]

I dunno. I kinda lean towards holding course. Mainly b/c he's going to have to adapt to different teachers every school year (and maybe multiple teachers within a school year, for subs, different specialty classes, etc). But, having said that, we had to sit with DD#1 in her Sunday School class every week for about the first half of the year from Sept to about January (she was 3.5 in October). It drove me nutty, b/c she's in daycare FT and IMO was past the separation anxiety stage. Apparently not. It was really REALLY trying.