Would it bug you, if...

[kozachka]

...you manager asked you to bring croissants to an early morning (8AM) meeting and insisted you get them from a particular bakery to make sure they are fresh? The first part did not bother me as I live within a block and a half of a nice bakery but I flat out refused to walk for 20 minutes (don't own a car in the city) to another outlet of the same bakery to make sure I get the fresh ones at 7:30AM. Told him he must be kidding (we are friends) and that it is not in my job description :irked:. He got all puffy (via e-mail) and told me to get off my union leader soap box and that it's fine with him if there are no croissants.

We've never worked before together and things can be misunderstood when e-mail is involved but I still feel like I was bullied. What do you think? I am not in US right now but am working for a US company and manager is European so should know better. Wrote to him he is a law suit waiting to happen (there are other things that irk me), which he got very defensive about and sent me an invite to meet tonight once he gets back into town.

[tnrnchick74]

Ok, I wouldn't have a problem if asked to bring something to a meeting. Fine. Even being asked to bring a specific item - croissants. Great, less decision making to make.

But to be told WHERE to get said pastry? Hmm, that's a little presumptive and over the top. I can understand if your boss said that he LOVES the croissants from this place, kinda as a hint. Then YOU could decide if you wanted to treck all the way.

I had this situation happen once for a "pot luck" lunch at work recently. I bake bread as a hobby. Everyone LOVES my bread. And I was asked to bring some homemade bread to the potluck. Well, with a cranky newborn I just don't have enough time to do laundry much less bake homemade bread! So I told the person organizing that I would love to bring homemade bread, but I just didn't have time right now to bake, but that I would bring a "bread-like" item. I went to our local bakery and bought some wonderful bread there. No, I didn't pass it off as my own. My point is that if the organizer had demanded I bring MY homemade bread, then I probably wouldn't have even brought anything (and not partaken in the potluck).

Go where YOU want and bring what you want. I say don't even bring croissants - bring something else! And if your boss doesn't like it, tell him/her that if he allows you to borrow his car, gas, and do the chore on company time, then you will go where ever he wants. But not on your time or with your gas!

[egoldber]

Has a man ever been asked to bring baked goods? Do you have an office admin?

I wuld also be miffed at being asked to go significantly out of my way to get the "fresh" ones. If he's that particular he can get them himself!

[KBecks]

It would bug me, but I would not have escalated it by saying he's a "law suit waiting to happen". I would have brought the croissants from the close bakery and gotten on with life.

I would just tell him in your meeting that you are fine bringing croissants, but it is unreasonable for him to ask you to go to a particular bakery that requires an extra XXX minutes of your time.

I don't think you were bullied, but you were presented with an unreasonable request which you rightly refused. I think his language to get off your union leader soapbox was inappropriate and I would call him on that, and reassert your statement that his request for this out of the way bakery was too much to ask and you have a right to refuse a request that's unreasonable.

I would stick to the bakery topic, keep it short, decide on who's bringing what to the meeting and then get on with it. Good luck!

[ThreeofUs]

I think he's trying to bully you, but you are doing a good job setting up limits.

I would take it off-line, though, and have a conversation with him over coffee to smooth his ruffled feathers.

[hillview]

I'd have maybe agreed to getting the croissants (if it worked for my schedule etc). I'd not have agreed to getting them from a specific place. I'd either have indicated I'd get the croissants and left off where or said I couldn't get them from xyz place but would get them from abc place as I don't have a car (have to organize my sock drawer etc) but if he really needs them from xyz place maybe he could get them and I'd bring the coffee or whatever. I'd never have indicated he was a law suit waiting to happen. If I did, I'd apologize. That is a way bigger deal than him asking for croissants IMO.

That said this is a tough thing and the gender/region issue is significant.

/hillary

[kozachka]

I did suggest to take it off-line as it was escalating too much too fast. We had a heart to heart talk tonight and I am at peace now. I told him about the other issues (discussing other women, some elitist comments etc.) that bug me and I think he'll tone it down. He thinks I have complexes and yes, I do, because as a woman in a male-dominated industry in a macho country I am extremely sensitive to the way I am being treated and set limits, just in case. That is also why I choose to work for a company with Western values.

Thank you for your support, ladies. I knew I could count on you. And let's hope my nearby bakery has some fresh croissants on Monday morning ;).