OT Would you tell a friend that their house stinks?

[Happy 2B mommy]

Two weeks ago DH, DD and I had dinner with friends at their home. It's been a couple of years since we've been to their home and we nearly died when we walked in. The house completely reeked of cat urine. We noticed it outside and at first I thought that a neighborhood cat had peed on the porch, but the smell was coming from the house itself! In certain areas of the house it was overwhelming and by the time we left DH actually had a headache from the smell.

This couple has never had the cleanest house and in our circle of friends their lack of basic housekeeping has been a topic of conversation and at times concern -- especially when their children were small. (Their kids are both now in elementary school). The wife is rather spoiled and lazy and has said that the cleaning of cat boxes is her DH's job. She has often complained that the cats will urinate in other areas of the house because the boxes are full. Other friends of ours have told us that the house reeks, but we didn't realize it had gotten this bad.

They've invited people over this weekend to celebrate the husband's 40th birthday and we are thinking about finding an excuse not to go. One couple has already decided not to attend. Another couple has basically offered to bring any and all food because the thought of eating food prepared in the house grosses them out. My BF is attending alone so her kids won't be in the house. Most of us have small kids and none of us want our babies/toddlers crawling on their floor. Besides the cat pee smell the house is cluttered and the kitchen is disgusting.

However, while we make excuses, bring food and comment behind their back, no one has addressed the real issue with this couple. How do you tell someone that their house is smelly and dirty? I'm thinking of just laying it out there, but really don't wish to hurt the DH's feelings.

[lizajane]

are you willing to lose them as friends over this? i think that is the first question you need to ask yourself. because if someone told me my house smelled so bad (and my house DOES smell bad) that they wouldn't even allow their kids in it, i would fall over and die. i can't think of anything more humiliating and i sure as heck would never invite those friends to do anything with me again.

are you sure you know the whole story? for example, my house is always dirty. i have two kids and two dogs and a DH who gets up very early and can't get cleaning done with me in the evening. i have suffered from unexplained fatigue for three years and just can't do anything after the kids are in bed. i am just too tired. during the day, i try... but i have the kind of kids that mess up one room while i am working on the other. and my older son has a recently diagnosed mental health problem, that, IMO, explains some of the intense challenges our family faces every day that prevent us from running our day as we would like.

i think to be a real friend, you can express your concern. you can let them know that what they are very used to and may not notice is noticable to others. BUT be sure you know the whole picture. your friends may face challenges that you don't know about that take priority over housekeeping.

[cvanbrunt]

Wow. That's a really tough one. I have two dogs and one of my biggest fears has always been that it is obvious to visitors by the smell. My sister and my very good friend and neighbor have assured me that my house does not stink. I would really want to know. But I think the only people that could tell them would be family or a really, really, good friend.

I think it is just fine to decline any invitations to their home. If it really is that filthy with cat urine, I wouldn't let my kids crawl or play on the floor. It doesn't sound like a very healthy environment for anyone.

[happy2bamom]

I had a friend over a while ago and she made a very gentle comment about my DH being out-of-town and asked if I needed any help. She volunteered to clean my litter box and she also swept my floor. I really appreciated the help. At first I declined the help and she lovingly let me know that she noticed the litter box odor when she walked in and that they really needed to be changed. I was embarassed at first, but honestly I was more grateful for the help. She is still one of my bestfriends and I think that the whole experience us brought us closer. Mostly b/c she handled it with such grace. So... if you are willing to get your hands dirty, you may want to extend an offer.

[Melaine]

This has been an issue for me with some extended family. The condition and cleanliness of their home is not acceptable to us; also their children are kind of wild. However, the family is very kind and the kids are good kids, just a little out of control. We recently did go to their home for an event but we will not be going back. Around big events/holidays I have just made an effort to host everyone at my home, or suggest a park or restaurant to make it easier on everyone. My kids are toddlers and I'm not willing to let them run around in filth, but so far I've decided it is not necessary to actually tell them to their face. It is an awkward and unpleasant situation!

[ThreeofUs]

You know, this sounds like it goes beyond the basic "oh, you have cats" smell well into health hazard.

