Please help with Newborn Sleep Problems

[spanannie]

TraciG's thread about Ferberizing her son made me think even more about how I need to do something about my daughter's sleep.

DD2 is 1 month + 1 day old and is DC# 3. She, as my other 2 children did, need to be coaxed to sleep. Lauren needs to be swaddled, rocked, nursed, etc., and has to be sound asleep before I can lay her down . . . and at least 1/2 the time, I have to go back to her and do it all again because she wakes up after I put her down. She doesn't just fuss or stir in that case, she screams.

My pedi. tells me--and always has--to put the baby down when they are drowsy and let them put themselves to sleep. I asked the same question (to my favorite nurse) about "does any child actually put themselves to sleep . . . since I haven't met one yet?" She thought that was hilarious. But seriously, I didn't know that it was possible for a child to go to sleep on their own peacefully.

Since Lauren is DC #3, she MUST do this. How do I get her to go to sleep on her own w/o having to jump through hoops to make it happen? I don't have the time or the patience with our busy life and 2 other children that need me to spend hours a day trying to get her to sleep. I just can't do it. It's what I've been doing for a month now and it's really wearing on me. Especially in the middle of the night. She sleeps well, once she's really out, but I have to do all sorts of nursing and rocking (for a LONG time) to get her to sleep, and then, when she wakes for the night feeding, it's about an 1hr-1.5hr production. I get her to sleep, lay her down, she wakes up, I have to go back up and do it again, rock her some more, etc. repeat. I don't mind feeding in the night, but do mind this LONG production it takes to get her back to bed.

Please advise me on how you get your child to sleep without being the human pacifier or swing?

Oh, and I never thought about reflux until Traci's thread. L is growing like a weed and doesn't spit up much, but she does not like to be flat on her back and when she does spit, is when she's on her back. She's not sleeping in a crib right now, she sleeps in an Amby bed, so she's a bit elevated. I really think my MD would think I was crazy if I said she had reflux though, since she doesn't spit much and is growing well. Any thoughts are appreciated from you all!

Thanks!

[maestramommy]

Annie, I only have 2, so keep that mind. I do remember that Arwyn had a hard time getting back to sleep after a night feed. She would keep twisting and grunting for over an hour, at which point, she'd be totally awake and need to feed again. She slept in a cosleeper next to me so I heard every shuffle, thump and grunt. What happened many times is that I ended up feeding her lying down, then keeping her next to me in the bed. She fell asleep much quicker, and stayed that way. She lay between me and the cosleeper, and I just scooched a little farther into the middle. My reasoning was that in the event she fell off the bed, it was only a few inches into the cosleeper, which was firmly clamped to the side. But she never did of course.

My memory is a little hazy (already!) on what happened during the first half of the day, but some of the time she napped in the carrier because I had to take Dora out somewhere. Also, during the witching hours (4-8pm), she was in a carrier because she wanted to be held.

Arwyn did have mild reflux, and after the first couple of weeks, spent the next couple of months sleeping in the baby bathtub, which we put either on the floor or in the cosleeper if it was soon after a feed. If she was lying next to me in bed I propped her on her side, so she wasn't flat on her back.

Arwyn practically sleep trained herself, but that didn't happen until after 5 months, before that she did require a certain amount of rocking. Putting her to sleep in the bouncer with the vibration mode on helped if I had to do something. At the age of your dd I sometimes had her out with everyone else, and the white noise put her to sleep. I would say she spent 50% of the naptimes in the rocker, and 50% in the carrier.

[ray7694]

My second child is 5 months old and I can't imagine having two little ones who need attention while you have a little one. I vowed this time around to not create any bad habits as I did with my first. I had a swing habit and a rocking habit that I had to break.

I think the answer to your question of do children learn to sleep on there own is a good one. I think you have to teach them. I was willing to let her fuss for 20 minutes and she would fall asleep. She wasn't screaming just fussing. If it is screaming I think there is another issue to deal with. Now that I have done this for quite some time she knows that at naps and bedtime I just put her in the crib and say goodnight.

I would try it and at first your dc will protest because they are used to the way you are putting them to sleep now but I think it is worth a shot.

