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View Full Version : Need help: Coping with Massive Fatigue and 3.5 yo



ThreeofUs
08-10-2008, 10:42 PM
I really need some help, otherwise this would be posted in the bitching section. I'm at 33 weeks and I constantly feel like I'm right on the edge of my energy, and it doesn't take much for me to need to sit or lie down. I feel like I'm always making the choice between resting and eating/ cleaning/ talking/ etc.

Of course, I'm not sleeping well either. I got so bad last week when DH was gone for a couple of days that I literally forgot to eat - I was just walking around in a haze, trying my best to keep up with DS.

I have help - a babysitter comes to run around with DS in the mornings. I don't think it's a health problem - my blood sugars are fine and I eat a very healthy diet. I just don't know what to do about being so extremely tired, and I don't remember this from my last pregnancy (maybe because I was too tired to remember? :) ).

Any thoughts? Any strategies for getting more energy - or even surviving these last weeks without sleepwalking?

Any ideas would be most appreciated.

smzapalac
08-10-2008, 10:56 PM
I was in the same boat as you. Energetic DC #1 and baby #2 sucking the life out of me. I am glad to read that you have a babysitter helping out in the AM. I would recommend contacting your OB and see if there is anything you can take to help you sleep at night. Also, put the smack down on your DH and tell him NO MORE TRIPS until post-baby. You can't do all this yourself and you need the support of your DH right now. If you haven't done so already, and you are financially able to, hire help to clean your home, mow the grass, get groceries delivered, etc. Take some of the legwork out of your day so you can rest and know that things are still getting taken care of. These were all things I did and they helpmed me cope with all the insanity of having a child and dealing with another baby on the way. I hope this helps. Now stop reading and get off the interent and get some rest ;-) Good luck to you.

sidmand
08-10-2008, 11:02 PM
I was much more tired toward the end with DD than I was with DS. I think it was worse because I didn't expect it at all.

DH got laid off when I was about 7-8 months pregnant. At the time it seemed horrible--being laid off when I was about to give birth! But it turned out to be the best thing ever since I was so tired. He was able to reconnect with DS and to take him out so I could just rest and sleep.

I'm not suggesting that every DH get laid off because that can just add stress, but perhaps he could come home early once in awhile to give you another break? It's great to have a sitter in the a.m., but you also probably need something in the afternoon to at least have some rest time for yourself. I say get as much time off now as you can and if the sitter can come for longer once in awhile, do that too. We did end up with a lot more TV than I like, but sometimes having the Backyardigans on a loop works well for Mommy!

I think it is totally normal though. Perhaps Benadryl to help you sleep at night though? Maybe that would help a bit with the fatigue?

Java
08-10-2008, 11:16 PM
Have you checked your iron levels? My OB said low iron levels could be a reason for the fatigue.

I'm 35 weeks with a 4.5 yo DS and a 2 yo DD with no help. DS doesn't nap anymore so I can't even catch up on my zzz'z during the day. To say that I'm exhausted is an understatement.

If you can nap while your DS naps, that would help a lot. I've managed to convince DS to nap a few times and that 90 minutes really does help. I've let a lot of stuff go until DH can come home to help. Like laundry, cleaning up toys, etc. I do most of the hard stuff in the morning while I still have energy like grocery shopping, taking the kids to the library, stuff that requires travel. I also prep for dinner either in the morning or just after lunch so I don't have to deal with it later. My wall is 2pm. After that I'm pretty much dozing on my feet while the kids color, doing their afternoon activities. There were times when I turned on the TV just so I could do a 30 minute power nap.

Unisom is OK to take with vitamin B12 or B6 (I forget) during pregnancy. It helped with morning sickness and had the bonus of helping me sleep.

A few more weeks to go!

lizajane
08-10-2008, 11:22 PM
check your iron!! i was anemic while pregnant with dylan and it nearly did me in!!! schuyler is WILD and he was only 22 months when dylan was born. so i was at my wits end!

definitely get some sleep help- you can take benedryl every night. if you need something stronger, you can take ambien. it really helped me sleep. unfortunatly, i had a very rare side effect (wild mood swings!!) and had to stop taking it and i was SO bummed because it really let me sleep.