Like Liza said, telling them may well end your friendship - at the very least, it will engender bad feelings - but it sounds like someone really should sit down with them and express concern. I don't think you have to say "your house is filthy and it stinks", but you can say how worried you are about them and ask if there is anything you can do.

Otherwise, I'd stay out of their house and keep my kids from it as well. I actually had to do this with our next-door neighbors whose house is literally falling apart. (Bricks falling out, steps falling off, pillars rotted out, gutters dangling - you name it.) I'm embarrassed - and of course they get mad - when DS says "your house is falling down" to them. But the fact remains that they don't care for their home and DS knows he's not allowed over there without DH or me because we don't want him hurt by it.

I guess what I'm trying to say (through my haze) is sometimes you have to decide what's right for you and your family, and take a stand on it.

[dcmom2b3]

Those poor kids, poor cats!

I agree with Liza, sounds to me like there might be something else going on. Might that be a way to approach the matter -- as a concerned friend -- rather than "Dude! This place is a sty!"

If there isn't anything going on, the fact that they aren't isolating themselves, are active socially and inviting people over tells me that they know (or at least have a basis for comparison) that their place is a mess, but for whatever reason don't care that much. I wouldn't pursue it further than "is everything okay?"

[KHF]

My DH's stepfather's house is like this. Before we were married, DH had to move in with him to help him out. He was in very poor health and DH was elected to take care of him. He had between 10-15 cats (depending on which ones were still alive) and all lived in the house. It smelled horrifying in there. They had some cats with behavioral problems who peed all over the house. It had seeped in to the drywall. My poor DH did what he could to clean things up, but short of levelling the house there was nothing that could be done.

In the time he lived there (about a 8 months prior to our marriage), I went there once. For Christmas Eve dinner. It was awful, I ate nothing that I didn't bring in with me. I told him then that while I loved him, I would not be returning to that house. That was about 6 years ago...I haven't been back. I will never allow my DD to go there.

While I agree there may be other issues at work here, I would probably just decline any invitations. If she eventually asks why, then I might broach the subject in the gentlest manner possible. My cop-out, if I need it, is that I'm allergic to other people's cats (true), not my own.

My DH's grandmother lives in a house that is in poor repair with my SIL, her 3 kids, her no-good DH and DH's schizophrenic uncle. It's not the best of places for DD to go, but I do allow DH to take her there sometimes. With the stipulation that if anyone starts smoking in the house while he's there, that he leaves immediately. And he's not to let her wander around. I try not to go because if I do, I think I probably wouldn't let DD go back, and since her great grandmother is essentially housebound, she'd never get to see her.

Kirsten

[sarahsthreads]

See, I live in constant fear that my friends feel like this about my house. We have two dogs, one of whom has huge anxiety issues. She has pretty much peed on every part of the carpeting in one room. We've steam cleaned ourselves, and had professional carpet cleaners in many times. It helps for a while, but the real issue is that the smell has soaked into the subflooring. In fact, the dog in question hasn't had an indoor accident in over a year now, but the room still stinks. Do I let my kids play in that room? Yes. Do I want to replace the flooring. Yes! Can I afford to right now? No.

If someone told me how badly my house stank I would be humiliated. But I wouldn't necessarily stop talking to them - as long as they were nice about it - because it's true. And it does sound like your friend knows that the cats are not using the appropriate places but is unwilling to do what's needed to keep the litter boxes clean enough for them to use them. Maybe the next time she complains about her DH not cleaning the boxes or the cats urinating other places, you could gently tell her that it's starting to become really noticeable?

Sarah

[ritacheetah]

My friend/neighbor's house used to be that way. She had a cat and 5 small dogs. Her house smelled so bad I could smell HER even if we weren't at her house. She has really bad allergies and had mentioned she can't smell anything. House is very cluttered as well and she is too tired to clean.

It took her husband getting sick for mysterious reasons for her to, uh, "swallow her pride" (pride in what?) and clean the house and find new homes for the dogs. Not that this helps but I never did find the courage to tell her frankly but from talking to her it seemed like she knew her house was a mess but didn't care. In fact, it was like a big joke to her.

