Toddler throwing up when not getting his way

[SpaceGal]

I know this is behavioral and not an illness.

The past two nights when my son is given dinner he refuses to eat. We tell him to finish his meal and he'll sit there for 45-60 minutes not eating or just picking at pieces. Then he'll just cough and tada vomits all over his food and himself at the same time. Then of course right before bed he'll beg for something to eat. I told him tonight that he will get nothing else since he threw up all over his dinner and refused to eat.

It's incredibly frustrating since he's not the best eater to being with.

Any tips on how to put a stop to this behavior.

[brittone2]

Are you trying to make him eat?

I'd drop the power struggle. You provide healthy food, it is his job to choose what to eat/not eat. He will eat when hungry. IME/IMO (and I've worked with kids that had major feeding issues while working in early intervention), continuing to battle and set up a power struggle over food is a dangerous road to go down.

Does he have issues w/ texture? Does he gag frequently or refuse certain textures? Any chance he has food allergies? Those things can also contribute to not wanting to eat. eta: also, reflux, and it can be silent. My mom has GERD and says that one of the sensations she gets is that sometimes it feels like a lump of peanut butter stuck in her throat. Reflux can lead to a pain/avoidance cycle in some kids.

My DS is 4.5 and often eats breakfast and lunch and all but skips dinner entirely (and sometimes does skip dinner entirely). I tell him to listen to what his tummy tells him.

I haven't personally read it but have heard great things (here and elsewhere) about Ellyn Satter's book/info...

http://www.ellynsatter.com/

[JBaxter]

I have never made my kids sit if they didnt want to eat. It wont work ( as you are finding out) I provide breakfast , lunch snack and dinner. For a while each of the boys would want to skip meals and I would provide a small but healthy snack Its not a big deal. Even now my boys eat in spurts.. Ok the 16 yr old has been spurting for the past year but the others phase in and out.

You wont win the battle and it will cause eating problems. Ive had 3 so far and they all have done the I dont want to eat thing. It will go away.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Yup, Ellyn's the authority on this stuff... Check your library. Her books should be there.

[Radosti]

Yup, we don't force eating. We provide it, he eats or doesn't... we may remind him that he should consider eating if he seems to have gotten too involved in playing.

[srhs]

FWIW, I am a Jon & Kate junky, and Kate once said Leah made herself throw up every day for 1year+ (I think) when she got mad. She said she started to tell her if she threw up on purpose, she would have to wear those clothes the rest of the day. And I think she only had to do it a couple of times before just the warning worked.
(Obviously, I'm not advising parenting from reality TV, but I thought it was interesting.)

[brittone2]

FWIW, I am a Jon & Kate junky, and Kate once said Leah made herself throw up every day for 1year+ (I think) when she got mad. She said she started to tell her if she threw up on purpose, she would have to wear those clothes the rest of the day. And I think she only had to do it a couple of times before just the warning worked.
(Obviously, I'm not advising parenting from reality TV, but I thought it was interesting.)
Personally, I think this starts to get into an area of parenting I would NOT want to go to...getting into the realm of neglect/abuse, IMO. (eta: is IMO at the very least a gray area. If a kid was left in a poopy dipe all day as punishment or a consequence for not making it to the potty when the parent thinks they should have been able to control it, that would be considered neglect, IME. Leaving a kid in pukey clothes all day is not something I'd be comfortable with. In the case with Kate's DD, having her participate in cleaning up, changing clothes, etc. would make sense to me as a consequence, but leaving a kid in clothes that were thrown up on all day as a punishment...IMO is a problem).

Even if the OP opted to do this technique from Jon and Kate (and I saw that episode as well), it still doesn't change the OP making food a battle with a child. Requiring children to eat/battling over food is just not a healthy thing to start/continue. Even if he's no longer vomiting, it will likely manifest in a different (and likely highly negative) way in the long run. JMO. (I've seen this first hand. It can then manifest as severe anxiety over meals, total refusal to eat at even more meals...and then how do "punish" that or force eating?). It sets up a really nasty cycle. I've seen it in my working days and it isn't pretty (in working with OTs/SLPs that deal with feeding issues).

