Am I alone in finding this creepy?

[sarahsthreads]

I swear, if one more relative or friend says to me "Good luck!" or "I'm praying for you" about the imminent birth of this baby, I'm going to scream. I'm also creeped out by the idea of extended family members waiting in the hospital lobby while I'm in labor. (There were a lot of them last time, and I HATED the fact that my mom had to go out and announce to them all I was going to have to have a c-section. I mean, I didn't hate that she did it, but that they were all there waiting for news, kwim?) If I didn't have to call my parents so there would be someone to watch DD I wouldn't tell a single person that I was in labor except my DH and our doula. They'd all get a phone call when I was all settled in my room and well-rested. Or even better, when we got home and settled in.

I don't know why this just makes my skin crawl, it just does. Am I weird?

Sarah

[caheinz]

Nope. Not alone.

I'm not sure if I feel creepy about it, but uncomfortable certainly applies. With DS, we were over an hour away from the closest family. They knew they were not welcome at the birth, and fortunately honored that. They did arrive within 12h of the birth, but that was sort of the next day, since DS arrived shortly after midnight.

This time, there are family that are closer (not the same as last time), and of course, we will need someone to watch DS. Hopefully, they will be as respectful of our request for no visitors until after the babies arrive and everyone gets a chance to rest.

[buddyleebaby]

Well, I don't like the idea of extended family in the lobby. It just seems intrusive at a time that is special to me and my husband.
But I don't mind prayers at all. I find it comforting to know that people are praying for my health and safety and especially the health and safety of my baby.

[MamaMolly]

Yeah, I'm with you on this one. My mom was several states away and still called *while I was pushing*. Let the phone ring and ring, no kidding. She annoyed me and everyone else so much that the nurse ripped the phone out of the wall. Broke it!
To this day she says it was probably someone else because she didn't let it ring more that 10 times. !!!!!! :banghead: :6:

I think it is time for you to have a very loving, serious heart to heart with her and let her know that while prayers are appreciated you really need your privacy at this very intimate time.

[cvanbrunt]

No, you aren't weird. Offhand, I can't think of anything more personal and exhausting than giving birth. Why people feel like you should or want to do is keep them updated on your progress and have visitors the millisecond it is possible is beyond me. I'm with you. I'll call when I'm darn good and ready!

[pb&j]

I find it creepy that they'd wait in the lobby. Don't they have anything better to do? Check in under an assumed name and tell them you've gone to a different hospital. ;)

[lizajane]

LAY DOWN THE LAW!!! NO WAITING AT THE HOSPITAL! i made my parents and in laws wait at my house. both times. we called THEM when we were ready for them to come. the first time, they came in the early am (went into labor at 2am and called to tell them at 6 or 7am) and arrived at my house about lunch time. we called THEM during labor to let them know what was going on and immediately after he arrived. and then we called BACK when they were invited to come see him.

for dylan, we called them on the way to the hospital around 9pm. they waited until the next day to come, knowing that it could take all night and we wouldn't want to hang out in the middle of the night anyway! he was born just after 11pm and we did call to tell them he arrived. and then they came the next day to our house first and then the hospital. (dylan was in the NICU for 5 days so the visiting was different...)

my best friend let her parents and in laws wait at the hospital for her middle of the night baby to arrive and i thought it was totally weird! i had to go to her house in the middle of the night to babysit her older DS so her parents and in laws could go sit up all night. and then they all visited for HOURS after the baby came and didn't come get me until something like 2am! totally weird to me. don't know why they didn't all just wait until morning to go up there...

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd feel all rushed and stressed. I already felt like a watched pot at my 2 births w/ just dh, CNM and doula. We came close to not telling my mom this time even b/c she had taken ds1 for his regular Fri. night sleepover, childcare was a done deal. We did tell her though and she didn't bother us at all. :) We didn't tell a soul with ds1 till hours after he was born.



Beth

[sarahsthreads]

But I don't mind prayers at all. I find it comforting to know that people are praying for my health and safety and especially the health and safety of my baby.

OK, that's a valid point, and makes it less creepy. Maybe it was just the way they said it? I don't know, it was just weird at the time...especially trying to figure out how exactly to respond to it.