I had 4 cats and a dog at one time and I, like previous posters, would beg my friends to tell me if my house ever smelled. Excuse me, I need to go clean my litter box now.

Not that that helps, but good luck.

[niccig]

I know someone like this. Everything is just filthy, and I'm not talking a little dirty. I was over there and she told me to get a soda out of the fridge and I didn't want to touch the refrigerator. There is a back story for why it's so bad. They've been dealing with a lot of issues the last few years. But I'm getting to the point, where I might have to say something, before someone else says it and really offends her. Maybe it's better coming from a friend that cares rather than someone that will be rude and offensive. I don't know how to say it though.

[Happy 2B mommy]

I just reread my post (I posted at 1:00 am because I couldn't sleep). I would never be so blunt as to outright say "Your house is filthy and stinks". But I'm sort of at a loss as how to say it gently and kindly or if I should say anything at all (any suggestions on wording are welcome). I have cats, one who has had medical issues that has caused him to pee outside the litterbox. Parts of our basement smell of cat, esp in the summer and I worry that you can smell it upstairs. I ask friends if they notice the smell upstairs and trust them to be honest with me. I think that because of this it has been suggested to me that *someone* should say something. Ack! I hate that.

This couple (I'll call them Dick and Jane) do NOT hoard animals. They have 2 cats and a small dog, but from the smell one would think they have a dozen cats. They are a few years older than the rest of us and were the first ones to have kids (who are now 10 and 7). Because Dick and Jane were the only ones in our circle of friends with kids for a long time, none of us said anything about their housekeeping because we weren't in their shoes and honestly, it wasn't this bad. We all thought "When their kids get older, it will get better." While they has never really cared about housekeeping, it's gotten much worse. (Previously, they rented. They bought the house about 5 years ago and it did not smell at all)

I'm pretty sure there is nothing else going on. They're pretty open people and very nice and kind. They have great kids. But the house is out of hand and the wife *especially* seems to have no clue. An example: A friend stopped by to take "Jane" to a scrapbooking class they attend. There was dog poop on the floor of the front hallway. The friend, who has dogs herself, gently said "Oops, looks like Fido had an accident. My Rover had one the other day, too." Jane looks at our friend and says "Yeah, it was there this morning. I told Dick about it and he didn't clean it up before he went to work. It's HIS job to take care of the cats and dogs." Then Jane walked past the poop and out of the house.

I should add that "Jane" is the one who wanted and adopted the cats and lobbied for a dog for years before Dick broke down and got one for her. She is also a SAHM who had all day to clean the mess up. She just doesn't get it.

[mom2binsd]

This is a really tough one...my brothers home is similar...I was visiting him one summer and he and family were away and offered me the use of their car for a week and to use their pool anytime I wanted with DD....which I was grateful for except the car was so hot, it's black with no a/c...dd just about sweat off the pounds RF in the back seat...the worst though their cat had peed all over while they were away....when they returned I mentioned that I had tried to clean it up but that they probably wanted to rent a carpet cleaner...his reply...oh well she does it all the time...and they didn't clean the carpet, the cat's box is kept in the powder room that guests use and is never clean....so it was summer and I kept my flipflops on and DD's sandals and his remark..."I guess living in the US you keep your shoes on in the house"....I've found Canadians (I'm from Canada) tend to take off their shoes more than Americans- not to say folks in the US don't but it's much more prevalent in Canada)

Anyway I think when your used to the smell it's hard to notice it so much....as well..everyone has different standards...my brother and his wife are not worried about keeping a clean house, they have one of the best marriages, their kids are happy and I only get to see them every couple of years so I let go of my OCD tendencies and drink wine and try to enjoy myself without stressing...that being said...if you are not comfortable with your kids being on the floor/carpet especially if they crawl can you leave them at home, take the easy route and feign allergies to the cat "when we got home last week DH had severe allergies to the cat...I'm sorry but we can't make it" or just play sick and avoid the whole issue....BUT if she asks you by all means tell her and mention she may not realize how bad it is because she lives there.

Good luck in making this decision, it's a tricky one.

