Why are some people so mean to children?

[lisams]

I'm probably overreacting, but it's really bothering me.

Today DD had swim lessons and in the pool there was a little boy (probably 2 years old) with a different teacher and he was crying really hard. The teacher kept on saying "No, stop that!" in a not so nice way all the while mom is standing by laughing at him because he's being "so dramatic". He got out of the pool and the mom took him by the arms and threw him back in (all the while he's still crying), he went under and the teacher casually pulled him out. The poor little guy then sputtered and threw up on the pool decking. So about 10 minutes later and more crying he throws up again in the pool. So all of the kids and instructors go to the other pool so they can clean it up and the mom takes him into this pool, again still screaming/crying!!! I couldn't believe it. She finally takes him out because he's just so upset - his whole body was just shaking it was so sad. Here he is scared at this experience and the two people in charge of him at that moment are either laughing or yelling at him.

I'm upset because first of all this little guy was so upset and the teacher and mom were so mean and second that they let him in after throwing up even the first time. I'm sure he got sick because he went under and was crying so much, but still it's vomit!

I just wanted to go give that little guy a hug and wipe those huge tears away. I just couldn't believe how cold and downright mean they were being. I'l be writing a letter tonight to the swim school (which is a very well known and popular place in the area) about my concerns on how the instructor handled the situation and questioning the sick child policy. Nothing I can do about the mom, but at least I can try and do something to stick up for this child.

[kijip]

That is terrible. It sounds like assault to me. Was he sick or was he just so scared he was shaking and throwing up (I know people who throw up when they are scared). My son was very afraid of the water so we went slowly and did classes where we were both in the pool, right next to him, the whole darn time. I am very sad for this little kid.

And I bet he never learns to swim well because of how traumatic all this is for him, so the mother is undermining the whole reason to bring him to swimming. :32:

[kristenk]

I can't even imagine. That poor little boy. :(

Dare I ask what swim school this is? Or what part of the country? DD is in swimming lessons and her teacher is absolutely wonderful with her. I can't imagine this happening at her swim school, but I'd want to know if it did.

[lizajane]

i just don't think i could have stopped myself from talking to the child and at least attempting to reassure him. and i have left a screaming child at swimming lessons. MANY times. i have handed him to a teacher who was in the pool. but i NEVER laughed, she NEVER yelled! yikes!!!!! we talked on and on about how he would be safe with his teacher, about how mommy would come back, about how fun it would be, etc.

i just can't even imagine forcing a child who was so afraid he threw up back into the pool on the same day.

[salsah]

so sad!

could it be a cultural thing? i live in a very diverse area and i've noticed that type of behavior among some cultures. i actually had a conversation w/ a mom who was upset that the swim instructor did not force her scared 2 yo daughter into the pool. her attitude was that if we spoil them, they will never learn. some cultures extend that into all areas -- i've even seen it in parent participation art classes and dance classes for 1 and 2 year olds -- the parent doesn't want the child to have fun, the parent wants the child to complete the task perfectly (even if it means the parent stepping in and doing it for the child so that the outcome is impressive but not what is expected of a child that age).

[lisams]

i just don't think i could have stopped myself from talking to the child and at least attempting to reassure him. and i have left a screaming child at swimming lessons. MANY times. i have handed him to a teacher who was in the pool. but i NEVER laughed, she NEVER yelled! yikes!!!!! we talked on and on about how he would be safe with his teacher, about how mommy would come back, about how fun it would be, etc.

i just can't even imagine forcing a child who was so afraid he threw up back into the pool on the same day.

That's just the thing - every other teacher has handled a crying child, mine included, by trying to calm the child by saying "You're safe" or by distracting them by showing them the flags hanging from the ceiling or singing a song or just taking it slower. This teacher was not doing any of those things. If it were my child I would have lost it with her.

[lisams]

Was he sick or was he just so scared he was shaking and throwing up (I know people who throw up when they are scared).:

Well the first time he went under when his mom threw him in the water while crying and he came up sputtering so I think he probably gulped a bunch of water going under. Then I'm sure the second time his stomach was already upset and he had been crying. I doubt he was sick, although there's no way for me to know. I can't stop thinking about it all.

[lisams]

I can't even imagine. That poor little boy. :(

Dare I ask what swim school this is? Or what part of the country? DD is in swimming lessons and her teacher is absolutely wonderful with her. I can't imagine this happening at her swim school, but I'd want to know if it did.

This isn't typical at all of how the instructors are, so it totally threw me off. If my child were with that teacher and she was treating them that way I would have probably made a scene with my reaction. I was so close to saying something but in the moment I didn't know what to say. Another mom that was in the area was looking at me with that WTH look and later mentioned she couldn't believe they put him back in again.

[lisams]

could it be a cultural thing?

Hmm, I don't know? They appeared to be Native American.

[JTsMom]

OMG that is awful! I'm so glad you're planning on following up. That poor poor boy. :crying:

[KBecks]

Good for you for alerting the place to the instructor's lack of compassion.

[tarabenet]

Good for you for alerting the place to the instructor's lack of compassion.
I agree with this.

Actually, I believe they placed the child in danger and should be reported to protective services. If one of them held his head underwater until he came up vomiting, it would be clear abuse. I see no difference here. Yes, they were right there to pull the baby out of the pool, but an intentional abuser is right there to yank the kid's head back out of the toilet, too, and it doesn't change the criminality.

I would have had a hard time sorting out that response if I actually found myself in your situation, though. The adrenaline and horror would have made it really tough for me to confront it all calmly.

[pb&j]

I don't think you're overreacting at all. What the mom and the instructor did to that child was abuse. Very sad. There's no excuse for that, no excuse at all.

[maestramommy]

I cannot believe I'm reading this!:32:

[thomma]

I don't think you overreacted. I'm sick to my stomach just reading your post. Poor kid!

Kim
ds&dd 5/03

[wendmatt]

How awful for that poor little child. My DD who is 5 just had a crying fit and didn't want to go into the water and I just held her and then let her sit on the edge and watch. I cannot imagine how traumatised that poor child is. I know some kids do need strong encouragement but that's just cruel. Good for you for following up.

[Melanie]

How very sad. I witnessed a similiar situation but handled different by the instructor and parent and it was still heart-wrenching. The child was HYSTERICAL. Luckily the swim school pulled in an extra instructor to just be with the child and mom was firm he had to go in. I don't know why I'd do in that situation as you don't want the child to think they can throw a fit to get their way, yet you don't want them sick and terrified. My Dd actually cried through her 6th lesson last week (yes, 6th, not 1st-5th), it was hard. But her teacher was kind and she wasn't trying to get out or anything. Kids are complicated.