How (or would you) react to this?

[LarsMal]

A little background:
I have a babysitter who has been coming once a week (for the last 10 months) for about 3 hours or so. It's my time for errands, drs appt, a little me time, etc. For the most part she has been very reliable. She's the sister of a good friend's friend (get that?). The kids love her and I have really come to depend on her.

About a month ago my neighbor called. She asked for my BSers # because her BS was out of the country and it was an emergency. She went on to tell me she'd only use her this time (which I said was silly). She told me she knows how people can be possessive/protective of their sitters. I found that funny b/c I had once asked her for her sitter's number and she kept dodging it until I finally gave up and found my own! I laughed it off and told her she could use her, just not on *my* morning. She insisted, no, it's just this time. Whatever!

On Wed. I got an email from BSer (appropriate name for this story!) saying she couldn't come Friday b/c she was at her sisters. Fine, no prob. I emailed back and asked if she could maybe come Sat. night or even Sun. (DH and I really need a date night). She wrote back and said she couldn't b/c she was going to the beach. Fine.

Well, guess where she is- right now?!?!? At my neighbor's house babysitting! WTF?!?!?

I don't know if I'm just being overly sensitive b/c I'm a little hormonal right now or what, but I am really pissed! I don't care that my neighbor called her, but I want to know if she called her before I asked or after. If it was before then BSer flat out lied to me (which is so stupid b/c she's across the street! I can see her car from my window!) If it was after then I'm even more peeved b/c I feel like I should get first dibs. Call me up and say, "Beach plans fell through, do you still need me?"

I am going to call my neighbor tomorrow and flat out ask her when she asked BSer to sit. Depending on what she says I'll then decide if or how I want to deal with it with BSer. I know I don't own her, but I've been supplying her with some serious drinking money (college student) for quite some time now, I feel like she should at least be honest with me. If she had said she couldn't do Sat. b/c she had already told the neighbor she could then I wouldn't even care- at all- but if she lied or said yes to her over me, then that's a little upsetting (again, could just be the hormones talking!).

Okay, done rambling! Thanks for reading!

**Oh, I forgot, too, that when I told my friend that BSer couldn't come on Friday she was surprised b/c she thought she was supposed to be back from her sister's by then. So what's the freakin' deal? Don't lie- I know too many people!

[KBecks]

If she's a great babysitter, I'd cut her slack on one conflict and assume that something happened, her plans fell through (I don't think she has to call you if her plans change.) If she becomes too hard to schedule then find a new babysitter or tell your friend you need her back.

I'd probably call her and book her for a date soon just so you feel like you can get out and also move on.

HTH!

[LarsMal]

If she's a great babysitter, I'd cut her slack on one conflict and assume that something happened, her plans fell through (I don't think she has to call you if her plans change.) If she becomes too hard to schedule then find a new babysitter or tell your friend you need her back.

I'd probably call her and book her for a date soon just so you feel like you can get out and also move on.

HTH!

You're right!

I think I just needed to get it all out (here!). I'm sure after I sleep on it tonight I'll feel differently tomorrow. It's been a really rough day (topped off by an even rougher night with DS and his latest enema). DH has to work all day tomorrow now, and I didn't get my free time this week. I think that's just adding up to a very exhausted mama who got a little possessive of her babysitter (and maybe a tad jealous of her neighbor!). I wanted a night out!!!!!

I think some ice cream and a hot bath are in my immediate future!

Thanks!

[LexyLou]

Do you think your neighbor is paying her more money? Not that it's right, but maybe she is choosing her over you if it's more $? Lame. Honestly, maybe it's not right, but I'd be annoyed too.

[lisams]

Well that just stinks. At the least she could have just said she already has a job for the evening instead of totally lying to you about it. Do you know for sure it's her car (assuming that's how you know she's at your neighbor's)? Maybe she's stopping by to pick up money the neighbor owes her? I guess I'd wait and see if she was babysitting before saying anything. I also kind of wonder if your neighbor told her to not tell you she's babysitting for them (and in that case I'd be irritated with the neighbor).

What a bummer either way.

[LarsMal]

Well that just stinks. At the least she could have just said she already has a job for the evening instead of totally lying to you about it. Do you know for sure it's her car (assuming that's how you know she's at your neighbor's)? Maybe she's stopping by to pick up money the neighbor owes her? I guess I'd wait and see if she was babysitting before saying anything. I also kind of wonder if your neighbor told her to not tell you she's babysitting for them (and in that case I'd be irritated with the neighbor).

What a bummer either way.

She was definitely babysitting. Another neighbor (benefits/curse of living on a cul-de-sac) went over there to drop something off and BSer came to the door. When I was talking to that neighbor later in the evening I asked if it was BSer and she said yes. I saw the neighbors leaving earlier in the night when I was out pulling weeds, but I couldn't see BSers car from that angle, so I didn't really even think about (none of my business, really, I guess!).