[o_mom]

It does sound like "Jane" may have some other issues if she is leaving poop all day. That aside - maybe you could take up a collection to get them a LitterMaid automatic litter box.

[niccig]

It sounds like "Jane" is angry at her husband. It's his job and I'm not doing it, implies some anger. I know I've done that with DH. It's his job to put the laundry on and then we sort it together. Some weeks he forgets, and then I won't do it. Childish, especially as I have less clothes than DH and DS. But I would never leave dog poop on the floor ALL day long. That is just gross. How much does "Dick" help around the house? She may resent having to do it all, and has decided that cleaning up after the pets is his job, and she won't do it at all.

I'm thinking of saying something like "I'm you're friend and I'm only saying this because I care, and I don't want someone else to be rude and offend you. But...."

[elektra]

If it were my smelly house I would want someone to tell me! However, based on your story about the cat crap just sitting on the floor and her not being mortified about your friend seeing it there, makes me think that she really wouldn't really get it if you told her about the house. It doesn't seem like she would say, "OMG, I am so glad you told me, I'm so embarrased." It would maybe be something more like, "lighten up, animals can be dirty, get over it".
The thing is though, it seems kind of cruel for all the neighbors to sort of gossip about it behind their backs, and just decline invites without saying why. (Although, I must admit I can totally see myself doing this too because it's way easier than a confrontation. I would feel pretty guilty about it though.)
I would hope I would have the courage to just say something to this person. I think it would make any future situations much easier actually since the cat neighbor would just know that the reason you are not coming over is because of the state of the house. And whether she agrees or not about her house, at least its all out in the open, right?

[maestramommy]

Generally when you have indoor/outdoor pets, your house will smell. And it is messier. That's normal I think. But speaking as a former dog and cat owner, there's a difference between smell in the house, and leaving poop on the floor all day because it's "someone else's job." I have a crawler who puts everything in her mouth, and I shudder to think what could happen if I visited a house like that. If I had a house like that, if my friends didn't say anything to me, my sibs or my mother or MIL sure as hell would.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I wouldn't say anything. As much as I would want to know I would rather hear it from someone like a family member. I think I would worry that you were always judging me if I heard it from you, a friend. If you like her as a friend then keep being her friend and suggest gatherings outside of her home. If you don't really care for the friendship then I guess you could just back off from it.

Beth

[MommyAllison]

We have an indoor cat, and I know sometimes you can smell that fact (though our pet-less friends have assured me they can't). But leaving dog poo on the floor all day? Ewwwwwwwww. I wouldn't want to go back, either, esp with my kids. And if she is willing to leave poop on the floor all day, I would guess she'd have an inkling that her house is going to stink. Could she really not know?

[shelikesmorningglories]

I would send an anonymous note.

[mamicka]

Ewwwwwww - the poop thing is really gross. I'd definitely say something, but I'd really have to think to get the right words. Also, like a PP said, be prepared to loose the friendship as a result. IMO, this isn't just slacking in the housecleaning department, its health hazard.

This reminds me - anyone else watch "How Clean is Your House?" on BBC America? Talk about gross.

[niccig]

There's an idea. You could start dropping hints about how they could be on the show...joking...

[lmwbasye]

Since she admits that there are litter box and doggy poo problems, maybe the next time she says an off-hand comment about DH, can you then suggest an automatic litter cleaner box or let her comment lead into the fact that you would worry about the house starting to smell and the kiddos being around it?

Tough situation, but I think I would risk the friendship for the sake of her kids.

[gatorsmom]

I like the suggestion from Shelikesmorningglories- send an anonymous letter. I read my husband your post and this was the first thing that came out of his mouth. An anonymous letter written in very, very kind words. Maybe you could include a pre-paid gift certificate for a cleaning service with coupons for future cleanings. if you don't want to foot the entire bill for the gift cert, maybe some friends will throw in some money toward it.

This is a really tough call. While I was cloth diapering Gator, our laundry room (right off the kitchen and family room) REEKED. I just wanted to shoot DH anytime he brought someone in the house through the garage (because that door brought them straight through the laundry room). Duh! Dirty diapers stink! And while I was proud of cding, I was embarassed about the smell. And embarassed when friends said that, Yes, the smell is noticeable.