Sarah :)

[Octobermommy]

Nope, you are not alone and definitely not weird. I was against all family members at the hospital. We were going to call them but my labor was very fast and I had dd 1.5 hours after arriving at the hospital. We called about 2 hours after she was born after we were settled in and they still had a 3 hour drive ahead of them. I was very happy to enjoy my new family without all the other eyes. Now something I also learned was to not have all the extended family come out at 3 days which was when my milk came in. I was so engorged!

Your baby, your rules I say

[sarahsthreads]

I think it is time for you to have a very loving, serious heart to heart with her and let her know that while prayers are appreciated you really need your privacy at this very intimate time.

Ah, but it's not my mom that's the problem. Truth is, if I didn't need someone I absolutely trusted completely to care for DD while we're in the hospital, I'd invite her along to the birth - she was there for a good deal of it until the c-section last time around. It's other family members, who for some reason need to be there when the baby's not even an hour old. Actually, I think part of my problem is leftover resentment from last time, when they handed DD to me after the c-section for all of five minute, then took her off to the nursery (with DH in tow) for a bath, etc, and everyone who was waiting got to see DD for that whole time I was being stitched up and was stuck in recovery. (Believe me, my birth plan this time is very specific on NOT being separated from my baby for 2+ hours unless there's an urgent medical need.)

Sarah :)

[sarahsthreads]

I'd feel all rushed and stressed.

Yes! That's exactly it - I couldn't figure out any words beyond "creepy", but it's really more what you said.

Of course, DH is now telling me that even if there are people waiting he's going to lie to me and tell me that nobody's there. Sigh. Like I'm going to believe him now.

Maybe I'll get lucky and go into labor late enough in the day that aside from my mom nobody will have to know. Because it's not like she'd call anyone until morning anyway...

Sarah :)

[sarahsthreads]

I find it creepy that they'd wait in the lobby. Don't they have anything better to do? Check in under an assumed name and tell them you've gone to a different hospital. ;)

Hmmm, that could work...

Then again, probably not, because the only other hospital I might deliver at would be if there were a major emergency, so that would cause major worry and consternation, and probably trigger heart conditions in some of the older generation. Good thought, though.

Sarah :)

[overcome]

Hmmm..I think you have the right to your opinion...especially since it is your birth!

I personally didn't mind having my parents there. And then my aunt/godmother and uncle came as well as my cousin (who is now dd godmother) and her then bf (now dh). I felt very loved. I was so focused on what was going on with me, I didn't think twice about them.

We have some great pics of my parents holding dd when she was first born. And I know it was a very emotional experience for them.

I did feel very weird when I was rolled (after emergency c-section) from the operating room to the next room (recovery?) and they were all looking down on me just smiling.

Hope it all works out for you!

[R2sweetboys]

The well wishers wouldn't bother me, to be honest. Prayers, good lucks, whatever, seem to me like just a way of saying "I hope things go well."(Unless it's like "GOOD LUCK, you're going to need it!! wink,wink" :rolleyes: )No big deal to me. It's been almost 5.5 years(WOW, hadn't realized how long it's been!!) for me though, so I'm sure things have gotten a bit fuzzy! :P I guess it would have been weird to have my entire extended family in the waiting room(though for some families this is typical/traditional and I think that's cool), but I'm frankly finding it weird that some people think it's odd that the grandparents would be there. I guess if you've told them not to come, it's strange, but really I think it's natural for the grandparents to want to be there.

[s7714]

You know, the major thing that really stressed me out about having family waiting out in the lobby with my first DD, was the fact that my DH felt obligated to periodically go give them updates. I was so sure the baby was going to be born the second he left the room I totally stressed every time! In the long run though I was kind of glad they were there because they were able to offer DH some emotional support while he was waiting for me to be prepared for my c/s. DH doesn't do well with blood, surgery and all that stuff, so he was pretty jittery while waiting for the nurses to call him to get dressed to go in. If he'd been on his own during that time he would have been a mess.

With my second DD, she was early and fast enough that no body could have made it to the hospital in time anyway. (I barely made it myself!)

Would your parents respect your wishes to not contact anyone else about it until you give them the o.k.? That way no other relatives would know to head to the hospital?

[fattytuna]

My parents and in-laws live out of town so that made it somewhat easier. I absolutely did not want anybody else there except DH. My parents live 350 miles away, and my in-laws a 2-hr plane ride. With DD, I told my parents I will call them when I go into labor, so they can jump in the car and start driving if they feel like it. I told my in-laws to book their flights the week after my due date.