REST. just sleep if you need to. when the sitter comes, go back to bed. don't clean or cook or chat. just sleep. DH can pick up when he gets home and the sitter can take care of the first two meals. rest rest rest. get those feet up, mama!!!

hang in there.

gatorsmom
08-10-2008, 11:33 PM
The TV is your friend!!! When I was pregnant with the twins and chasing a 4 and 2 year old, I planted them in front of the TV as much as possible. It won't kill them, seriously.

Also, put your son in a room where he can play safely unattended and stretch yourself across the escape route/doorway with a pillow. Then YOU take a nap while he plays. If he tries to crawl across you to get out, it'll wake you up.

Ask your DH if he can make dinner at night. It's just a temporary thing. Reassure him he won't be doing it forever.

Hang in there. I know how tired you are and I feel for you. Big hugs and energetic thoughts coming your way.

saschalicks
08-11-2008, 01:50 AM
I'm in the same predicament but not as far along as you. DH has taken over in so many ways I've been so lucky, but I'm just so much more tired then I remember being w/the boys. I let them watch way too much TV, but I know it's temporary until the next bout of craziness begins. You know newborn. :bouncy:

deannanb
08-11-2008, 04:45 AM
The TV is your friend!!!
YES! What she said!

I was much more tired with this baby than with the last one. Running around all day chasing a 3 year old will do that to you.

fortunately he was in school most mornings - so I could catch up on sleep then - but if not - when he was home from school and I needed to pass out - we'd swing by the library and check out videos/dvds and that would be the entertainment of the afternoon. (or pbs)

good luck!

Melbel
08-11-2008, 06:15 AM
Hang in there mama, you are in the home stretch. I am certain that many of us have BTDT. I remember being so tired and fatigued that it felt as though it took all of my strength simply to move at all. I would try the following (some of which has already been suggested):

1. Be sure to eat and take care of yourself! You really need to make this a priority over cleaning, etc. If necessary, set a timer to remind you to eat.
2. Have your iron levels checked.
3. I would ask your OB about ambien. I had major insomnia during my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies which made it not only difficult to function, but also dangerous to drive. With DS, I did not take any medication during pregnancy. However, during my pregnancy with DD1, I actually ran a red light while driving. Weighing the risks, I decided to take the ambien and it really helped so much, without a morning hangover effect. When the insomnia kicked in with DD2, I did not hesitate to start taking ambien again. I needed rest to keep up with two active DC. I was able to use a 5 mg dosage, and then cut it in half. I wanted to take the minimum amount that was effective in treating the insomnia.
4. Get more help if possible (i.e. someone to help with laundry/cleaning, purchase prepared meals, etc.) and allow yourself more leeway on the state of the house. This lowering of expectations will help you once the baby is born.
5. Allow more TV time. It is bound to happen once the baby is born anyway! I would snuggle my LOs in my bed while they watched TV, occasionally dosing off.

HTH!

hardysmom
08-11-2008, 09:02 AM
I felt the same way. I'd felt fatigued for a long time, but thought maybe it was depression or just normal with young kids.

When my twins were born, it got much worse. I could barely stay awake until about 9-10 pm when I would catch a second wind and then couldn't/wouldn't sleep.

Finally, it got bad enough that I went to the doctor. It took a long time and a lot of tests, but I eventually was diagnosed with a fatigue disorder and put on a medication. It made a huge difference allowing me to get back on my feet. I started working out, improved my diet, and lost 30 lbs. I had more energy. More patience. The meds helped me help myself.

It could be many, many things- iron issues, thyroid issues, depression, sleep disorders, etc... most are very treatable.

Don't blow it off as a normal part of motherhood. To some extent, we all get worn out. You KNOW if you have crossed the line from what seems normal to a degree which is effecting your ability to function, parent, etc... Everyone has difficult days, but when that grows into weeks there may be a physical cause.

Fatigue is a big, big deal. It makes it tough to keep your head above water. Personally, it makes me depressed which crushes my motivation to do the things I know would make me feel better like working out, eating well, and doing things I enjoy. I felt guilty for snapping at my kids. I'd get overly anxious when the noise-level became too much...