An anonymous note is the only way I can think of handling it. I couldn't outright tell them. And I couldnt' NOT tell them. tough call.

[KBecks]

An example: A friend stopped by to take "Jane" to a scrapbooking class they attend. There was dog poop on the floor of the front hallway. The friend, who has dogs herself, gently said "Oops, looks like Fido had an accident. My Rover had one the other day, too." Jane looks at our friend and says "Yeah, it was there this morning. I told Dick about it and he didn't clean it up before he went to work. It's HIS job to take care of the cats and dogs." Then Jane walked past the poop and out of the house.

I should add that "Jane" is the one who wanted and adopted the cats and lobbied for a dog for years before Dick broke down and got one for her. She is also a SAHM who had all day to clean the mess up. She just doesn't get it.


That is gross. I have low (um, relaxed) standards on cleaning, but dog poop in the hallway all day?

OK, we have had cat vomit go a little while before it got noticed and cleaned, but dog POOP? Right where people could see it? And when they expected people over??????

I think what you do really depends on how important this relationship is to you. My out of town brother once had his backyard full of dog poop when we went over and it was absolutely disgusting. I didn't say anything, but the next time it was cleaned up the next time and I think they got it together.

I think meeting them at other places sounds good. It sounds like they have marriage stress possibly. I don't think it's your business for the most part if they have pets or how they keep their house, but.... if they ever ask you, I think you should be gently honest.

I would not go in their house though. I do feel bad for the kids.... on the other hand I wouldn't think their health is in danger from it.However, if their kitchen is really really bad that you think there is a true health concern, then I think you have to mention it to the parents for the sake of the kids.

[kijip]

Not unless I was willing to clean it myself or pay someone to clean it. And even then, it's an iffy. I have told my mother in no uncertain terms that I was worried about her health and insisted that we would pay for a cleaner (which we do). But my mother is not someone who is going to leave my life, even if I am obnoxious.

I have a friend whose house is truly insanely cluttered and dirty. Also my little brother, who is a SAHD, has a messy home (messy, not dirty). I have helped both of them clean up but only under the guise of "Oh you have a new baby, let me do something to help."

[blisstwins]

"Oh you have a new baby, let me do something to help."

I really think something like this is the only way to do it. An anonymous note is easier for you, but deeply humiliating for them, even moreso than a gently talk.

I would seriously either try the you must be overwhelmed, can we help approach or meet somewhere else.

[kijip]

I'll add in here...this is why I am a cold and heartless person that refuses to have any pets, especially dogs and cats. We keep a pretty clean house but my sense of smell would always be aware of any traces of lingering pet odor. I just can't handle such smells in my own house so I just say no over and over every time T asks for a dog or cat.

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

You know, I would really hope that someone would. I know it would be hard to take initially. But when you live in a house you don't notice odors sometimes. There have been times when with 2 dc and 2 cats that I've walked into the house and thought "eeek! time to mop the hardwood and get on the kitchen better". But if it ever STANK then I would really hope someone would tell me.

[lizajane]

i just had to post today to tell you all that i woke up this morning to find.....


DOG POOP ON MY BEDROOM FLOOR!!! (and we have carpet!!!)

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

i considered leaving it there all day so DH would find it tonight and i wouldn't have to clean it...

JUST KIDDING!!! OMG!!! i totally cleaned it up right away. i still have more scrubbing to do, now that i have soaked it with faux dr bronner's (trader joe's brand). AND DH is calling the carpet cleaning professionals TODAY as this is the second dog poop incident in a week!!!!!

this thread is the first thing i thought of when i saw it!!!

[WatchingThemGrow]

Does DD poop on the floor count? There were a few times during the past 2 mos. she wasn't quite making it in there, and we'd find random rollers in the hall, in our room, or in the laundry room where she'd been playing.

Is there an easy way to ask a group of friends about new cleaning strategies that may get her attention? Like sending an email out asking if anyone has tried FLY Lady or if anyone has a good housekeeper they like to use when things feel like they are out of control. Pointing back at your own needs, real or imaginary, may get her to evaluate...