[brittone2]

Neither of my children would sleep if put down in a crib or bassinet. I just popped them in the sling and went about life and they napped just fine. I have two kids, not three, but this is what I would do again with a 3rd (if it ever happened).

eta: I'm a big believer in the need for a "fourth trimester" for babies. I just think a one month old is sooooo young to expect much in the way of self soothing, etc.

[proudsahmof3]

I have always put both my boys down while awake and let them fall asleep on their own, and I think one of the main reasons why - the SwaddleMe wrap. They would wiggle and inchworm out of regular blankets and then wake themselves up from the movement of their arms, so the SwaddleMe kept them nice and cozy, at least for a few months. You didn't say what happens the first time you lie her down when she's awake. Does she cry then, too, or just when she wakes up after lying down? It would take my boys about fifteen or twenty minutes to sometimes fall asleep, and there would be lots of "baby sounds" and rustling, but no actual crying, and truth be told - I think there were many times I was back asleep before they were. I also think babies need time to "just be", so if she is calm when you first lie her down, wait it out and see if she can get to sleep after looking around for a while (a mobile or ceiling light show can't hurt either). The good news is that she is so young that you will be able to kind of steer her in the manner you would like her to fall asleep, the bad news is that she is too young to cry it out so you can't really do any of those methods yet (if that's the way you wanted to go). Best of luck!

[TraciG]

I HOPE you get some good responses ! GOOD LUCK, must be so exhausting with 2 other kid's ! If it was me & I was so tired at that age I'd probably have the baby in the swing A LOT !!!!!!!!!!!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'm with Beth on not worrying about it at this age. I don't think newborn sleep behaviors or actions you do for their sleep are going to make a big impact on their future sleep. Also, there are so many phases that sometimes you just have to do what you can to get through b/c most likely it will end soon. Ds2 is almost 8m and we are now in the same cycle as you though with the long production to get him to bed at night. He used to be easier and my hope is that he will get easier again soon. :)

The SwaddleMe did help a bunch when he was littler and we had good success with the pacifier too. Sometimes we could just swaddle him, give him a pacifer and put him down still awake.

GL!

Beth

[almostmom]

Definitely check into the reflux thing. My DD I think had it, and she didn't spit up much at all, but she often cried after eating. She grew fast, and ate a lot, but when I finally did zantac with her, probably around 2 months or a bit later, she did great.
I can't imagine a child at a month just putting themselves to sleep! Maybe at 3 months, at a minimum? But I do think eating, then playing (looking at them or at least having them awake), and then after about 45 minutes, wrapping them in a TIGHT swaddle (I LOVED the miracle blankets), a little (or a lot) of rocking in a bouncy seat or swing, a paci, and if was patient they went to sleep. At this age, don't worry about too much rocking, or having them sleep at an angle. Also, my sling was amazing - they often slept in there when I was up and about. Just don't wait until DC is too tired - then it just gets harder.

Good luck - you will find sleep and peace soon!

[JBaxter]

Non of my boys would sleep on their backs Have you tried letting her sleep on her tummy? Some babies just need more attention than others too. Nathan slept in his swing for several months ( 4 D batteries every 14 days LOL)

Also get a sling or carrier. beats a crying baby. Also is she breast fed or formula?

[MommyAllison]

I think it's partly the personality of the baby, too. DD was a baby that needed a TON of attachment and attention. She fell asleep by herself exactly ONCE in the first year of life when she was playing on the floor and fell asleep. Otherwise, she needed to be nursed to sleep, then held thru the entire nap, either in arms, or a pouch/MeiTai, or if she fell asleep in her carseat she would generally keep sleeping. She didn't sleep thru the night til after her second birthday. We co-slept til after her first birthday, then gradually got her into her own twin bed.