It's not so much that she sat for them and not me. She is free to sit for whomever she wants. The thing that makes me mad is that she possibly lied to me. I hate being lied to! And if she did lie, she was so stupid, b/c the house is literally across the street!

Oh well, I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I call my neighbor and ask how her night out went! (I'm so evil when I'm PMS'ing!)

[LarsMal]

Do you think your neighbor is paying her more money? Not that it's right, but maybe she is choosing her over you if it's more $? Lame. Honestly, maybe it's not right, but I'd be annoyed too.

She does get paid a little more b/c the neighbor has three kids, so she pays her a couple bucks more an hour. I always round up, though, especially on the weekends, so it wouldn't be that big of a difference.

[Laurel]

First thought is that your neighbor either pays her more, or there is some other "perk" (better tv channels, snacks, etc).

Second thought is that your neighbor has shared her own paranoia about borrowing/sharing sitters and your sitter felt like she had to lie rather than upset a mom who doesn't want a sitter stolen. Who knows, your neighbor may have told her not to tell you that she was sitting for her.

In either case if she is a good sitter, I would not confront her. I might say something to the neighbor about sharing the sitter in the future, though.

[kijip]

Do you think your neighbor is paying her more money? Not that it's right, but maybe she is choosing her over you if it's more $? Lame. Honestly, maybe it's not right, but I'd be annoyed too.
Why would it not be right or in any way lame to accept a better paying job? I know sitters are more friendly with the family than say the guy that mows the lawn or the drycleaning service but it is after all o job. A worker has every right to maximize their earnings to the best of their ability. When I was in college from ages 17-19 baby sitting was a serious supplement to my income and it was being used for rent and food and shoes. I remember times when a new family offered me more money and I took it...I kept any scheduled appointments with the lower paying client and if it were a regular gig, I gave them a couple weeks notice and referred a friend but when I was paying for most everything above tuition and books out of my own pocket to avoid loans with no $$ from my parents, I was not going to turn down even an extra $10 for a 5 hours night. Seriously, the sitter has a right to accept or decline a job for any reason. The only family that got priority (though not to the extent of canceling on others) was the family who I rented my apartment from- it was a cherry of a deal on a great, nice apartment and they deducted my sitting hours from my rent each month. So I would not give up their 12 regularly scheduled hours for a couple more bucks. If I were the sitter and opted to take a different client on a certain day, I'd just tell them that I had a better offer for that day rather than fib about what I was doing but maybe the sitter was uncomfortable doing that- in part because we have this vague idea that sitters have an obligation to stick with a family as if they were family. Honestly, if I liked a sitter and could afford it, if I noticed I was losing slots to a neighbor I would just ask them how much the other person was paying and see if I felt like matching or beating it. Supply and demand!

[LarsMal]

If I were the sitter and opted to take a different client on a certain day, I'd just tell them that I had a better offer for that day rather than fib about what I was doing but maybe the sitter was uncomfortable doing that- in part because we have this vague idea that sitters have an obligation to stick with a family as if they were family. Honestly, if I liked a sitter and could afford it, if I noticed I was losing slots to a neighbor I would just ask them how much the other person was paying and see if I felt like matching or beating it. Supply and demand!

I know your reply was directed to someone else, but I just thought I'd throw in that I have offered her more money! When she first started my friend (not neighbor) and I asked how much she charged. She said $5/hour. Yeah, right! We decided we'd pay her $8 (we both have 2 kids). My friend even called her friend to make sure BSer was satisfied with that and the friend (BSers sister) said she was thrilled. I think the neighbor pays her $10, but like I said, I pay her more on the weekends.

Yes, she has every right to choose who she sits for, and I completely repspect and understand that, but like you said- you would have been honest with another family who asked. That's all I care about. Just be honest, tell me you already took another job. It's really OKAY!!! Maybe I need to explain that to her!

[kijip]

I know your reply was directed to someone else, but I just thought I'd throw in that I have offered her more money! When she first started my friend (not neighbor) and I asked how much she charged. She said $5/hour. Yeah, right! We decided we'd pay her $8 (we both have 2 kids). My friend even called her friend to make sure BSer was satisfied with that and the friend (BSers sister) said she was thrilled. I think the neighbor pays her $10, but like I said, I pay her more on the weekends.

Yes, she has every right to choose who she sits for, and I completely repspect and understand that, but like you said- you would have been honest with another family who asked. That's all I care about. Just be honest, tell me you already took another job. It's really OKAY!!! Maybe I need to explain that to her!

I get that totally! It's unprofessional to lie. I was just weirded out by the idea that it is not right or lame to take a different job for more $$. I am sure none of us would think we or our husbands were lame (unless there was some odd circumstance) to take a big promotion in our field by switching employers! But that was not what you said at all- you focused on the lying. :)