[pinkmomagain]

Is there an easy way to ask a group of friends about new cleaning strategies that may get her attention? Like sending an email out asking if anyone has tried FLY Lady or if anyone has a good housekeeper they like to use when things feel like they are out of control. Pointing back at your own needs, real or imaginary, may get her to evaluate...

Hmmmm..... you could ask her "advice" on what to do about an imaginary "friend" who has a stinky house.........it could get her to start thinking....

[mamicka]

I just wanted to clarify - kids & pets, both, sometimes leave "presents" for us that we don't find right away. But if someone *knowinly* leaves dog poop on the floor all day - & who knows how long after you left (was it cleaned-up by DH right away when he got home or id they have a few more days of power struggle before someone decided to clean it... or is it still there today?) - who knows what else doesn't get cleaned in the bathrooms, in the kitchen, etc. That's just totally in a different category.

My house sometimes has an odor. We have 2 kids in diapers & I've not found a diaper pail that actually works to contain odors, even when emptied several times a week. So at times, near the garbage cans, there is a diaper odor & I would definitely be embarassed if someone was over & smelled it (this was even worse when we CD'ed). But to me, that's just life with kids with stinky poop. I do my best to keep it stink-free but I'm not perfect. If someone is purposely leaving dog poop on the floor, they aren't doing their best.

[Happy 2B mommy]

I *think* family has mentioned it, but don't know for certain. I know that for a while various members of Dick's family would 'help out' especailly when the kids were younger. I think that that help has stopped and it shows.

The other thing that has changed is that Dick has gone back to school. IMO, he does/ did help out a lot. Jane had never learned to cook (beyond sandwhich making and microwaving) or drive. He does all the cooking and the grocery shopping (he even takes the kids with him so she gets some alone time). He also does all the yard work.

I really think Jane is just spoiled. She is an only child and for a while was a sort of "celebrity" in our small town. She was a preemie and was not expected to survive. When she came home from the hospital the local paper had an article on her and her family. Her 1st birthday and starting school also got coverage (remember, I said small town) Her parents did EVERYTHING for her and she lived with them until she got married. When she and Dick married, he had to teach her a lot of basic things (Laundry, how to make Kraft boxed mac-n-cheese, how to run the vacuum) I remember her once complaining that one morning Dick was feeding the kids a breakfast of cold cereal. He had poured a bowl for both kids and himself. He didn't, however, pour a bowl for her and she found it very insulting. I just sat there like "What?..."

[Happy 2B mommy]

[QUOTE=lizajane]i just had to post today to tell you all that i woke up this morning to find.....


DOG POOP ON MY BEDROOM FLOOR!!! (and we have carpet!!!)

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

i considered leaving it there all day so DH would find it tonight and i wouldn't have to clean it...

JUST KIDDING!!! QUOTE]


Liza,

You're too funny.

Yeah, those of us with pets know that we run the risks of 'presents' and some odor. We decide to have the pets, anyway and be responsible about it. Rooms in my basement smell like the cat box. I deal. I clean, black light etc if the smell becomes stronger. But Dick and Jane are a whole other story and I don't know how to politely deal with it or if I should just decline future invitations.

An anonymous letter is easy, but I'd worry that then they'll suspect all their friends/family and many relationships might suffer.

[KBecks]

I think there's probably nothing more horrible than getting an anonymous letter that your house stinks. I'm sure there are more horrible things, but I think sending a letter is going to be awful for them, so please don't do that.

I wonder if Jane has depression or marriage issues going on. I think you should try to do things away from their house, or gently tell Dick and Jane that they're starting to go over the line between a little mess and kind of gross and you thought they'd want to know. But I'd say it once, gently and let it go and see what happens and don't necessarily expect it to get better, but maybe it will.

Good luck!

[khm]

I have no answers, but I'd really suggest against the anonymous letter. I see the appeal, but in thinking it through, I'd foresee a lot of issues. I could imagine many, many of their relationships suffering as they try to pinpoint the source and end up angry at people who had nothing to do with it.

Since Dick seems to be the more level-headed / practical of the pair, I'd approach him gently. Don't beat a dead horse. Mention it one time and move on. What they do with the knowledge is up to them.

