Attracted to the "bad boys"-- how to move along?

[Dcclerk]

I have a great little guy.... smart, sweet, protective of his sisters, funny, inquisitive, etc. We love him to absolute pieces.

I'm not always sure others do, though. In fact, if I were really honest with myself, I would recognize that people get frustrated with his very high energy and his love to be silly. He is the type of kiddo that while he might not initiate the "acting up" in class, he is always along for the ride. If there is a kid that likes to act up, my DS wants to be his friend. It is like he is attracted to those kids that I labeled when I was a kid as the "bad kids." Not that they are bad at all, but the kids that are more likely to get in trouble with the teacher or be asked to calm down.

If he is with a calm kid, my DS can be calm, but if there is any opportunity to be with someone loud and rambunctious, that is who my kiddo gravitates to and who he becomes. How would/do you handle it? I really want him to become friends with fun yet easy-going kids that will make his life easier, rather than harder.

I think I am afraid that he will be labeled by his teachers a problem kid, and that it will haunt him as time goes on...

[icunurse]

You have pretty much described my son, too. While he can have some big energy some days, he is, for the most part, well-behaved, polite, and nice to be around. Today he sat for 1 1/2 hours doing a puzzle by himself and then showed his little sister (who tried to eat the pieces!). Overall, not a bad kid.

But give him a kid going crazy, running around and yelling, and he wants in on the action. From what teachers have told me, this is kinda typical of young kids, especially boys - why sit and listen when they can run? And it always seems like the "bad" kid is having more fun, anyway. I'm told that they will outgrow it as school becomes a little more structured or the "bad" kids will be figured out for being the instigators.

FWIW, I know of one child in DS's preschool class that was, um, a handful? And, of course, DS thought he was just great....while I cringed with every new word and annoying behavior that "P" taught my son. I am really, really hoping that "P" is not in the same class with DS this year. And if he is, well, then the teacher and I might have to chat if the same charming behaviors keep getting brought home by my son. (Another Mom just laughed off my issue with "P", but her DD didn't have class with him. Now I think even she is a little nervous about what "P" may teach her angel if he ends up with her DD)

[niccig]

We're in the same position. DS's teachers have spoken to me a handful of times about behaviour, and each time the situation involved J, and they told me they thought J had started it. DS needs to learn that if he knows something is wrong to do, he can't join in. We had a preschool function and I was watching all the kids in his class. DS wanted to play with S. and both his mother and I commented on how well the 2 boys played together, both have easy going personalities, and they were very easy to watch. We stayed for the entire event. If DS had been playing with J, we would have left early as DS would have been doing things I don't want him to do and getting upset at things. I'm hoping he is in a different class next year and we won't be inviting J for a playdate. I am going to suggest playdates with S. They should be in the same class next year and I would like to foster that friendship if I can.

[mytwosons]

DS needs to learn that if he knows something is wrong to do, he can't join in.

I think this is key, and it's something we've recently begun working with DS1 on. IMO, in every setting there is always going to be a child not displaying the best behavior; even the best behaved child has an off-day. At this point, I don't want to exclude any children as friends or label them to my son, so we are focusing on behavior and choices. He needs to be able to identify why that behavior is unacceptable and then be able to control his impulse to join in the "fun".

[jk3]

FWIW, I know of one child in DS's preschool class that was, um, a handful? And, of course, DS thought he was just great....while I cringed with every new word and annoying behavior that "P" taught my son. I am really, really hoping that "P" is not in the same class with DS this year. And if he is, well, then the teacher and I might have to chat if the same charming behaviors keep getting brought home by my son. (Another Mom just laughed off my issue with "P", but her DD didn't have class with him. Now I think even she is a little nervous about what "P" may teach her angel if he ends up with her DD)[/QUOTE]

I would not worry too much about this. If your child is as you describe, he will latch on to whoever is on the wild side in his new class too. Sometimes the known evil outweighs something new.

My DS is a follower too. We have tried to work with him over the years to give more thought in situations where other children are acting out. In his case, some of it is that he is spirited but relies on someone else to start stirring the pot and some of it has to do with his maturity level. It's getting better to a degree but it's also part of his personality at this point. He is also not the savviest so at times when others are acting out along with him, he'll get *caught* by the adults because he isn't as savvy or sneaky as some of his peers. Hoping for the best this school year!

[deannanb]

after experiencing the same thing everyone is going through - and my kid being the initatior sometimes - I noticed with the summer camp I just pulled my kid out of - there weren't enough activities in the classroom. There were enough toys to make it looke like it was an okay classroom - but the teachers in this classroom were crap.

why would my kid who at his current school for 2 years - had minor problems - occasional hitting and a bad word here and there...

but this summer - has been using the word "stupid" every day - it has been a battle to get him to stop. and he didn't start using it until he went to this new camp.

so observe the classroom one day - and see - is your child seeking out the new toys or the new trouble. are there enough toys and activities to keep ALL of the kids happy

[MelissaTC]

We had a similar situation this year in K. We had a long conversation about it one day. Right or wrong, I pointed out how C's behavior landed him in the principal's office, time out in the classroom, in the misbehaving line, etc... I asked M what he thought about it and he told me that C was always in trouble and that he didn't want to be (he was put in the misbehaving line one day). The infacuation with C subsided after that. He still will join in when the boys get a little wild and crazy but he has also removed himself from the C situation which was a good thing!

[Dcclerk]

Thanks for all of the sympathy. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in all of this, I guess. I ended up having a long conversation with DS, and suspect I will have to have many a reminder conversation as time goes on. We talk about good choices all the time, but I can totally see that the kids making the good choices don't seem like they are having nearly as much fun as the ones that are, um, challenging. He does latch onto whatever troublemaker can be found. And, I noticed that they seem to follow him, whenever he tries to get away from them. I will definitely be volunteering in DS's class this year so I can really talk through as much as possible. I keep hoping he will be in a class of mellow little guys. Are there such classes? :) :P