With DD (induction), I almost had to have an emergency C-section when DD's heart rate dropped down to 65 bpm. I read all the pregnancy books but none of them tells you how it actually happens if something goes wrong. I was trying to get some rest after a 2nd dose of epidural after the 1st one wore off. Then all of a sudden the nurse pushed this panic button on the wall and shouted some code into the intercom. The next thing I know there were like ten people rushed into the delivery room, turned me upside down so I was on all fours, and I was rushed over to the OR. DH later told me that they pretty much just left him standing in the middle of the room wondering what the hell was going on (well, someone returned to bring him over to the OR after they got me all settled in the OR.) Well, the OR was on the other side of this corridor opposite the delivery room. And the waiting room, was looking right into the corridor next to the delivery room. So as I was being wheeled down the corridor, probably with my boobs and butt all hanging out, I see these confused faces through the windows of the waiting room. Of course I didn't really care, all I cared about was that they get DD out okay. DD's heart rate eventually came back up and I ended up not getting a C-section after all. I just cannot imagine what would be going through my parents' and my in-laws' minds if they had witnessed that scene and not knowing what was happening in the waiting room. And they are the sort of people that do not handle stressful situations well. So we called them and everybody else after DD was born. I also didn't think they'd be patient enough to wait out for a 26-hr labor.

With DS, I needed help watching DD as I have been her sole caretaker. So my parents came in town the week before my due date. DS decided to come out the day after they arrived. My water broke at 4pm and the contractions came in strong. I called DH at work (35 miles away) who was on his way home but nowhere near home. So I asked this lady, now my friend, whom I met at my neighbor's house a week ago, to drive me to the hospital, as I do not trust my dad to calmly drive me to the hospital that he's never been to, in rush hour traffic, with me trying to breath through the contractions right next to him. Well, DH made it as I was started to push - he was probably there for about 20 minutes, and DS was born at 5:40pm. So this time we pretty much didn't have time to call anybody else anyway :)

[mamicka]

I'm with Alicia - prayers are totally fine & appreciated. But I would be totally creeped out by people waiting at the hospital.

[Ceepa]

L&D is stressful. Do whatever is necessary to reduce that stress.

Don't be pushed around. State clearly that you will let people know when they can come to the hospital to visit. Relay to your mom how your other birthing experience was compromised by well-meaning, but uninvited visitors.

your feelings are valid, don't let others intrude on this special time.

[klwa]

The well wishers don't bother me, but the extra people at the hospital! ARGH! With DS, II wanted our parents there at the hospital for when the baby was born. (ILs decided to leave about 6 pm after only getting there at 4. My parens had a 3 hour drive compared to a 30 minute one & beat them there. Annoyed me.) But, my SIL, who I'm not very close to, and didn't even want to know I was at the hospital, brought her oldest daughter (16) and her 7 month old to the hospital & CAME IN THE ROOM WITH ME. She decided that i needed someone while I was waiting for my parents. Uhm, no. I finally had to tell her that once the doctor got there (yes, she got there before the doctor) that I didn't want anyoen in the room with me. Period. Even then she told me that she'd walk the halls with me since I wouldn't want to be alone then. Uhm, that's why DH is here with me. Of course, this is the same nutjob who invited DH over to her house for supper one night while I was in the hospital so that I got left alone with the baby. And then wouldn't let him leave when he asked to because DNiece would be really upset if he wasn't there when she got home from ball practice.....

[sarahsthreads]

Well, the OR was on the other side of this corridor opposite the delivery room. And the waiting room, was looking right into the corridor next to the delivery room. So as I was being wheeled down the corridor, probably with my boobs and butt all hanging out, I see these confused faces through the windows of the waiting room.

Yeah, the setup at this hospital is very similar, except they don't actually CLOSE THE DOORS between the waiting area and the L&D wing...so I *did* see everyone just milling around that area (and they saw me - probably more of me than I want to know!) while being wheeled from the delivery room to the OR.

And while I'm hoping to not have a repeat of the whole c-section at the end of everything experience, I'd also prefer my entire extended family not witness it!