I'd probably never gather the nerve though. It is a tough situation that no matter how much you want to acknowledge.... there is just no good way to do it.

In this case, it really seems they already know. They might be in denial about the EXTENT of the problem, but they know there is a problem.

[Tondi G]

I *think* family has mentioned it, but don't know for certain. I know that for a while various members of Dick's family would 'help out' especailly when the kids were younger. I think that that help has stopped and it shows.

The other thing that has changed is that Dick has gone back to school. IMO, he does/ did help out a lot. Jane had never learned to cook (beyond sandwhich making and microwaving) or drive. He does all the cooking and the grocery shopping (he even takes the kids with him so she gets some alone time). He also does all the yard work.

I really think Jane is just spoiled. She is an only child and for a while was a sort of "celebrity" in our small town. She was a preemie and was not expected to survive. When she came home from the hospital the local paper had an article on her and her family. Her 1st birthday and starting school also got coverage (remember, I said small town) Her parents did EVERYTHING for her and she lived with them until she got married. When she and Dick married, he had to teach her a lot of basic things (Laundry, how to make Kraft boxed mac-n-cheese, how to run the vacuum) I remember her once complaining that one morning Dick was feeding the kids a breakfast of cold cereal. He had poured a bowl for both kids and himself. He didn't, however, pour a bowl for her and she found it very insulting. I just sat there like "What?..."

She sounds like a bit of a nut job if you ask me! Spoiled to say the least! I think they need a regular housekeeper. Maybe you could get some numbers of a reputable person or service and politely suggest to her husband that it would probably be worth the expense to have someone come and clean once a week! At the very least the litter box would be clean once a week, and the floors would be cleaned. It might help with the odor. What a shame... sounds like she has a good husband and isn't appreciative of him!

Good Luck

[updacountry]

My husband is a contractor and he is currently cleaning an apartment that had 50 + cats that did their thing wherever. How he got involved in this I don't know but it is so bad he has to wear a respirator.

He is using a product called Scoe 10x. Their website is www.scoe10x to read about it. So far it looks like this is working. You can use it on carpet, walls, and even yourself. We don't have anything to do with this company in fact when I asked my DH what he was using he said it was confidential. He is thinking of starting a business cleaning up smells like this. Wipee!!

I just thought I would mention this as I see a lot of people have issues with pet smells. If you have any questions let me know and I will ask him. So far he says that the smell is going away.

[shelikesmorningglories]

I think there's probably nothing more horrible than getting an anonymous letter that your house stinks. I'm sure there are more horrible things, but I think sending a letter is going to be awful for them, so please don't do that.



I can think of something worse. I knew of a young mother in this situation. A bunch of hens in her MOPS group thought her house was a bit "messy" and decided to call CPS on her. She would have preferred the note.

[HIU8]

We do not have any pets, and never will, for the same reason. Plus, when we moved into our house and had the ducts cleaned, it took 4 bags instead of the usual 1 bag it should have taken for our size house (the old owners had a dog that slept in front of the return). Plus, DS and DD get enough from the animals at MIL's house (one dog and two cats). And, yes, her house smells really bad (from 40 years of pets). Even DH has said something to her about it. MIL is an extremely nice person who goes out of her way to help people. Most people are aware of the state of her house but say nothing b/c they love her and don't want to hurt her. Me, I put up with it for the 7 days we are there each year. Then I come home and basically delouse all of us and our things.

[proudsahmof3]

We don't have pets either, for the same reasons pps have stated. I actually love animals but I have enough "creatures" to clean up after without worrying about any four-legged ones :shake:. I don't think I would take my kids to a house that was so gross. I would also be concerned about all the ammonia from the urine. An alternate meeting place is probably your best option, and if they ask why you no longer come to events at their home, I would be honest but not nasty. Something like "the smell of your pets is just too overwhelming for us." Maybe that is too mean? I agree that the anonymous letter might not be a great approach - they wouldn't know who it was from, would probably be embarrassed, and would be wondering if everyone they spoke to were the ones that wrote it - quite humiliating, IMO.