[ThreeofUs]

A friend of mine, who happens to be a nationally-recognized early childhood expert, told me "food is the one place you don't need to get into battles with your kids about". In her view, for "normal" kids, if they eat, fine. If they don't, fine. When they get hungry, they'll eat.

Having been one of those kids in a "you WILL eat" household, I was skeptical. But, you know, she's right. The hardest thing was for *me* to give up any ideas of making DS eat - DS didn't have any problem with a no-stress mealtime. ;)

HTH.

[daniele_ut]

I agree with the pps that you really don't want to get into battles over eating with your toddler. DS was considered medically underweight for the first 2 years of his life and I struggled to prevent myself from fighting with him to eat. In the end, he ate when he was hungry and nothing could influence him to eat if he didn't want to. When I left it alone and just kept putting healthy food in front of him he eventually ate. He's now a healthy weight at almost 4 years old. He won't eat any vegetables most of the time, but that's a story for another post.

One thing our ped stresses is that you need to look at a toddler's food consumption over the course of several days to a week in order to get a picture of whether he's eating enough.

I know you said you think the vomiting is behavioral, but perhaps there is an underlying issue right now that is making your son not feel hungry at dinner time.

[n2ou]

I was a skinny girl, picky eater, small portions growing up.

Although, I do, at times, coach my kids in eating just a tad more than what they think they should eat, I do not make them sit until it is gone.

As a kid, the sentence " You will not get up until your plate is empty" was enough to make me throw up all over my plate (this happened at childcare, not in my parent's home).

I know it looks like a child manipulating the situation but I remember it almost being a reflex. The thought of having to eat more although I felt full just induced a gag.


Simone


FYI, unfortunately, I am not a small-portion girl anymore - lol

[CAM7]

It's incredibly frustrating since he's not the best eater to being with.



I understand your frustration. My DS (2.5 years) is a very good eater. DD (3.5) not so much. She's above average for her height...but a bit under average for her weight. I always worry about her not eating enough. But if she's feeling well and is not sick I try to just follow her lead on what she needs.

It is difficult though to watch them pick and play with their food when you know that they really should eat.

DD will skip meals... but then the next meal will sometimes eat more than her brother! :-)

She's growing, happy and healthy...so I know she's eating enough... but you just can't help worrying sometimes ya know?

[brittone2]

I understand your frustration. My DS (2.5 years) is a very good eater. DD (3.5) not so much. She's above average for her height...but a bit under average for her weight. I always worry about her not eating enough. But if she's feeling well and is not sick I try to just follow her lead on what she needs.

It is difficult though to watch them pick and play with their food when you know that they really should eat.

DD will skip meals... but then the next meal will sometimes eat more than her brother! :-)

She's growing, happy and healthy...so I know she's eating enough... but you just can't help worrying sometimes ya know?

ITA. And battling over food sets up issues bigger than how much a toddler is eating (possible eating disorder if food becomes a power issue in a parent/child relationship, overeating/obesity if a child doesn't learn to listen to their body and stop when they are full, which isn't when we think they are full, etc.). To me having a smaller/more slender toddler/preschooler is not a big deal. I'd rather have that then have food become a loaded issue, and deal with the possible long-term implications.

I've found with my DS, eating goes in waves. He's never been a huge eater. He has loads of energy, spends a huge portion of the day outside, has always been fine on milestones (even when he was very young and literally only ate a few nibbles), etc. He'll have periods where he eats like a total bird, and other periods of time when he eats with a great appetite. I think he knows how to follow his body's cues. We don't stock a lot of junk food so pretty much anything he eats at home is whole-foods based and nutrient dense.

DD is a much more enthusiastic eater so far, but even if she wasn't, I'd respect that she knows when she's hungry/full. I offer the food, and they choose whether or not to eat and how much.