DS on the other hand, is a totally different baby. He falls asleep on his own all the time (just turned 3 months old) without fussing at all. He will be laying on his playmat, or a blanket on the floor, or in his crib, and just close his eyes and fall asleep. He will fall asleep nursing at night but during the day he rouses himself a bit after nursing and then falls back to sleep for his nap. He is a super easy going kid in general though, and loves to be held, but loves to play on the floor as well (he is already rolling so he enjoys being down on the floor). I have parented them both the same thus far, but they are just different from each other. For DD, there was nothing I could do to help her learn to fall asleep on her own. The second I'd try to put her down while she was asleep, she'd wake up. For DS, I haven't done anything to teach him to sleep, he's just always done it on his own.

I know that probably doesn't help much, though. I agree with the others that a carrier is your best bet to be functional for your other kids and still keep the baby happy and sleeping. At this age, I'd do whatever it takes to get her sleep - if that means the swing sometimes, that's ok. And co-sleeping literally saved our sanity and sleep with DD. Otherwise, I never would have slept. Even though DS is so much easier, he only sleeps in his crib until he wakes up the first time, then he's in with us the rest of the night - it's just way easier on me, and I do love the baby snuggles. :) Good luck!

[spanannie]

DS was a tummy sleeper too. I haven't tried it with L at night, but she took a nap on her tummy today and slept like a rock.

She did sleep in the swing for several days, but got over that. She's no longer interested in the swing. Guess a girl reserves the right to change her mind, LOL.

I do have a sling and a baby bjorn. She really likes the Bjorn a lot; sling, not so much. She falls asleep quickly in the Bjorn, but wakes easily when I take her out of it. So, great during the day, not so great at night.

L is breastfed. Thanks so much for your input!


Non of my boys would sleep on their backs Have you tried letting her sleep on her tummy? Some babies just need more attention than others too. Nathan slept in his swing for several months ( 4 D batteries every 14 days LOL)

Also get a sling or carrier. beats a crying baby. Also is she breast fed or formula?

[spanannie]

ITA about the 4th trimester. Things will be SO much easier when she's 3 mos old.

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one that can't lay my child down and have her happily go to sleep. When talking to the doctor/nurse, I feel like I'm in the minority!


Neither of my children would sleep if put down in a crib or bassinet. I just popped them in the sling and went about life and they napped just fine. I have two kids, not three, but this is what I would do again with a 3rd (if it ever happened).

eta: I'm a big believer in the need for a "fourth trimester" for babies. I just think a one month old is sooooo young to expect much in the way of self soothing, etc.

[spanannie]

We are using the Miracle Blanket and she loves it. She is doing a lot better with the blanket than she was w/o.

She doesn't just fuss or make baby sounds when I put her down; she screams! She starts this after I lie her down. I lie her down and her eyes pop open, then she fusses and it escalates to a scream.


I have always put both my boys down while awake and let them fall asleep on their own, and I think one of the main reasons why - the SwaddleMe wrap. They would wiggle and inchworm out of regular blankets and then wake themselves up from the movement of their arms, so the SwaddleMe kept them nice and cozy, at least for a few months. You didn't say what happens the first time you lie her down when she's awake. Does she cry then, too, or just when she wakes up after lying down? It would take my boys about fifteen or twenty minutes to sometimes fall asleep, and there would be lots of "baby sounds" and rustling, but no actual crying, and truth be told - I think there were many times I was back asleep before they were. I also think babies need time to "just be", so if she is calm when you first lie her down, wait it out and see if she can get to sleep after looking around for a while (a mobile or ceiling light show can't hurt either). The good news is that she is so young that you will be able to kind of steer her in the manner you would like her to fall asleep, the bad news is that she is too young to cry it out so you can't really do any of those methods yet (if that's the way you wanted to go). Best of luck!

[KrisM]

Annie, I only have 2, so keep that mind. I do remember that Arwyn had a hard time getting back to sleep after a night feed. She would keep twisting and grunting for over an hour, at which point, she'd be totally awake and need to feed again. She slept in a cosleeper next to me so I heard every shuffle, thump and grunt. What happened many times is that I ended up feeding her lying down, then keeping her next to me in the bed. She fell asleep much quicker, and stayed that way.


:yeahthat:

DS2 is 2.5 weeks and he'll fall soundly asleep next to me. I usually then move him to the cradle next to our bed without a problem.

During the day, he naps in the swing mostly. In the evening, he likes to be held a lot more.