My mother is driving me nuts! Long...

[MontrealMum]

I just got off the phone with my mother and I'm about ready to kill her. I painstakingly ordered all the babyproofing items that she needs for our visit in a few weeks' time, so that DH and I can install them when we get there. She lives in a 2-storey townhouse. All I asked was that she borrow a drill.

What does she do? Has her friend Sandy over to install everything. They decided for some unknown reason that the top-of-stairs gate (which is the kind that could either be pressure-mounted or drilled with screws) should be pressure mounted...on one side only. It's drilled into the adaptor kit on the bannister side, and pressure mounted on the wall side. Over and over I asked the same question before I finally got that answer. But not, it's not "pressure-mounted" only the gates in the kitchen are. She asks me where was she supposed to put the screws? Um - into the wall---with the drill??? And I'm told that her walls aren't like mine and you can't screw things into them. Um, that's what the studs are for? That she has all her heavy paintings and clocks hanging on??? :banghead:

THEN she tells me that it will be fine anyways, AFTER I've gone over and over how gates aren't rated to be pressure-mounted for top-of-stairs in the US - because HER gate doesn't open towards the stairs, but away. So, when DS successfully dislodges it from the wall he can sail down a CLOSED gate towards the bottom ??? Yeah, that's a feature I'm looking for.

Because it's not like we don't own the exact same gate (which is why I ordered it) and he hasn't successfully already dislodged it from our walls in it's pressure-mounted setting. Twice. DS is tall, strong, and VERY determined. He's not the sort of kid to sit quietly and calmly and play with blocks. He'd rather build something and jump off it - or fling it around the room.

I tell her about my friend's 2-year old that has broken 3 gates in the past year. Apparently that child is "disturbed" I'm informed. I guess that's why I somersaulted down our basement stairs 3 times when I was a kid - my parents didn't believe in gates, or installing them properly.

So, I tell her that DH will just redo it all when we arrive - and she tells me that she wishes him luck - it took them 2 hours per gate. I wanted to ask, how much were you drinking when you did it - but I held my tongue.

And then, when DH gets home from driving his parents home (FIL's birthday) he has the gall to tell me that I'm overreacting, and to refuse to listen. I don't know why I bother sometimes.

And this is the same woman that has a sliding screen door that leads out to a postage stamp patio ten feed away from a pond. She's put up foot-high plastic "fencing" to keep DS out of the pond. The kind of fencing that you edge gardens with that just pokes into the ground. Like that's going to be effective. She refuses to put a wooden dowel in the door to keep it jammed shut. Looks like we won't be leaving DS there alone with her for any period of time - without a lifejacket. :irked:

And this is why I don't talk to her much on the phone, and why we live so far away. :13: And the worst part? I have to wake up super-early tomorrow to take DS to waterbabies so I can't finish off that lovely bottle of wine in the fridge ... by myself ... with a straw.

Oh, that feels so much better. Thanks for reading if you made it this far :)

[elizabethkott]

"Mom, I have one word for you.
V A G I N A."

And YES YOU CAN finish that wine off all by yourself. Drink three glasses of water and take 2 advil before going to bed and you'll be FINE.
Not that I have any experience with this myself, or anything.
:D

[tnrnchick74]

I drank 3...or was it 4 glasses...yesterday WITH a twisty straw. Tylenol and a bottle of water afterwards made the day bearable!

[MontrealMum]

Love those twisty straws - I need to find one :) Drinking advice from Liz is not to be scoffed at. Excuse any typos - partway thru the wine...

[ThreeofUs]

Oh, my! Well, I don't think you're overreacting. I think you need some twisty straws and alcohol. ;) Just kidding....

My DS is the same way - he just flew through (almost literally) a pressure-mounted gate I have in front of 3 steps that lead down to a back door. He was with a babysitter while DH and I pulled carpet from a stairway, and she was literally right in back of him as he was running. All we heard was CRASH and we were flying to him as the screaming started. Thank goodness he wasn't hurt, but he could have been. If that gate had been over a normal set of stairs, I'm positive we would have been in the ER.

You have reason to be tense about this, so be as much a mama tiger as you feel necessary!

And, uhm, best wishes for a great, stress- and injury-free visit....

[bubbaray]

OK, well, I vote for a hotel. With an inroom fridge so you can have chilled wine if you so desire.

It IS a full moon, you know.

[StantonHyde]

They just. don't. get. it. aaaaaaaaargh. When I told my Dad that he would have to make some changes---like put away the shotguns in the closet where DS would be sleeping and do something with the 3 drawers worth of shells---he tells me those are antique guns and none of those shells fit them. uh huh. And a 5 year old boy is going to believe that and not have to try it out for himself?????????????