To put it in perspective, I just finished chemotherapy (TOTALLY unrelated to my fatigue issues!). In some ways I had MORE energy during treatment than I had when my fatigue wasn't being treated. Of course, I also had more permission to be a couch potato than the average mom.

Get it checked out. Something may be physically out of balance that can't be fixed by re-organizing your life, getting household help, etc. The last few months have made me realize how far down on the priority list moms of young kids rank taking care of their own health. If you don't deal with these things, they compound and cause more issues. The better care you take of yourself NOW the better you will feel as you age.

If your child seemed worn out for an extended time, you'd get them to a doctor, right? Do the same for yourself.

Stephanie

MontrealMum
08-11-2008, 10:52 AM
I would definitely get your doc to run some tests. I was unable to sleep towards the end of my pregnancy as well, then as Hardysmom described, it got worse after DS was born, and months later was finally diagnosed with thyroid disease. Being put on meds made a night and day difference to me. I agree that hiring cleaning help etc. temporarily might be good too, but get some tests done first just to make sure. I hope you get some relief soon - being tired is so difficult because people sometimes seem to think that you're being whiney or lazy or something. If YOU think there's a problem, there probably is though - so stick to your guns!

Clarity
08-11-2008, 11:05 AM
Hmmm...I do sometimes feel so tired that I can barely recall how far along I even am. Today it's probably because I stayed up 'till nearly midnight to watch the 4X100 relay with Michael Phelps, got up at 3:45 with a talkative 2 year old, and then arose to get ready for work at 6:30. I'm 34 weeks, but as per my example, I find I usually have a good reason for being so extremely tired. It was kinda dumb not to make sure I got the rest I need when I'm pregnant.
Now, I DEFINITELY nap every weekend. I lay dd down and nap the same 2-3 hours that she does. This really helps me catch up a bit on the rest.
I do agree that it may be good to get your Iron tested. My OB put me on Iron at about this point during my first pregnancy. I recall being extremely tired and spent an ENTIRE Sunday in bed sleeping on and off. I even missed a friends' wedding, I was so exhausted. I couldn't muster the energy to get up and go.
Hope you feel better soon, sometimes it's really tough nurturing one and growing another. (Do you have a Mom's day out program in your area?)

daniele_ut
08-11-2008, 11:20 AM
The TV is your friend!!!

I have to totally agree with this. When I was pregnant with C and working full time, chasing my 3.5 year old took it ALL out of me. I was tired all.the.time. He watched a lot of videos, Little Einsteins and Backyardigans for the last few weeks of my pregnancy and for the first month or so of my maternity leave. He's none the worse for it!

ThreeofUs
08-11-2008, 05:07 PM
Thanks, everyone, for your support and suggestions. DH is providing me with a lot of support, and not going away again until February. I talked with my OB about the fatigue today, and she mentioned Benadryl, too. So I'll try that next time I can't get or get back to sleep.

I didn't think to ask her about checking my iron and thyroid levels (I'm already on synthroid), but will in a week. Why, you ask, did I forget something so essential? Because my diastolic BP was over 90 in two readings, and all of a sudden my OB and I were having an entirely different discussion.

And then she freaked that I hadn't had an ultrasound since March (I just changed OBs) and all but pushed me onto the ultrasound table in her office.

DS#2 is in a frank breech position, which may explain why my back and legs feel so odd - and is one of the reasons I can't sleep.

Gosh, you know, I am just praying this baby is all right.... *sigh*

MontrealMum
08-11-2008, 07:11 PM
Ivy, I'll be keeping you and your little one in my thoughts. Keep us posted on what's going on. And hope you get some sleep relief soon :)

mommy111
08-12-2008, 04:43 AM
I would definitely check with our OB re anemia and thyrois. BUT, having said that, I remember being very energetic the first time around and completely and utterly wiped out the second time around. So just take it easy and give yourself a break :) TV, videos, sitters, anything. Maybe get your sitter to come later in the day when you are more tired so that you can catch a nap? Hang in there, its almost over!