Sarah :)

[Melbel]

I personally do not mind the good luck greetings and certainly appreciate any and all prayers. IMO, it is a thoughtful remark to acknowledge the big day and to wish you well. I also did not mind having the grandparents, my BIL and a close friend couple (DD2s godparents) at the hospital. Particularly with the grandparents, I was thrilled that they could share in such a special day. I acknowledge that my situation is different, however, because I had 3 scheduled CS and I was able to choose who was there (no uninvited guests). Rather than feeling creeped out, try to feel fortunate to have so many people who genuinely care about you. I would take steps to make sure that only those people who you want at the hospital are told that you are in labor, and to discourage others from going if they find out.

[DrSally]

My first delivery was out of state from all of our family, so I didn't have to deal with it. This one will be different. I could see where you'd feel stressed and pressured with people there. I had 4 hours of painful contractions before 4 hours of painful pushing, and I would not have wanted people there as I walked the halls moaning. I barely wanted my husband there as everything seemed highly irritating. The think I worry about is random relatives popping in at inopportune times, like when you're trying to shower, sleep, breastfeed, etc. Since they don't let you close the door, I can see this happening. I plan to room in, and I definitely would not be comfortable having others handle her in the nursery when I'm not there, but hopefully I won't have to deal with it.

[shilo]

totally unrelated to most of the responses, but on the topic of the actual phrase "good luck" i actually have a hang up about it sometimes too. in school, when DH would wish me 'luck' before a big test, i'd always grumble about not needing luck if i was prepared. so he got in the habit of saying "do good" which most people looked at us like he was being mean - but i actually much preferred.

anyway, you're obviously not alone in your feelings. will look forward to reading about your happy arrival when you're ready to share ;).

lori

[elephantmeg]

With DS I knew on Friday I would be induced on Sun night. So my parents decided to drive 5.5 hours on Sun pm to see me before hand. They arrived mid afternoon, we visited awhile, went to Wendy's and said goodbye. And they were leaving at noon on Mon "so try and have the baby before then". Um, yeah. DS was finally born at 10:41 pm by c-section. My parents were long gone. I made it clear that I wanted no one in the waiting room. The in-laws live 20 min away from the hospital (next door to us). They waited and came the next day. I still can't get over the fact that my parents drove 11 hours total to see me for 20 min. And then because of prior commitments didn't come back until DS was 3 weeks old +, lol.

ETA my MIL did CALL the nurse's desk at around 5:30 that pm worried that I hadn't had the baby yet. lol. I had unplugged my room phone :) Her 2 deliveries were less than 6 hrs and less than 3 hrs from the first contraction to birth...

[Piglet]

I don't know your hospital or circumstances, but I don't care one iota who is waiting where as long as they aren't in the room with me. I can not police the waiting room. There could be hundreds of people out there and just because they are your relatives doesn't mean they can't hang out wherever they please, YKWIM? If the hospital has a problem with a lareg gathering in the waiting room then they will address the situation. You do not really have a say any more than you have a say about whether they can wait on the front lawn of the hospital, on the front steps, in the parkade, etc. I think the important thing is to lay down some ground rules with your nurse, your doula and most importantly DH. Tell DH that he is to make sure your birth experience is as great as can be and he is your advocate. He must look out for your privacy and well-being. As for the relatives, if they are there, they are there. You can't be worrying about it - you have bigger fish to fry. And on a positive note, I am amazed that you have such a tight-knot family that loves you and your new baby SO much that that they would be willing to drop everything to be there. I have a small family and I loved that they were all there within minutes of my kids' births. I would have killed anyone of them had they walkied in while I was in delivery, but afterwards, the love they showed to their new grandchildren/nephews/neices was so wonderful. The best and sweetest pictures from our hospital stay are the ones of the grandparents with the new baby.

[cono0507]

LAY DOWN THE LAW!!! NO WAITING AT THE HOSPITAL! i made my parents and in laws wait at my house. both times. we called THEM

Ditto!!!

For DS, we told them we'd call them - I went in unexpectedly for an induction and let them know that and told them we'd call when he was here. DH ended up calling when I got wheeled back for a crash c-section and they were there when I woke up from it. But that was ok - it was a scary situation and they needed to see us.

For DD I had a planned section and told them we'd call them. My parents were out of town (why they planned a vacation on the weekend of my PLANNED c-section is beyond me, but I wasn't upset - got more privacy that way!) and DH's parents came when we called them in the evening.

Anyhow, totally agree with Liza!