The pond thing would have me in a lather. More kids drown in their own backyard swimming pools than are shot by guns in the home fer crying out loud!!!! I would bring my own wooden dowel for that back door.

Why is it that grandparents have these dreams of bonding with grandchildren--who will obviously be sitting on the floor listening to everything grandma says (because clearly the parents have NO idea what they are doing)?????????? Toddlers are not dogs. You can't pet them and then put them in a kennel (or at least not without a lot of squawllering).

My golden rule is that it takes a bottle of wine per night when I visit my Dad--and that's just for me, DH is on his own!!!

[bubbaray]

Toddlers are not dogs. You can't pet them and then put them in a kennel


LOL. So, that's what I've been doing wrong. Bad mommy, kennel for dog not daughter. Those dang "D" words. I always get them mixed up.

[HannaAddict]

The whole thing would bother me and sounds disturbingly like something my in-laws or father would do - only my MIL would use a recalled, flimsy, 20 year old beat up gate to block the stairs by leaning it against them (really!).

But the pond makes this more than annoying or just a difference in parenting styles. As another poster said, drowning in a pond (even a small one) or other water while with family is a real, fatal risk. Children under five drowning numbers are up in the US, and it often happens at family gatherings where people are present and everyone thinks someone else is watching the child. It is fast and silent and would terrify me. I would not let me child be alone with grandma if she doesn't take your concerns seriously or humor you and follow your safety instructions. Unfortunately, my kids do not have "unsupervised" visitation for many of the reasons listed by others (guns, water, general blowing off of safety concerns). I hope you can successfully install the gates and dowel to keep your kiddo out of the water.

Good luck!

[MontrealMum]

Toddlers are not dogs. You can't pet them and then put them in a kennel (or at least not without a lot of squawllering).
Surprisingly, my dad - who completely subscribes to the above view - has managed to adequately babyproof his home. He's much better with the home improvement after the waterpipe-and-drill incident (which was more a beer-and-power tools incident). Yes, we're going there next, but he won't be there, he's staying with a friend to give us space.


My golden rule is that it takes a bottle of wine per night when I visit my Dad--and that's just for me, DH is on his own!!! I hear you on this :) For some crazy reason I thought we could manage a few days at my mom's, a rental cottage, few more days at mom's and then my dad's alone. Of course I was wrong. My parents live to throw wrenches in my plans. And I'd book a hotel in a heartbeat if the overwhelming guilt trip my mother would lay on me for the following years wasn't inevitable. Like I said - there's a reason we live up here. Argh! But, there's next year. And a VERY far-away vacation spot....like Iceland!

[MontrealMum]

Yes, we will be bringing our own dowel, or cutting my mom's broom to size! The pond issue is a serious one and I'm not too pleased about it.

[niccig]

Hopefully, fingers crossed, she'll get it after your visit. My mum is like yours, she knows everything and when my sister told her she would need to baby proof for DS, she scoffed and said he would learn the word "No". Two days after we arrived, she had Dad put up barriers to limit DS's access to certain parts of the verandah. Turns out that my mother and her sister, who have 6 grown children between them, had DS in the kitchen and neither of them spotted DS opening the sliding door and crawling out onto the verandah. My father caught him before he got into anything, then he walked into the kitchen carrying DS and asked which of them was supervising. On our last visit, things were locked up better, as she has an appreciation for what DS can do - opened baby gates at 18 months and hasn't looked back.

[kijip]

Ok, ladies. Do you need to start a BBB AA group?! :)

[tnrnchick74]

Ok, ladies. Do you need to start a BBB AA group?! :)

NO! that would mean we would be trying to STOP drinking! But next time I see a good deal on twisty straws I will stock up for everyone!!!

I TOTALLY feel your pain. My Mom, is WONDERFUL about keeping things safe for Parker. Since I've moved in, she has completely changed the living room. HOWEVER, she picked up his Zantac ysterday and overdosed him. she misread the syringe. I KNOW it was a mistake, but 0.8 ml is NOT the same as 5 ml! A frantic call to Poison control...he's fine, but I'm not sure *I* am! She does feel terrible...an I know the mistake won't happen again.

[AngelaS]

Wow, I can't imagine my folks OR my inlaws babyproofing before a visit. Honestly, when the girls were small, I knew that a visit to their houses meant not a moment of rest for me until they were in bed, as I would need to watch them constantly.

And then, I would come home to rest.....

