How do you deal with almost 2 yr old's behavior to stay sane??

[Tammy]

DD is 21 months old and the last couple of weeks I've noticed when something doesn't go her way- it's like the end of the world for her. We're talking majorly upset and crying here. Or she's trying to communicate something to me and if I don't quite get it and do something different she'll throw whatever is in her hand, and when she gets frustrated she's been coming up to my legs and slapping at me. From what I've read and asked my SIL it sounds like she doesn't know how to deal with her emotions and is frustrated so I'm trying to stay calm and talk to her, but sometimes this is getting tough. How do I help her, or does she just learn this on her own?

[npace19147]

She's still young enough that distraction is your best friend. Definitely not old enough to try explaining or reasoning. Too much talking just gets confusing for little ones.

Redirecting her to something appropriate should help. Don't get sucked into a loop with her - as soon as she wants something she shouldn't have, redirect. Also make sure your house is appropriately childproofed for her age, move stuff you don't want her to have and make sure there is plenty in reach that she can have.

Enjoy the ability to distract as long as you can - I wish my 4 year old still had it!

[WatchingThemGrow]

I understand your frustration. We went through a period like that, but it was brief because I tried to put myself in her shoes and imagine what she could possibly be wanting. It worked a tiny bit. That was also the time when DS came around, so she got a bit of Signing Time on PBS via TiVo. That turned out to be a blessing, because she can sign what she's talking about when we can't understand her speech. It has made a world of difference in my sanity.

[brittone2]

My advice would be to reflect her feelings so that she learns to identify and label her emotions. As she becomes more verbal she'll be able to express herself better. So if she's flipping out because she wanted something like a knife, you can say "you are disappointed. You really wanted to play with that. It isn't safe.". You can try giving her an appropriate substitution in certain situations. You can try redirecting her to something else.

Tantrums are totally normal and age appropriate. They don't have the emotional maturity to handle their big feelings. It is hard, but you can't (IMO) really expect them to suppress those emotions. You don't have to "give in" to the tantrum, but IMO it isn't fair or effective to punish a tantrum. You can model more appropriate ways to get out their upset as they get older (teach them things like doing an angry dance, or drawing a picture of how angry they are, or suggesting they stomp their feet to get out their big feelings, etc.). Labeling their emotions and reflecting her feelings will help her to be able to do it on her own as she gets older.

Signing is definitely helpful in preventing some of the frustration.

DD is 19 months and we're in this phase too. She rolls around on the ground, puts her forehead down on the floor and sobs, etc. Lots of fun ;) They just need the release of stress from having all of those big feelings build up.

If you haven't come across it yet, a great site is www.gentlechristianmothers.com (don't let the site name scare you away if that isn't something you identify with. The gentle discipline board there has tons of wonderful, age appropriate, gentle but authoritative advice).

[Happy 2B mommy]

My DD is the same age and we're dealing with some of the same stuff. DD doesn't slap, but she sits/lays down like a protester and cries or clings to me.

I got "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" DVD from my library and, while I feel silly using some of the techniques, they really seem to work. DD's tantrums are definitely becoming shorter and she's able to get control of her feelings. The basic technique is that you mimic a toddler in gestures and language and acknowledge that they are mad/frustrated/sad whatever. This helps calm them (maybe becasue you look so silly). Then you calmly explain why they can't have their way.

By the way, I'm totally jealous of your DD's bday. Halloween was my due date AND is my favorite holiday. While I was pg we called her "baby Boo". I had Halloween bday parties planned and everything. Of course, DD was really late and showed up on 11/09!

[pb&j]

My advice would be to reflect her feelings so that she learns to identify and label her emotions. As she becomes more verbal she'll be able to express herself better. So if she's flipping out because she wanted something like a knife, you can say "you are disappointed. You really wanted to play with that. It isn't safe.". You can try giving her an appropriate substitution in certain situations. You can try redirecting her to something else.


ITA with this. DS had a similar phase, where he'd get very upset over something that was seemingly trivial to me, and resort to shoving/throwing. I did a lot of "you're upset because you wanted to play with your truck, but it was bathtime. I know you want to play with your truck, but it's time to get in the bath."

I feel like his emotional life moves ahead of where his vocabulary is, KWIM? He had a lot of feelings he didn't know how to express. As his vocabulary improved, so did the irrational tantruming. He's 2.5 now, and still has tantrums and freak outs, but these days I can say, "Are you sad?" and he'll say "Yeah" and then I can ask what he wants, and he can tell me. Of course, that doesn't mean I can give it to him. But at least I know what's going on in his head.

[maestramommy]

Dora is getting a late start, so we started seeing this around 2.5. It is very trying, but I keep telling myself to look at it from her point of view. I try to offer alternatives if she wanted something she can't have. Now that she can talk, I keep asking her what she wants, try to guess from what she says and context.

I do not allow her to throw things, esp. at the dinner table (this just started a couple of days ago). She will get something akin to time out (ie. meal is suspended) until she says I'm sorry, and we will resume.

I often find that when she has a meltdown it's best to leave her be. Attempts to pacify make it worse. When she's done venting, she usually more reasonable.

[pb&j]

I often find that when she has a meltdown it's best to leave her be. Attempts to pacify make it worse. When she's done venting, she usually more reasonable.


This has been the case for us with DS. He'll have his little tantrum, sulk around a while, and then very dramatically announce "I all better now!" and as if a switch had been flipped he goes from grouchy to the sunny little boy we know and love. I always tell him that I'm glad "the better Max" is back and give him lots of hugs.