WWYD - Allowance

[cuca_]

Katie's post about chores got me thinking about allowances. I would like to start giving DD #1 an allowance soon. I also like the suggested $1/year, and I would not tie it to chores.

However, DD #1 and DD #2 are very close, and I wonder what I should do about DD #2. I think 3 is a little young for an allowance, but I worried that she might be upset that DD #1 is getting weekly money and she is not.

I know that I could always tell her that she will get one when she is older, but that sort of bugs me, probably because I grew up being DD #2 and heard that fairly often. ;)

I don't know, I guess I am torn. What would you ladies do? Start her on a $3 allowance when DD #1 starts getting her, or wait until she is 5?

TIA

[AngelaS]

We start allowance at age 6 here. I just picked an age and that's what we're going with.

[MamaMolly]

Maybe it is the ambiguity of 'later' that is bugging you? Why not tell her that DD#1 is x years old and when she (DD#2) gets to that age then she'll start to get an allowance, too. SHe'll have a concrete answer, something to look forward to, and big sis will have a bit of fun getting a privalige.

I think it is fine to have some things that they have to be old enough for. I mean, that is the way the world is, right? DD#2 will have to wait for her driver's permit, she'll have to wait to vote, even though DD#1 will 'get there' earlier KWIM?

FWIW I was the youngest and my mom was super strict with my sister about waiting until she was older but was really lenient with me and it created a lot of resentment for my sister. (I'm saying it can go wrong in the other direction!) ;) )I've actually thought a lot about it and have decided that the age is going to be the age...period! if and when we ever have a 2nd DC.

[s7714]

We give our 5 year old $2 a week. We tried just giving an allowance to our 5 year old, but our 3 year old didn't understand why she couldn't get an allowance if she was willing to help out. So we gave her a single chore and an allowance. I suggested giving her 50¢ a week, but DH decided to do $1 instead. (BTW, our 3 year old's soul chore is to feed our cats at least once of the two times they get food each day.)

I guess I don't see a problem with giving a 3 year old a chore and allowance if they're mentally mature enough to see the reasoning behind it. If our 3 year old had just wanted money because of seeing her sister getting some, we would have said no. But since she verbally questioned why she couldn't get an allowance for feeding the cats (something she likes to do and was doing it long before we started allowances at all), it proved to us that she at least somewhat understands the concept.

ETA: We correlate allowances with chores in our house, but plan on giving additional "free" spending money at a later age, when they're old enough to want/need it. If we were just doing allowances for the sake of allowances, I don't know if I'd worry so much about a starting age or value. I mean money doesn't have much actual value to a 3 year old (or most 5 year olds for that matter), so will it really make a difference in the long run if you give your 3yo something as simple as a dime once a week while her older sister gets a little more? I do understand people's reasoning behind wanting to start certain privileges at a certain age, but in my mind the thrill of the allowance situation for little kids is often just putting [/i]something[/i] in their piggy bank not so much the monetary value of what they get.

And remember it doesn't even have to be real money. You could give kids slips of paper that only have family value (video time, story time, one on one time, save up X for $X real money, etc.) There's a family called the Dilley's (who had America's first surviving sextuplets) that did a "Dilley Dollar" allowance system as the kids were growing up because obviously shelling out actual money to that many kids would be overwhelming. I always thought that was a great idea and may switch to something of that format if I can find the time to.

[bnme]

I struggle with this a lot too. I have a 4 yo and a 5.5yo. I find often make decisions based on what is appropriate for both of them. For example there is a local play place that has a go-kart style ride that the little one loves (rode elsewhere) but at this particular place he would not meet the height requirement. So we knowingly don't go there to avoid a melt down. I also often try to find activities/camps that they can both do together. But this summer when older DS wanted to do baseball and I could not find a place that took 4 and 5 yos, big brother went to camp alone. It is a constant struggle for me. I am actually holding off on allowance and more formalized chored for this very reason.

But my oldest does sense that I expect 'more' from him (like big boy things, like clean up time means clean everything up, not Mom is just happy he made a true effort...) and I sometimes sense resentment. I think it's just terribley hard to avoid with siblings especially close in age. I try to stress how the are different and what is good about it. Maybe I should rethink the allowance on this one.

Interestingly, when I was a kid I think my parents expected more from me as the younger one (they expected me to do as much and behave as well as my sister). Now I tend to expect the older one to be more understanding that his brother is younger (and therefore he may 'get away' with more). I just realised this from observing how my parents tend to disagree with me on many parenting things involving sibling issues.

[kijip]

We decided on $1 per year and we started at age 4. From the year the he is 4, he has about $100 in savings and most of the rest went to fairly large things he saved up for, like doll house furniture. We set the amount sort of high for this reason- we wanted it to be something that over time could show him the value of money. My feeling was that if it were a quarter or a $1, he would have nothing to spend it on that would teach him to pick and choose because it would be a month or more before he could buy something that was not food/candy. I'd rather he buy books or a toy than candy bars. We rarely buy him stuff outside of his allowance unless it is a need or a gift. So if he asks for something at the store, I ask him if he wants to spend his allowance. He rarely does since he usually has something in mind that will take awhile to save for, so he skips it. :) We plan to give him most of what we would spend on clothes etc plus his fun money once he is 13 or so and have him budget for his needs as well as want.

We will wait till #2 is 4 and start them on the same plan if we still like it. (Toby will be 9 then).

[cuca_]

Thanks for all your replies. I'll probably give DD #1 an allowance and wait on DD #2. I feel a bit bad for her, but after thinking more about it I feel that it is fair to everyone.