[trales]

We are staying with my mother in two weeks and she just told me her house rules.

Food and drink must stay in the kitchen (except of course her beer and dinner in front of the TV)

DD can't touch her knicknacks or make a mess on her oriental rugs. She does not want outlet covers all over the place b/c they look tacky, I will just have to explain to my 16 month old to keep her fingers out of the socket. At least it is a ranch. Sigh.

[kijip]

This is really annoying, I am sure. Frankly, I am way too lazy to try and babyproof my ILs house...I just don't stay there. That's a huge YAY for me. Their house is insanely not safe for small babies. My parent's apartments each got a little babyproofing but each of them was watching him at least once a week for 3-4 hours and they wanted to make it an enjoyable visit.

[lizajane]

Wow, I can't imagine my folks OR my inlaws babyproofing before a visit. Honestly, when the girls were small, I knew that a visit to their houses meant not a moment of rest for me until they were in bed, as I would need to watch them constantly.

And then, I would come home to rest.....

i guess that is what i am thinking, too. my mom watches my nephew often, but he just started walking and ALL SHE DOES when he is there is watch him. never takes her eyes of him. if she needs to prepare food, he comes into the kitchen and she closes all the doors, etc.

you couldn't not find enough money in the entire world to pay my dad to let me install a baby gate with screws into the walls of their home. not for ALL-THE-TEA-IN-CHINA would he screw babyproofing stuff into his house.

it would be AWESOME if they did install all that stuff. and i did get them to put outlet covers at the beach house and i think they did do the rooms where my nephew goes (and my kids' bedrooms at their house.)

anyway. certainly don't mean to be ugly here. just a little confused. sorry!!!

[MontrealMum]

Well, I guess everyone's comfort level is different, but I don't have the typical cuddly, sit-in-one-spot for more than 30 seconds 11 month old. I just figured that since she asked me to order all this stuff for her home, that it might be possible for it to be installed correctly. She could care less about holes in her walls, she's put enough of them there already hanging her crapola "art", and then moving it. She just won't bother to read the directions in the gate's box, because of course she knows how to do it. She knows how to do everything.

My mom is not young, 69, she's old for her age and physically incapable of watching him well enough, for long enough. But she wants to. She dearly wants to "help" and be a "good grandma". Those are her words. And I'd like to give her that, to an extent, because I had such a great relationship with my grandparents, and wonderful memories. It is not possible for her to do that in her home without babyproofing to some degree. I can't begin to describe, but her home is such that it's difficult for an adult to navigate it without courting some sort of disaster. I just wanted the stairs and entrances taken care of so that I could keep him away from all the other problem areas, which is going to be a full time job as it is.

I'd stay elsewhere but I'm still hearing about the last time I did that...10 years ago. It's a no-win situation, but that's where we are now.

[lizajane]

Well, I guess everyone's comfort level is different, but I don't have the typical cuddly, sit-in-one-spot for more than 30 seconds 11 month old. I just figured that since she asked me to order all this stuff for her home, that it might be possible for it to be installed correctly. She could care less about holes in her walls, she's put enough of them there already hanging her crapola "art", and then moving it. She just won't bother to read the directions in the gate's box, because of course she knows how to do it. She knows how to do everything.

My mom is not young, 69, she's old for her age and physically incapable of watching him well enough, for long enough. But she wants to. She dearly wants to "help" and be a "good grandma". Those are her words. And I'd like to give her that, to an extent, because I had such a great relationship with my grandparents, and wonderful memories. It is not possible for her to do that in her home without babyproofing to some degree. I can't begin to describe, but her home is such that it's difficult for an adult to navigate it without courting some sort of disaster. I just wanted the stairs and entrances taken care of so that I could keep him away from all the other problem areas, which is going to be a full time job as it is.

I'd stay elsewhere but I'm still hearing about the last time I did that...10 years ago. It's a no-win situation, but that's where we are now.

very awesome that she asked you to order it and wanted to make her whole home safe. just fix it up the rest of the way when you get there. and for the record, my kid is being "watched" for ADHD (as they can't label him with it this early) so doncha worry, there are plenty of us who did not have sit on one spot 11 month olds. hang in there. just think, he will be a great athlete with all that energy! schuyler is already a great swimmer and a great runner. and that swimming will come in handy later when he wants to rush out the door (at age 5) and jump in the pond. ;)

[MontrealMum]

Yes, I'm very much hoping that some of this energy spends itself when he's old enough for sports :) I had never seen this energetic of a baby before - he's exhausting. Cute, but exhausting.